If you look at your relationships, you’ll see patterns in your choices. Why do you keep making the same mistakes? Discovering the reasons you keep making the same relationship mistakes will help you break the pattern, and start making smart choices.
If you already know why you make the same mistakes when you fall in love, read Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make by Georgia Shaffer. It’ll help you see yourself – and your relationships – more clearly. She’s a licensed psychologist and a certified life coach, and her book will help you see the blind spots that negatively affect your choices.
The most important thing to remember is that making mistakes in your relationship is not only normal, it’s healthy. This is how you learn how to have better, healthier relationships! Making mistakes is how you learn how to love healthy.
“What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning – and some of them many times over – what do you find? That you can swim? Well – life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!” – Alfred Adler.
7 Reasons You Keep Making the Same Relationship Mistakes
Before you can break unhealthy patterns in your love life, you need to know why you keep making the same mistakes in your relationship.
1. You don’t reflect on your relationships. I just finished my Master of Social Work (MSW), and I had to reflect all the time on my learning. I had to write about my behavior, the behavior of others, my choices, the choices of others, etc. Reflection can be painful and time-consuming, but it’s the best way to gain insight. If you keep making the same relationship mistakes, it may be because you haven’t taken time to stop and think.
2. You haven’t thought about why your last relationship ended. If you can figure out the reasons your last relationship broke up, you’ll be less likely to travel the same road again. Do you keep choosing the wrong type of partner? Do you sabotage your relationships by hiding your true thoughts and feelings? Are you afraid of commitment or intimacy? Try to be specific about why your last relationship ended. Be honest with yourself, and you may see a reason you keep making the same mistakes in your relationships.
3. You don’t listen to friends and family. I don’t think we should follow all advice given by our loved ones, but I believe they can sometimes see things we can’t. Have you asked the people you trust why you keep making the same relationship mistakes? Try it. Ask them to be honest. Promise you won’t be offended. Take time to think about what they say.
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4. You don’t understand the past relationship mistakes you made. If you think the end of your last relationship was all your partner’s fault, then you need to take a second look at yourself. Your weaknesses and mistakes may have contributed to your relationship problems — and we all have flaws that make us challenging to love. The sooner you figure what role you played in your last relationship or marriage, the less likely you’ll make the same mistakes in your a relationship. Remember that there is a difference between knowing that you made certain mistakes in your relationships, and understanding why you made those mistakes.
5. You aren’t open to change. If you aren’t willing to change, you won’t stop making the same relationship mistakes. If you aren’t open to re-evaluation, compromise, and growth, you’ll keep making the wrong choices. One of the most difficult things for us to do is initiate and sustain long-lasting healthy changes in our lives – but it’s one of the best ways to grow.
6. You ignore your issues because they’re too difficult to deal with. Take money, for instance. It’s a huge issue – and often the cause of many mistakes in relationships. How have your past relationships been affected by money? Will your future relationship will be affected by financial debt, past bankruptcies, child support payments, alimony, or other money issues? Deal with financial (or other) issues) early on. If you’re getting remarried, ask a divorce mediator or a financial consultant to help you resolve past financial issues. Learn how to talk about money, and make sure you don’t make the same financial mistakes in your new relationship.
7. You hide. One of the most common relationship mistakes is the reluctance to be vulnerable and authentic. Being real is scary – one of the scariest things about falling in love for many people! Especially if they’ve been hurt in past relationships. If you’ve made a lot of relationship mistakes, you may be unwilling or even unable to let your true personality, opinions, and feelings show. If you’re struggling with fear of a new relationship, get help. Talk to a counselor, trusted mentor, or spiritual leader.
Here’s another article that may help – it’s called the 5 Most Common Mistakes in Relationships.
What relationship mistakes do you keep making, and how will you stop? I welcome your thoughts on the reasons you keep making the same mistakes in your relationship.