5 Signs Your Husband is Using Facebook to Cheat

Is your husband cheating on you with his female friends on Facebook? Here’s how to tell the difference between husbands who use Facebook to cheat versus men who having innocent friendships with their female friends on Facebook.

“He lied to me about the first e-mail from this woman,” says a reader on Is Your Marriage Over? 6 Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore. “Then I was on his Facebook account, and she sent a friend request to him. She also sent a picture, and he said she was hot…when I asked him about it, he denied he said anything. Later, he did fess up, saying he knew what my reaction would be. He didn’t want to make me upset! He said he want to find out how she knows about him. Should I be worried that my husband is using Facebook to have an affair behind my back?”

The following signs a husband may be using Facebook to cheat might give you some insight into your own marriage. But be careful! If you’re worried about your husband’s friendships or relationships with other women on Facebook, you may read too much into these signs. Try not to let yourself get paranoid that your husband is having an affair…but try to be honest with yourself.

Sometimes we know things we can’t admit. Deep down we know the truth but it hurts too much to be honest with ourselves. And, many other things hold us in a marriage or relationship we know isn’t great but we can’t end.

My reader asked if she should be worried about her husband having a relationship with this woman on Facebook. She also asked how to stop someone from cheating in a relationship. I don’t think I can answer either of those questions here, but I can share a few thoughts about Facebook friends, husbands, and wives.

Is Your Husband Using Facebook to Cheat on You?

Though Facebook doesn’t cause cheating, it is being used in more and more divorce petitions. “I had heard from my staff that there were a lot of people saying they had found out things about their partners on Facebook and I decided to see how prevalent it was,” says divorce lawyer Mark Keenan, Managing Director of Divorce-Online in Facebook Fueling Divorce, Research Says. “I was really surprised to see 20% of all the petitions containing references to Facebook. The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate chats with people they were not supposed to.”

Signs Your Husband is Using Facebook to Cheat
Is Your Husband Using Facebook to Cheat on You?

Facebook can tempt husbands and wives to start or re-establish innocent friendships with friends of the opposite sex. These innocent friendships can lead to physical and emotional infidelity without either party intending it. But, just because Facebook might be used in divorce cases and court, it doesn’t mean that your husband is using Facebook to cheat on you. I’m friends with men on Facebook – and I imagine you are, too. Most friendships are nothing to worry about.

But, there is a line between just being friends with someone of the opposite sex, and emotional cheating or an affair of the heart. And the more time people spend on Facebook, the easier it may for that line to be crossed.

1. Will your husband give you his Facebook password?

 This is an obvious sign that a wife or girlfriend should worry! And, I don’t think it’s about “privacy” or “having his own space.” If he’s not doing anything wrong, then he doesn’t need his own private space on Facebook. Married couples should have full access to each other’s Facebook accounts, email accounts, and phones. But my reader does have access to her husband’s Facebook account, and has seen his messages to his female friend.

2. Does your husband lie to you about his Facebook friends?

“In one of the e-mails she sent she asked if he was interested, his response ‘maybe,’ says my reader. “In another one he said he will accept her as a Facebook friend ‘if she keeps it low key – others are watching.’ What really bothers me is that he told her she as hot but he is married with kids, then asks her where she wants this to go. She sent a couple pictures I didn’t see, which he sent to a hidden Facebook folder!”

3. Are you finding mixed messages about your husband cheating on Facebook?

There are mixed messages here about whether your husband is cheating on Facebook – which is why it’s so difficult to figure out if a husband is lying about cheating on his wife — especially if you don’t know either the husband or the wife! On one hand, he was honest about being married with kids. On the other, he’s hiding Facebook photos from his wife. What does a wife do with this? Ask him to give her access to all his Facebook messages and files.

4. Does your husband have other social medial or online accounts that he hides from you?

Here’s how one wife found out that her husband was cheating online: “Our marriage was fine until he stayed late at night chatting!” says Mary on How to Be Happy Without Your Husband’s Love. “I cannot remember how I learned that he had three MSN accounts with different names. I found out who his contacts were in each one of the accounts and then I could also realise that some of this contacts were also his Facebook ‘friends.’ When I asked, he said they were old friends he had and that they all knew he was in a relationship and I believed him. But one day we downloaded Window messenger Plus! and a record of his conversations was kept and I read them. It was a horrible day because I could see how ‘close’ friends they were and the vocabulary and topics they discussed. He said, ‘Don’t interfere with my friends and my chatting, I don’t like overjealous women’ and so on!”

This woman’s husband had been cheating on her and lying to her face for a long time. It took her several months to leave him and rebuild her life. But she did, and she’s in a relationship with a new man. It wasn’t easy, but it’s behind her now.

5. What is the biggest sign your husband is cheating on Facebook?

You’re searching for answers to your marriage that can’t be found online. They can only be found in painfully honest conversation with your husband. What do you know deep down that you wish you didn’t know? You are the expert on your marriage. You know your husband better than anyone else on earth does. Do you think he’s using Facebook and cheating on you?

