When “I Want to Get Married” is All You Can Think


Are you consumed with yearning for marriage? Here’s help and what to do when you’re thinking “I want to get married more than anything in the world.”

Waiting Wanting to Get MarriedDid you know that your attitudes about marriage and the path to marriage are wrong? Some ideas you inherited, some you’ve simply bought from society, and some you’ve made up yourself. In The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose, Lisa Anderson challenges you to wise up, own your junk, and chart a bold new course for your relationship future. You’ll see that you’re not alone, and you’ll learn how to take control of your desire for marriage.

If all you can think is “I want to get married”, I encourage you to stop. Take a deep breath. Know that you’ll be married before you know it – and the last thing you want to do is rush into a bad or unhealthy marriage! Take your time. Go slowly. Pursue your dreams, but don’t let your longing for marriage mislead you. In one hand hold your yearning for marriage, and in the other hand hold your trust that the right person will appear at the right time, in the right place.


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While You’re Waiting to Get Married

At the end of this post is a link to an article with tips on finding a boyfriend and getting married. Before you go there, though, I want you to think of these ideas…

Figure out why you want to get married

Why do you want to get married? Maybe you’re lonely, sad, hurt, or unhappy with your life. Or maybe you want to have children so badly, all you can think about is getting married. Maybe your friends are all saying “I want to get married” – or they’re asking you “When are you getting married?”

Do you want to get married because everyone around you is knee deep in marriage, or because you’re ready to make the supreme commitment of spending the rest of your life with an imperfect person who will test you in every way?

It’s SO important to know why you want to get married, and to decide you want to get married for the right reasons.

Some of the right reasons to get married:

  • You’ve been dating someone for over a year
  • You and your fiancé have resolved different conflicts as a couple
  • You and your fiancé have discussed the most important premarital questions
  • Both you and your fiancé have been exposed to healthy, happy marriages

There are so many more reasons to get married – I think I’ll write an article that describes them in more detail! For the purposes of this post, though, the most important thing is to take your time. Don’t let the “I want to get married” bug make you irrational or impulsive.

Don’t rush into marriage

I wrote 4 Reasons to Wait Until You’re 35 to Get Married for people who are consumed with the idea of getting married. I was that woman! All I could think was “I want to get married.” I dated (almost) any guy who asked me out, and I would’ve married the first eligible bachelor who asked me. I was fortunate; God had someone in mind for me! All I had to do was wait for the right timing.

Bruce and I didn’t get married until I was 35 and he was 38. If we would’ve gotten married before that, I suspect we’d be divorced by now.

Don’t rush into marriage. When the time is right, it will happen.

Become a well-rounded person

What are your hobbies, interests, beliefs? Who ARE you? Where have you been, and where are you going?

Take time to develop your personality, lifestyle, values, and character. Become a full-bodied wine, a beautiful bouquet, a colorful banquet of tastes, textures, sounds, and feelings. If all you can think about is getting married, then you’re a flat cardboard cutout of a person. You’re boring and dry, lifeless and dull.

Think about your career – get a college degree first

Research shows that people who get married before they earn a degree from a four year college are about 65% more likely to later become obese than people who get married after college. Did you know that college degrees have long been associated with lower levels of obesity?

While I don’t think this should be the first reason you should cool your “I want to get married” jets, I believe you’ll never regret getting an education. Learn something about your interests, the world, and how to think. Get a job that supports you and helps you be independent financially.

If you want to get married but feel a lot of fear and trepidation, read When You’re Scared to Get Married.

Get emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy

In addition to rounding out your personality and lifestyle, take care of your health.

I Want to Get Married

I Want to Get Married

Are you fixated on the past for some reason? Maybe you were neglected or abused, or hurt when you were a child. Maybe you have unresolved relationships that need to be tended to. Maybe you haven’t lost the weight you wanted, gained the spirituality you yearned for, or developed the emotional resilience you see in other people.

Tend to yourself. Take care of your wounds. Give of yourself by volunteering and sacrificing your skills and talents without renumeration. Seek God. Build a relationship with Jesus.

Give your desire to get married to God

Take time to pray. Trust that God loves you and knows what’s best for you. He knows why you want to get married, and I believe He will provide you with a spouse! You don’t need to strain, or cry, or reach out desperately for a man.

Reach up to God, and ask Him what the desires of His heart are. Have faith that if marriage is what God wants for you, then you will be married before you know it.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Connect with God. Say, “I want to get married, Heavenly Father, and I trust that You will send me the right partner at the right time. I trust that You are a good God, and that You know what’s best for me. I love You, and will follow You to the ends if the earth if that’s what You want.”

I welcome your thoughts on wanting to get married below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.

