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How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her

Saying or even just thinking, “My husband left me for another woman” is painful and heartbreaking – but trust me, you will survive! Here’s how to cope after your husband walks out.

Here’s what one famous wife said when her husband left: “I’m not sure what the future holds but I do know that I’m going to be positive and not wake up feeling desperate,” said Nicole Kidman. “As my dad said ‘Nic, it is what it is, it’s not what it should have been, not what it could have been, it is what it is.’”

It is what it is. These aren’t the most comforting words in the world, are they? But it’s the truth. And the sooner you can accept the truth, the quicker you will begin to heal. Part of accepting the truth might be learning Why He Had an Affair and How to Recover. Your husband’s leaving may be the worst betrayal in marriage and it may be the worst thing your husband could ever do to you…but it’s what happened. The sooner you can accept that it is what it is, the sooner you can move on and create a better, more meaningful, happier life.

After He Leaves

Here are six tips on how to cope when your husband walks out on your marriage. This isn’t legal or financial advice; it’s how to heal your heart and self-esteem.

Realize that his leaving isn’t a direct reflection on you

No matter how beautiful, successful, slim, or rich their wives are, some husbands will be unfaithful. Men cheat and leave their marriages for a wide variety of reasons – many of which have nothing to do with their wives. To learn more about cheating husbands, read Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair.

More importantly, remember that your husband left you for another woman because of his problems – which aren’t a reflection of you! It’s not that you’re not good enough, or she’s a better woman. To be able to say “my husband left me for another woman” and survive, keep reminding yourself that your husband left you because he has his own issues.

Stop comparing yourself to the other woman

husband left me for a woman

“How to Cope After Your Husband Leaves You for Another Woman” image by werner22brigitte via Pixabay, CC License

She probably has strengths that you don’t have and weaknesses that you don’t have. If it makes you feel better, make a list of your strengths and her weaknesses, and read them when you feel down on yourself. But, I think it’s better not to compare yourself to the other woman at all. Surviving when your husband left you for another woman is about moving onwards and upwards, about healing and personal growth. It doesn’t matter who or what she is…what matters is that you have a life to recreate!

When He Leaves: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will give you hope and encouragement as you learn how to cope after your husband leaves. There are no easy answers, only companionship and the knowledge that you are not alone.

Spend time with women who survived when their husbands walked out

Ask your friends and family members if they know a woman whose husband left her. If she survived her breakup – and is stronger, happier, and healthier – spend time with her. Ask if you can buy her a coffee; learn how she overcame pain of his cheating. Soak up her courage, health, and wisdom!

One of my favorite breakup survival tips is to gain strength and healing from women who have survived similar problems in life. And, the fact that your husband left is a sure sign your marriage is over.

Let go of your old hopes and dreams for your marriage

If your husband left you for another woman, you’re not just mourning the loss of him as a man…you’re mourning the end of something real, something you believed in and thought would last. You’re mourning the end of the marriage you hoped to have (or that you thought you had). You’ve been betrayed, and you aren’t as innocent and trusting as you were before.

Mourn not just your loss of a husband, but the loss of your marriage, the loss of the things you hoped for on your wedding day. Mourn the fact that you have to live with the thought, “my husband left me for another woman.”

Get help coping with the breakup

Counseling is about making sense of your life, and figuring out how to move on after betrayals, heartaches, and heartbreaks. Talking through your problems with an objective counselor, spiritual leader, or psychologist can help you let go. An objective professional can help you see your big life picture and your more detailed personality characteristics.

husband left me for herIn He’s History, You’re Not: Surviving Divorce After 40, Erica Manfred Erica Manfred shares her own divorce experience, as well as the advice of experts, with specific sections tailored to women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.

If you feel lost and helpless because your husband said he doesn’t love you anymore, don’t spin your wheels alone. Invest in yourself emotionally and spiritually – a counselor or a support group for divorced women can help you make sense of what why your husband left. You need to focus on picking up the pieces of your life and starting a fresh new chapter of your life.

how to cope when your husband leaves you for another womanRunaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife’s Guide to Recovery and Renewal by Kari West and Noelle Quinn will help you start feeling better yourself, your life, and your future. It won’t be easy, but you WILL survive.

