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Is Your Wife Cheating on You? A Simple Test

Is your wife cheating on you? This test will help you see her behavior more objectively. More importantly, you’ll see your marriage in a different light. You’ll also learn that an affair doesn’t mean you are an unlovable or undesirable husband.

The short “infidelity quiz” below is from the Focus on the Family website. It shares signs a wife is having an affair, and helps husbands take a step back from their marriage and their assumptions about their wives.

One of the most important clues your wife may be having an affair isn’t how she looks or smells when you see her. In 11 Common Signs of Cheating, we learn that many men think cheating wives come home smelling of a fresh shower, soap, and shampoo. This isn’t necessarily true. According to a book called The Silent Wife some cheating spouses go home smelling unusual, such as of incense, mildew, grass, mouthwash.


Is your wife having an affair? A test is helpful but the best approach is to talk to her first. You don’t need to hire a private detective or look through her phone unless you’re already sure she’s lying to you. Why do you suspect your wife is cheating on you? Talk to her calmly and honestly, from your heart.

Don’t give up hope in your marriage! Even if your wife is cheating, you and she can learn how to rebuild trust after an affair. It’s painful and there are no guarantees you’ll save your marriage, but it’s worth trying.

5 Signs Your Wife Might Be Cheating

I found these signs of infidelity in a variety of places: newspapers, magazines, research on infidelity in marriage, and my own experience.This article won’t answer all your questions or tell you for sure if your wife is having an affair, but it will help you become more aware and sensitive.

At the end of these signs, you’ll find the short test to help you answer the “is my wife cheating on me?” question.

1. Emotional distance between you and your wife

Is My Wife Cheating on You? A Test
Is Your Wife Cheating? A Test

The most common sign of a spouse is having an affair is emotional coldness, distance, and isolation — especially in a marriage that was once warm, close, and connected. Women need to connect and talk to people. If wives can’t talk to or emotionally connect with their husbands, they’re more likely to seek relationships outside the marriage.

Is your wife distant emotionally? She may not feel connected to you. And if she doesn’t feel connected to you – her own husband – then she may be involved in a loving relationship with another man. An emotional affair involves the heart and soul, and is even threatening to a marriage than a physical affair. Read Emotional Affairs Versus Innocent Friendships to learn more.

2. Your wife displays secretive, unusual or unexplained behavior

This sign is what first alerts most husbands that their wives are cheating. “Anything that can be characterized as secretive, unusual or unexplained—or any behavior that has suddenly and inexplicably changed—could signify that he’s hiding something. “If your partner becomes elusive about his whereabouts, something’s probably going on,” says Tony DeLorenzo, owner of All State Investigations and coauthor of Warning Signs: How to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating—and What To Do About It.

Other signs your wife might be cheating:


  • She quickly hides or changes the computer screen when you walk into the room
  • She has hushed telephone conversations or takes calls outside
  • Her body language seems strange, flirtatious, or even sensual around certain men
  • She does unexplained things that feel unusual or even suspicious to you

These infidelity clues are from Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair.

3. You and your wife aren’t physically intimate

This isn’t the most common clue a wife is cheating on her husband, but it is a sign you aren’t as close as you once were. Women – and men – become less physically intimate for a variety of reasons. Hormones, work stress, family responsibilities, depression, menopause, emotional disconnection, self-confidence and body image issues all contribute to a lack of interest in sex.

As far as physical intimacy goes, the most important indicator is you and your wife’s history together. Were you closer in the past, or have you always been distant physically? A sudden or gradual change in intimacy may indicate a deeper issue.

4. Your reason for asking, “is my wife cheating on me?”

Perhaps one of the most telling signs of infidelity is your own gut instincts. Why are you asking if your wife is having an affair? You may be picking up on signs, clues, and hints in her behavior, words, and actions. It’s possible that you already know if she’s cheating on you with another man…but you don’t want to admit it.

Why are you wondering if your wife is having an affair? A test may confirm your suspicions, but the only way to find the truth is to talk to her. The truth needs to come from your wife; otherwise it’s just speculations, suspicion, and perhaps even paranoia.

5. An obsessive need for privacy

is my wife cheating

This sign of cheating is from Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me:

“Another sign of infidelity was an obsessive need for ‘private ness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded ‘it’s none of your business. I’m entitled to my privacy.’ This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse.”

Did your wife suddenly open a private email or bank account that she is protects and guards? There is a good chance she is hiding something related to infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are typically signs of an affair.

