3 Reasons Women Leave Good Relationships

There isn’t one specific reason a woman leaves a stable marriage or good relationship; different women have different reasons for walking away. There are, however, three common reasons a woman might choose to leave a good man or stable relationship. These are also the most obvious reasons that apply to women in general. Individual women have personal histories, preferences and dreams that affect their choices.

One thing is common for many women: talking about leaving a good relationship is difficult. Who would leave a stable marriage, supportive man, or solid relationship? It’s hard to explain. This leads to feeling misunderstood and criticized, which leads some women to suppress their feelings or express themselves in healthy ways. Not feeling understood – or feeling judged – is the one of the main reasons women don’t talk about leaving good relationships. Sometimes women don’t even understand themselves, and may criticize and judge their own decisions. They may regret getting married but not know how to express or explain their feelings.

“I have been listening to the language of women who have left their marriages or who have committed adultery,” writes Naomi Wolf in Vagina: Revised and Updated. “A substantial theme that surfaces when women say why they left solid, stable marriages or committed adultery against good, devoted, faithful men, is that they were bored.”

It’s easy to understand why women leave unhappy or abusive relationships, but more difficult to understand why someone would walk away from a perfectly stable marriage. It’s easy to accept a woman who leaves an unfaithful husband or unhealthy boyfriend, but difficult to understand why a woman can’t find meaning and fulfillment in her life even if she’s married to a “boring” man.

These three reasons women leave good relationships are based on Naomi Wolf’s book. I summarized her interviews with women who walked away from stable marriages, good relationships, and supportive men. Their individual situations and personal descriptions vary, but the sentiment is the same: women leave good relationships because the relationship is boring. She feels unfulfilled, unchallenged, and even dead inside. So she leaves.

The 3 Most Common Reasons Women Walk Away

“Pain is real when you get other people to believe in it. If no one believes in it but you, your pain is madness or hysteria,” writes Naomi Wolf. Perhaps women don’t talk openly about their reasons for leaving good marriages, men and relationships because they don’t know how to express themselves without feeling selfish or judged. If they can’t explain themselves even to themselves, how can they express their thoughts and feelings to others?

If your wife or girlfriend left you without an explanation, consider the idea that she has reasons she may not be able to express. This doesn’t mean she’s crazy or selfish. It just means she’s working through her own thoughts and feelings. This can be healthy and good – but it is painful and difficult when it affects the people who love her.

1. Lack of intellectual or emotional connection

Emotional disconnection in a marriage or relationship stems from a lack of intellectual connection. If you can’t talk to your partner, you’re not emotionally attached. This leads to less physical connection and intimacy. Here’s what Wolf says about the men who were left: they were incredibly nice, but they had stopped relating intellectually to the women in their lives. There was no growth or adventure, no excitement or challenge.

2. Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted

“They had stopped bringing seduction and drama into the marital bed,” writes Wolf. “They had stopped seeing the women in their lives as if the women themselves needed excitement and drama within the relationship and were themselves not to be taken for granted.” According to Wolf, women need drama in intimate settings so they can stay interested in men. Remember, however, that “drama” means different things to different women! This is one of those reasons women leave good relationships that is open to interpretation.

3. Feeling out of touch with themselves, or even like they’re dying inside

Several women talked about cheating on their husbands because they felt as if they would die if they stayed. They were bored in their good, safe, nice, predictable marriages. They weren’t proud of leaving good relationships or cheating on their husbands, but they felt it was about survival. “By becoming so changeless, so predictable, many husbands lock themselves into the staid, less sexy, provider role in women’s psyches, and they abandon the provocateur role – leaving nothing to fire the imagination when a woman craves adventure, the ‘dance’, and excitement,” writes Wolf.

Is your wife or girlfriend involved with another man? Read When You Find Out Your Wife Cheated on You to learn more about women who have affairs.

why women leave good relationships
Why Do Women Leave Good Relationships?

Excitement and unpredictability is attractive. Predictability and structure is unexciting for many women. The reason women leave good relationships isn’t because they’re mean or insane…it could just be that they’re bored. All three of these reasons women leave good relationships stem from feelings of unfulfilment and dissatisfaction.