I can’t tell you how to talk to your husband. All marriage relationships are different, and none are easy. Some wives can be honest with their husbands, and say that him being friends with certain women makes them feel very uncomfortable. Other wives can’t be that honest, and don’t even want to be that honest with their husbands.

Here’s another perspective on marriage, cheating, and Facebook: “Facebook is a neutral tool that can be used for innocent or guilty purposes,” says J.M. Kearns, author of Better Love Next Time: How the Relationship that Didn’t Last Can Lead You to the One that Will. “If he’s talking to an ex through the public forums, he may just be keeping in touch.” But if he’s only using Facebook’s private forums, that could be a different story.

Kearns advises having a talk with your husband to set boundaries for his online behavior – and for yours. The stages of flirting can move so fast, sometimes cheating happens before a conscious decision is actually made – even in online venues such as Facebook.

What do you think – does your husband have female Facebook friends that he may be cheating with? Feel free to share your thoughts below. I can’t give advice and have no answers, but you may find writing about your marriage helpful. Sometimes the truth we’ve been trying to avoid comes out when we’re writing.

Here are some questions to answer below or in your private journal:

  1. What are the signs your husband is using Facebook to cheat on you?
  2. Read through some of the comments below. What advice would you give to the women who believe their husbands are using Facebook to cheat?
  3. How are you coping with the thought that your husband might be cheating?


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61 thoughts on “5 Signs Your Husband is Using Facebook to Cheat”

  1. What a life monitoring your husbands day to day social media accounts….NO WAY TO LIVE….I am finished with dealing with a long term porn addict who has lied and yelled at me for too long…

    He is a narcissistic nightmare to live with. I saw a lawyer and she told me that internet porn addiction is the number one reason for divorce. If you are married to a selfish boy…GET OUT NOW…DO NOT WAIT..!

    I am finishing a degree I started two decades ago and focusing on self-healing. Surrounding myself with strong female friends and moving on.

    Women are exhausted from worry and stress and are literally making themselves sick from this..WHY? You cannot change a narcissist..they only get worse over time. Life is too short..

    You are worth it….xox

  2. If he is randomly logging out of Facebook, perhaps they are careful with privacy or he is hiding something. This is a sign of cheating.

  3. A few months back my husband asked me to help him reset his Gmail password. Note: He did not log in for a long time. There were dozens of facebook emails on the social tab from my cousin. She sent him smiley faces that had hearts with eyes. She that she wants to be with him. That she hopes she helped him with his life. Stupidly I brought tho to his attention. He said he never saw those messages and nothing is going on. Before I could read more he deleted them. A few days later I contacted her via fb. She denied anything went on. About an hour later she thought she was messaging him but she messaged me by mistake. She sent him our whole conversation. Asked him why i was on fb now. Said you know how sneaky she can be. And why I did not comment on ay of his posts. I played along. I made a mistake by defending me. She then said I do not want to get into your crap and never talk to me again. My point is i never asked nor cared about his fb password. I wish i did because it would have saved me hurt and now i do not trust him.

  4. My husband was not happy about giving me his Facebook password. We got into a heated argument before he even gave it to me. I just wanted to see if he would give me the password instantly, but afterwards, my suspicion kicked in. He may have deleted messages before I logged on but what I did find that he was poking other women, and they were poking him; and that he was searching for his ex girlfriend on Facebook. He then all of a sudden wanted to deactivate his Facebook after giving me his password. How ironic?

  5. I am 34 my hubby 36… 20month old daughter .
    He works 2 on 2 off (oil rig) and is on Facebook ALL the time. 3 months after we married , which was 2012 he left his fb page open at his messages… 1 month b 4 our vows and for 3 months after we Wed he had been exchanging messages with “Jill”.
    To cut a long story short… I bought him a farm and all that is needed to go with it and 30 acres. I accepted he made a mistake and he deleted her.
    I suffered PND after the birth of our daughter… this does not count as an “illness” with him nor his immediate family. We split 8 months ago for 6 months. He asked me back… I begged that he think about that desicion as I had already done my grieving and wailing like a banshee…
    2 nights ago “Jill” is on his friends list , again.
    He says there’s “nothing in it” and he added her while we were apart . 2 ADD insult to injury the woman he was seeing while we were apart also is still in comms with him, this I realised on our “date night” when he messaged her ….
    It’s easy for him to say Crazy is Crazy again …
    Opinions??? Xx

  6. I am 50 and my bf is 49. We have been together for almost a year. He has alot of very attractive single women as friends. Some he says he went to school with other not. i noticed that he clicks like on alot of these womens pics and general post. But he does not click like on his unattractive female friends pics.
    On one of the womans pages , he liked all her post no matter how stupid they were.
    I post stuff it gets ignored by him even when I tag him in it.
    He does talk to some of these women and even had there phone numbers.
    I have his fb username and password.
    And I have snooped.
    But like I told him. I shouldn’t have too.
    I shouldn’t have to worry about these women.
    We have gotten in several arguments over this and he has blocked them. And said he did away with their phone numbers.
    But these women were all gorgeous blonds.
    I am a decent looking modest brunette.
    It just really hurt my feelings.
    And their have been times I have felt 2nd to his female friends.
    He has some excuse everytime about clicking one of their pics.
    He has also been defensive.
    I don’t like other mens pics or chat with them and if he ask me to delete someone I would.
    But I have not been met with the same respect.

