You know it’ll hurt, but you need to find out for sure if your wife is having an affair. This quick little “is she cheating on me?” test will help you see your wife’s behavior more objectively. More importantly, you’ll see your marriage in a different light. You’ll also learn that an affair doesn’t mean you are an unlovable or undesirable husband.
The short “infidelity quiz” below is from the Focus on the Family website. It shares signs a wife is having an affair, and helps husbands take a step back from their marriage and their assumptions about their wives.
One of the most important clues your wife may be having an affair isn’t how she looks or smells when you see her. In 11 Common Signs of Cheating, we learn that many men think cheating wives come home smelling of a fresh shower, soap, and shampoo. This isn’t necessarily true. According to a book called The Silent Wife some cheating spouses go home smelling unusual, such as of incense, mildew, grass, mouthwash.
Is your wife having an affair? A test is helpful but the best approach is to talk to her first. You don’t need to hire a private detective or look through her phone unless you’re already sure she’s lying to you. Why do you suspect your wife is cheating on you? Talk to her calmly and honestly, from your heart.
Don’t give up hope in your marriage! Even if your wife is cheating, you and she can learn how to rebuild trust after an affair. It’s painful and there are no guarantees you’ll save your marriage, but it’s worth trying.
5 Signs Your Wife Might Be Cheating
I found these signs of infidelity in a variety of places: newspapers, magazines, research on infidelity in marriage, and my own experience.This article won’t answer all your questions or tell you for sure if your wife is having an affair, but it will help you become more aware and sensitive.
At the end of these signs, you’ll find the short test to help you answer the “is my wife cheating on me?” question.
1. Emotional distance between you and your wife
The most common sign of a spouse is having an affair is emotional coldness, distance, and isolation — especially in a marriage that was once warm, close, and connected. Women need to connect and talk to people. If wives can’t talk to or emotionally connect with their husbands, they’re more likely to seek relationships outside the marriage.
Is your wife distant emotionally? She may not feel connected to you. And if she doesn’t feel connected to you – her own husband – then she may be involved in a loving relationship with another man. An emotional affair involves the heart and soul, and is even threatening to a marriage than a physical affair. Read Emotional Affairs Versus Innocent Friendships to learn more.
2. Your wife displays secretive, unusual or unexplained behavior
This sign is what first alerts most husbands that their wives are cheating. “Anything that can be characterized as secretive, unusual or unexplained—or any behavior that has suddenly and inexplicably changed—could signify that he’s hiding something. “If your partner becomes elusive about his whereabouts, something’s probably going on,” says Tony DeLorenzo, owner of All State Investigations and coauthor of Warning Signs: How to Know If Your Partner Is Cheating—and What To Do About It.
Other signs your wife might be cheating:
- She quickly hides or changes the computer screen when you walk into the room
- She has hushed telephone conversations or takes calls outside
- Her body language seems strange, flirtatious, or even sensual around certain men
- She does unexplained things that feel unusual or even suspicious to you
These infidelity clues are from Signs Your Husband Is Having An Affair.
3. You and your wife aren’t physically intimate
This isn’t the most common clue a wife is cheating on her husband, but it is a sign you aren’t as close as you once were. Women – and men – become less physically intimate for a variety of reasons. Hormones, work stress, family responsibilities, depression, menopause, emotional disconnection, self-confidence and body image issues all contribute to a lack of interest in sex.
As far as physical intimacy goes, the most important indicator is you and your wife’s history together. Were you closer in the past, or have you always been distant physically? A sudden or gradual change in intimacy may indicate a deeper issue.
4. Your reason for asking, “is my wife cheating on me?”
Perhaps one of the most telling signs of infidelity is your own gut instincts. Why are you asking if your wife is having an affair? You may be picking up on signs, clues, and hints in her behavior, words, and actions. It’s possible that you already know if she’s cheating on you with another man…but you don’t want to admit it.
Why are you wondering if your wife is having an affair? A test may confirm your suspicions, but the only way to find the truth is to talk to her. The truth needs to come from your wife; otherwise it’s just speculations, suspicion, and perhaps even paranoia.
5. An obsessive need for privacy
This sign of cheating is from Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me:
“Another sign of infidelity was an obsessive need for ‘private ness’ and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded ‘it’s none of your business. I’m entitled to my privacy.’ This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse.”
Did your wife suddenly open a private email or bank account that she is protects and guards? There is a good chance she is hiding something related to infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are typically signs of an affair.
Is Your Wife Cheating on You? A Test
If your wife does several or all of these behaviors, she may be having – or thinking about having – an affair:
- Avoids eye contact with you.
- Talks continually about the unknowns of the future.
- Shows an increased disinterest in the topic of sex.
- Makes excuses for not spending time alone with you.
- Acts unusually guilty when you do something nice for him/her.
- Quits complimenting you on your physical attractiveness.
- Stops saying, “I love you” and even acts rudely to you.
- Starts buying you gifts to ease her guilt.
This infidelity quiz was from Warning Signs of an Affair on the Focus on the Family website.
If you asked your wife if she’s having an affair but you don’t believe her answer, read 9 Ways to Know if Your Husband is Lying About Cheating.
Surviving an Affair
In Surviving an Affair, Willard F. Jr. Harley and Jennifer Harley Chalmers describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end cheating in marriage, and how to restore a relationship after an affair.
Most importantly, they’ll help you survive the pain of finding out your wife is cheating. These authors offer step-by-step guidance through infidelity, to help minimize suffering and offer hope for rebuilding a loving and trusting relationship.
Did this article help you discern if your wife is cheating on you? Your thoughts are welcome below. Writing is a great way to figure out what you really think and feel, and can help you decide what to do next.
You may want to read Is He Cheating? How to Be Your Own Private Investigator.