Saying or even just thinking, “My husband left me for another woman” is painful and heartbreaking – but trust me, you will survive! Here’s how to cope after your husband walks out.
Here’s what one famous wife said when her husband left: “I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Nicole Kidman. “As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”
It is what it is. These aren’t the most comforting words in the world, are they? But it’s the truth. And the sooner you can accept the truth, the quicker you will begin to heal. Part of accepting the truth might be learning Why He Had an Affair and How to Recover. Your husband’s leaving may be the worst betrayal in marriage and it may be the worst thing your husband could ever do to you…but it’s what happened. The sooner you can accept that it is what it is, the sooner you can move on and create a better, more meaningful, happier life.
After He Leaves
Here are six tips on how to cope when your husband walks out on your marriage. This isn’t legal or financial advice; it’s how to heal your heart and self-esteem.
Realize that his leaving isn’t a direct reflection on you
No matter how beautiful, successful, slim, or rich their wives are, some husbands will be unfaithful. Men cheat and leave their marriages for a wide variety of reasons – many of which have nothing to do with their wives. To learn more about cheating husbands, read Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair.
More importantly, remember that your husband left you for another woman because of his problems – which aren’t a reflection of you! It’s not that you’re not good enough, or she’s a better woman. To be able to say “my husband left me for another woman” and survive, keep reminding yourself that your husband left you because he has his own issues.
Stop comparing yourself to the other woman
She probably has strengths that you don’t have and weaknesses that you don’t have. If it makes you feel better, make a list of your strengths and her weaknesses, and read them when you feel down on yourself. But, I think it’s better not to compare yourself to the other woman at all. Surviving when your husband left you for another woman is about moving onwards and upwards, about healing and personal growth. It doesn’t matter who or what she is…what matters is that you have a life to recreate!
When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will give you hope and encouragement as you learn how to cope after your husband leaves. There are no easy answers, only companionship and the knowledge that you are not alone.
Spend time with women who survived when their husbands walked out
Ask your friends and family members if they know a woman whose husband left her. If she survived her breakup – and is stronger, happier, and healthier – spend time with her. Ask if you can buy her a coffee; learn how she overcame pain of his cheating. Soak up her courage, health, and wisdom!
One of my favorite breakup survival tips is to gain strength and healing from women who have survived similar problems in life. And, the fact that your husband left is a sure sign your marriage is over.
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Let go of your old hopes and dreams for your marriage
If your husband left you for another woman, you’re not just mourning the loss of him as a man…you’re mourning the end of something real, something you believed in and thought would last. You’re mourning the end of the marriage you hoped to have (or that you thought you had). You’ve been betrayed, and you aren’t as innocent and trusting as you were before.
Mourn not just your loss of a husband, but the loss of your marriage, the loss of the things you hoped for on your wedding day. Mourn the fact that you have to live with the thought, “my husband left me for another woman.”
Get help coping with the breakup
Counseling is about making sense of your life, and figuring out how to move on after betrayals, heartaches, and heartbreaks. Talking through your problems with an objective counselor, spiritual leader, or psychologist can help you let go. An objective professional can help you see your big life picture and your more detailed personality characteristics.
In He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica Manfred Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
If you feel lost and helpless because your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t spin your wheels alone. Invest in yourself emotionally and spiritually – a counselor or a support group for divorced women can help you make sense of what why your husband left. You need to focus on picking up the pieces of your life and starting a fresh new chapter of your life.
Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will help you start feeling better yourself, your life, and your future. It won’t be easy, but you WILL survive.
Start something new
This is your chance to embark on a new chapter in your social, professional, personal, or spiritual life! Volunteer, take a solo or group vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, go back to school. Surviving a breakup can be about growing into the woman you were meant to be – and about exploring a different part of your life and personality. This may be the end of one stage of your life…but it can be the beginning of a whole new era! It’s up to you…
For more tips on coping when your husband leaves you for her, read How to Let Go of a Relationship.
If you need to talk about why your husband left you for another woman, please share below! Sometimes writing is the healthiest thing you can do. I can’t give advice, but I’m here to listen.
Need marriage help? Get free relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
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