You don’t want marriage advice from your mother, best friend, or coworker. You can’t afford a marriage counselor…so where do you get advice from?
Here’s what a reader wrote on my article about loveless marriages:
“I need some marriage help and suggestions, I’m very unhappy with my husband. We’ve been married for two years and he doesn’t care about me. I really love him and that’s why I’m still staying with him.”
That’s all she wrote. I don’t give marriage advice even when I know the whole story, and I certainly don’t know what to tell this unhappy wife! So, I decided to write about how and where to get marriage help.
This isn’t a list of resources for marriage (eg, marriage books, marriage coaches like Mort Fertel, couples counselors, support groups, etc). Rather, it’s an encouragement for you to take time to connect with yourself.
Maybe even connect with something or someone Greater than yourself.
Where Should You Go For Marriage Advice?
First, I think it’s important to figure out what you need. Do you want to spill your guts for an hour to someone who will listen and be a sympathetic ear? Then you’re not really looking for marriage advice. You’re looking for a support group or a friend who is clear on what you want.
If you know you need advice about a problem in your marriage, then you need to narrow it down to a specific type of advice. For instance, if you’re thinking about leaving your husband, you may need legal advice. If your husband is physically or emotionally abusing you, you need help from a domestic violence hotline. If your kids are extremely attached to your husband but you know you need to get a divorce, you need advice from a child psychologist or therapist.
If I were you, here’s the first step I would take – I call it the “best place to get marriage advice” because it’s the foundation of your future.
A blank slate
One of my favorite comments from a reader is: “I’m not looking for any answers of course, just looking for some sympathetic ears or eyes,” on Is This Grounds for Divorce or Do I Stay Married? I love it because it frees me from feeling like I have to give marriage advice! And it shows how important it is to have somewhere to vent and share your feelings.
A blank slate is a great place to get marriage advice – and by “blank slate”, I mean a friend who will listen but not give advice, or an empty page in your journal, or a comments box on a website like Quips and Tips for Love and Relationship, or an empty canvas with paint and brushes nearby.
The reason I think a blank slate is the best place to get advice about your relationship is because you have the answers in you. You know what you want out of your marriage and life. You know what your marriage problems are. In expressing your thoughts and feelings, you will work out the best thing for you.
“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero.
Most of the time, all you need to do is talk through your situation. You don’t need to hear what other people think you should do…you need to figure out what YOU think you should do.
If you have a relationship with God, then you might ask Him what He thinks you should do about your marriage problems.
What do you think – is a blank page or canvas the best place to get marriage advice? If you have different ideas, please share below!
For more tips on finding marriage advice, read How to Find the Answers to Your Relationship Questions.