  7. I got a message from a strange woman one day and she forwarded me her conversation with my husband on Facebook. He cut me down lots to her he said horrible things to her about me. He talked about leaving me to her if she was good in bed. He sent her pics of himself. They were trying to make arrangements to meet. When my husband found out I was going to leave, he convinced me to stay. Now it’s 5 months later and I see my husband is trying to reach out and talk to strange women again on Facebook. Can’t fix stupid. So I leave or get revenge.

    1. Make sure you have access to all your husband’s Facebook stuff, password(s), gmail address, account numbers, passwords, printscreen, etc.

    2. In the same boat.
      I’m exhausted worrying all the time.
      Just recovering from postnatal depression and thus us frying my head as he keeps saying I’m making mountains out of mole hills x

  8. I can say I feel everyone’s pain here as I too, not just once but few times in my aging life where I praise the internet and the lack of “their” ways in trying to hide and or clear their history when the pages in my life took another turn to moving on. Unfortunately, it appears I am saying to myself “here we go again”. As like the rest of you I too go through the “if you have nothing to hide than you shouldn’t be so worried about allowing me into your Facebook account.”
    If you say you are not cheating on Facebook, which in all honesty I do believe he isn’t (with her as they are continents apart) BUT you might as well be, if someone you haven’t physically met gets this much attention from you (literally I believe he sits and waits for her to send him a message) while I am doing everything possible in getting your attention. I’m emotionally done. Now, as I stated I am aging, I am 47. My partner is 51, she is 24 . . . . . go have your fun.

    1. This is ridiculous! A man will cheat, if he wants too! Facebook, no Facebook! I always say, if she can catch him, she can keep him!!!!

  9. If you don’t have your husband facebook password, it doesn’t mean anything but be worried. This is from a show called Cheaters, best way to catch them cheating is to use an online honey trap service. faceves com I think is I used that one to catch my ex and see his FB profile. They had some girl flirt with his on Fb or something like that and sent me his profile content saved one PDF.

  10. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    It’s sad and scary to think that your husband is cheating on Facebook with his female friends. There really is no such thing as “innocent flirting.” The problem is the definition of cheating, flirting, and even emotional affairs.

    Can you sit down with your husband, and agree on what it means to cheat on Facebook, have an emotional affair, or cross boundaries in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex?

  11. A private investigator is the best person to find out if your husband or wife is cheating or using Facebook to cheat on you. They can find out fast because they have GPS tracking devices to track your husbands or wives location. They can get phone records such as deleted text messages. They can monitor their computer usage. The use hidden audio and video devices. They can send in female or male decoys to test their intentions, so it’s not just to see if your husband is using Facebook to cheat.

    A private investigator will get the truth quick.

  12. I been married for 5 years and we have two small children under 3 years old. Back when my husband had my Facebook password I would caught him looking at my friends (girls) pictures. He would click another screen quickly and I would pretend that I didn’t see it. Later about 2 years into our marriage he made facebook account and he blocked me. I couldn’t see anything. I don’t know how I was able to get into his account and I saw that he friended several girls that are From all over the world. The browser had a history of all the girls he saw and many were of girls that I know but those girls don’t know him. I confronted him and he said he’s not doing anything wrong. He deleted that profile. Now he has his phone with a password and he won’t let me touch it because he said that I am noisy. Our marriage is ok. We don’t go out as a couple but we do have intercourse several times a month. But he became like he’s tired of me. He doesn’t hug me like he use to, he barely kisses me, and when I get close to talk to him be changes the subject or just tells me to shut up. I know I have some fault since I haven’t been able to lose weight. I am 80 pounds over and I feel terribly. I am so depressed but I still love my husband. I really want to save my marriage. I clean and I wake up at 3:30am to make him breakfast and lunch for work. When he gets home, the food is always ready and the kids are very clean all the time. He never goes out or calls anyone over the phone but I am sacred.

    1. He’s cheating. Trust me, been through it twice. People who aren’t doing anything wrong don’t have anything to hide. Cheaters hide everything…passwords, friends list, contact lists on their phones, if you’re around they cover up the keys they are punching in, they always log out and have numerous accounts ! Most of all TRUST your instincts…ask him about it. Ask about phone numbers, if he denies it all, then tell him to give u his FB password because you’ll give him yours and tell him to unlock his phone and he can see yours. Don’t allow him time to delete anything. If he refuses…there my dear is your answer. If he uses the excuse that you should trust each other, say exactly, so let’s prove right now they we can trust each other.