Is Your Wife Cheating on You? A Test

If your wife does several or all of these behaviors, she may be having – or thinking about having – an affair:

  • Avoids eye contact with you.
  • Talks continually about the unknowns of the future.
  • Shows an increased disinterest in the topic of sex.
  • Makes excuses for not spending time alone with you.
  • Acts unusually guilty when you do something nice for him/her.
  • Quits complimenting you on your physical attractiveness.
  • Stops saying, “I love you” and even acts rudely to you.
  • Starts buying you gifts to ease her guilt.

This infidelity quiz was from Warning Signs of an Affair on the Focus on the Family website.

If you asked your wife if she’s having an affair but you don’t believe her answer, read 9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating.

Surviving an Affair

Is My Wife Having an Affair Signs of Cheating

In Surviving an Affair, Willard F. Jr. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end cheating in marriage, and how to restore a relationship after an affair.

Most importantly, they’ll help you survive the pain of finding out your wife is cheating. These authors offer step-by-step guidance through infidelity, to help minimize suffering and offer hope for rebuilding a loving and trusting relationship.

Did this article help you discern if your wife is cheating on you? Your thoughts are welcome below. Writing is a great way to figure out what you really think and feel, and can help you decide what to do next.

You may want to read Is He Cheating? How to Be Your Own Private Investigator.

Is your relationship in trouble? Get 7 Steps to Fixing Your Marriage from relationship coach Mort Fertel. It's free and helpful, no strings attached.


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10 thoughts on “Is Your Wife Cheating on You? A Simple Test”

  1. Cheating usually can be seen if you’re observant. Look for the “signs of cheating” like in this article.

    Resist the temptation to prematurely confront your wife if you suspect she is cheating. Firstly, you will NOT get an honest response and, secondly, she will now increase the precautions she is taking. That’ll make it much tougher to catch her.

  2. I have had countless affairs throughout the years with married women. There are some women that I have been with that have even cheated on a different husband on their first and second husband with me. I have come to realize that women are just as guilty of cheating as men are and are able to cover it up much easier. They do the laundry and are involved in shopping for even their husbands close so they can easily spot a stain or a new shirt when a husband might not ever notice why she is buying new panties to replace the ones I tore off or the ones that she tossed after my cum left them drenched. I’m going to say….follow your gut. If she has always been a sexual person and then all of a sudden you aren’t getting any, she is getting it elsewhere. It’s astonishing to find out how many married women haven’t had multiple orgasms, haven’t experienced multiple positions or felt the pain of a sore pussy and torn clit, haven’t been treated like a slut, haven’t had anal sex or swallowed cum. Women love sex just as much as men and this doesn’t stop just because they’re married. Do you think that the saying “men want a lady on the street but a freak in the bed” is only something men want. Women want a man to take charge, spank their asses and pull their hair while they have sex. The romantic, caressing, sensitive, hold the door open stuff is also important but leave that for date night not in the bedroom. If a man wants to understand why his wife is cheating, maybe he just needs to look in the mirror. Now if your unfortunate enough to not have been blessed in the package department, then you better have some awesome tongue skills, buy her toys, and rim that butt hole. When a women is spent and out of gas because her man does his job right, she won’t stray. Believe me…..I’ve tried to get at those too.

  3. Thank you for sharing your experience – and it takes alot of courage and strength to write about the possibility that your wife may be cheating on you. And, I admire your sensitivity to her behavior and habits. Men who aren’t interested in their wives wouldn’t notice or even care that she may be cheating…so the fact that you’re here — and writing about your experience! — is a sign you want to heal your marriage.

    You know your wife better than I could ever hope to. I can’t tell you if she’s having an affair, or even how you should proceed. I wish I had easy answers, but I don’t.

    I encourage you to sit down with someone you trust — a wise friend, a pastor, even a counselor. Talk through what’s been happening in your marriage. Be honest; try not to let your pride stop you from sharing your suspicions and hurt feelings. If your wife won’t talk to you, you need to find someone to share your emotions and thoughts with. Even if your wife does talk to you, it’s still really important to work through your thoughts and feelings on your own.

    What do you think — is there someone you can talk to?