If you’re not engaged or in a relationship yet, read How to Find a Boyfriend. That’s your second step if all you can think is ‘I want to get married’! The first step is to get as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy as possible.

Marriage is less about marrying the right person, and more about becoming the right person.


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9 thoughts on “When “I Want to Get Married” is All You Can Think

  • Melissa

    Caleb, I feel the same way! I’m a 38 year old female who have been waiting on what society calls “Mr. Right” for seems like forever. I cry out to God almost every night and nothing, Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t hear my cries or He’s just plain ole ignoring me. Either way I feel so confused and lost at times.. All I hear on my job is women talking about their husband and I’m the only one in the office who isn’t married I try my hardest to block it out and when it gets too unbearable I just go into the bathroom and cry my heart out. I’m also a Christian but I haven’t always done things right I have searched high and low looking for love but it seems to just run from me. I think I intimidate a lot of men because of my height I’m 6’0 but get compliments all the time from men and women of how “beautiful” I am and all I can think about is ‘well if I’m so beautiful why am I not married?” why are guys overlooking me? I’m almost to the point of just giving up on it. I love myself and I’m happy with my life just not happy with my singleness. I hope you find her and I hope he finds me… signed.. just waiting

  • Chen

    Caleb,
    We are just humans,we’re fools once in our life. We’ll meet people and thought they are the one but turn out to be just a test for us and thaught us to be wiser next time. I have a child he’s now 7 years old and yes he’s a child out of wedlock. But i love him with all my heart,i know people see me differently and others just dont care but i think all that matters are how you would be able to stand alone,be strong,mold yourself as a better person. There’s gonna be one person that will appreciate me for my past relationship and my child and is gonna be God given spouse.
    Having past relationships that failed and a child out of wedlock means that that person isnt gonna be a good partner, rather,that person learns and gets wiser.
    Sorry about my english,is not my mother language.

  • Caleb

    It’s really hard, especially since I’m a guy and we’re not supposed to be the ones constantly hearing wedding bells. I’m about to turn 30 in a few months and sometimes I wonder. Is my future wife still out there, did she wait for me? I feel so lonely and confused. It’s so hard to meet a good Christian girl, so many have not just had past lovers but illegitimate children too.
    It’s always worst around this time, 3 and 4 in the morning. I love her but I don’t even know her name. How is it I miss her like this? I’m ready to have someone to cherish, to love me, to grow old with. I did everything right, followed all the rules. I make well above average income, and not to brag but I think I take care of myself physically on top of being 6’2. I know I just have to keep trusting Him, but the flesh is weak and the heart weaker. 90%+ of my coworkers are girls so there is constant gossip and announcements about engagements and weddings. I don’t know, sometimes it feels like a failure on my part. A silly insecurity I know, but it’s there. I grew up a preacher’s kid and homeschooled the whole way, so I don’t always feel like an expert in social interactions. What am I missing?
    I sometimes wonder if it’s healthy to read these kinds of articles. Almost like emotional self pleasuring. Sadness builds up, find something to push over the edge, have a cry and then OKish for a few days.

  • Sophie

    I feel like this was literally written for me. I’m often finding myself thinking ‘I want to get married. Why aren’t I married at my age? What is wrong with me? Doesn’t God love me? I have cried because I feel so hopeless, lonely and alone. But once in a while I get an overwhelming feeling that God is aware of the desires of my heart and will action when the time is right.
    Until then, I pray for peace and the will to fulfil some of my dreams and the courage to go out there and do what makes me happy as I wait.
    Thank you for this. It changes albeit a little bit, how I now look at myself.

  • happyhorse

    Bah,
    I relate to your comments, having felt like that for years myself (from a different perspective because I am a man). I sometimes still walk in shoes like yours. It often seems to me that all women want the perfect man! Let us first read the article above again. Next, may I propose that nobody is broken, just in search of healing. Finally, I would go so far as to consider myself a “good decent man”, and I do not need, or even want, perfection. My ideals are quite simple really, mainly fidelity and sobriety. What are your ideals? Identify them and seek to become them yourself. Like attracts like.

  • BAH

    Some people just aren’t meant to be married bc they’re too damaged physically, mentally and spiritually. All men want the PERFECT WOMAN. Unfortunately, not every woman is perfect, and as I said, some like me are just too damaged to deserve to be married. No good decent men want a broken person?. Depression isn’t my issue, vain selfish abusive disrespecting men(which apparently is ALL MEN) are my issue. So unless you’ve walked a day in my shoes, don’t judge bc you weren’t there?

  • Courtney

    Not true :) I feel like most good men are already taken too! But there are more good women/men out there than we think