6 Reasons to Stay Married

If you’re teetering on the brink of divorce, here are a few reasons to stay married. This is not marriage advice for specific situations; it’s just a few things to think about. It may be especially helpful for couples who are looking for reasons to stay married.

“It takes two to destroy a marriage.” – Margaret Trudeau. Does it take two to save a marriage? I believe it does, but I’ve read books about saving your marriage alone and saving your marriage without talking about it. I don’t believe any individual should try to save a marriage alone. I think both partners should work together.

So, perhaps one reason not to stay married is if your partner has given up on the relationship. If your spouse doesn’t want to remain in the marriage, then there might be nothing you can do to save your marriage. If this is you, read How to Deal With Divorce Pain.

6 Reasons to Stay Married

Divorce is hell on the kids. Sure, I’ve read lots of research that says kids bounce back after divorce and that living with parents who don’t get along is worse than divorce. But, what about living with parents who care enough to work out their relationship problems so the kids can grow up in an intact home? What about being the type of person who sincerely puts the kids first, and stays married for the reason that it’s better for kids?

If you’re not sure if you have any reasons to stay married, read Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis.

Divorce is expensive. Today I read this tip about being financially secure when you retire: “Stay married to the same person.” The author went on to describe how expensive divorce is. In fact, it’s the most expensive decision you’ll ever make. Is this a reason to stay married? I guess it depends on how “bad” your marriage is. If money isn’t a good reason for you to stay married, read How to Save Money for a Divorce.

Divorce destroys families. Our family has been working through a divorce for over two years, and it’s dividing the family. Cousins are mad at each other, sisters-in-law not speaking to each other, mothers heartbroken, brothers enraged, in-laws like me caught in the middle. If you value your family, that may be reason enough to stay married.

Divorce doesn’t teach kids how to resolve conflict. Unless you participate in transformative divorce mediation, you won’t teach your children how to work through and stay committed to long-term relationships. This is similar to my first reason to stay married: I believe it really is better for the kids.

Divorce should be a last resort. What have you tried, in terms of staying married? There are so many options: marriage counseling, workshops, retreats, books, coaching, and spirituality. If you’ve tried everything to stay married, then divorce may be your only option. But it really should be a last resort, not a default position.

reasons i want to stay married

“Reasons to Stay Married” image by Laurie

Divorce is traumatic. I don’t believe in staying married at all costs. I don’t think we’re meant to stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships. I don’t believe marriage is a union that we can never ever break. But, I do believe in these reasons to stay married. I believe we should work on our marriages, and avoid the trauma and pain that divorce brings.

The best reason to stay married is because you love your spouse and don’t want to split up. You know your relationship better than anyone, and you need to listen to your heart. Maybe try marriage counseling – or go on a marriage retreat without leaving home. My husband and I are taking a marriage course, and I’ve been sharing our insights and observations.

If you’re considering divorce, read Signs You Should Leave Your Husband.

Why are you staying married? I welcome your thoughts. I don’t judge, and have no opinion on whether or not you should stay in your marriage or if you should get divorce. It’s a highly personal decision that each person must make with care and counsel.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

3 thoughts on “6 Reasons to Stay Married”

  1. Annie, thank you for being here, and sharing your experience of marriage. It sounds like it’s been a huge struggle for you, because you don’t feel respected, appreciated, or loved.

    What are your reasons for staying married?

  2. I’ve been married for 6 yrs all of which have been difficult for various reasons beginning with a step son, who initially loved me but after 6 mo. of having a lot of fun together his mother got jealous and started badmouthing me so the love was tainted and eventually turned to hate, followed by a traumatic pregnancy where every other week when the stepson came to our home he would cause upheaval and distress and nearly caused enough stress for a divorce between his father and I, that was followed by a move to a different state 3 days drive away so only yearly contact with his son (depression from being out of work and away from his family), and now I have left the job that originally brought us to this area and we are living on 1/5th the income we originally had when I worked, I’m homeschooling our head strong 4 yr old son and my husband at best is distant. He tends to burry problems, smoke and drink. He has no other outlets for his emotions because he shuts everyone out so he doesn’t have to deal with his emotions. He behaves like an immature teenager by not helping around the house or with parenting our son. I feel alone and adrift in this marriage and like all things that hold the family together are my responsibility. Although I realize that he needs to feel loved and respected by me and that is terribly important for a man to feel I can’t help feeling like he has set his bar so low it’s difficult for me to be supportive of the teenage antics. I need to have a partner willing to step up and meet the needs of his family. I’d love to have a spiritual leader but that definitely seems far too lofty a goal. I just want some mature help in parenting and running our home. Just because I’m home all day doesn’t mean that I should have to pick up clothes right next to the hamper, wash, fold, and put away all the clothes….. I know women who have gone back to work just for this reason, their husbands felt they could just glide along and do nothing around the house cause after all their wife is home all day long. I feel resentful and exhausted and completely lacking in love and appreciation.

    1. Annie…I felt like I was reading about myself when I just now read Laurie’s email. It is March 2018, now. Did she stay with her husband or leave? She wrote the email February 2014. I wish I could write to her. I am so unhappy in my second marriage, his fourth. I’m afraid to leave…due to my age, mid 50’s, finances, afraid of what he will do.