  4. We have a financial problem with my wife and I am no longer working. So we no longer have sex I don’t know whether I should cut off the relationship because I don’t want to find out that she is cheating on me

  5. I got this gut feeling that my wife is cheating on me she let’s me go stay at my daughter house without asking why I am going or she never calls when I ask her she said when do I have time or I only go to 2 places what really gets me she never ask for sex I just don’t know what to do anymore

  6. My wife lost interest in sex with me 2 years ago now it has to be special occasion .she’s does do things to try to keep m3 satisfied .but makes excuses to not let me do things to her..she’s happy in the morning when leaving to work ..but unhappy at home..she said she’s just tired we do have 3 kids at home..when I try to talk to her about what I feel it’s usually an argument

  7. if you have a gut instinct that your wife is having an affair and wants to see for yourself that your gut instinct is telling the truth.What can i do?

  8. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Linda. I agree – these aren’t necessarily signs a wife is having an affair. They’re also signs of a disconnected marriage.

    May you find happiness, peace and joy in your relationship with your husband.

  9. These signs you list are signs of a disconnected relationship not cheating. My husband is grumpy, depressed, with a history of verbal and emotional abuse. After being emotional and hurt for years I cried my last tear as a victim. But hanging with someone who constantly complains and has no sense of fun is not conducive to being “in the mood”. If I don’t get satisfaction a half hour post mortem follows and evolves into accusing me of cheating. Which I never have – never even talked to a man. So next time Im less inclined. And if im honest about why im not in the mood that also devolves into how terrible I am. For many women like me the LAST thing we want is ANOTHER man!

    1. Linda your experiences and impressions are appreciated. I am NOT a counselor or therapist but, your final sentence seems to indicate a deeper issue within your marriage. In fact, most women or men (cheaters) don’t want the man or woman they are with that’s why they find a reason to cheat. As a former adulterer myself, and although young at the time (25, but was married by 19) all I really wanted was to have my wife to be honest with me. I had told my then 32 year old new bride everything about me; even things my parents or siblings had not known. After the many arguments about how we would rear our children, how I was spending more time working out, playing ball or just hanging with a few guys, working on someone else’s job and the stressors that are attached I was approached and succumbed to the wiles of the enemy and my flesh. I was a perfect prey for the devil who used multiple women to seduce me by telling, doing, and giving me EVERYTHING I was not getting at home, and desired to hear!
      Initially, I wasn’t bothered by my infidelity and would just leave the house following any argument or disagreement, no matter how small. Shamed to say, I would use them as the perfect getaway excuse. Later, it became more like a game…the more she inquired and accused (rightfully so), the more thrilled and obsessed I became with NOT let her find out about my misdeeds. My thinking was I wasn’t cheating in the beginning, rather working hard to provide for my family by being a dedicated Christian, Husband, and Father…and in that order. So as my string of indulgences were being discovered and in order to affirm my position, I had to prove my wife’s perception of my actions were equally incorrect as she had been before my adulteress acts began. This led to more more lies, manipulation and sin! You see, I had legitimate concerns about the direction our marriage was headed before I began my infedilious endeavors, but my youth (inexperienced mind) rationalized my continued indulgences in those behaviors to make things better for myself; but they didn’t. Things got much worse.
      I’ve always felt I loved my wife, even from the beginning, but as I’ve grown and reflected over the years I’ve learned I never knew ‘how to’ love my wife. The Bible proscribes it this way “sacrificially”.
      While in my sin, the Holy Spirit convicted me about what I was doing and initiated my turning point (praise God for His mercy). In the years after my infidelity I have NOT been perfect, but I have striven for perfection. I realized that NO MATTER what I felt my wife did or didn’t do, I had an obligation to do what I have been commanded to do by God Himself. In other words, God will hold me accountable for my lack of obedience just as He would my wife for hers. I, like most men desire to reverenced by my wife, but the reality is that doesn’t always happen. In fact, if I were to take a poll, most men would agree their wives likely oppose them in most ways. Nevertheless, we are still accountable to the Almighty for how WE (men) love our wives.
      So to Linda and the wives who share your sentiments, you’re right….” the LAST thing…” you should “want is ANOTHER man!” This view, while acceptable and should be the proud anthem of any virtuous woman, inevitably leads a spouse to form a negative or incorrect view of her husband, his God-given authority, decisions and actions. In other words, women with this attitude must change the way they view their Husbands. I encourage you to begin to see your man as your Knight in shining armor, whether he presents himself as one or not. Pray for your husband and support him, especially during his difficult times (whatever that may be) which is when he is the most vulnerable and susceptible to the wiles of the devil. This is the same love Jesus loved us with “…while we were yet sinners, Christ died for our sin “(Rom.5:8). As more husbands begin to love their wives’ more sacrificially and wives reverence their own husbands, the less room will be given to the enemy to break down the walls of our marriages from the inside.
      God Bless

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