Love addiction recovery may take a few sessions with a relationship counselor, but here’s a starting point: six tips for overcoming the feeling of being addicted to someone you love.
In Is It Love or Is It Addiction?, Brenda Schaeffer defines what love addiction is and what it is not. She also describes how to identify what it means to be addicted to a person, and most importantly offers help with love addiction recovery. If you are seriously struggling with addiction to someone you love, learn as much as you can about it. The more you learn, the more power you’ll have to break free.
If you’re struggling with love addiction, you’re not alone. Here’s what one reader said on one of my most popular breakup articles: “I just broke up with my boyfriend after a year. My heart is torn, I feel like my world has ended. I just want one thing, to see him, to hear his voice. But he doesn’t respond my phone calls or emails, which adds to my pain. My pain doesn’t end, the sorrow doesn’t leave me alone. I’d rather die and not to see these moments. I can’t sleep, eat, or talk to anyone anymore. I blame myself for what happened and I can’t forgive myself…what should I do?” ~ Jennifer, on How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
6 Ways to Recover From Love Addiction
Love addiction recovery requires at least a basic understanding of the definition of being addicted to someone you care about. Love addiction is a desperate need to be with a person. It’s a need that overwhelms everything else. It’s similar to drug dependence because it involves stronger and stronger cravings, and brings withdrawal symptoms when the lover is gone. Addictive relationships are complicated because the source of the addiction (your ex) is often caught up in his own cycle of addiction and dependency.
But, love addiction recovery is within your reach…
Figure out if you’re addicted to love or just sad about the breakup. Learning about love addiction will help you figure out if you’re addicted to love or “just” heartbroken. One sign of an addictive relationship is the need to be in a relationship regardless of how he treats you. Love addicts are afraid to be alone, feel like they can’t let go of even the most destructive relationships, and feel magnetically drawn to their exes. Since heartbroken people who aren’t addicted can experience the same feelings, it can be difficult to recognize the difference between addiction and a broken heart.
Understand your story – why you feel drawn towards love addiction. Why are you addicted to love, or to certain people? Put your ex aside for a moment…what in you is drawn to addictive love? Why do you need to be in a relationship at all costs? How have your past experiences affected how you view love? Figuring out your story means understanding your feelings and your life, and looking for insight and reasons for what you do.
One helpful way to understand your story is to talk to a counselor (especially one with experience in love addiction). And again, read a book! Information and education is powerful – and there are heaps of help and insight in books. Find books that empower and inform, such as Facing Love Addiction: Giving Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love (can you tell how much I love books, and how important I think they are for love addiction recovery?!).
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Reach for a higher power. Do you believe in God? Now’s the time to deepen your spiritual relationship. Have you tried meditation or prayer? A strong sense of spirituality will connect you to a greater purpose and power, which can comfort and guide you when you have no energy to get dressed, go to work, and face the day. Both meditation and prayer have been found to reduce stress, increase feelings of well-being, offer deep relaxation, reduce depression, and increase self-confidence and self-love. You don’t have to be religious or even spiritual to benefit from meditation. Connecting to a higher power such as God, the Universe, or Allah might be the most important, healthy way to recover from love addiction.
Look for blissful situations. “Making use of positive emotions can help you to cope better with life in general,” writes Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D. in Women Who Think Too Much: How to Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life. She cites research that shows that deliberately looking for ways to infuse stressful situations or negative moods with momentary positive emotions can increase happiness, improve health, and help you feel better about your life.
When you’re reaching towards love addiction recovery, find something blissful to do. Watch a movie you love (“Chicago and “Charlie’s Angels” both make me feel strong, powerful, happy, and inspired!), go to a dog park, call someone you love, or even just think of a funny memory. You know what makes you happy…so go do it!
Take control — because empowering yourself will help you recover from love addiction. You can’t change how you feel or what happened between you and your ex, but you can control what you focus on. You can control what you do, what you talk about, and what you think about. Instead of obsessing about your ex, what happened during your relationship, why you broke up, and how you feel, focus on other aspects of your life. Think about where you want your life to go. Where do you want to be in one year, or five years? What are your career goals, your life plans? This is the time to take a step back from your current path and look at your life in a whole new way. This is an opportunity to change your life for the better!
How do you feel about love addiction recovery? I welcome your thoughts below.
I can’t offer counseling or advice about recovering from an addiction to love, but it may help to share your story below. You might also read How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex – 6 Simple Tips.