Comfort and Hope When You Feel Like Nobody Loves You

The worst part of feeling like nobody loves you is having no one to talk to. Even if you do share how you feel, people just brush your feelings away. “How can you say nobody loves you?” they say. “I love you, your parents love you, your dog loves you. God loves you! So don’t say you’re not loved, because you are.”

That isn’t the most helpful response, is it? Because no matter how many times you’re told you’re loved, you don’t believe it until you feel it. And you just aren’t feeling the love. The tricky part is going from “Nobody loves me” to “Wow, I really am surrounded and held by love! I was always loved, by never knew it.”

The other tricky part is not feeling accepted or understood. Whether or not you tried to communicate your feelings, you feel misunderstood and abandoned. You may even feel rejected or ignored. And that makes it even harder to know what to do when you feel unwanted and like no one cares. But guess what? I have good news! At least I hope it’s good news :-) Read on. You can tell me in the comments section below whether or not my tips for dealing with feelings of “nobody loves me” are helpful.

I experienced stages of feeling unloved and unwanted many, many times. I was in three foster homes growing up; my mom is schizophrenic and living in a group home for older mentally ill people. My sister stopped talking to me over 10 years ago. I have no family. Nobody could ever love me like my grandma did – and she died 20 years ago! I’m turning 50 soon, and my friendships are shifting and changing. I’m not the same, and neither are my old friends. I haven’t made new ones yet…and maybe I’m getting too old to make good friends.

So, yes. I know how it feels when it seems like nobody loves you.

But I also know how to get through a phase of feeling like nobody loves me. And that, I hope, will help you cope with your own feelings of being unloved and unworthy.

“Nobody Loves Me” – Is That True?

One of the books that changed how I think about life, love and myself is Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. Some of my tips are inspired by her book.

How to Cope When You Feel Like Nobody Loves You
When You Feel Like Nobody Loves You

As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless,” says Katie. “It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”

She has four questions, which she calls “the work.” Here’s first question Katie would tell you to ask yourself: “Is it true that nobody loves me?”

Learn how to love yourself

If you said yes to the question “Is it true that nobody loves me?” then you are saying you don’t love yourself. And that is the first challenge you are facing. If you don’t love – or even like – yourself, how can you expect others to love – or even like – you?

The first and most important thing is to learn how to love yourself. If you don’t feel good about who you are – if you don’t love yourself as you are right now – then you won’t even know how to receive another person’s love. You can’t see or respond to the love people have for you because you don’t know what it’s like to be loved.

Focus on one person who does love you

When you fall into the “nobody loves me” pit of despair, make a list of the people you know love you. For example, I know my mom loves me. She can’t express her love the same way an emotionally and mentally healthy mother can, but she is so happy when I call her every Sunday. My mom didn’t come to my wedding and hasn’t seen any of my the places I’ve lived for the past 35 years, but she cares about me. She loves me the best way she knows how.

My sister didn’t come to my wedding, either. I’ve only met my dad a couple times, and he never calls, visits, or even emails. But I know my husband loves me, my two closest friends love me, and my mother-in-law loves me. I wish I had more people who love me, but I’ll take what I can get!

Show your love to others, in big and little ways

Sometimes I think the best way to cope with feeling unloved and unwanted is by reaching out and loving people in my life. Even if they don’t love me back, I want to be the first to show love. My embrace doesn’t have to be returned; it’s enough that I am showing up with my arms open. What happens next is not mine to control.

This means calling or emailing friends and family even if they never call or email back. Loving means offering support and trying to be there for people. It really isn’t as easy as it sounds! The truth is that I can write all day long about how to cope when I feel like nobody loves me, but my tips are much harder in practice.

And when we’ve been hurt by friends and family, the last thing we want to do is turn the other cheek and get hurt again! It’s the ones we love the most who hurt us the most. If this confuses you, read Why We Hurt the Ones We Love.

Ask yourself if it’s really true that nobody loves you

Back to Byron Katie’s book and “The Work.” When I again ask myself, “Is it really true that nobody loves me?” I come up with more answers. I dig deeper, and find more love in my life then I realized. For instance I know my sister loves me, even though she won’t speak to me. I know she loves me. Her love is buried beneath pain, grief, shame, and fear.

