When to Say “I’m Still in Love With You” to Your Ex

These signs you should tell your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband you’re still in love with him will give you courage. I also included four signs you shouldn’t say “I’m still in love with you” to your ex, to help you decide what to do!

On When You Feel Scared You’ll Never Be Loved, a reader asked if it would be right to ask his ex-girlfriend to meet for a conversation about their breakup and talk about why she left him (she left him for obscure reasons, and wasn’t clear about why she broke up with him). “Will meeting my ex make me fall deeper in love with her, or clear the air so I can live happily with my current girlfriend? The worst case scenario would be seeing my ex, her rejecting me again, me falling into a deeper depression and my current girlfriend leaving me over it.”

Actually, I think the worst case scenario is staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love. Earlier in his comment, he said he aches with pain and longs for his ex-girlfriend. That’s why he needs to see his ex, so he can get over her and move forward in his life.

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But I don’t think talking to his ex about the breakup will make him fall in love with his current girlfriend. Even if he finds closure and healing by meeting with his ex-girlfriend, he won’t magically find himself loving someone he doesn’t already love.

4 Signs You Shouldn’t Say “I’m Still in Love With You” to Your Ex

If you know deep down that telling your ex you’re still in love with her or him isn’t a good idea, read How to Forget About Your Ex.

Here are a few reasons not to tell your ex that you’re sill bewitched and bewildered…

1. You’re married or living common-law with a new partner

What pain, confusion, and insecurity will you cause your current partner? Telling your ex that you’re still in love with him or her won’t move you towards a happy, committed relationship with the person you’re living with. It won’t bring peace or joy to your home or your kids, and it certainly won’t help your ex move on with his or her life.

2. You know your ex is involved in a new relationship

What would be the purpose of saying “I’m still in love with you” to an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend who is married or committed to a new partner? You’d only be causing pain and heartache. You might even embarrass yourself (though love is always embarrassing because we’re so vulnerable when we declare our love!). If your goal is to break up your ex’s current relationship, then you need to rethink your values. Trying to break up a couple isn’t kind, loving, or helpful. It’s mean.

3. You know your ex doesn’t love you for who you are

Here’s a cute little story from a guy whose girlfriend broke up with him: Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, “Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!” I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend’s number. She texted back, “one of the many reasons I broke up with you.”

Don’t change your personality, goals, lifestyle, habits, or hobbies because of your ex! God created you exactly the way you are for a reason. You are loved, unique, and amazing in all the right ways – even if you love Star Wars more than chocolate bars. It’s a mistake to tell your ex that you’re still in love if you know that you have to change who you are to be with him or her.

4. Your ex doesn’t want any contact with you

You may have broken up on good terms, but your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend may want to let the past go. Maybe she wants to move forward in her life without thinking about the past. Maybe he doesn’t want the complication of knowing that your love is still alive. If you know that your ex doesn’t want to communicate or connect with you, then saying “I’m still in love with you” is a big mistake. Let the past go. Focus on your future.

3 Signs You Should Tell Your Ex You’re Still in Love

There are no black or white, right or wrong answers to this dilemma! Nobody can tell you that it’s a bad or good idea to tell you’re ex you’re still in love with her. But, it’s important to think about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it before rushing in blindly.

If you’re already convinced you want to profess your love for your ex, read How to Say You’re Sorry to Someone You Love.

1. You ended the relationship for the wrong reasons

If you broke up with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend for reasons that you can clearly see are wrong, then maybe it’s a good idea to say you’re still in love with your ex. Maybe you overreacted to something he did, or made an impulsive decision that you now regret. If you know you were wrong and you hurt your ex, saying “I’m still in love with you” may be a good choice.

2. Something significant has changed in your life

Maybe you were an alcoholic, drug addict, or serial adulterer when your relationship ended. Are you different now? Maybe you see life through a new lens, or you had a spiritual awakening or insight that has changed your life. These could be good reasons to tell your ex you’re still in love with him or her.

3. You have a strong gut feeling it’s the right thing to say

Signs You Should Say “I’m Still in Love With You” to Your ExDo you have a strong feeling or gut instinct that you should tell your ex you’re still in love with him? This is the best reason to tell your ex you still love them…because God is nudging you to. Even if you’re not a believer in Jesus Christ, God is still working in your life. He is guiding you and watching over you – He knows everything about you and He loves you anyway! Our God is a God of love, reconciliation, and reuniting. He is for you, not against you, and He wants you to have more love in your heart and life than you think possible.

