He’s not good for you, yet you can’t seem to move on after he’s left you? It’s time to pick up the pieces of your heart and rebuild your life.

I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love to help women heal and move forward after a breakup. If you feel stuck and unhappy – and if you need help – you will find the stories, tips, and encouraging sayings helpful.

My tips below are inspired by a reader. Here’s what Alexa (not her real name) says: “I know in my brain he is not good to me or for me but in my heart I love him more than I love anything in this world,” writes Alexa or “Broken By Bill” on How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About. “Please explain! How can I move on when I’ve been left in the dark and he has run away and left me in such a mess?”

Healing after a breakup depends on your specific situation, personality, lifestyle, and social network. If you’re alone in a new country or city, you may have a more difficult time bouncing back than if you’re surround by your familiar family, friends, neighborhood, and coworkers.

But one thing is for sure: when he leaves you to pick up the pieces, it’ll take time to feel like “yourself” again.

One of the most popular breakup books on Amazon is Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You. Check it out – it may help you figure out not only how to he could leave you in such as mess, but also how to move on.

Moving On and Picking Up the Pieces

I don’t have any solid answers, but I do have a few thoughts…

Remember that you’re not alone

I’m taking several social work courses in university, and they keep teaching me that the more “normalized” women feel, the less alone and the stronger they’ll be. How does this relate to moving on after he leaves or betrays you? It’s supposed to show you that your relationship problems and breakup don’t mean that something is wrong with YOU. Couples break up all the time, and the more you realize that you’re not dealing with anything that hasn’t been dealt with before, the stronger and healthier you’ll be.

He left you for reasons he may not be able to explain to you, or reasons he may not even know himself. You may be left in the dark, but you have to trust that this is the best thing that could have happened.

One of my most popular articles is Letting Go of Someone You Love. The comments will show you you’re not alone – unfortunately, too many men have left women to pick up the pieces.

Trust that this breakup was meant to be

Have you read Eckart Tolle’s Practicing the Power of Now: Essential Teachings, Meditations, and Exercises From The Power of Now? One of his messages is that you need to accept everything in your life as if it was something you chose. So, if you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on even when you know he’s not good for you – even if he left you to pick up the pieces of your family’s life – then you need to reframe your thoughts.

Here’s an example: my husband and I can’t have kids (which is why I created Quips and Tips for Couples Coping With Infertility). Instead of mourning and being miserable and focusing on how sad life is without kids, I’ve chosen to believe that not having kids is meant to be. For some reason, our life together is better off the way we are. I trust that our marriage is meant to be this way.

Can you trust God or the universe or your guardian angel that your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is not good for you, and that it’s better for you to move on even though he’s left you to pick up the pieces?

Bless him – and let him go

“I don’t know whether to feel free and relish in the possibility of where I will go and what I will do, and finally enjoy the interests that I had set aside, or feel sad for the man who proposed to me and made me think about having children that looked just like him,” says Sarah on Healing Without Saying Good-Bye.

How to Move On After He Leaves You

How to Move On After He Leaves You

“I suppose in the larger picture, there are hungry, scared people around the world who would love to have my problems, and its not as if we invented some new scenario…It was nice having such a good friend, better than I’d ever had, for the last few years. I will stand by saying that he says really mean things, though. All in all, I wish him happiness and a good wife in someone else.”

One of the healthiest ways to move on when he leave you is to bless his life. It may be the most difficult thing you do, but you have to set him free. Pining and begging him to come back will only decrease your self-respect and make you feel terrible about yourself…but blessing him and his future relationships will help you feel strong, healthy, and focused on the future.

I know these tips for moving on when he’s left you to pick up the pieces are much easier said than done, but trust me…if you practice them, you will heal faster than you think.

For more tips on moving on after a breakup, read How to Get Out of a Relationship When You Have Nowhere to Go.

I welcome your thoughts below, especially if you’ve moved on after heartbreak. I can’t offer advice, but if you’re still struggling to move on, you may feel better after telling your story.


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19 thoughts on “How to Move On After He Leaves You”

  1. I’m really feeling like I’m alone without him and I’m trying to get him back but he don’t want it and that hurts me more I feel like my happiness is not completed without him and that i can not be with anyone else it’s my first time to be like that so weak i really want some help

  2. i really needed this, i have been so depressed ever since he left me. i have been eating loads and started doing heroin, i really dont see how i can ever recover

  3. Moving on after the man that you love leaves you is like walking through a dry desert valley. It’s lonely, sad, and depressing. I’m sorry your relationship ended, and I wish it was easier to accept it and move on.

