Your marriage is in crisis, you have no money, and your future seems unbearable. Here are a few tips on how to leave a marriage when you have nothing.
In Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally: What Women Need To Know About Securing Their Financial Future Before, During, and After Divorce, Jeffrey A. Landers guides women on how to focus on vital financial matters, offering specific instruction on a number of key issues vital to securing long-term financial security. Topics covered include building a top-notch divorce team (even when you have nothing when you leave your marriage), uncovering a husband’s hidden assets, protecting your personal assets, business and intellectual properties, dealing with pensions, 401Ks and other retirement accounts, and negotiating alimony.
The happiest day of your life – your wedding – is ending in pain, heartbreak, and financial debt. Your marriage crisis has wiped out all the happy, warm memories.
“I never thought my husband would watch me fall, and criticize me on the way down,” says Sherry on my article about leaving your husband. “I have nothing. My business failed, he stopped it, and I’m financially ruined. I literally have nothing.”
This is it; you’re at the lowest point of your life. And, it takes a long time to heal from a marriage crisis – whether you divorce your husband or work hard to save your marriage.
Marriage Crisis – Surviving When You Have Nothing Left
You have to rally the troops when you’re going through a marriage crisis. Here are your troops, and here’s how to rally them…
Accept that your marriage is in crisis
“I am so heart broken,” says Sherry. “Facing the reality that my husband doesn’t really care, love, support, or want me is devastating. Our days (of being married) are numbered, everything in me is screaming RUN! He is rude and mean to me, and consistently bashes my creativity, dreams, goals, accomplishments.”
The first thing you need to do is feel the pain. Feel your heartbreak, betrayal, and pain so you can process your emotions. You need to melt down before you can rebuild. You need to face and accept how bad a marriage crisis is, before you can survive and move on. And trust me – you CAN and WILL survive and move on.
Write down your exact problem
In 10 words or less, what is the crisis you’re facing? Maybe you feel like you have nothing left – no money, no friends, no marriage, no hope for the future. Write it down – you can use the comments section below or, better yet, start a Journal That Will Take You Through Your Marriage Crisis.
How can you start solving your marriage crisis? Who can help you?
“The answer to this question is critical,” writes Jim Moorhead in The Instant Survivor. “There are so many people who want to help you and reach out to you in your time of trouble.”
You don’t need close friends or family members to survive your marriage crisis! So many women write me, asking for help and saying that they have nobody to help them. Yes, not having family or friends makes survival more difficult. Yes, life would be easier if you could run home to mom and pop.
But, part of surviving a marriage crisis is accepting the reality of your situation. So, if you feel alone, you need to start approaching “strangers” (eg, counselors, distress lines, womens’ help lines, social services, womens’ support groups) for help.
What is one step I can take right now?
“Don’t think about two, three, four, or five different things you can do,” writes Moorhead . “Just list one. Doing one thing will start up momentum toward solving your problem.”
He also encourages people in crisis to be selfish in pursuing a full recovery from victim to survivor, and focus on using the crisis to build a positive future for yourself and others.
Steps I would take if my marriage was in crisis:
- Figure out my financial situation (learn how to get money to leave your husband).
- Talk to my friends (I have no close friends nearby, unfortunately. But, I’d connect with my friends in other provinces and I’d open up to the casual friends I have here).
- Find strong, healthy women who have survived marriage crises and who are happy.
- Keep telling myself that the most beautiful flowers grow out of the stinkiest, most disgusting piles of sh*t. The worst marriage crisis can lead to the best stage of life!
- Look for the best in my situation and be grateful for what I do have.
- Read the readers’ comments in articles like How to Let Go of Someone You Love, and remind myself that I’m not alone.
I’m a huge fan of reading books. If my marriage was in crisis, I’d re-read The Instant Survivor: Right Ways to Respond When Things Go Wrong. I’d also remind myself that having a husband or a man isn’t the only way to be happy. I’d rather be independent, strong, and healthy as a single woman than dependent, meek, and unhappy as a married woman.
Is your marriage in crisis? What’s one thing you can do to take control and survive this disaster? The first step towards leaving your husband when you have nothing left is to start with one step, and take it one step at a time.
I welcome your comments below, but I can’t give advice. You may feel better after sharing your experience; writing often brings clarity and insight.
Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.
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