Sure, he’s charming, smooth talking, and sexy…but he is one of the good guys? These top 10 qualities of a good man will help you quickly see the warning signs of a bad guy. You’ll see your guy for who he is…not who he wants you to think he is.
First, here’s what a reader called Ed said about these qualities of good men:
“I think there are more than just 10 traits of good guys. To this list I’d add Character, Confrontational (willing to confront the problems of life and resolve them as well as stand up for himself but certainly not in the negative sense of the word), Hard Worker, Conscientious, and Devoted. Is this man capable of making you feel like you are the only woman at the party/dance/get together? If he is always looking at other women or to interested in other women where you are congregating, then he is not displaying the best qualities of a good man.”
Yes, there are definitely more than 10 best characteristics or the top 10 qualities of good men! But we have to start somewhere, right? :-)
I’ll kick things off with a quote about being a good man from actor Danny Aiello, from How to Stop Falling in Love With the Wrong Guy: “My father was a good man, but he was a con man. He was a wanderer, nomadic.” Is it possible to be both a good man AND a con man? I think men can be nomads and wanderers and still have all the qualities of a good man, but I can’t see someone being both a good man and a con man. Also, I wonder how Danny Aiello defines “good man.” Maybe he’s protecting his memory of his dad. He doesn’t want to admit his dad wasn’t a good man, and he wants to preserve his ideal perspective.
Don’t fall into that trap! Yes, you want to fall in love with a good guy…but don’t put yourself in danger’s way by ignoring the warning signs. If you’re looking for the qualities of a good man, you need to start by being honest with yourself. Are you emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded? If so, you’ll have a much easier time recognizing the qualities of good men who will treat you with love, respect, and kindness.
10 Qualities of a Good Man
Before you read through these characteristics and traits, take a moment to think. What do you believe are the most important qualities of a good man? Your own inner voice and intuition is far more important than my “top 10 traits of good men.”
If you tune in to what you really think and feel, you’ll easily sort the “bad boys” from the good men. I don’t know the guy you’re thinking about, so I can’t tell you if he really is a good man. Trust your gut, and don’t let your emotions steer your life!
1. Reliable and dependable
In How to Find a Good Boyfriend, I encourage women to pay attention to men who are dependable. They do what they say they’ll do, show up on time, and follow through with their plans. They keep their promises. That’s one of the most important qualities of a good man: he keeps his promises.
Would you trust your guy with your young sister, frail elderly grandmother, or vulnerable baby daughter? Can you depend on him to show up when he says he will, on time and prepared?
2. Kind – one of the most underrated qualities of good men
One of the guys I dated was a Christian who went to church every’ Sunday — and he criticized me all the way there and all the way home again. He was mean. He called himself a Christian yet he insulted my hair, clothes, intelligence, and decisions. He was such a jerk!
And yet, I thought he was a good boyfriend because he went to church. I looked at the superficial aspects of his personality and character, and I ignored how badly he treated me. I didn’t know that one of the top qualities of a good man is kindness and compassion.
3. Animal lover
Why do I believe good men love animals? Because animals are vulnerable and innocent, and helpless to protect themselves agains the worst that man can do. Pay attention if your guy hurts, kills, or even ignores your pets or other animals. Not being an animal lover doesn’t mean your guy is bad…it just shows a lack of depth and compassion that animals lovers have.
4. Financially responsible
This should be the first quality of a good man – someone who knows how to handle money. Good men have steady jobs and a regular paycheck (even if they’re self-employed). Good men are trustworthy with their money, and don’t waste it on unessential, unhealthy, or even dangerous things.
If your boyfriend constantly asks to borrow money, he may not be a financially trustworthy. If a guy owes a lot of money (eg, credit card debt, friend/family loans, pawn shop tabs), then he does not know how to handle his money. Borrowing money without repaying it isn’t a quality of a good man.
5. Good to his mom
How does your man treat his mom, stepmother, or grandma? That’ll tell you everything you need to know about whether or not he is a good man. Men who are respectful, helpful, and supportive are good guys who will treat you well in the long run.
6. Loyal and faithful
It goes without saying that one of the top 10 qualities of a good man is loyalty and fidelity. If you can’t trust your boyfriend or husband to be faithful to you, then he’s not a good guy. If he betrays you – if you can’t trust him – then you need to seriously consider your relationship with him.
7. Honest and tactful
This is one of the qualities of a good man that I often struggle with, because sometimes honesty can be painful. Sometimes men and women say “but I was just being honest” when they say mean or hurtful things. Has that ever happened to you?
Learning how to speak the truth in love is more important than “just” being honest. In some situations it’s more important to be kind than honest because they require tact…which may involve some creative dancing with the truth. This is why tactful is one of the most important qualities of a good man.
8. Supportive of your dreams, plans, and future
One of the things I love best about my husband is that he supports almost everything I do! He hesitates sometimes – such as when I suggested my 13 year old Little Sister move in with us – but he genuinely wants to make me happy.
By the way, all of these qualities of good men are based on who my husband is. He is an amazing guy (although sometimes he does let his views of politics, the environment, and the economy carry him away).
A good man will help you become the best woman you can be.
9. Spiritual (my #1 quality of a good man)
Some men are really really good guys, but they aren’t spiritual. If you’re searching for these qualities of a good man because you’re single, then you might want to consider adding spirituality to the list. A spiritual man is interesting, deep, and wise (except of course for guys like my Christian boyfriend who criticized me all the way to church and back).
If you’re a spiritually and emotionally healthy woman, then you’ll want to be with a spiritually and emotionally healthy man. The first step is to stabilize and grow your own health. Then, find a guy who will add to your life instead of detract from it.
Maybe it’s true that all these qualities of a good man equal one thing: a boring relationship. Read The Secret Reason Women Leave Good Relationships to learn how good men and breakups go hand in hand.
Help Finding a Good Man
In Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, Matthew Hussey teaches women how to attract only the best men. He not only describes the top qualities of good guys, he tells what you can do to find the right man for you. Most dating books tell you what not to do. Get the Guy is dedicated to telling you what you can do.
Matthew Hussey has coached thousands of high-powered CEOs, showing them how to develop confidence and build relationships that translate into professional success. Many of Matthew’s male clients pressed him for advice on how to apply his winning strategies not to just get the job, but how to get the girl. As his reputation grew, Hussey was approached by more and more women who wanted to hear his perspective on love and romance. From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes this book a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for.
In No More Narcissists!: How to Stop Choosing Self-Absorbed Men and Find the Love You Deserve, Candace Love describes how to quickly recognize the qualities of good men and avoid guys who are selfish and inconsiderate.
Candace is a psychologist who – in this book – provides a road map for women to finally get the love they deserve. She uses relationship skills based in cognitive behavioral and schema therapy, to help you understand why you’re attracted to narcissistic men, how you can avoid being drawn in by a narcissist’s initial charm and magnetism, and how to heal so you can finally move on to healthy relationships.
When you’re looking for a good man, you need to be aware of your core beliefs about yourself and your environment, which you acquired in childhood and adolescence. This can play an important role in why you’re attracted to narcissists and why you ignore the warning signs that a guy is not good for you. This book also includes targeted exercises and techniques that will encourage you to examine your past relationships and take meaningful steps to promote self-care and healing.
I’ve written a few articles about how to find a good man, and I need to write more on how to be an emotionally stable, strong, healthy woman. The healthier you are, the easier it will be to attract a good man.
What have I missed in this list of qualities of a good man? I welcome your thoughts below! I can’t offer relationship advice for specific situations, but you may find it helpful to share your experiences below. Writing can help you gain clarity and insight into your relationship and your own self.