How to Recover From Broken Promises in a Relationship

Broken promises not only destroy trust in your relationship, they affect your future relationships. These tips on recovering from broken promises are inspired by a reader’s comment.

How to Recover From Broken Promises in a RelationshipIn I Love You But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, Mira Kirshenbaum shows you exactly what to do to restore trust in your relationship, regardless of how it was damaged.  She also helps you understand the stages by which trust strengthens your relationship when the rebuilding process is allowed to take place, and teaches how you can avoid the mistakes that prevent healing and discover how to feel secure with your partner again.

“I am a 21 year old girl, married to a 40 year old man,” says Juliet on How to Get Over Him. “I don’t love my husband, I married him to provide for my needs. I want to go to school, and he promised to send me to school if I gave him a baby. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and when I asked him about school, he totally refused and asked me to give him another baby. My doctor warned me that I shouldn’t have another child for three years. My husband told me to leave if I want, he will marry someone else who will fill his needs. I feel heartbroken. I don’t have any education or money, and no one to help me. What am I going to do?”

Well, the good news is that she didn’t love him! It was a business arrangement: I will marry you and have your child if you promise to send me to school. The bad news is that he broke his promise. He’s an old guy who saw an opportunity in this girl, and has no problem lying to her, using her, and tossing her aside. It’s disgraceful.

But she was using him too, wasn’t she? She’s a smart woman who wants an education because she knows she won’t get far without it. She married him to meet her needs. Unfortunately, she couldn’t see through his lies, and didn’t think she’d be having to cope with his broken promises.

Recovering From Broken Promises

What promises did your boyfriend or husband make to you? Were they verbally agreed-upon promises or simply expectations you had in your relationship? It’s important to figure this out.

It’s also important to remember that you WILL survive this if you refuse to give up on your hope for a future, for love, for whatever it is you want out of life.

Decide if you should stay in the relationship

I can’t tell this girl if she should leave her husband. It breaks my heart, because she had a baby in order to further her education, and that little baby will actually make it more difficult to go to school. It’s tragic – and all because of that a$$hole who lied to her.

She is right that she’ll die softly if she stays married to him. But, sometimes it’s easier in the short term to stay, because it’s really hard to make it on our own! Lack of money, fear, anxiety — there are so many factors that keep us trapped in bad relationships.

Where do you want to be in a year? Start thinking about that. Write down your plans, your hopes, your dreams. Keep them in front of you.

Remember how strong you are

You believed his promises, but that doesn’t mean you’re gullible or stupid! It just means you wanted to believe him so badly, and perhaps also means that you’re young. You haven’t lived through many broken promises yet, so you don’t realize how common they are.

It takes a great deal of strength to marry a man and have his child, so you can go to school! You are determined and motivated. You had a goal, and you did what you thought you needed to do to reach that goal. You are strong and smart – and you CAN survive this. The broken promises may be one of the signs of a failing relationship, but you will heal from whatever happens.

Take it one step at a time

recovering from broken promises in a relationship

How to Recover From Broken Promises in a Relationship

It’s time to make a plan, to start mapping out how you will recover from his lies and broken promises. You’ll need to set small goals, both emotional and practical, and keep adding to your list as you accomplish each task.

An example of a practical goal is figuring out how you will support yourself without your husband. Where will you go? How will you get money? I don’t have any answers for you; you need to come up with your own plan. Break it down into small steps: could you rent a room in a house? Work for a year or two while saving up for school?

I know it’s extremely difficult for women in underprivileged countries to get an education. It’s an uphill battle – but women HAVE done it!

Detach yourself from your relationship

I want you to step back and look at your life from a long-term perspective. This relationship breakup seems like a huge, terrible crisis right now – but in the long run, it will be a blip on your lifespan. You WILL recover from this if you focus on moving your life forward one step at a time. Don’t feel like you have to go to school right now; maybe you’ll have to wait a year or two. Don’t feel like you need to jump into a new relationship right away – or that you’ll be alone forever! You won’t be alone forever. You’re better off without this man who lied and broke his word.

If you aren’t sure what to do, read 10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship.

What do you think…how will you recover from the broken promises in your relationship? I welcome your thoughts, but I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling.

My prayer is that you find wisdom and strength in your life, so you can decide how to deal with the broken promises in your relationship.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

10 thoughts on “How to Recover From Broken Promises in a Relationship”

  1. Sometimes deciding if you can recover from broken promises in a relationship isn’t about the promise itself…it’s about trusting your boyfriend!

    So, can you trust your boyfriend to keep future promises? And, can you get over the fact that he shared private information about your relationship with other people?

  2. My boyfriend made a promise to me that he wouldn’t tell anyone about our sex life. I recently found out by a friend that he told his friends. He told me that he never meant to break the promise and that he was afraid to tell me because I’m not the easiest to talk to. But he told them everything. He didn’t just say that we had sex, he told them where and stuff. I just don’t understand how he could do such a thing. He feels very upset and sorry. But i don’t know whether to stay in the relationship or not because he broke a promise he made to me.

  3. Dkthis girlanymore

    I’m in a relationship and I do love him but he’s changed and all he’s got is a house that is it and has only had it for 2 months. I lost my job and wrecked my car and he’s not had anything up until this home which we are both on the lease, I want to leave but I’m waiting to get a car. I’m not using him but he also puts his hands on me. I need advice

  4. I thank God who led me to this website, From our last chat, many things have happened in my life, I now have the confidence to stood up against him when he came back, I’m now a free woman. I met my Cousin few months ago, I told her my ordeals with philip and she was bittered she asked me to come to her place, I was taken to a new foundation opened by an anctress in my country. She enrolled me to a finishing school. By next month I will be through with my training. I’m going to learn a skill when an through with it. my baby and i are very happy, we have a place to rest our heads and we are not staving. I really appreciate your kind words to me. I don’t know if you permit me to call you “MOTHER’ because that’s what you are to me, you openned my eyes and you ares always there to listen to me. I want the whole world to see that I now have a MOTHER. Thank you in million folds, more inspirations to you. I will keep on notifying you in new my development…I want you to be pround of me when I eventually become successful.

    1. Cynthia,

      Thank you for being here, and for the update! It sounds like you’re moving forward with your life — good for you :-)

      You are taking care of yourself and your baby, and I’m already proud of you. Success is in moving forward, one step at a time. Achievements are good, such as getting your training and finding a job, but the REAL success is in daily moments of moving forward. Sometimes, just getting out of bed and to work or school is a success!

      Don’t forget to celebrate the little things, for that is where joy and happiness are found.

      I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  5. Dear jes,

    Have you called social services, the police, or a womens’ shelter? I don’t know what resources are available in your area. Please call a local helpline or even a distress line, and learn what help you can get.

    Let me know what you can find out! It sounds like you need help getting your partner out of your home. He’s an addict, which complicates things. Please call a local organization for help, and let me know what they say.

  6. hey! i am in a similiar situation i just dont know what to do i am not married first of all and this is my house we have kids he is a addict an he wont leave my home i own it. i am afraid of him. he is not going to change can someone help me.

  7. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and lots of advice i feel blessed, God will continue to bless and inspire you more, he will grant you all your heart desires and that of your family. he will enlarge and multiply you and don’t think you won’t be able to have kids cos you will . have faith a seventy yrs old woman gave birth in my country there is nothing impossible for God of shedrack, meshack and abadnegor to do. it seems like a heavy burden have been lifted off my shoulder.