If you’re a woman who wants to leave a good relationship…

Do you see yourself in Wolf’s list of reasons women walk away? Feel free to share your story, your own personal reasons for wanting to leave your relationship. Writing can be a great way to find clarity and insight, and to help you decide what you really need to fill your heart and enhance your life.

Take time to be quiet and still. Just sit in silence, without your phone or kids or coworkers or even a book. Just be. Allow the presence of God to fill your mind and spirit, your heart and soul. There is a power and and life that is stronger than you, bigger than the whole universe! You were created by that power – which is God. You were created for a purpose, and He has a plan for your life.

Be still, and know He is God. Allow His presence to be the excitement and adventure you seek. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom as you reflect on these reasons women leave good relationships. Do you need to walk away from your life, or are you searching for something deeper? Take time to listen and respond to God’s call.

Many women stay in unfulfilling relationships and unhealthy marriages because they feel financially trapped. If you feel the same way, How Do You Leave Your Husband When You Have No Money?


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19 thoughts on “3 Reasons Women Leave Good Relationships”

  1. Maby social media , and bad TV lead to crappy relationships today.Toxic friends bad advice , and the socially accepted norms of a jerry springer life style. Back in our elders days,they toughed things out.They had no choice but to sink or swim.The kids dare not challenge their elders because punishment was harsh.Thus children grew up thinking about the consequenses of their actions.So they valued a decent relationship , and thought things through.Today the world has gotten soft and so have the relationships. People act impulsively and expect instant gratification.Did they expect that it would last ?

    1. I agree women docent have the compassion as men does
      because women is generally envious of men that why they become lesbian so they can Pretend to be men women have jezebel syndrome they have a Clear hatred of men
      and only marry men for support and have children men head my warning you can’t trust Women
      women can’t be happy regardless how much you try because they are a confuse group with no compassion the worst advise a woman can get is from another woman

  2. Many women nowadays unfortunately can’t make it with a man anymore since many women now are going for another woman instead. How very sad though. But then again, that is a whole different topic altogether.

  3. If boredom is the problem, is there really a solution? Is the husband (or wife) expected to solve the problem of boredom for their spouse, for, say, a period of 20 years? That sounds like an almost impossible task. If that’s the expectation, then marriage shouldn’t be presented as a lifetime commitment or perhaps the topic of “boring” should be in the vows.

    My personal view is simply that women have more power in their lives today, and in turn, have more choices just as men have in the past. As a divorced male who didn’t want a divorce, I can’t see any reason to re-marry. People, both men and women, have the power to move on easily and the idea of people committing to each other seems quaint.

  4. That a half true it take two in a relationship. These women are taker and not giving. These are the empty handed women. They bring nothing to the table. The man always gives, when he stop. The woman has a problem. These are the same ones with a train load of baggage. You get what you put into a relationship. You put nothing that you get. Leaving a good man, when you are all used up. Then you see what you had. I wouldn’t take you back myself. Stay where you been all this time. That is not that good man problem.

  5. Sure there are some women who might come out of a divorce well off . They are the lucky ones . You guys are forgetting the MILLIONS and MILLIONs of women all over the world raising children alone with ZERO child support just like myself because deadbeat dads take off with miss bimbo . Because men don’t seem to care about anything but having sex with a newer younger version and quickly forget any responsibility to the woman they marry or the children they bring into this world . I GARantee you that there are many many more cases of children being raised by struggling single mother who’s fathers are off enjoying sex with other women than there are men like you . Women in this world have it a hell of a lot harder than men ever will. We live in a world where men instigate 99 percent of violence. Just open a newspaper and read about the wars the rapes and murders that men start . See how easy it is being in a world where you are constantly treated as nothing more than body parts categories on the Internet in porn for men to consume . It’s really disgusting to see how men let the bias of a FEW bad experiences override millions of years of the way they have always treated and continue to treat women.

  6. I have been on and off with a guy younger then me. I go back and forth for 5 years. I tried to move on and but not successful. The guy is always been faithful to me. When I am with him. I am happy and then depressed.
    My friends seem to disown me every time I am with him

  7. one women who i clicked with personality wise beyond belief decided to reject me for some unknown reason and marry a bad boy who she divorced shortly afterwards.so this is exactly why i gave up on women.im a 42 year old bachelor and lovin it and im gonna die happy.