    It really is a grieving process, learning to live without him. It’s grieving the future that you thought you have together and grieving the loss of his presence. Sometimes women say it would be easier if their boyfriends or husbands had died instead of leaving them, because death isn’t a choice. Not usually, anyway!

    Know that is feelings of grief, despair, and sadness will pass. You will start to get glimpses of sunshine and joy as the clouds break. You will start to feel better about yourself and your life again! But first, you have to work through your grief. That’s the only way to move on, and how to resolve the anger, loneliness, and frustration you may feel.

    Here’s an article that may help you get started:

    Hope for a New Beginning When You Don’t Want to Be Alone

    I also invite you to sign up for my newsletter. I send weekly encouragement and updates, to inspire women to blossom after loss. You may find it helpful; and you’ll definitely see that you’re not alone! Here’s the link to sign up:

    She Blossoms Newsletter:

    Take good care of yourself, for you are worth taking good care of.



  4. i dnt even know whre to begin i met him 3 years ago he was so sweet diffrent from all the guys ive dated before promised he is goint to marry me and everything we both have girls from previous relationships but we still loved each other we treated our kids as if we had them togher i have always had my issues and him aswell ourson wasz bron in 2016 amd i thought i gad it all but tho we both made mistakes we always worked it out now his saying that i ahve anger issues and he doesnt want to be with me anymore our son just turned 1 part off me feels our relationship had run its course the other part finds me begging for him to give me another chance he was my world still is coz i cannot accept what he is telling me sometimes i feel strong bt then i feel like i want to die how do i accept this and move on

  5. My ex walked outta of my life on Christmas Day, he cancelled and disappeared. I had made a dinner and was waiting for him. When he disappeared, I thought maybe he fell asleep or something bad happened to him.
    When I checked his FB page, he was updating status like nothing ever happened…it’s been almost 4 months and I still can’t remove him from my heart.
    I never heard from him again.
    I attempted to contact him via phone call, text and messages (all messages left on read). I felt like such an idiot. I still do, I love this man.
    I feel like I wasn’t worthy of an explaination, how could you leave me without a real break up? I stopped believing in myself.
    My life is much better without him, next month I’ll be graduating and even though I love him, he never knew how to love ME.
    I’m not gunna stop my life for him, it is obivious he didn’t love me.

  6. I’m still stuck in my past …he was my everything and my happiness and now he’s gone leaving me just like that ..I couldn’t bear it ..I’m in such a pain that I couldn’t focus on my future ..

  7. I recently found out the guy i love cheated on me in the past. I cried that day and the next day i found out hes still dating another girl… i never cried that much before and then i asked him to choose and he chose her. I left him and wished him well of finding the girl he deserves.. i even found out he kissed and frenched other girls behind my back. It was hard to leave someone i loved but after i left him i never felt more free than this. but it still breaks me knowing he cheated on me with 2 girls and slept over at her hous for 3 days straight when i tought he was at work… i learned trough ur article that everything happens with a reson :) so i hope i find the guy i deserve and that cleary wasnt him. Tnx for ur article i still feel broken but like u said time will heall u

  8. Well I just recently experienced a breakup with a man I was dealing with for the last two years, on and off, just last week we were fine, and today he’s now telling me he don’t want me, so he can pursue this other woman lol the evil green eyed monster in me blew up, went on Instagram, told her the same guy that is sending her kisses is sleeping with me, ugh how messy right, in which he became extremely angry with me, popped up at my House! We argued and I overall forgave him after he apologized for not being honest with me, had he told me he didn’t want me, instead of disappearing, tuh !! Well u live and you learn, I’ve learn to let go and focus more on myself, even if it’s going to the gym ladies, shedding some pounds, eating healthier, change of hairstyle or clothes, u will rebuild your self esteem and most importantly your life. It is easier said than done but I am grieving through it and letting God handle everything. U sometimes have to laugh at what comes at you, things can always be way worse. :-)

  9. My best friend, love of my life left me after seven years of being together. This is the second guy to do this to me. The first one, we were young and made a lot of mistakes. The second one has issues with commitment, self love, being vulnerable, and loving others. I have a big heart, with unconditional love for these guys and it runs deep in my soul. The pain of them leaving is unbearable. My heart doesn’t know how to let go of someone I loved so deeply. i would never in a million years leave someone that I love this deeply and I hope I will find someone out there soon who will treat me the same way.