  13. my husband and I have been married 24 years I was 17 he was 18. Any way I found naked pictures of a ex girlfriend from high school on his phone and asked him about it. He said that she sent it to him cause he always liked her sexy pictures on face book. And he told me they had a six month relation ship texting. Dumb me I’m not very computer savvy as far as Facebook. He told me he was done texting her that he wouldn’t anymore. He always kept a strong eye on his phone . So two days before our anniversary we were shopping and he got a couple of text messages. I notice he was acting weird. So that put me on high alert. Well I found a message on his gmail from her telling him how she loved and missed him to tell her it was all a joke so she could delete him from her life. Then I found the message he sent to her through messenger telling her he loved her and I was Facebook stocking them and to let things smooth out and tells her she should be treated like a queen and he loves her so much. And when I found it on his phone I let her know what a home wrecker she was.any way I’m scared and nervous he will try to contact her or her him cause she blocked him on face book. But I don’t know if either one has created a new account. I wanted to get his deleted messages off of messenger I guess you can’t. I just wanted to know how far this has gone and if they planned on being together. I have no friends I cant talk to any one advice would greatly be appreciated.

      1. I,ve asked him to leave twice. He told me if he wanted to be with her he would leave. I do love him very much I am hurt. I have nothing . I feel now I’m not good enough for him. I really was shocked when I found the stuff I did find. He didn’t act like nothing was wrong until I found the pictures. I trusted him I didn’t want to be one of those wives that snooped around. I thought we were perfect. I’ve told him my feelings and he said his relationship with her wasn’t as serious as I think it is. My mind just keeps racing on about it. Any way I want to thank you for your advice.and if their is any more advice I would greatly appreciate it.

  14. I don’t agree with your comment, concerning ‘innocent flirting.’ I don’t believe there is such a thing, and definitely shouldn’t take place when you’re in a committed relationship, especially marriage. It’s a level and you’re always thinking about accessing that next level…the what if. If you want and need to flirt….flirt with your spouse.

  15. My girlfriend was caught cheating on facebook. When I confronted her about it I told her we had to be 100% transparent. I made her turn her messenger location on so I could keep tabs on her because I always have my location on. Lately when she isn’t with me or coming over I see she has turned her location off but she tells me her phone must be doing it automatically. Is that even possible? I feel she’s still being shady :/

    1. If your girlfriend wanted YOU to be transparent about everything, your facebook, phone, etc., would YOU be willing to do it? Would you feel that she should automatically trust you?

  16. My husband has been looking this girl up he told me he had stopped but a few days ago he was looking her up again an the day after. When I asked him if he was he said no an lied to my face then he snuck an deleted where he had searched her. I asked him if he had feeling for her or something he said no but why lie to my face then go delete it? I already seen it an have proof he doesn’t know that I know what he has been doing? Why do you think he lied to my face then when an deleted her from his search history?

  17. So i snooped at my boyfriend’s facebook the other day. I do trust him but there are times that i can see him chatting with other girls and then closing the chat window whenever i walk past through him. So yeah we’ve been living together for a year now. I saw this message from a girl who chatted him, asks him how his life is and some other stuff. It was already late when they first talked based on the time the message was sent. They said goodbye and my partner said “lets chat tomorrow”. The next day they chatted again and then the girl asked him if he could be the man for her and then my bf said “i have to know you first and there’s a lot you should know about me.” And then the girl asked if they could meet up and then once again my bf said “in the meantime, no.”
    Im really furious but i havent confronted him yet. I dont really mind if he talks to other girls but that bitch should know he’s taken. But in that particular message he denied being in a relationship. He could just simply say no. Any thoughts about this? It would reall help.

  18. Oh, and P.S. : You refer to things that have been *kept*. What if your cheating husband just very assiduously DELETES everything? Then what do you know? NOTHING.

  19. I think that “innocent” and “flirting” are an oxymoron – – and any woman who ‘buys’ that her man was “just” “innocently flirting” IS a moron! Look at how we’ve been conditioned to accept something that makes NO SENSE! “INNOCENT FLIRTING”! If someone is supposed to be ‘spoken for’, what’s so f***ing “innocent” about FLIRTING???

    1. I know RIGHT??? It is NOT okay for my husband to chat with ANY woman on Facebook. Not if he has no business chatting with her. THERE IS NO INNOCENT FLIRTING. You’re right that any woman who buys that “innocent flirting” stuff is a total moron.