  8. There is no point in a man getting married anymore. I worked hard for my wife and my children, never fought, always totally faithful and thought I had a “perfect” marriage where we all loved each other.

    I was completely blindsided when my wife told me one night that she was filing for divorce, as she was bored, not happy and sick of not being able to afford material things.

    She got my home, permanent unfair alimony, custody of our children, part of my pension’s future payout, our family car, huge child support payments etc, and I had to pay my legal bills and HERS!

    Her new boyfriend lives with her in my house now and I am still required to pay the mortgage off. Luckily I bought the loan down to just over $24,000 from $110,000. I live in a shared cheap apartment struggling to pay my rent, food, etc and keep up my alimony and child support payments because if I default, I will go to jail.

    The emotional pain I have gone through is extreme and life doesn’t seem worth living. No fault divorce, paying alimony, child support (and having my ex wife refuse me visitation even though she is required to do so has caused so much pain to many, many other men as well.

    No wonder men’s suicide rate is 8 times higher than women.

    My advice to all men is to never marry. Marriage is like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in a 6 chambered gun.

    I thought my wife was kind, gentle, loving and would never treat anyone badly. It was all a façade.

    Every woman is able to ruin men on a whim and many do. The current Marriage Laws are a disaster for men and they reward faithless women with cash and prizes.

    Look up the Red Pill and MGTOW and learn to strengthen yourself against this gynocentric trap.

    1. I feel sorry for what you experienced. Life isn’t fair. However, there are good people out there. You just need to be cautious. Hopefully, you will not generalize that all women are materialistic money hungry female dogs…(sorry, I don’t like saying bad words). Anyway, just continue loving yourself and have faith. I believe in karma. Good things come to people who do good things.

      Just a friend saying.

    2. My wife left me and my children shortly before my birthday and Christmas. Just took off in the middle of the day leaving the door unlocked when our children came back from school. The police was called, I was interrogated for six hours, my house and car was searched. My life turned into a Dateline episode. It turns out she had been having an affair for two years with a younger guy in Amsterdam and left town to be with him. Her excuses where of old financial issues that racked on her emotions and caused her relationship with her mom to go sour. That relationship was failed long before she me, though. I never cheated, never used drugs, never drank, never once abused her, never threatened the children. She never communicated with me anything wrong in our relationship until after she left. To be quite honest, she had a very weak personality now that I look back, It really didn’t shock me to think back and see how easy it was for her to be seduced by something newer and available. SO she lied to us for over two years, acted all normal and loving. Completely playing with my feelings, making me believe she still loved me. She even lied to the new guy about her family life, which he had no clue existed. But he still let her stay with him. They both show no self-respect for themselves as they leave a broken family in their wake. SO she ends our relationship with lies, and starts a new one on more lies. I will never understand how people like that can look themselves in the mirror and be happy with what they see.

  9. These types of women that “Get Bored” are expecting their man to fulfill ALL the joy and excitement in their life. They blame him because they lack something within themselves. That is the ability to be content and create their own joy and excitement aside from what the man brings to the relationship. Don Dressel is correct, most of these women end up alone because no man on earth can fulfill her unrealistic expectations.

    1. I agree with you 100 percent I had a wife who is exactly like what you are saying they want a man to live up to unrealistic expectations.They will jump from one man to the next as soon as they get bored!

    2. I believe they are getting married for the wrong reasons. The key to happy relationship is to really fall in love with your partner again and again…every day. Without anything in return….Maybe I am just old fashioned, but there are just people out there – both men and women who doesn’t know what they truly need and how to sincerely appreciate what they have.

  10. Those same women end up by themselves in the long run!
    They throw away a good relationship by being impulsive and stupid!
    The good men end up meeting another woman that will appreciate them and treat them like gold!
    This is why I see so many women by themselves!!!
    Just plain stupid!

    1. I hadn’t thought about the “secret reasons” women leave good relationships. I just figured they made impulsive decisions then later regretted it. I know my wife did.