Should You Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him?

Before you impulsively blurt the words “I still love you!” to your ex, consider these signs that getting back together is actually a good idea. I included four reasons you should not tell your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband you’re still in love with him, and three reasons you should tell him the truth about how you feel.

On When You Feel Scared You’ll Never Be Loved, a guy asked if he should meet his ex-girlfriend to talk about why she broke up with him. He never understood her reasons for ending the relationship…and he still loves her. He didn’t want to meet to specifically tell his ex he’s still in love with her, but he was worried he might say it without thinking.

“Will meeting my ex make me fall deeper in love with her, or clear the air so I can live happily with my current girlfriend?” he asked. “The worst case scenario would be telling my ex I still love her, getting rejected again, and falling into a deeper depression. My current girlfriend would leave me.”

Actually, I think the worst case scenario is staying in a relationship with someone you don’t love. Earlier in his comment, he said he aches with pain and longs for his ex-girlfriend. The truth is that he wants to see his ex so he can tell her he’s still in love with her.

If he is genuinely confused and curious about why his ex broke up with him, it could be healthy to meet with her. But he has ulterior motives. He wants to tell his ex he still loves her. If she takes him back, then he’ll break his current girlfriend’s heart. Even if his ex doesn’t take him back, he’s still in love with her. And that means he’s not fully committed to his current relationship.

Love sure does get complicated, doesn’t it? I don’t have all the answers, but I can share four signs you should not tell your ex you’re still in love. After that, you’ll find three ways to know if you should meet with your ex and try to get back together.

4 Signs You Shouldn’t Tell Your Ex You’re Still in Love

If you already know that meeting with your ex to confess your everlasting love is a bad idea, read How to Get Over an Ex-Boyfriend You See at Work Everyday. Even if you don’t work with your ex, you see him everywhere you go, don’t you?

Okay, here’s why you shouldn’t tell your ex you’re still in love…

1. You’re married or living common-law with a new partner

still love my ex
Should You Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him?

Never tell your ex you still love him when you’re in a relationship or married. Why would you want to cause such pain and heartache to your boyfriend or husband? Telling your ex that you’re still in love with him won’t help you or your relationship. It also brings pain and complications into your ex’s life.

If you’re unhappy in your current relationship, you need to deal with that first. Do not use your ex as a pawn to get you out of a relationship with someone you don’t love. If you truly love your ex, you won’t use him to as an escape hatch.

2. You know your ex is involved in a new relationship

What would be the purpose of saying “I’m still in love with you” to an who is married or committed to a new girlfriend? Again, you’re hurting an innocent bystander. Even if you suspect your ex isn’t in love with his partner, you’d be creating confusion and pain for him.

If your goal is to break up your ex’s current relationship, ask yourself why you would want to hurt them so badly. What are you lacking in your life that would lead you to destroy another relationship? Especially if you’re still in love with your ex. Truly being in love with him means you want him to be happy. If your ex is happy in his new relationship, you need to learn how to cope when your ex has a new girlfriend.

3. You know your ex doesn’t love you

Here’s a little story from a guy whose girlfriend broke up with him: Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, “Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!” I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend’s number. She texted back, “one of the many reasons I broke up with you.”

Remember why your ex is your ex. Don’t let your desires, yearnings and wishes override reality. You and your ex broke up for a reason. If you have to change who you are – your personality, goals, lifestyle, habits, or hobbies – because of your ex, then you are not in a loving relationship. It’s a mistake to tell your ex you still love him if you know he doesn’t love you for who you are.

4. Your ex doesn’t want any contact with you

Leave your ex alone if he doesn’t want to text, call, talk or meet with you. Even if you broke up on good terms and are friendly, you know when an ex doesn’t want a relationship with you. You know if your ex just wants to move on.

Should You Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him?

It takes courage, strength and wisdom to let go of someone you love. But the pain of releasing your grip is worth the freedom and joy you’ll find.

If you and your ex are dealing with parenting, child support, alimony, and related breakup/divorce issues, stick to the facts. Stay focused on caring for your kids, financial future, home and responsibilities. You shouldn’t tell your ex you still love him if you know he just wants to be friends, co-parents, or even coworkers.

3 Signs You Should Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him

There are no surefire ways to know if you should say “I love you” to your ex. You need to listen to your intuition, that still small voice that will help you know the truth. But no matter what you decided, take time to think and seek wisdom. Pray about it; ask God for insight, clarity, guidance and direction.

If you’re leaning towards trying to get him back, read 5 Things to Think About Before You Reconcile With Your Ex.