    2. I feel like I’m going crazy. My husband and I have been together for over a year, been married for a month now. We have had our ups and downs. But for some time now I feel that there is a distant or a void between us. I have not asked him for his social media passwords, but Constantly I would ask him who these women were on Facebook. He would say friends or people he knew from high school. I asked if he still talks to them, messaging, text, comments, etc. he said no. So I asked why he would keep them on his friends list if there is no communication? He told me because he knew them from school. It doesn’t make sense to me to keep those girls on there if you won’t communicate. He got upset and didn’t delete any. We had a huge argument last night and I slept in our kids room, and cried myself to sleep. I am insecure as is. But him saying I chose to cry and be sad this morning while waking me up wasn’t a nice way to start my day.
      He said it wasn’t a big deal and that I am trying to make it one. I told him if it wasn’t a big deal then why not have deleted them when i ask him the first time. If he didn’t talk to them, then it would hurt to delete them. My husband is 22 and I’m 25. Most of his female friends are around his age. I look at their profiles and they are attractive and wore very revealing clothes.
      I grew up modest. I don’t wear that type of stuff.
      I don’t know if I should worry and probably in over my head. Or if there is a real issue?

  20. Hello!
    My husband and I have only been married for 2 years. We have a good relationship and we have been through a lot together as a couple. About a year ago I found out that he was talking to a coworker saying sexual things like what she laungire she would where and what time they would meet… Now, I know for a fact that they did not bc we were together the said time. After I confronted him about it he was really sorry that he had done this. He changed his phone number, moved to a different location with work. He really did show me that he was sorry and he wanted to make it up to me by showing me that our relationship was important to him. Over the past 2 months or so he has become really worrisome that I am cheating on him or I am doing things…. I told him I had nothing to hide so I gave him my passcode to my phone, email, Facebook…. Etc. now with this being said, he does not want me to ha e any of those.
    A week ago while he was at work I was on his iPad doing some research when I message from a woman from work messaged him, so out of curiosity I opened it it said something lol “that’s really nice thanks” so I started reading the other messages. The next thing I know the whole conversation is deleted and he logged out of his fb on his iPad and called me immediately to ask what I was doing. When I told him what I had saw and started asking question he got really defensive and started putting the blame on me. He also says that I was “invading his privacy and acting childish”
    In my honest option I was not… As his wife I have the right to question these type of things.
    I am at a loss right now. I am torn bc I love this man and our relationship was really good, no financial issues, no fighting, etc…
    I am constantly trying to figure out if I did something wrong, but as far as I can think back we have not had any issues. So I need some advice on what I should do…

    1. You did nothing wrong. Men tend to place the blame on you when they have been caught. As a wife, you have the right to have access to all his personal things. Speak calmly and show concern for the protection of your marriage. I noticed that my husband added two females to his fb only because the ” liked” a photo I posted of our wedding day. At first I was upset, but after going to a different room and giving each other space.I reflected back on how he has treated me, and it has been nothing short of wonderful. He also doesn’t lock his Facebook and his FB photo is of the two of us. Bottom line is this, if the man you are with husband or BF loves and respects you he will do anything in his power to keep you around and will care about breaking your heart. If he doesn’t show those signs, he is not worthy of your love. Don’t settle for anything less. Good Luck. : )

  21. Hello. I just want to say that just because a man or woman doesn’t give you their Facebook password it doesn’t mean they are cheating on you. Facebook can be a problem to a relationship in many ways and not all because of cheating. If your partner is so caught up in Facebook while you are together and it causes neglect then that is a problem. My wife and I both have separate passwords and I don’t think for one second that she is cheating one but I can say there are times that she is so focused on seeing what’s going on that its not good. But I think there is a whole more to it than just not giving you his password. If you have a real reason like you caught him inappropriately talking to another women then I can see why the password would be a big issue for you. But it certainly doesn’t mean he or her is cheating.

  22. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    No, it isn’t normal for husbands to chat on Facebook with female friends without knowing them. This isn’t necessarily a sign your husband is using Facebook to cheat, but it’s not good for your marriage!

  23. I think if you find any sort of evidence that your husband is cheating on Facebook with his female friends, then you don’t need to ask anyone what you should do. I don’t know how cheating websites work or how husbands cheat on Facebook, but if you have a hint or sign that your husband is cheating on Facebook…then he probably is.

    May prayer is that you find the strength and courage you need to move forward with your life. May you become a whole woman spiritually, emotionally, and physically. May you find the energy and power to see that your husband’s actions don’t control your future, or your perspective of yourself. May you find God in the rubble. Amen.

  24. Hi,

    I really need help. I have found in my hubbys live hotmail account address book (which is allways very very very cleaned out) a huge amount of very very rude/sex contacts/names. Such april_horny or lauraboobs4u. I dont have his passwords and dont want to check his stuff out…but there are times when I can feel him disconnecting from me and see what I believe a seedy behaviour kick in that I begin to worry. I have in the past found some small stuff but he has allways denied or talked way out of…..this address book has had some names in it before and I have seen messages come on his messenger before but he said they were just random pornbots….and from what I saw yes the messages were pornbots. But 2 days ago I just went into his live thing..because it was left open and whilst no messages or anything. ….his contact book in tbere is riddled with filthy names from a-z. Amongst these names are his actual contacts.
    I dont understand messenger at all, so If I cobfronted him…he would say the names have come from spam mail or from pornbots. I want need to know though. ….for them ro enter hia contact…does he nwed to have been conversing with these people? Or does recievibg a pornbot message or sex spam instantly put the peeson in ur contact?