Is God leading you to contact your ex and make amends? That’s the best reason of all to say “I’m still in love with you” to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

Despite all these reasons saying I’m still in love with you may feel right, it may not be a good idea to tell your ex you still love him or her. You broke up for a reason, and it’s time to move forward with your life. Read How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend and Heal Your Spirit for help.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard.

I welcome your thoughts on whether it’s a good idea to say I’m still in love with you to your ex. I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling, but it may help you to share your experience. May you be blessed with power and faith, and may you know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether or not you should tell your ex you’re still in love. Walk humbly and confidently with God, and you’ll live without regret!

If you know deep in your heart that it’s too late to tell your ex you love him or her, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. It’s time to put the pain of the past behind you, and start moving forward in your life.


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16 thoughts on “When to Say “I’m Still in Love With You” to Your Ex

  • Tee

    Ask yourself why you want them back. Would it just be the same with the same issues? Would telling them cause you more pain? I say listen to your intuition. Pray for guidance. You will know the right thing to do. If the sign says go, don’t wait. You will feel much better in time the sooner you tell them.

  • Jan

    It is 18 months since my ex of 17 years broke up with me. It was a sudden and massively painful removal from my life, and that of my children. I’m struggling to move on, and everyday he is on my mind from wakening, until I eventually fall into a fitful sleep. I know he has moved on, and it would seem he has no regrets. But, I cannot get it out of my mind that I should tell him how much I still love him.
    I just hope/think this will allow me to move on. Not sure why I feel this strongly that I must do this. Words cannot express how much I miss this person.

  • Laurie Post author

    The biggest sign you should say “I love you” to your ex-boyfriend or even your ex-husband is your own gut instincts! If you feel like you should say it — and you don’t — you might always regret it.

    What’s the worst that can happen?

  • Anna Davis

    I waited a long time to tell my ex that I am in love with him today. I don’t expect anything but just knowing all these months(6) how I felt about him, it had to be said because it was killing me. Now that I said something I can only hope that it will be easier so I can move on.

  • Lisa

    Where do I even begin? I am in an unhappy marriage for 23 years, verbal and physical abuse. The past 15 years, my husband had declared himself Atheist/Agnostic, though when we were first married we were both devout Christians, as what I expected my life to be. He became bitter about not getting the family farm, so turned his back on God. So, through the guidance of the Lord, I finally filed for divorce last December.
    Then I met Mr. Wonderful, also a devout Christian, and in time, he wanted to marry me. We adored each other. Long story short, like an idiot, I was an alcoholic. I say “was” because I don’t believe the ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’. I knew what my triggers were, going through the divorce, still living with my ex, poverty, then I got sick. My bf couldn’t take anymore (tack on a 2.5 hour drive one way to see each other) so he dumped me – while I was sick. 5 months pass and he texted me for sex. Ok, so I was appalled. We exchanged angry words and told each other not to contact the other again. He called me a ‘delusional drunk’, though I no longer drink and have no desire to. But, with all of this anger, why do I still feel that pull? I don’t blame him for letting me go, but everything has changed now. My divorce is almost final, I no longer drink, and can move closer to him as we had planned. I ask the Lord ‘ If it wasn’t meant to be, why did you present me with a Christian man that I’ve been praying for all of my life?’ I wrote my ex bf a letter telling him that he had me all wrong, that I don’t sleep around, that I no longer drink, and I didn’t ask for him back or nothing, and as far as him stooping to the level of just asking for sex, I wonder if he just said that to break the ice, idk. Perhaps I am just believing what I want to be true. Should I tell him I am sorry and ask him to give me another chance? Ask him for another chance at this as a sober version? I can’t deal with the rejection though. I pray for guidance because I know in my heart we were meant to be together. He was my best friend. I am lost and live constantly in prayer, ignoring other things, and am in a daze sometimes because I am talking to God about how to make this right, how to get over him, what signs I need to move on and forget him. But, God keeps his memory fresh, and tells me to show up at his door and unload on him, just so he knows how sorry I am. It’s the life of a drunk. We finally realize what we lost when it’s gone. ‘Tis why I cannot stand the thought of alcohol and will never touch it again — it reminds me that I threw away the great love of my life…..

    Thank you for this article. I wasn’t expecting the end to be Christ centered and when I read it, it’s almost as if I was once again guided. My favorite hymn, “He Leadeth Me”, is every where I go. Thank you.

