You’re confused about your relationship – you’re asking, “Is he right for me?” These 20 reasons to break up will give you an objective perspective and help you see your boyfriend for who he is…for better or worse.
In Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, Matthew Hussey reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find relationships that last.
Hussey’s book is for women who want to hear a man’s perspective on dating, love, and marriage. The reasons to break up, which I list below, are for women who are in a relationship that doesn’t feel right.
If you read through the comments on all of my articles, you’ll meet women who ignored these reasons to break up. Don’t fall into the trap of wanting to be loved so badly that you ignore the voice in your head that tells you he’s not right for you.
Reasons for a Breakup
Your relationship or boyfriend is too good to be true. In the dating period when you and he are falling in love, he probably swept you off your feet. Your boyfriend and your relationship appeared too good to be true…and this means something is wrong. Nothing is too good to be true! Has he become totally preoccupied with you, such as calling you every hour just to “hear your voice,” leaving and picking you up at work, doing things and activities you were doing for yourself, and thus taking charge of your life?
He flares up in anger. Does your boyfriend have outbursts of temper, such as swearing uncontrollably, throwing things, or kicking doors? He’s not right for you, and his angry flare ups are reasons to break up. Whether or not he gets mad and yells at you, angry outbursts are a sign of rage and future relationship problems.
Your boyfriend uses violent or demeaning language. If he uses derogatory terms for other people such as, “broad,” “chick,” or “slut”, then he doesn’t respect women. If he criticizes other people in negative or demeaning ways, you’re right to be asking “is he right for me?” He’s not right for you, and you should read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
He has a sexist attitude. Does your partner have strong ideas about the place and position of women vs. men? For instance, does he insist that women should know their place or does she say that men have to act a certain way in relationships to prove they care?
He insults or criticizes you. Does your boyfriend put you down for your opinions or laugh at what you believe in? Does he make you feel stupid, ignorant, or incompetent? Those are serious reasons for a breakup. Don’t ignore these insults, even when he apologizes. This is verbal abuse, and it will only get worse.
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond by Patricia Evans will help you recognize abuse when it happens, respond to boyfriends who abuse safely and appropriately, and most important, lead a happier, healthier life. If you’re tempted to read this book, you need to stop asking if he’s right for you and start looking seriously at why you’re ignoring this huge reason to break up.
Your boyfriend abuses you psychologically. If he makes comments such as, “You’re no good” or “Nobody else wants you”, then he is not right for you! If he makes you feel like you can’t do anything right or that you can’t get along in the world without his help, then you need to think about leaving him.
He makes fun of you. Does your partner make fun of you when you’re alone or with other people? This is a warning sign of a bad relationship, and a reason to break up.
Your boyfriend is bitter or angry about the past. Notice how he talks about his ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, or previous dates. Is there a quality of rage in their anger towards a past relationship? Does he call the past partner names or use other insulting terms? Your boyfriend will most likely turn the same intensity of rage and insults towards you. Of course he’s not right for you!
He comes from an abusive background. This isn’t necessarily a reason to break up, but if your boyfriend was battered as a child or saw his mother or sisters being hit as a child, then he may need to process his past before he can be in a healthy relationship. The cycle of abuse is pervasive and hard to overcome.
Your boyfriend blames everyone else. Does he have a habit of blaming others for what he does or what happens to him? You need to ask yourself if living with a man like this is right for you, and if you can do this for the rest of your life.
He abuses alcohol and drugs. If your boyfriend drinks or uses other drugs daily or even hourly, he’s sending you a HUGE reason to break up.
He is violent when he uses alcohol or drugs. Worse than abusing drugs is abusing you when he’s drunk or high. Does your boyfriend become verbally or physically abusive under the influence of alcohol and drugs? Stop asking “is he right for me” and start making plans to break up, for this is as big a reason as the last one.
He is verbally or physically abusive towards others. Maybe he treats you like a princess, but acts in verbally or physically abusive ways towards others. If he is disrespectful or violent towards people in restaurants, other drivers on the roads, people you come in contact with, etc, then he has an anger problem. Rage is a reason to break up with your boyfriend.
At this point, you may already know he’s not right for you. Read 5 Reasons It’s So Hard to Get Over a Breakup – start preparing yourself for to break free and start healing.
Your boyfriend is critical of your family. Does your partner say negative things about your family? Making you feel like you have to choose between him and your family is a reason to break up.
He is sexually jealous. Does your boyfriend love you so much that he can’t stand you being in the company of other people? This is not normal behavior.
He displays possessive behavior. If your boyfriend is unhappy or moody when you spend time with your friends or family, then he’s not right for you. Possessiveness may feel sexy at first, but it wears thin and can turn into abusive behavior. He’s not right for you if he’s jealous, and jealousy is a reason to break up.
Your boyfriend displays restricting and controlling behavior. If he wants you to reduce contact with your friends and family – or if he wants you to stop seeing your loved ones altogether – then he’s not right for you. You want a partner who supports your relationships, not demeans them.
He makes jealous accusations. Has your boyfriend jokingly or seriously complained that you were trying to attract other men by the way you walk, dress, or behave? This is unhealthy possessiveness that borders on paranoia, and is a reason to break up.
Your boyfriend checks up on you. If he likes to monitor your phone, Facebook page, whereabouts, people you’re hanging out with, and how much time you spend somewhere, then he’s not right for you. Again, this type of possessiveness is flattering at first, but it is a sign of relationship problems to come.
He uses force or coercion. Has your boyfriend threatened or actually hit you, or talked you into doing things in bed that you didn’t want to do? Even if he apologized profusely and made it up to you, this is a serious reason to break up.
Breaking up is hard to do, and may lead to feelings of depression and anxiety – especially if your boyfriend has made you believe things about yourself that aren’t true. Read How to Get Over a Breakup When You Don’t Have Closure, and feel free to comment below.
If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t feel right to you, my prayer is that you find strength and courage. I pray that you learn to see yourself through God’s eyes – you are smart, creative, beautiful, and lovable. You deserve to be in a relationship with a boyfriend who loves and respects you – a relationship in which you don’t have to ask “is he right for me?” I pray that you will find the right partner, and be happy and healthy. Amen.
I welcome your thoughts on these reasons to break up. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it might help you to share what you’re going through.