  25. Debra,

    Thank you for sharing you and your husband’s experience with cheating on Facebook. I hope his counseling sessions go well this month, and that he and you are able to rebuild your marriage. Whatever happens, I wish you peace and happiness and love!


  26. Heres the scoop-Meet my ex childhood sweetheart on facebook in 07. Lived in different\t provinces (met 14 in summer)..anywho-in 07 I had to come up for a dying family member and we always talked NORMALLY no sexting nothing weird prior to that on fb. He told me he had a gf of 7 yrs-I had zero intention on anything-Anyhow-ended up staying here for 5 days for a funeral (gee guess what happened) some friends bailed he told me his gf wasnt “into “bars and dancing..so only his cousin was with us..anyhow-long story short he left her -i left my marriage of 10 yrs and 2 young sons behind (as I lost them by leaving my province for more than 2 weeks straight) now I get them every other x-mas/march breaks and summers. And (youl never guess whom I caught him “sexting” on his birthday last summer..hmmm..same tramp..they are gonna “hook up” be “f buddies” lets make a plan the whole works (he of course denies anyone was hooking up and it was alot of “inappropriate conversations”..the newest rumour is she went to counseling and when I was flying back (at the supposedly “blooming” part of our relationship” -she stayed not only in our apt..but in my bed…which of course hes stating everyones lying and just cant figure out whats going on..and in addition (if thats not enoug to kick you in your face)..she also told ppl the day after I had our son (10 pounder-almost died) he left to spend the night with her at their old place. Not to mention hes badly addicted to porn (and lies about it all the time)…Ive also discovered shes been “away” at school here..when he (what a coincidence) applied around same time a yr and half ago (16 minutes away)…the point is..a dog s adog ladies..and I get it..karma screwed me..but Ive paid the piper MANY times over..and i NEVER intentionally broke up a marriage or wrecked a childs life-but she “merrily” (for now) goes on her way…Ive gotten to the point that I have to look at him and just see the harsh reality (he’s cheate don everyone hes been with)..and I dont think theres ever the exception to rule with serial cheaters. I (sadly) just now consider him to be par for some serious life lessons, and time for me to be happy in my own skin and know my worth. I will always love him..and in his own way I think he loves me (hes seeing a counselor early January-hopefully we can shake a few demons out of his closet)..I have a third son who’s life I refuse to ruin…but my sacrifice for my son (having to be around a man you love but simply do not respect or trust anymore) is heartbreaking to say the least….as far as im concerned if they are passing into one anothers lives this much, maybe its them that deserves the happy ending. I just know-I gotta find my own place-theres someone out there who I know is truly for me (but-it doesnt stop the saddness of wanting what i know in my heart is obviously not meant to be either)..Good luck to everyone:)

  27. There’s a difference between husbands cheating on Facebook, and flirting that crosses the line. Hiding Facebook passwords is a sign of lack of trust, and so is flirting with other women outside of marriage. But, that doesn’t mean he’s cheating!

    The bottom line is respect. If your husband respects you, he won’t do things that make you uncomfortable.

  28. My husband has been secretive of his passwords for fb, emails, you name it. I figured out most of the passwords, but after going on his fb a few times he changed that one and now I can’t get on. A few years ago, he allowed a female co-worker to call HIM- her “Husband”. I used to talk to her, thought of her as a semi-friend, I found out and told her to stop calling him that. She laughed and said It was just something they called each other at work and stop over reacting. she acted like it was a joke. we sold a car to her. my husband usually picked up the payment if she didn’t have it at work. I went with as much as possible. She was over with her son he shoved me to one side of my husband, she was on the other, he said “there hotdog between two buns”. A few days later she called, I was 5ft away, he said yeah I know who this is… It’s My GirlFriend! With the Biggest Shit eating grin. I’m sitting right there! later he was at store, I called and said to stop calling MY HUSBAND her husband cause he isn’t. I told him as soon as he got home what I did,he was infuriated. I had asked him to tell her to stop he admitted that he HAD NOT told her to STOP but just hinted to it. He refused to tell me why he let her call him that in the first place. He called her immediately after he got home, she was s o upset he told her I was going through one of my phases,
    I yelled back . latter told him it was his fault for not putting a stop to it. He “SAYS” nothing went on the just talked at work, there was no attraction, etc., but like yeah right. she is unattractive, overweight(as am I), uneducated, a smoker, things he would find unappealing. BUT…..

  29. Dear Tillyonce,

    Your boyfriend is using Facebook and the internet to cheat on you. He makes you feel ugly and not worth love or respect. He isn’t giving you the time or attention you deserve. You are letting him treat you like garbage, and you deserve to be treated like a princess!

    What would it feel like to be free of him?