Start something new

This is your chance to embark on a new chapter in your social, professional, personal, or spiritual life! Volunteer, take a solo or group vacation, join a new gym, take a night class, join a support group, check out a new social club, quit your job, go back to school. Surviving a breakup can be about growing into the woman you were meant to be – and about exploring a different part of your life and personality. This may be the end of one stage of your life…but it can be the beginning of a whole new era! It’s up to you…

For more tips on coping when your husband leaves you for her, read How to Let Go of a Relationship.

If you need to talk about why your husband left you for another woman, please share below! Sometimes writing is the healthiest thing you can do. I can’t give advice, but I’m here to listen.

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383 thoughts on “How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Her”

  1. Carol & Decee
    Chin up ladies and lets learn and accept that men are really unpredictable creatures…..like Laurie, the owner of this blog once said, no matter how beautiful or financially independent and very appealing, attractive and well educated their wives are, some men would always leave their wives and/or marital homes…and in most cases for their own reasons that have nothing to do with you wonderful ladies. its really sad,sad that they are leaving especially after such a long long time…..but life also has to go on after they have left. You awesome have kids who look up to you no matter what life throws at you. so lets try to regroup and find our inner strength and courage to overcome this ordeal. remember success is the best revenge, show these awful men what you ladies are made of!!# women of substance and also that you ladies are wonderfully and powerfully made. you can pull through no matter what life throws at you. bear in mind that life and growing up is all about overcoming unbearable and awful surprises and challenges like these ones my extra super awesome ladies.
    Men are like kids once you wonderful ladies have managed to clean up and pick up the broken pieces of your shattered lives together and you are now all beautiful and confident, they would come running back you ladies pleading for your forgiveness and second time….mark my words, I know what I am talking about ladies….
    these new young ladies are like new toys to them you know and after they have gotten tired of them and realise that we women are just the same, they would come back home, right where they belong.

  2. Thank you guys! Your words have been helpful!!! I’ve filed and just have a mindset that if it’s meant to be it will. I have been focusing on my kids and my well being. He comes over saturdays to spend time with the kids. Our oldest (9) doesn’t not want to go with him le see the girl he is with. I told him I won’t force him. J til he is ready. The ex still continues with this story that he loves me and he messed up. He continues to claim that this is the only way he knows he can leave her and where she will allow him to remain in the child’s life especially her family. His plan is to help her through pregnant then once baby is born and a few months he says “his actions” will make her leave him and her leaving him will let me be in the life. He talks of “our” future together that he loves me and didn’t mess with her because of love. He was confused and thought it wAs more but realized it was a mistake. While he does all this talk I try to just put up a wall. I have to protect myself and not allow him to hurt me more than what he has. For now I don’t think about a we or us. Think of me and my kids. I am trying to be strong for them. I do good most days but other days while I am driving alone or home alone. I just think think and think and can’t velieve this is happening to me. I love him so much and can’t believe he could hurt me in this way. Who knows what’s in store for me. I used to have everything planned out and knew what I wanted and honestly I have no idea anymore. I wish I could more get out of this house we just bought in sept leave this state and not see anyone who knows us. I just don’t want to be here anymore maybe a new start in a few years not sure anymore. CraZy how things happen.

  3. Elena
    that’s really so selfish of him….he wants to have both of you but unfortunately that’s happens only in movies not in real life my dear…..I feel for you because he’s the only love and man you know and loved. you guys married so young and managed to make this far…..that’s really amazing and commendable.I am really failing to understand and comprehend why he is willing to throw something so special away. but what can we say…its his choice. chin up my lady and face a sad a reality that he’s not coming back. He chose her over you Elena my dear. I believe you are a very special lady, you will make it and God will see you through this trying time of your life my dear. Just trust Him and find comfort in him my dear sister.
    By simply saying that he cant leave her now, because shes pregnant, simply shows his love,loyalty and care lie with her and not with you, and that’s a really sad reality you have to face unfortunately.
    where are the wedding vows now,if he’s choosing her over you?i believe that’s just a polite way of telling you that he doesn’t love you that much anymore…..he also a human remember, he has a heart, he cant just say that to you straight to your face more specially that you guys met and married so young, moreover you are also the mother of his kids and probably you guys share a lot of memories together.
    Good luck my girl, I will include you in my thoughts and prayers. This might be really hard on you.i can only imagine…..
    warmest regards

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