    1. Tracey, i know exactly how you feel my guy left me about a month ago after 5 years. He helped me raise my daughter since she was 5 months and now she will be 7 years old in two months. It breaks my heart every time she asks when is daddy coming home and if he will be at her birthday party. I helped him get through a stroke he had 5 months into us dating and i never left his side. This was the 4th time he walked out on us and this time he left when our daughter and I was at the movies. I will never truly understand how these men can hurt good loyal women the way they do. Tracey i pray you find the man who deserves the love you have to offer.

    2. i know how you feel he was my world my everything the father of my son i cant begin to figure out how im going to pick up the pieces

  10. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Catherine,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing your experience. Learning how to move on when your boyfriend chooses to leave you is one of the hardest things to do….and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    Your boyfriend can’t commit to you the way you need him to. You deserve a relationship filled with love, respect, and plans for the future! You need to be with a man who wants to marry you.

    Sometimes there is nothing you can do except grieve the end of your relationship and start to heal. It’s painful and difficult, but it’s time to let him go. It’s time to start moving on.

    Here’s an article that might help:

    How to Let Go of Someone You Love

    Please do come back anytime, and tell me how you’re doing.


  11. Am 25 yrs of age.i dated this guy fr two yrs..bt lately he told that he wanna settle wth anthr woman he knew before..the guy was older than me.34yrs of age…
    am so heartbroken..i loved and he used to love me..but he tell me thay he still wanna keep on seeing me..bt i dn want to see him nomorw if he z getting married…
    am so confused because his frienss told me that he doesnt hv any othr gal..an most of his frds thought that he ll marry me..coz all of his frd have married..i really love..i was ready to marry him..i keep on crying all day…am telling him to cm marry me coz am ready bt he z always saying..he doesnt wanna talk bout it coz i keep crying…
    he say he wanna us to b still frds and not enemies…plz advise me

    1. It is always hard to take NO as an option when you truly need a YES. You just let the bird fly and if it was really yours it will still find it’s way back to you. Begging for him to come back lowers your self esteem, you become judgemental anfmd cruel to your self. Your life shatters and you do not realize anything good from the universe. Accepting and moving on is the most devastating thing but trust with time it all comes to pass. Just be in love with yourself, take good care of yourself and date yourself to discover your true worth. The worst thing that you will ever do is to lie to yourself,it may seem appealing to the mind but may have life shattering effects in future. Believe in love again and trust that in the universe like attracts like. Sooner than you may think you gonna meet someone whom your heart and soul will resonate with. I hope your love finds you and all the best.

  12. My childs father/boyfriend of 8yrs left me saying that i was stuck and basically not on his level and our relationship was going in a continuous circle… It killed me to think that after all this time i was so clueless to our problems. I was left hirt broken and i just couldn’t except it… I found myself begging him to come back trying to convince him he was making a mistake… Its been over a year that we just have been roommates due to the fact that we have a child together and we just are not ready to break up the family life for our child. We said that we would try and work on ourselves and come back to work ot out but then i found myself playing his games doing everything he said to make myself better … When in all i just found my self being the fool. I still love this man with all my heart i cant and honestly i think i refuse to let hom go because besides our issues i know deep down tjat this man is my soul mate, all though he has hurt me hes been the only consistent person in my life has held me down when no one else would and loved me through it all… He recently told me that a friend of his tried ro hook him up witha girl and hes been having conversations with on the phone but has never met her… It broke my heart because he says although hes not looking for anything but a friendship feom her she tells him shes been thinking of him all day and that she waits on his calls… I dont know what ive gotten myself into … Maybe i should let him go and if its real hes come back??? But i dont want someone who left me at my wrose to go off and be with another and come back when it suits him… I dont want to be that girl but i dont want to be the girl without him either… But for now i give him my blessings and try to worry about our son and getting my life back on track without him for one day soon it just might be that.

  13. Help me: I’m 25 female, an auditor. Read many relationship books and understanding men, but relationship always doomed.

    My bf of 7 months has decided on the 10th March 2013, midnight, that our relationship is over (thru text). I asked if we’re over n he sent a brief reply, “Yes”.

    The starting of our relationship was great, we see a future together. But as months passed, I found out that he lies a lot (esp whereabouts). But it’s nothing of contacting other women. 

    Towards the 6th month of our relationship, I found out dt he lied some more n i do not like his silence when I talked to him abt him not giving me enough quality time together. 