A thought is harmless unless we believe it,” says Katie in Loving What Is. “It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” For years I believed that nobody loved me, but I was wrong. And it was only until I started questioning my beliefs that I realized how wrong I was.

Open your heart, spirit and mind to the Creator of you

The more time I spend in God’s presence – not praying necessarily, just being – the more love I feel. The peace of Jesus Christ, the warm embrace of the Holy Spirit, and the love of God the Father is overwhelming when I sit in silence. There is no love stronger than divine love from the Creator of the Universe. There is nothing like Divine Therapy to heal your heart, spirit and soul. Nobody can love us like God loves us…and I think that’s why we feel so unloved and unwanted. We yearn for God’s love but we don’t recognize Him. We try to get His love from people, and possessions and experiences but nothing measures up. So we’re constantly battling feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, and unlovability.

Nobody Loves Me

That’s how I cope when I feel like nobody loves me: I turn my face upward and breathe in the Spirit of God. How do you cope? Feel free to share your thoughts and story below.

Here’s one last quote from Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life: “You are your only hope, because we’re not changing until you do. Our job is to keep coming at you, as hard as we can, with everything that angers, upsets, or repulses you, until you understand. We love you that much, whether we’re aware of it or not. The whole world is about you.”

Katie also wrote I Need Your Love – Is That True? How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead. “Romantic love is the story of how you need another person to complete you. It’s an absolutely insane story. My experience is that I need no one to complete me. As soon as I realize that, everyone completes me.”

If you struggle with low self-worth, read When You Don’t Feel Good Enough to Be Loved.

*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

8 thoughts on “Comfort and Hope When You Feel Like Nobody Loves You”

  1. I feel like nobody loves me but God, I feel so alone but I know he here with me. I do so much for my wife to show the love I got for her. She’ll rather hang out with her friends all days and leave me and the kids at home missing her. I wish and know God got better days for me. I work 2 jobs to support my family, to make sure everyone get what they need without asking some for anything. I just gone sit back and wait on God cause I know he got good intentions for me but right now I’m feeling so alone.

  2. Don’t you know god is for children and is a fictional character? If god were real he would be nothing but a sadistic murderer. Grow up.

    1. I’m not sure if I agree with your comment and I’m not sure if I believe in God, but I know for certain that without bad things in the world, there would be no real “good.” I’m sorry that people die and I wish that life didn’t work like that, but without death and destruction there is no appreciation for life and rebuilding. There is nothing that unites us more than the very situations which occur to destroy us. Maybe God understands that, too, if he’s real. But that’s just my opinion. I’m 16 and positive about it, and I get that positivity can seem “immature” or “unrealistic” to adults, but what can i do to change what people seem to define as “maturity” or “logic,” these days.

  3. “If you learn to really sit with loneliness and embrace it for the gift that it is…an opportunity to get to know YOU, to learn how strong you really are, to depend on no one but YOU for your happiness…you will realize that a little loneliness goes a LONG way in creating a richer, deeper, more vibrant and colorful you.” – Mandy Hale.

    I don’t agree! I think there is someone you can depend on for an unending source of love, joy, peace, and freedom. And it’s not you.

    7 Things to Remember When You Feel Like No One Cares
    http://blossomtips.com/feeling-unwanted-no-one-cares/

    Feeling like nobody loves me was how I grew up. I was neglected and rejected throughout my childhood…it was terrible! I really did feel unloved. But I reached upwards and inwards, and I learned how to Blossom without the love of a mom and a dad.

    You will get through this lonely season of your life…and you will look back, and be glad it’s over!

  4. I never really had any friends all mine life, the pain of rejection and not belonging as well as being shoved while I am down gets too much at times. But life goes on, it won’t stop for anyone…..

  5. Dear Jennifer,

    I think I understand how you feel. God is marvellous and amazing….but we need each other. He created us to connect with people, not to be alone. I don’t think it matters if we’re single or married — we just need people to love and lean on.

    The Psalms are a good place to go when you feel like nobody loves you. And finding ways to meet people you connect with is also good and healthy….my prayer is that you find ways to not feel so alone.

    May you find peace, comfort, joy and love in the people you meet today. May you follow God’s leading, and reach out to people you think might lift you up. May you learn how to be a good friend, so you can build strong healthy relationships that are loving and meaningful.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  6. I know my God is real but I need someone I can see and feel, because being alone is a lonely place and no one loves this tired face.