The Secret Reason Women Leave Good Relationships


We tend to think women leave relationships because the men were awful or unfaithful. But, there is a different reason why women leave good relationships – and it’s kept secret.

“I have been listening to the language of women who have left their marriages or who have committed adultery,” writes Naomi Wolf in Vagina. “A substantial theme that surfaces when women say why they left solid, stable marriages or committed adultery against good, devoted, faithful men, is that they were bored.”

Here’s a summary of Wolf’s interviews with women who left perfectly good relationships. The descriptions vary, but the sentiment is the same: women leave good relationships because the relationship (or the man) is boring.









Why Women Leave Good Relationships

Lack of intellectual connection. Emotional disconnection in a relationship stems from a lack of intellectual connection. If you can’t talk to your partner, you’re not emotionally attached – and you’re not intimately interested in him, either. Here’s what Wolf says about the men who were being left: they were incredibly nice, but they had stopped relating intellectually to the women in their lives from a condition of growth or adventure.

Lack of drama or excitement – feeling taken for granted. “They had stopped bringing seduction and drama into the marital bed,” writes Wolf. “They had stopped seeing the women in their lives as if the women themselves needed excitement and drama within the relationship and were themselves not to be taken for granted.” According to Wolf, women need drama in intimate settings so they can stay interested in their men. Could lack of drama be the secret reason why women leave good relationships?

Feeling of dying inside. Several women talked about cheating on their husbands because they felt as if they would die if they stayed. They were bored by their good, safe, nice, predictable men. They weren’t proud of leaving a good relationship, but they felt that it was about survival. “By becoming so changeless, so predictable, many husbands lock themselves into the staid, less sexy, provider role in women’s psyches, and they abandon the provocateur role – leaving nothing to fire the imagination or the SNS during the times of the months when a woman craves adventure, the ‘dance’, and excitement,” writes Wolf.

good relationships

“Secret Reason Why Women Leave Good Relationships”

Perhaps this is why women are attracted to “bad boys.” Excitement and unpredictability is sexy – and boredom may be the secret reason women leave good relationships. Why is it a “secret”? Perhaps because it’s difficult to admit that boredom was the root cause of a painful divorce, which is hard on the whole family.

What do you think – is boredom a “secret” reason why women leave good relationships? On the flip side, I wonder if the unpredictability of an unhealthy relationship is the reason some women stay in abusive relationships. I have a friend in a very unhealthy marriage, and she shows no sign of leaving him. Maybe she secretly likes the adrenalin rush of staying married to a man who is extremely unpredictable, moody, and edgy? They don’t have children and she has a full-time job. From the outside, it seems like there is no reason for her to stay with him – especially since she regularly talks about how unhealthy their relationship is.

One way to stop boredom from destroying a good relationship is to plan a Surprise Excursion once a week! Last night, my husband and I went out for Mexican food and then I bought a pair of cowboy boots 🙂

If you’re bored even though your relationship is good, read 5 Tips for Planning a Surprise Date Night for ideas.





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16 thoughts on “The Secret Reason Women Leave Good Relationships

  • AW

    Many women nowadays unfortunately can’t make it with a man anymore since many women now are going for another woman instead. How very sad though. But then again, that is a whole different topic altogether.

  • ellbee

    If boredom is the problem, is there really a solution? Is the husband (or wife) expected to solve the problem of boredom for their spouse, for, say, a period of 20 years? That sounds like an almost impossible task. If that’s the expectation, then marriage shouldn’t be presented as a lifetime commitment or perhaps the topic of “boring” should be in the vows.

    My personal view is simply that women have more power in their lives today, and in turn, have more choices just as men have in the past. As a divorced male who didn’t want a divorce, I can’t see any reason to re-marry. People, both men and women, have the power to move on easily and the idea of people committing to each other seems quaint.

  • Randy Buchanan

    That a half true it take two in a relationship. These women are taker and not giving. These are the empty handed women. They bring nothing to the table. The man always gives, when he stop. The woman has a problem. These are the same ones with a train load of baggage. You get what you put into a relationship. You put nothing that you get. Leaving a good man, when you are all used up. Then you see what you had. I wouldn’t take you back myself. Stay where you been all this time. That is not that good man problem.

