Before you impulsively blurt the words “I still love you!” to your ex, consider these signs that getting back together is actually a good idea. I included four reasons you should not tell your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband you’re still in love with him, and three reasons you should tell him the truth about how you feel.
On When You Feel Scared You’ll Never Be Loved, a guy asked if he should meet his ex-girlfriend to talk about why she broke up with him. He never understood her reasons for ending the relationship…and he still loves her. He didn’t want to meet to specifically tell his ex he’s still in love with her, but he was worried he might say it without thinking.
“Will meeting my ex make me fall deeper in love with her, or clear the air so I can live happily with my current girlfriend?” he asked. “The worst case scenario would be telling my ex I still love her, getting rejected again, and falling into a deeper depression. My current girlfriend would leave me.”
Actually, I think the worst case scenario is staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love. Earlier in his comment, he said he aches with pain and longs for his ex-girlfriend. The truth is that he wants to see his ex so he can tell her he’s still in love with her.
If he is genuinely confused and curious about why his ex broke up with him, it could be healthy to meet with her. But he has ulterior motives. He wants to tell his ex he still loves her. If she takes him back, then he’ll break his current girlfriend’s heart. Even if his ex doesn’t take him back, he’s still in love with her. And that means he’s not fully committed to his current relationship.
Love sure does get complicated, doesn’t it? I don’t have all the answers, but I can share four signs you should not tell your ex you’re still in love. After that, you’ll find three ways to know if you should meet with your ex and try to get back together.
4 Signs You Shouldn’t Tell Your Ex You’re Still in Love
If you already know that meeting with your ex to confess your everlasting love is a bad idea, read How to Get Over an Ex-Boyfriend You See at Work Everyday. Even if you don’t work with your ex, you see him everywhere you go, don’t you?
Okay, here’s why you shouldn’t tell your ex you’re still in love…
1. You’re married or living common-law with a new partner
Never tell your ex you still love him when you’re in a relationship or married. Why would you want to cause such pain and heartache to your boyfriend or husband? Telling your ex that you’re still in love with him won’t help you or your relationship. It also brings pain and complications into your ex’s life.
If you’re unhappy in your current relationship, you need to deal with that first. Do not use your ex as a pawn to get you out of a relationship with someone you don’t love. If you truly love your ex, you won’t use him to as an escape hatch.
2. You know your ex is involved in a new relationship
What would be the purpose of saying “I’m still in love with you” to an who is married or committed to a new girlfriend? Again, you’re hurting an innocent bystander. Even if you suspect your ex isn’t in love with his partner, you’d be creating confusion and pain for him.
If your goal is to break up your ex’s current relationship, ask yourself why you would want to hurt them so badly. What are you lacking in your life that would lead you to destroy another relationship? Especially if you’re still in love with your ex. Truly being in love with him means you want him to be happy. If your ex is happy in his new relationship, you need to learn how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend.
3. You know your ex doesn’t love you
Here’s a little story from a guy whose girlfriend broke up with him: Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, “Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!” I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend’s number. She texted back, “one of the many reasons I broke up with you.”
Remember why your ex is your ex. Don’t let your desires, yearnings and wishes override reality. You and your ex broke up for a reason. If you have to change who you are – your personality, goals, lifestyle, habits, or hobbies – because of your ex, then you are not in a loving relationship. It’s a mistake to tell your ex you still love him if you know he doesn’t love you for who you are.
4. Your ex doesn’t want any contact with you
Leave your ex alone if he doesn’t want to text, call, talk or meet with you. Even if you broke up on good terms and are friendly, you know when an ex doesn’t want a relationship with you. You know if your ex just wants to move on.
It takes courage, strength and wisdom to let go of someone you love. But the pain of releasing your grip is worth the freedom and joy you’ll find.
If you and your ex are dealing with parenting, child support, alimony, and related breakup/divorce issues, stick to the facts. Stay focused on caring for your kids, financial future, home and responsibilities. You shouldn’t tell your ex you still love him if you know he just wants to be friends, co-parents, or even coworkers.
3 Signs You Should Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him
There are no surefire ways to know if you should say “I love you” to your ex. You need to listen to your intuition, that still small voice that will help you know the truth. But no matter what you decided, take time to think and seek wisdom. Pray about it; ask God for insight, clarity, guidance and direction.
If you’re leaning towards trying to get him back, read 5 Things to Think About Before You Reconcile With Your Ex.
1. You ended the relationship for the wrong reasons
If you broke up with your ex for reasons you now clearly see are wrong, perhaps it’s a good idea to talk to your ex. Don’t lead with “I still love you!” Instead, ask if he’s willing to meet and talk about the breakup. Maybe you overreacted to something he did, or made an impulsive decision that you now regret. If you know you were wrong and you hurt your ex, seriously consider telling him how much you love and miss him.
2. Something significant has changed in your life
Maybe you were an alcoholic, workaholic, or cheater when your relationship ended. Are you different now? How have you changed and grown? Maybe you see life through a new lens, or you had a spiritual awakening or insight that has changed your life. These could be good reasons to tell your ex you’re still in love with him.
3. Your intuition is leading you towards love
Do you have a strong feeling or gut instinct that you should tell your ex you’re still in love? This is the best reason to take the leap of faith into the abyss of love! Maybe God is nudging you towards reconciliation and restoration. Even if you don’t believe in or follow Jesus, God is still active in your life. He is guiding you and watching over you – He knows everything about you and He loves you anyway. He created you for a purpose…and perhaps your ex is part of your purpose.
You can’t go back and change what happened. But, you can move forward and create something new in your life! Will your ex be part of your future?
If you know it’s too late for you and your ex, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. It’s time to put the pain of the past behind you. Grow forward into the new season God has planned for you…it may be better than you could ever imagine or hope for!