If you’re unhappy with your husband and marriage – and you’re pregnant – should you stay for the baby’s sake? Here are a few things to think about…
Here’s what Desiree says, on my article about the warning signs of a bad relationship:
“I’m not sure what to do. I love my common-law husband, we’ve been together 5 years, have a two year old son and another baby due at the end of July, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he loves me, he says he does, he seems like he does most days, but there are times that I’m unsure. He’s a huge part of my life, I always felt like something was missing, until I found him. Now I feel that feeling again, and it scares me.”
Are you hesitant to leave your husband because you’re pregnant, or because you’re scared to be alone, or because you believe your marriage can be saved? Why are you unhappy with your husband?
It’s important to figure out what’s keeping you in the marriage – you could be staying for the right reasons, or for the wrong ones.
If you’re worried about single motherhood, read The Single Moms Little Book of Wisdom: 42 Tidbits of Wisdom To Help You Survive, Succeed and Stay Strong.
Are You Pregnant and Unhappy With Your Husband?
I was raised by a single mom. I wish I had a dad, but I’m glad that my step-father wasn’t part of our lives. I didn’t even meet my biological father until I was 27 years old. It’s not ideal, but ultimately I’m glad that my mom left my dad when she was pregnant. He wasn’t a good influence on us, and they had an unhappy marriage.
Leaving your husband when you’re pregnant may not be ideal, but it could be the best thing you do for you and your baby – especially if you know you’ll never be happy with him.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Learn how to be happy as a woman – single, married, or common-law
You can’t depend on your husband to make you happy and to fill what’s missing in your life. Your husband is part of your life, not the source of your happiness, security, or fulfillment. If your husband doesn’t make you feel happy, self-confident, secure, and peaceful 90% of the time, then you need to figure out of it’s him that’s the problem…or you.
Whether or not you’re pregnant and whether or not you leave him, you need to become a strong, independent woman. You can’t depend on your husband to make you happy!
The trick is figuring out if you’re unhappy with your husband because of him, because of you, or because the two of you just don’t mesh.
Try to evaluate your marriage from an objective perspective
“He doesn’t trust me, he won’t forgive me for some of the things I’ve done, but he stayed through it all,” says Desiree. “He makes me happy, not all of the time, but when he’s gone I feel like I’ll never be happy like that again. I can’t forget all of the terrible things he has said, and continues to say… I just don’t know. I feel helpless and useless, he doesn’t listen, and when he does he just flips everything around and I end up feeling like it’s all my fault.”
I don’t know what’s going on in their marriage, but it seems like both Desiree and her husband are holding on to things from the past. He won’t forgive her, and she can’t forget the things he said. Does this mean she should leave him? Pregnant or not, all wives need to evaluate their marriages from an objective point of view. Baggage, hurt feelings, and resentment from the past won’t disappear after the baby comes. Quite the opposite, in fact.
If you’re pregnant and unhappy with your husband, maybe it’s because he’s critical (critical people make us unhappy!). Read Criticism in Marriage – 5 Ways to Cope With a Critical Spouse.
Talk to single women with children
Raising a baby on your own is difficult – there’s no doubt about it. Leaving your husband when you’re pregnant will be full of short-term pain, and long-term gain (hopefully! I’m not telling you that you should leave your husband – I’m just giving you things to think about).
I included The Single Moms Little Book of Wisdom at the top of this article because it offers tips from other single women. They left because they were unhappy with their husbands at a variety of times: when they were pregnant, after they gave birth, and when their children were older. Their tips can help you find the strength and courage you need to leave your husband when you’re pregnant.
Take care of your finances
Are you financially independent? Do you have the skills it takes to live on a single income? Can you get support from social services or other government or private agencies? Will your family help? Taking care of your financial situation can give you the freedom you need to leave your husband.
I don’t know if leaving your husband when you’re pregnant is the best thing for you to do. Only you can make that decision. It’s a big one – but you have to remember that women raise happy, healthy children on their own all the time!
If you want to save your marriage, read Living in a Difficult Marriage – Tips for Wives Who Feel Helpless.
Are you pregnant and unhappy with your husband? Should you leave him? I welcome your thoughts below, but I can’t offer advice.