  • Samantha

    Sure there are some women who might come out of a divorce well off . They are the lucky ones . You guys are forgetting the MILLIONS and MILLIONs of women all over the world raising children alone with ZERO child support just like myself because deadbeat dads take off with miss bimbo . Because men don’t seem to care about anything but having sex with a newer younger version and quickly forget any responsibility to the woman they marry or the children they bring into this world . I GARantee you that there are many many more cases of children being raised by struggling single mother who’s fathers are off enjoying sex with other women than there are men like you . Women in this world have it a hell of a lot harder than men ever will. We live in a world where men instigate 99 percent of violence. Just open a newspaper and read about the wars the rapes and murders that men start . See how easy it is being in a world where you are constantly treated as nothing more than body parts categories on the Internet in porn for men to consume . It’s really disgusting to see how men let the bias of a FEW bad experiences override millions of years of the way they have always treated and continue to treat women.

  • Crazy

    I have been on and off with a guy younger then me. I go back and forth for 5 years. I tried to move on and but not successful. The guy is always been faithful to me. When I am with him. I am happy and then depressed.
    My friends seem to disown me every time I am with him

  • mikeyman

    one women who i clicked with personality wise beyond belief decided to reject me for some unknown reason and marry a bad boy who she divorced shortly afterwards.so this is exactly why i gave up on women.im a 42 year old bachelor and lovin it and im gonna die happy.

  • Raff Neale

    There is no point in a man getting married anymore. I worked hard for my wife and my children, never fought, always totally faithful and thought I had a “perfect” marriage where we all loved each other.

    I was completely blindsided when my wife told me one night that she was filing for divorce, as she was bored, not happy and sick of not being able to afford material things.

    She got my home, permanent unfair alimony, custody of our children, part of my pension’s future payout, our family car, huge child support payments etc, and I had to pay my legal bills and HERS!

    Her new boyfriend lives with her in my house now and I am still required to pay the mortgage off. Luckily I bought the loan down to just over $24,000 from $110,000. I live in a shared cheap apartment struggling to pay my rent, food, etc and keep up my alimony and child support payments because if I default, I will go to jail.

    The emotional pain I have gone through is extreme and life doesn’t seem worth living. No fault divorce, paying alimony, child support (and having my ex wife refuse me visitation even though she is required to do so has caused so much pain to many, many other men as well.

    No wonder men’s suicide rate is 8 times higher than women.

    My advice to all men is to never marry. Marriage is like playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in a 6 chambered gun.

    I thought my wife was kind, gentle, loving and would never treat anyone badly. It was all a façade.

    Every woman is able to ruin men on a whim and many do. The current Marriage Laws are a disaster for men and they reward faithless women with cash and prizes.

    Look up the Red Pill and MGTOW and learn to strengthen yourself against this gynocentric trap.

    • MariaMoon

      I feel sorry for what you experienced. Life isn’t fair. However, there are good people out there. You just need to be cautious. Hopefully, you will not generalize that all women are materialistic money hungry female dogs…(sorry, I don’t like saying bad words). Anyway, just continue loving yourself and have faith. I believe in karma. Good things come to people who do good things.

      Just a friend saying.

  • John jones

    These types of women that “Get Bored” are expecting their man to fulfill ALL the joy and excitement in their life. They blame him because they lack something within themselves. That is the ability to be content and create their own joy and excitement aside from what the man brings to the relationship. Don Dressel is correct, most of these women end up alone because no man on earth can fulfill her unrealistic expectations.

    • Scott Thompson n

      I agree with you 100 percent I had a wife who is exactly like what you are saying they want a man to live up to unrealistic expectations.They will jump from one man to the next as soon as they get bored!

    • MariaMoon

      I believe they are getting married for the wrong reasons. The key to happy relationship is to really fall in love with your partner again and again…every day. Without anything in return….Maybe I am just old fashioned, but there are just people out there – both men and women who doesn’t know what they truly need and how to sincerely appreciate what they have.

  • Don Dressel

    Those same women end up by themselves in the long run!
    They throw away a good relationship by being impulsive and stupid!
    The good men end up meeting another woman that will appreciate them and treat them like gold!
    This is why I see so many women by themselves!!!
    Just plain stupid!

    • Geronimo

      I hadn’t thought about the “secret reasons” women leave good relationships. I just figured they made impulsive decisions then later regretted it. I know my wife did.