1. You ended the relationship for the wrong reasons

If you broke up with your ex for reasons you now clearly see are wrong, perhaps it’s a good idea to talk to your ex. Don’t lead with “I still love you!” Instead, ask if he’s willing to meet and talk about the breakup. Maybe you overreacted to something he did, or made an impulsive decision that you now regret. If you know you were wrong and you hurt your ex, seriously consider telling him how much you love and miss him.

2. Something significant has changed in your life

Maybe you were an alcoholic, workaholic, or cheater when your relationship ended. Are you different now? How have you changed and grown? Maybe you see life through a new lens, or you had a spiritual awakening or insight that has changed your life. These could be good reasons to tell your ex you’re still in love with him.

3. Your intuition is leading you towards love

Do you have a strong feeling or gut instinct that you should tell your ex you’re still in love? This is the best reason to take the leap of faith into the abyss of love! Maybe God is nudging you towards reconciliation and restoration. Even if you don’t believe in or follow Jesus, God is still active in your life. He is guiding you and watching over you – He knows everything about you and He loves you anyway. He created you for a purpose…and perhaps your ex is part of your purpose.

You can’t go back and change what happened. But, you can move forward and create something new in your life! Will your ex be part of your future?

If you know it’s too late for you and your ex, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. It’s time to put the pain of the past behind you. Grow forward into the new season God has planned for you…it may be better than you could ever imagine or hope for!


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16 thoughts on “Should You Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him?”

  1. Ask yourself why you want them back. Would it just be the same with the same issues? Would telling them cause you more pain? I say listen to your intuition. Pray for guidance. You will know the right thing to do. If the sign says go, don’t wait. You will feel much better in time the sooner you tell them.

  2. It is 18 months since my ex of 17 years broke up with me. It was a sudden and massively painful removal from my life, and that of my children. I’m struggling to move on, and everyday he is on my mind from wakening, until I eventually fall into a fitful sleep. I know he has moved on, and it would seem he has no regrets. But, I cannot get it out of my mind that I should tell him how much I still love him.
    I just hope/think this will allow me to move on. Not sure why I feel this strongly that I must do this. Words cannot express how much I miss this person.

  3. The biggest sign you should say “I love you” to your ex-boyfriend or even your ex-husband is your own gut instincts! If you feel like you should say it — and you don’t — you might always regret it.

    What’s the worst that can happen?

  4. I waited a long time to tell my ex that I am in love with him today. I don’t expect anything but just knowing all these months(6) how I felt about him, it had to be said because it was killing me. Now that I said something I can only hope that it will be easier so I can move on.

  5. Where do I even begin? I am in an unhappy marriage for 23 years, verbal and physical abuse. The past 15 years, my husband had declared himself Atheist/Agnostic, though when we were first married we were both devout Christians, as what I expected my life to be. He became bitter about not getting the family farm, so turned his back on God. So, through the guidance of the Lord, I finally filed for divorce last December.
    Then I met Mr. Wonderful, also a devout Christian, and in time, he wanted to marry me. We adored each other. Long story short, like an idiot, I was an alcoholic. I say “was” because I don’t believe the ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’. I knew what my triggers were, going through the divorce, still living with my ex, poverty, then I got sick. My bf couldn’t take anymore (tack on a 2.5 hour drive one way to see each other) so he dumped me – while I was sick. 5 months pass and he texted me for sex. Ok, so I was appalled. We exchanged angry words and told each other not to contact the other again. He called me a ‘delusional drunk’, though I no longer drink and have no desire to. But, with all of this anger, why do I still feel that pull? I don’t blame him for letting me go, but everything has changed now. My divorce is almost final, I no longer drink, and can move closer to him as we had planned. I ask the Lord ‘ If it wasn’t meant to be, why did you present me with a Christian man that I’ve been praying for all of my life?’ I wrote my ex bf a letter telling him that he had me all wrong, that I don’t sleep around, that I no longer drink, and I didn’t ask for him back or nothing, and as far as him stooping to the level of just asking for sex, I wonder if he just said that to break the ice, idk. Perhaps I am just believing what I want to be true. Should I tell him I am sorry and ask him to give me another chance? Ask him for another chance at this as a sober version? I can’t deal with the rejection though. I pray for guidance because I know in my heart we were meant to be together. He was my best friend. I am lost and live constantly in prayer, ignoring other things, and am in a daze sometimes because I am talking to God about how to make this right, how to get over him, what signs I need to move on and forget him. But, God keeps his memory fresh, and tells me to show up at his door and unload on him, just so he knows how sorry I am. It’s the life of a drunk. We finally realize what we lost when it’s gone. ‘Tis why I cannot stand the thought of alcohol and will never touch it again — it reminds me that I threw away the great love of my life…..

