Accepting that he broke up with you is hard. Getting past the pain of a broken heart is even harder because it literally feels like you’re dying. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I thought I’d never get over it. I didn’t think I’d ever be loved again — or that I’d even want to love someone else. The pain was all I could see.
But guess what? I did get over it. I got past the pain by going through it, and I am stronger and happier than ever before. And if I can get past the pain after my boyfriend broke up with me, so can you. You are not alone. You will heal because you are stronger, smarter, and more courageous than you think.
Finding ways to fill the void in your life after a breakup is different for every woman, which means you need to figure out what works for you. For example, some girls like to listen to breakup music to help them express and get past the pain. This isn’t what I did when my boyfriend broke up with me, because it made me too sad! But many readers find breakup music helpful for getting past the pain, and search for articles such as Songs for Letting Go of Someone You Love. Some women say music is the only thing that helped them heal. If music helps you heal, you’ll find that article helpful.
In this article I share five different ways to get past the pain, sadness, and heartache of a breakup. The most important thing to remember while you’re scrolling through my tips is that you are valuable for who you are — regardless of why he broke up with you. You are worthy of respect, love, and honor. You are important, and your life has meaning and purpose.
One of the best ways to get past the pain of a breakup is to write down your story. Get out a pen and paper, and answer these questions:
- How long have you and your boyfriend been together? When did you first meet? When was the last time you and he were intimate?
- When did your boyfriend break up with you?
- Before the breakup, did you suspect your boyfriend wasn’t happy?
- How did your boyfriend break up with you?
- Have you said “my boyfriend broke up with me” out loud to anyone?
- How do you feel right now?
It’ll hurt, but it will help you get past the pain. Writing the story of your breakup will help you heal. You’ll face and untangle your emotions – which will be especially helpful if you’re trying to overcome depressed feelings after a breakup. It may feel terrible and painful, but writing is the healthiest way to process the grief and pain.
And, writing will help you own your story. When you own your story, you get to write a brave new ending. You get to say, “My boyfriend broke up with me and it was horrible and I was in lots of pain …… and then I got help and this is how my story ends.”
How will your story end? You get to choose. You really, truly have the power to decide how you will spend the rest of your life!
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
The Day My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me
I actually knew it was coming – maybe even before he did. I even wrote about it in 10 Warning Signs of a Bad Relationship.
My boyfriend wasn’t all that nice, kind, or loving to me. That’s why I knew he’d break up with me. He didn’t seem to like me, much less love me. I didn’t have to bother breaking up with him because I knew it was over long before the breakup actually happened.
To tell you the truth, I can’t even remember the day my boyfriend broke up with me. It seemed so horrible at the time – I really didn’t think I’d get over it even though I knew he wasn’t really in love with me!
I just didn’t want to be alone.
Isn’t that sad? Now I look back and feel sad that I was so desperate and lonely. I don’t feel bad about myself, I just wish I had a better self-concept and self-esteem. I wish I knew how to love myself so I wouldn’t have to rely on the love of a bad boyfriend.
5 Ways to Get Past the Pain
You are the expert on you, so I can’t tell you exactly what will work for you. I know that writing helped when my boyfriend broke up with me. And, I know that listening to breakup music is healing for others.
1. Be gentle with yourself as you accept the idea that he broke up with you
A breakup isn’t just losing the boyfriend you loved and gave yourself to. It’s the end of the hopes and dreams you had for your future. Maybe you thought you’d get married, have a baby, buy a house together. Maybe you’re already living together with children, maybe you’ve already bought a house or car.
Take time to process your grief. A breakup is a serious and difficult loss in your life, and it needs time to unfold. Your body and soul needs time to accept the reality, to adjust to the fact that your boyfriend broke up with you.
2. Learn what it means to “process your grief”
Allowing yourself to grief is simpler than you might think. I’ve already shared two healthy ways to grieve:
- Listen to breakup music if it helps you cry and makes you feel better
- Write a story called The Day My Boyfriend Broke Up With Me
When you’re grieving, you need to be good to yourself. Treat yourself with gentle love and kind compassion. Pamper your body with warm bubble baths, healthy nutritious foods (and some comfort foods!), lots of sleep, lots of hugs from friends. Pamper your spirit with prayer and connection to God. Pamper your mind with delicious novels and interesting movies.
3. Choose Healthy more often than Unhealthy
After my boyfriend broke up with me, I started eating. And eating. And eating more. Then I started throwing up. I chose a very unhealthy way to get past the pain of a breakup, and I wish I hadn’t gone down that road. It wasn’t good, but it was my way of coping with the breakup. I felt terrible about myself, I was heartbroken because I was single at 34, and I felt rejected and alone. I didn’t think I’d ever find anyone to love.
When I chose that terribly unhealthy way to cope when my boyfriend broke up with me – bulimia – I was making everything worse. I felt worse about my body, myself, and my life. But when I realized I could chose healthy ways of getting past the pain (sleep, nutritious foods in healthy amounts, connecting with God, meeting friends for walks) I slowly started to heal.
4. Get creative about how your story will end
What other parts of your life are important to you? Me, I love writing (as you can probably tell from all my references to writing your story!). I love love love blogging, and creating images with inspirational healing quotes. I love yoga, running, walking with my dogs in the forest, painting, playing my flute, reading, and going to workshops.
What do you love about your life? If nothing enchants you or fills you with energy, then it’s time to start exploring! Who are you outside of your relationship? What do you love to do? Who have you always wanted to be? Why are you here on earth? It’s time to find out what your purpose is, and how you can fill your life with meaning.
5. Look up to God and deep inside your heart
You were created by God for a specific reason. He loves you, and He is always there for you. He is waiting with His arms open and His mighty strong powerful eternal love!
When my boyfriend broke up with me, I thought God didn’t love me. I felt rejected by both my boyfriend and God. I was wrong. It turns out that God was actually protecting me from making a huge mistake with my boyfriend. We weren’t happy after three months of dating – I can’t believe I wanted to marry him! The breakup was a gift from God. I see this now. I’m married to a different guy. We’ve been married for more than 10 years, and I am SO glad my old boyfriend broke up with me.
Trust God. Have faith that He loves you, He is looking out for you, and He will give you the strength, faith, and courage you need to be happy again. Take time to listen to the still small voice inside of you – because you are wiser and more courageous than you think.
If you’re having trouble letting him go — and getting past the pain after he broke up with you — read 7 Things to Remember When You Miss Your Boyfriend.
You might also find How to Accept a Breakup You Didn’t Want helpful.
Feel free to share your experience below. While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of getting past the pain of your breakup. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
“If you’re brave to say Goodbye, life will reward you with a Hello.” – Paulo Coelho.
Want to Blossom into who God created you to be?