You may feel everything from dread to excitement when you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy. These choices are for women pregnant and alone; they’re inspired by Shae, a reader who is 21 weeks into her first pregnancy.
“I’m currently pregnant and alone, I’m having my boyfriend’s child,” she says on How to Cope When He Says “I’m Not in Love With You”. “He told me he wanted to marry me before and after we found out we were pregnant. He just recently went back to prison. He just recently told me he isn’t in love with me anymore. It hurt so bad I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t know what to do with my [unplanned pregnancy] or what’s going on through his head. I really want to believe he’s still in love with me but I’m confused. I want to be a family like we said we were gonna be but I’m pregnant and alone. I need some advice.”
Whether your boyfriend is in prison or right beside you, you may feel alone when you’re faced with an unplanned pregnancy. May you find the strength and courage you need to move forward in faith and hope, and may these tips help you cope with being pregnant and feeling alone…
Practical tips for coping with an unplanned pregnancy include:
- Talk to someone you trust, especially if your boyfriend is unwilling to support you. Even if he is right there with you, make sure you talk to someone who can help you make good decisions.
- Start taking pregnancy vitamins – especially folic acid – and stop drinking, smoking, and using drugs.
- Make an appointment with your family doctor, or go to a medical clinic as a walk-in patient.
- Visit a local or online Planned Parenthood Health Center.
- Ask for the help you need. Know that you will one day be in a position to help another woman cope with being pregnant and alone. Be vulnerable now.
Those are a few practical ways to start coping with an unplanned pregnancy…but the emotional aspects of being pregnant and alone are a whole different story, aren’t they? Please feel free to share what you’re feeling in the comments section below. Take a deep breath, and give yourself time to process your feelings.
Maybe you’re less alone than you think.
5 Choices You Can Make When You’re Pregnant and Alone
I can’t give specific advice about what to do with your unplanned pregnancy. You need to check in with your heart and soul. Connect with God and make sure that whatever decision you make is the right one for you. Listen to the still small voice inside you, and make a choice that represents the best possible care for you and your baby.
Take a deep breath, and know that everything will be all right.
1. Choose courage over anxiety
What do you wish was happening in your life right now? Maybe you’re happy about having a baby even though it’s unplanned, and you just need a few tips for how to cope with a surprise pregnancy. Maybe you’re like Shae, and your dreams of being a family are shattered. Maybe your partner is disappointed or afraid, or maybe he’s angry and anxious.
You have the ability to choose to be courageous no matter what you’re facing. Part of choosing courage is facing your reality and accepting your life for what it is right now. You are pregnant and alone, and it’s not helpful to wish things were different. Let go of your wishes and longings. See your life with clear eyes and a wise heart.
2. Choose honesty over secrets
Does your boyfriend or husband know you’re coping with an unplanned pregnancy? In most cases it seems wise to be honest and upfront about it – but you know your situation better than anyone. Avoid keeping secrets.
Are you ready to confide in your family or friends? If not, start thinking about how to tell them. Perhaps practice by telling people you trust, but who don’t have an emotional investment in your life. An unplanned pregnancy will likely be shocking for your loved ones – but being honest about getting pregnant will help you feel not so alone.
3. Choose trust over worry
You are deeply loved, and you can trust the One who created you and is always watching over you. God knew you when you were first being formed in your mother’s womb – He knew you when you were just a twinkle in your mom’s eye. God knows your baby, He knows all about your unplanned pregnancy, and He will take care of you…if you let Him. If you choose trust over worry.
Take a deep breath, and trust that He will help you cope with being pregnant and alone. God won’t tell you every detail or lay out a road map so you can see years (or months, or days!) in advance…but He will guide you every step of the way. You are His child, and you can trust Him.
4. Choose strength over weakness
What does it mean to be strong when you’re pregnant and alone? Strength means wisdom, clear thinking, good choices, healthy boundaries, and the ability to follow through with your plans and goals.
How do you get strong? By spending time with people you trust, who support you and help you be your best self. This is extremely important, even if you’re not pregnant and alone! We adopt the characteristics and qualities of the people we spend the most time with…which means we need to carefully choose who we associate with, live with, and love.
You can also choose strength by thinking carefully about your choices, such as what type of environments and people you want to expose your baby to.
Even if you’re pregnant and unhappy with your husband, you can choose to be strong and wise.
5. Choose hope over fear
You can do this! Whatever choices you make, you have the ability and wisdom to follow through. You are smart, creative, and resourceful. You may feel anxious and stressed, but you will get through this. This unplanned pregnancy will change your life in a variety of ways – and you will be able to move forward in hope, faith, and love.
What do you hope for, and how much control do you have? Think about it. Hope for things that you can actually influence in your life. For example, maybe you hope your boyfriend will get out of jail, marry you, and become your baby’s father…but can you make this happen? Not likely. Don’t give up hope – but be realistic about what you’re hoping for.
What to Do Next
Make an appointment with a pregnancy counselor if you feel like you can’t cope with being pregnant and alone. Spend time researching different options for unplanned pregnancies, and be open to a variety of possibilities.
Listen to your intuition, that still small voice, your gut instincts. What do you believe is best for your unborn baby? For you? For your partner? Choose courage, honesty, trust, strength, and hope. Keep choosing those qualities every moment of every day.
Share your thoughts on being pregnant and alone. What’s the most surprising thing about this unplanned pregnancy? How are you coping? Who can you talk to, and how do you feel?
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of feeling pregnant and alone. Sometimes writing helps us figure out what we really feel, think, and know about ourselves and our choices.