  30. My bf spent the first year of our relationship searching fb for pics of slutty women. I found out he promised to stop. Then I found he had 4 fake fb accounts used to message girls telling them they were sexy, hot etc. he messaged teenage girls and used stupid text speak urgh. Now he says he doesn’t do that anymore, I forgave him but have s hard time trying to forget. He’s made me feel ugly

  31. If you need help accessing your partners facebook, check out sneaky peeky investigations. They can give you ideas on how to do this.

    Its NOT fair is she or he is cheating on you so why not know sooner rather than later…

  32. BE WORRIED. LEAVE HIM. i know no-one will until they actually know for sure. i finally caught my ‘private’ husband the other day lying his face off to an old flame on the message centre and there’s several others. all gorgeous. none of them know he’s married as he’s kept that all hush hush. divorce now. and yah, he’s been saying for years that i’m crazy and he just has friends and he’d never do anything to me and what’s the big deal cause we’ve been together for so long that any conversations he has with old flames are totally innocent….yah, except that part where you don’t tell them you’re married, and the part where you’re telling them you’re on vacation alone while WERE ON VACATION TOGETHER, having a great time, i thought, and generally just using them to flirt with and as his emotional back up. and not a goddamn word to say about it. i’ve become a statistic, but i’m just so glad to be getting rid of an asshole who secretly acts like a playboy. my new lesson, when they say you’re crazy, they’re F-ing you over.

  33. I have my husband facebook password but it doesn’t mean anything if he delete his message after sent it, I don’t know what to do he has a lot of girl friend that he don’t even see ” what I know” , he said that are only friends from past work or high school, but some of them send him private message message that I don’t even know what they saying because he delete

  34. This is nonsense. Men do not like their wives or g/f’s obsessing or being controlling over mutual access to email or Facebook accts. The fastest way to drive your man into another woman’s arms or between her legs is by being POSSESIVE and not giving him space. If he wants to cheat he will do so regardless of how much access you have to any and everything he has. Men HATE a controlling mate as much as women do.

    1. Christina L Jenkins

      Old post i know, but in gonna reply anyway. First off, who cares??? Who the hell wants a cheating man who brings home a disease? If my husband, which he does is secretive with his phone and passwords, then the trust is gone and i’m out. I’m winding down a 14 yr marriage because hes some how messaging this woman he knew from highschool. She decided to buy a house right up the street from us.

  35. My boyfriend has a lot of female friends he claims are relatives but something in my gut tells me it’s not true. We have been a couple for over 12 yrs and never once have these young, single, attractive, slender women been mentioned. Since he has become connected to them, he goes on Facebook but doesn’t take time to answer my Emails to him anymore (I don’t use any social network site) and he is angry at me for wanting to know who they are and warn him about what I know. We’re to the point of braking up. I have tried, in tears, to warn him about getting too close to them but he refuses to listen and shuts me out. He tells me to mind my own business. I have told him how affairs start and how if he keeps up his connection, it could cause our relationship to suffer. Instead of listening he keeps saying, They’re family” but something tells me, by his shady behavior, by the fact that he refuses to let me see his friends list and only shows me tidbits of News Feed then takes me off on a tangent on one of his fishing buddies pages. Due to this, I think it’s all a sign our relationship is doomed. I am going into prayer over this, throwing it at the feet of Jesus and pulling away from him. I can’t help but feel he wants me to just go away; that now that he has all of these female friends, he no longer has any use for me. It breaks my heart too. So I am going to withdraw where it’s safe and he cannot hurt my heart. I don’t know what else to do. I’m in so much pain over this.

  36. I don’t agree with your comment, Laurie, concerning ‘innocent flirting.’ I don’t believe there is such a thing, and definitely shouldn’t take place when you’re in a committed relationship, especially marriage. It’s a level and you’re always thinking about accessing that next level…the what if. If you want and need to flirt….flirt with your spouse.

  37. I have been dating my boyfriend 4 years and he has helped me raise a child that is not bilologically his. He loves her more than anything. I feel almost obligated to stay with him for the sake of there relationship. But he refuses to let me see his fb when he can see mine any day. When I have been on it, he would talk to other girls . One in particular, he was.gonna go see when I went out of town one weekend til I confronted him about it.. he said they were not being serious and I wanna believe him but my gut tells me not to. I have also found half naked pics on his conpyter, phone and he has an excuse for them all. Hate to throw 4 years away but better sooner than later. I guess its hard for me to wrap my mind around how someone could hurt you over and over. I have been nothin but faithful.. I feel I’m a good person and I deserve so much better. Might be time for me.to start looking

  38. My husband has had dirty conversations with females via IM, an Ashley Madison account and text a female coworker over 200 times in one night (told her she was cute in the only message I saw). When I found out I wrote her a nasty message from his fb account (not proud of that). While I was in bed crying that night, according to our phone records he was in the other room on the phone with her. I moved out for two months then moved back to try to fix things. This happened just over a year ago. I still struggle with the pain and the embarrassment. Our relationship is good until I carefully question him about a new female fb friend. Then he gets a hostile. Not sure when and if that will ever change. Tonight he claimed that he had sent the friend request to a coworker…. One that he thinks is really annoying. I really wouldn’t have thought twice about it if it wasn’t for the hostility.

