If you think your husband is cheating, you’re picking up on important subconscious clues. Here are 5 signs your husband is cheating, plus 4 ways to know if he’s lying to you about the affair.
These tips are from Gary Neuman, author of The Truth about Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It. On the Dr Oz show, this marriage counselor shared why men cheat and how to know if your husband is cheating. It’s important to learn the reasons men cheat, because that knowledge will help you determine if you can save your marriage. Infidelity can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment. People who think it won’t happen to them are hit that much harder when they find out their husbands are lying about cheating. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? What do men say they’re getting from their mistresses that they’re missing at home? Do a man’s friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat?
“More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship,” says Dr Oz. “Trying to rebuild trust after an affair seems impossible.” In his audience that day, 30% of women think they’ve been cheated on…but not everyone knows for sure. Below are Neuman’s signs that a husband is having an affair. Plus, Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four ways to know if your husband is lying about cheating.
According to Gary Neuman, you can prevent your husband from cheating – and you can discern when he’s lying about cheating.
Husbands cheat for several reasons:
- Monogamy not part of a man’s nature. Biology makes men want to have as many kids as possible, so they cheat with as many female partners as possible.
- Power, opportunity, money increases testosterone. The more testosterone a man has, the more likely he is to cheat.
- Specific genes makes men men more likely to cheat. Scientists are studying a “cheating gene”, which involves decreased levels of vasopressin.
- Husbands aren’t appreciated at home, so they cheat.
- Men aren’t able to emotionally connect with their wives or partners, so they cheat.
In Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration, Cindy Beall describes how her life changed forever after an ordinary Valentine’s Day. She listened with disbelief to her husband, Chris, a respected pastor, confess to pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the startling news that another woman was pregnant with his child. In her book, she describes how to protect a marriage from lies and cheating.
How Do You Know If Your Husband Will Cheat on You?
Gary Neuman has been a marriage therapist for 23 years. He wrote The Truth about Cheating because he wanted to empower women by showing them how men think – which includes why husbands cheat on their wives.
This relationship counselor says 92% of men who cheat are sexually satisfied at home. Only 8% of men cheat because they want more physical intimacy. A whopping 48% say they’re missing an emotional connection at home, so they cheat on their wives. The women men cheat with are not better looking, younger, or skinnier than their wives. In fact, 88% of men say their affairs are with women who aren’t more beautiful than their wives.
Surprisingly, 77% of husbands who cheated had best friends who also cheated on their wives. This means that your husband’s friends have a very real, direct effect on your marriage. If your husband’s best friend is cheating, then the chances are higher that your husband may cheat on you.
5 Signs of Cheating Husbands
- He’s not as interested in physical intimacy as he was before
- He avoids physical and emotional contact
- He criticizes you more often
- He picks fights or starts arguments with you
- He stays away from home
According to Gary Neuman, a woman’s intuition is the most important indicator that a man is cheating.
If you’re getting mixed messages from your instincts, it’s because this is an extremely emotional subject! Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life, and looking for signs your husband is cheating is devastating.
To stop over-thinking and learn how to trust your gut, read How to Develop Intuition in Your Relationship.
Neuman also said that lying is worse than the actual cheating. Husbands try to convince their wives that she’s crazy for thinking he’d have an emotional or physical affair – which is so destructive to her self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-image.
4 Ways to Tell if He is Lying About His Affair
Janine Driver of the Body Language Institute shares four fascinating ways to tell if a husband is cheating on his wife and lying about it. These tips are good, but not enough to know for sure if your husband is lying about cheating on you.
1. How your husband talks can be a sign of lying
Wives know their husbands; if he changes how he normally talks or behaves, then he might be cheating or lying. If he doesn’t usually talk in a high pitch or swiftly, then he’s trying to hide something.
2. What he says – specific statements – are indications of lying about his affair
When a husband says, “I know you think I’m lying” – they’re saying I’m lying. When they say “You may not believe me, but I’m telling the truth” – then they’re telling the truth. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. (Note that this can’t be 100% accurate because if a man knows this, he’ll change the way he speaks, right?).
3. Your husband’s nonverbal body language is a sign of cheating
Driver calls this the “belly button rule.”
When we’re telling the truth and are with people we like, admire, and trust, we face our belly buttons towards them. When your husband is lying about cheating, he’ll turn away from you – and you know he’s cheating! If their belly button faces the door or exit, it’s because subconsciously they want to leave or escape. Also, a shoulder shrug should never accompany a definitive statement.
Driver said to never believe verbal statements over nonverbal body language. Also – wrapping legs around leg of chair is a sign of restraint, of holding back, and not being honest. Leaning away from you is a sign of a cheating, lying husband because we lean away from things we want to avoid.
4. Emotional reactions to questions can be a sign of cheating and lying
If you confront your husband about your suspicion that he’s having an affair, and he gets angry, defensive, or overreacts emotionally, then it’s a sign that something’s up. Driver also mentioned that lying husbands tend to laugh nervously or make accusations towards their wives.
In Is He Lying to You? An Ex-CIA Polygraph Examiner Reveals What Men Don’t Want You to Know, Dan Crum reveals the two biggest signs of deception, the best way to trap a liar, and what to look and listen for when you suspect your husband is lying about having an affair.
A complicating factor about affairs is the difference between physical and emotional cheating. If your husband is best friends with a woman and leaving you out of the relationship, it may be an emotional affair. Read Emotional Affairs Vs. Innocent Friendships to learn the difference between the two types of cheating.
Why do you suspect your husband is cheating – what are the signs he’s lying to you? I welcome your comments, but I can’t give advice. Sometimes writing your thoughts can help you work things out, because it can bring clarity and insight.
You might also be interested in learning the reasons why people cheat in relationships.
It might help to read through the comments about cheating below. The more you learn about other women’s experiences, the more insight you might have into your own relationship.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.