    I understand he’s not financially stable n dt he needed some time. He did say, be patient with him a little, he loves me. N things will get better in time.

    As my insecurities n stress arises over time (bcos of the lies n him always going out with friends n not me), I became obsessed with checking his hp to see if there’s anything else dt he lied to me. (at d beginning of our rs, we do check each other’s hp, jz simple checkin n not the investigative kind.) 

    He was d one who wud always check mine, on d other hand, I was the one more laid back who TRUSTS her bf n seldom checks his hp. Until d point of time when I found out he lied abt his whereabouts, I became more careful n observant abt what he says to d point of being insecure at an increasing rate n increasing obsession with his movements. 

    Reason y I did that, probably bcos I hate to be lied at. There were several times where I wanted to call the rs quits, but I had faith in the rs n decided to stay on. My love for him is more than I want to leave.
    But I popped out the qns of breaking up in Feb for d first time cz I jz can’t seem to believe him n his words anymore.

    When we had an argument, he wud keep himself distant n I was d one wanting to talk it out. (initial stage of rs, he wud b d one comforting me n reassuring me dt he loves me very much). 

    Frustrated with how things hv gotten in d rs, I decided to end it (but at a moment of anger). Only to realise I didn’t really meant it. We tried to make things better again, a couple of times. 

    On d 7th March 13, things seemed to b taking off on d right track. Both of us knew it. We threw a mini surprise for a friend, we cud sense the happiness in us. Not till d next morning. 

    Since it was a Friday, I thought y not take d day off from work n jz stay home n perhaps spend d time with him. (D reason was mostly bcos I was having a lil struggle at work too coping, cz I’m new in audit work). 

    Dt night after the mini bdae celebration, we headed home n spent d night till d next morning where he has to run his errands n go for a job interview. (jz fyi, we’re not living together).

    Dt morning, I had wanted him to stay a lil bit longer since I’m not working. But he explained to me dt he’s got to go. Somehow in dt moment, i had the hunch of wanting to check his hp.

    I realise dt he’s been keeping his hp away frm me. He’s not as open as  before with his hp. (he used to willingly allow me to look at his hp cz he assured me dt he has nothing to hide).

    But this time round there’s a change, where he decided dt he doesn’t want checking of hp to b d basis of trust. It jz came down to me as there’s something dt his hiding. N I insisted to check. I took his hp away n checked it.

    He was standing there with disappointment. Even when his friend called, I let it ring until it stops n check again. (he’s friend rings only 1 time b4 I returned back his hp).

    He was at the door wanting to leave, n said he can’t take this anymore. I asked what does he mean by dt n he didn’t ans. He asked for his hp politely n I gave it to him.

    So what do I found in his hp? Another lie abt his whereabout. A convo with his guy friend, dt he doesn’t wanna entertain my text bcos he’s not at work n hv told me he was. Reason cz he dun feel gd having to go out with me without money. 

    Another thing was, I had stumbled upon a snapshot of his whatsapp with his ex b4 n asked what’s with d snapshot. He said he wanted to show it to his friend but I cudn’t find any of such conversation.

    He did explained b4 dt she’s engaged n wants to confide in him abt her problems in her rs. N dt he explained dt there’s no reason for me to worry. (this is a one off case where I found out dt his ex contacts him n he deleting dt msg. He claims dt there is nothing n dt many ppl including his exes know how much he loves me. N had even mentioned dt he wants to make me his last gf).

    So dt morning, he went off n said dt he thought things wud get better but it’s still d same. After he left, i texted him what I saw in his hp n asked him to explain. I told him I don’t know what I did to deserve this. N after no response, I told him I was feeling stress n dt I still hv d urge to check his hp, I’ve tried not to n I can’t go thru this alone. I had ask to talk things out even if we had done it 2 or 3 times b4.

    I gave it a day till midnight. My gut feeling wasn’t a gd one so I asked, does it mean dt we’re over? N briefly he answered, Yes.

    He has told me dt he doesn’t like me checking his hp anymore n bringing up the topic of breaking up. I hate to plead but I have. I’ve asked for him to recall how we got together n not waste it n called him many times. I also asked not to do this to us n give d rs 1 last try. But it doesn’t seem to work. His silent till now.

    I’m feeling the weight right now, dt very heavy feeling of having to pick up d pieces n moving on. I feel devastated (I understand many wud feel d same during a break up). I jz cudn’t believe what’s happening n I feel at lost. I love him, n I feel heart broken. Do advise me.