  39. PS: We don’t have kids yet, he says “how will we have kids when you hardly have sex”
    And we don’t have kids not necessarily coz we don’t have enough sex but after coaxing & convincing him to do a semen analysis, we found out just last year that his semen analysis is very low. We need to go the urologist but I don’t know how in the world to convince him.
    Any help from any1 out there is most welcome for my life.

  40. My point also is that I try to move on struggling to be positive in life and ignore these things but I know that women do not monitor or correct their husband’s behaviour, they become the foolish women who turned a blind eye to things and let it continue while every1 else knows. There are days where I think, I too need to be FB friends with some hunk to give husband the message, but it’s so demeaning that I can’t do it. There are also days where I think, if I can’t control my husband anymore, I’ve got to do something on FB to the female friends. What do I do to move on positively in life. Please guide as this is a very insecure time for me.

  41. It really hurts when my husband of 7 yrs spends alot of his time after getting back from office on the internet – mostly on facebook.
    I’ve quit my job recently, hence I can see the void between us increasing and his time with FB friends ever increasing. Maybe I was too busy working before & hence didn’t notice so much. Also he has always been a workaholic and that cannot be changed. He uses FB for business marketing too and sadly joined up with a few FB female friends to get into business associates. So if I question him on this points, his answers are ready: “you always knew that I am a workaholic, I don’t have any friends, the people on my FB are not my friends they are business associates, I am working on FB and so on”. Now he’s also started saying “You don’t trust me. It seems you do not want me to talk to any females, so I’ll quit my businesses & close them and quit my job”. The final request from me was for me to have his FB password and he gave it to me after deleting the history of private messages on FB with these women, saying that if you read the lines, you misinterpret every line and that he was not ready to fight it out with me since he was sick” Am I crazy?

  42. I’m going through,basically,the same,thing,but with his cell phone…He’s obsessed with it,he sneaks txting to his exes. we’ve almost broken up twice over my jealousy of it-he said, he told me from the beginning,if,I,had trust issues,it would never work. Now,there’s,a very big gap between us,the distance,I,went to leave the last time,but he didn’t want me too,he said,he loved me&didn’t want to lose me.Now,it’s almost,like he’s trying to avoid seeing,me,but when,I,go to leave,he doesn’t want me too.I,know,his feelings are,true,he was the first to say,”I Love you,”and now only if,I,say,it first,so,I,just don’t bother anymore. He,doesn’t even txt. me once during the day while,he’s working,or,even call,when he’s done,to see,if,I,need anything,at the store. Even,the tone of his, voice is different! My,heart,is so broken…But,I,can’t be here,as,a,doormat,either-I,gave,up my apartment of 8yrs. for this to move in with him and he knew it took alot for me to do,that.I’m,not a cheater,buT, I’ve come close too it. I,even,asked him about his phone friends,before, he said,no,worries,yeah look at us,now,it’s just,killing,me,I,hardly,see,him,what to,do?

  43. My husband doesn’t want me to know his passwords, telling me that he needs his privacy, i always thought that our relationship, that I was his privacy! And we had an argument about it.
    Two or three years ago, i saw a chat between him and some girl, and that’s when i realized he was cheating on me with that #@!!!
    We weren’t married at the time, but i gave him another chance,but unfortunately can’t get over his betrayal, i don’t really feel safe mostly because until now, he doesn’t want me to know his passwords, i can’t even use his phone because it’s password locked!!!
    He’s always on the defensive, telling me that I’m the one he loves blablabla.
    but i can’t help feeling unsafe because to me he is definitely Hidding something…. Am i crazy?

  44. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    If your husband doesn’t give you his Facebook password or want you to see his page, then he’s probably doing stuff he doesn’t want you to know about!

    The question is, what do you do when your husband keeps hiding his Facebook activities? Force him to ‘fess up?

  45. Well, I am going through kinda of the same thing. My husband refuses to let me see anything or anyone on his Facebook account. He says it is just business but my gut says something different. Even after a big fight we had about it he still refuses…..Becoming very defensive. Then deleting all my family from his page. Red flags! He is on it first thing everyday. It would realy put my mind at ease if he would just let me into it and look, but will always turn into it being my fault for being jealous. Worried!!!

  46. This is crazy, I gave my husband my password for FaceBook but he refused to give me his password :((, he’s so stupid we been together for 6 years….. and so far he only got 2 password for everything so he can remember them so I tried both and one worked lol, I got in and he was talking with his female friends on private msm, he promised me 5 years ago he will stop cause these women send him naked pictures on themselves and it makes me uncomfortable, now I’m filing for divorce :)) He said he hides it from me to avoid arguments so I told him Congratulations it sure did, Now it cost us our marriage…he’s running around like a chicken with no head trying to fix our marriage co’z we got two kids, I can’t be with a female friendly husband for the rest of my life