  • Dennis

    I texted her after 2months saying “if you ever change your mind, and the universe allows to it, I will be here. Take care of you. I love you.”
    And that was it. I have moved on since. The question is, was it wrong to tell her that since she said she had moved on from the romantic part of us and wanted us to be friends on a cordial level? Advise.

  • Michael

    Some excellent tips…Thank you…my ex girlfriend of two years, broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago. I think it was the straw that broke the camels back…she told me she loved me ,but, couldn’t take it anymore. I have never been quite sure what “it” was…!!! I still love her and want the best for her…I have not contacted her in any way. I believe I will send her a short letter and the poem I told her I wrote for her. Perhaps after a couple more months….I am a Christian and believe in reconciliation…but, I don’t see her wanting that. She is on the wild side and I’m more conservative. We talked about spending the rest of our lives together, marriage, and all the accessories…! Trusting God and moving forward..I know that my heart will always feel for her…if she is happier without me in her life than when I was with her…So Be It…!!! God Bless…

  • Tammy

    My fiance and I broke up 3 wks, we can’t get over each other we have many differences but have decided to go to counseling together…It feels like a nudge from God…We will see what happens

  • The Old and the New

    My ex is a husband. We have been divorced for six months and I am in my first relationship since the divorce. Our marriage was rocky and very short. Too short. I find myself missing my ex, the more serious my courtship gets with the new guy. And I can’t figure out why. Me and my ex have a son together and they are just so prominent in my life. I’m trying to figure out if I really do want him back or if I’m just nervous about dating someone new and being vulnerable to that person. I really care about the new guy but he’s a candle and my ex is a forest fire. That’s how much he fills my existence. Anyways, just needed to put my feelings out into the universe. Maybe God will help someone respond and help me wade through this murky situation.

    • Maddy's Mommy

      AWWWWWW… You have me crying my heart out right now! When I stumbled upon your post, it seemed like you spoke my life story straight from my mind! My marriage was rocky and too short, I divorced in August and I have a beautiful daughter with him.. And I find myself still in love with him. But I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if he feels the same about me. I am so lost and confused. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Stay strong!!! <3

      • The old and the new

        So I broke up with the new guy and told my ex how much I still love him. We will see what happens, but I’m optimistic! Regardless, I felt like I wasn’t being fair to the new guy because he really didn’t stand a chance in the long run. I wish you well in your situation too. Love and marriage are so complicated. A bad marriage doesn’t mean the love isn’t good. Really. What do you do when the love feels soooo good but the marriage is soooo bad? I definitely don’t know.

  • Xander

    Well, I ended up here as anyone else did.. thanks google. Your article was wonderful and insightful, bringing many aspects to light that one wouldn’t usually see. Now the decision to the question in question… is yes.. I will tell her. Someday

    Perhaps in another life… but someday

  • Little Miss Precious

    Thank you for writing this. Everything you wrote was insightful and some of it really spoke to me. I dated someone exclusively briefly, several months, and he treated me well. Of course, many of the men I dated before him have so I feel blessed to attract decent men. But he can as a curve ball. I was looking for something serious but decided to date him not expecting anything serious. He seemed more like he would just be a good friend, and he wasn’t looking for anything serious himself. Of course when we met in person (met online originally) we were both surprised at how quickly we could let our guards down. We geeked out about the same things, shared similar career aspirations, and had a mutual admiration for each other. But as these sparks were flying, I knew it was coming to an end. He told me early on he was only in the area for a short time and I was okay with that looking for a fling until something more serious came along. But when you play with fire… So, here I am months later still not over him. I try to tell myself he’s over me (idk that for sure) and give myself permission to move on. I point out all his flaws, but I then just find myself praying for God to fix them. I’m at a point where I want to settle down and I know it’s foolish to think he’ll change and be that guy. He is living his life the way he wants to and I must do the same. It’s just hard because we were still in that honeymoon phase when we parted. I’m mourning what could have been more than what was. I don’t know if he feels the same. He keeps me at a distance now that he’s moved away and it feels selfish to tell him I’m not over him because it’s not like he can pick up his life and come back. I’m hoping that by writing all this I can finally let go and let God. I’m still praying for my husband wherever he is, and I just know that I want my heart to be open and unattached to receive him.

    • Xander

      I cant even.. im bawling.. the article had some humor to distract me, but Little Miss Precious you just brought me to my knees. That comment describes it so perfectly. Thank you. I havent cried over her in years.