    Thank you for this article. I wasn’t expecting the end to be Christ centered and when I read it, it’s almost as if I was once again guided. My favorite hymn, “He Leadeth Me”, is every where I go. Thank you.

  6. I texted her after 2months saying “if you ever change your mind, and the universe allows to it, I will be here. Take care of you. I love you.”
    And that was it. I have moved on since. The question is, was it wrong to tell her that since she said she had moved on from the romantic part of us and wanted us to be friends on a cordial level? Advise.

  7. Some excellent tips…Thank you…my ex girlfriend of two years, broke up with me about 1 1/2 months ago. I think it was the straw that broke the camels back…she told me she loved me ,but, couldn’t take it anymore. I have never been quite sure what “it” was…!!! I still love her and want the best for her…I have not contacted her in any way. I believe I will send her a short letter and the poem I told her I wrote for her. Perhaps after a couple more months….I am a Christian and believe in reconciliation…but, I don’t see her wanting that. She is on the wild side and I’m more conservative. We talked about spending the rest of our lives together, marriage, and all the accessories…! Trusting God and moving forward..I know that my heart will always feel for her…if she is happier without me in her life than when I was with her…So Be It…!!! God Bless…

  8. My fiance and I broke up 3 wks, we can’t get over each other we have many differences but have decided to go to counseling together…It feels like a nudge from God…We will see what happens

  9. The Old and the New

    My ex is a husband. We have been divorced for six months and I am in my first relationship since the divorce. Our marriage was rocky and very short. Too short. I find myself missing my ex, the more serious my courtship gets with the new guy. And I can’t figure out why. Me and my ex have a son together and they are just so prominent in my life. I’m trying to figure out if I really do want him back or if I’m just nervous about dating someone new and being vulnerable to that person. I really care about the new guy but he’s a candle and my ex is a forest fire. That’s how much he fills my existence. Anyways, just needed to put my feelings out into the universe. Maybe God will help someone respond and help me wade through this murky situation.

    1. AWWWWWW… You have me crying my heart out right now! When I stumbled upon your post, it seemed like you spoke my life story straight from my mind! My marriage was rocky and too short, I divorced in August and I have a beautiful daughter with him.. And I find myself still in love with him. But I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if he feels the same about me. I am so lost and confused. I will definitely keep you in my prayers. Stay strong!!! <3

      1. The old and the new

        So I broke up with the new guy and told my ex how much I still love him. We will see what happens, but I’m optimistic! Regardless, I felt like I wasn’t being fair to the new guy because he really didn’t stand a chance in the long run. I wish you well in your situation too. Love and marriage are so complicated. A bad marriage doesn’t mean the love isn’t good. Really. What do you do when the love feels soooo good but the marriage is soooo bad? I definitely don’t know.

  10. Well, I ended up here as anyone else did.. thanks google. Your article was wonderful and insightful, bringing many aspects to light that one wouldn’t usually see. Now the decision to the question in question… is yes.. I will tell her. Someday

    Perhaps in another life… but someday

  11. Little Miss Precious

    Thank you for writing this. Everything you wrote was insightful and some of it really spoke to me. I dated someone exclusively briefly, several months, and he treated me well. Of course, many of the men I dated before him have so I feel blessed to attract decent men. But he can as a curve ball. I was looking for something serious but decided to date him not expecting anything serious. He seemed more like he would just be a good friend, and he wasn’t looking for anything serious himself. Of course when we met in person (met online originally) we were both surprised at how quickly we could let our guards down. We geeked out about the same things, shared similar career aspirations, and had a mutual admiration for each other. But as these sparks were flying, I knew it was coming to an end. He told me early on he was only in the area for a short time and I was okay with that looking for a fling until something more serious came along. But when you play with fire… So, here I am months later still not over him. I try to tell myself he’s over me (idk that for sure) and give myself permission to move on. I point out all his flaws, but I then just find myself praying for God to fix them. I’m at a point where I want to settle down and I know it’s foolish to think he’ll change and be that guy. He is living his life the way he wants to and I must do the same. It’s just hard because we were still in that honeymoon phase when we parted. I’m mourning what could have been more than what was. I don’t know if he feels the same. He keeps me at a distance now that he’s moved away and it feels selfish to tell him I’m not over him because it’s not like he can pick up his life and come back. I’m hoping that by writing all this I can finally let go and let God. I’m still praying for my husband wherever he is, and I just know that I want my heart to be open and unattached to receive him.

    1. I cant even.. im bawling.. the article had some humor to distract me, but Little Miss Precious you just brought me to my knees. That comment describes it so perfectly. Thank you. I havent cried over her in years.