Are you consumed with yearning for marriage? Here’s help and what to do when you’re thinking “I want to get married more than anything in the world.”
Did you know that your attitudes about marriage and the path to marriage are wrong? Some ideas you inherited, some you’ve simply bought from society, and some you’ve made up yourself. In The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose, Lisa Anderson challenges you to wise up, own your junk, and chart a bold new course for your relationship future. You’ll see that you’re not alone, and you’ll learn how to take control of your desire for marriage.
If all you can think is “I want to get married”, I encourage you to stop. Take a deep breath. Know that you’ll be married before you know it – and the last thing you want to do is rush into a bad or unhealthy marriage! Take your time. Go slowly. Pursue your dreams, but don’t let your longing for marriage mislead you. In one hand hold your yearning for marriage, and in the other hand hold your trust that the right person will appear at the right time, in the right place.
While You’re Waiting to Get Married
At the end of this post is a link to an article with tips on finding a boyfriend and getting married. Before you go there, though, I want you to think of these ideas…
Figure out why you want to get married
Why do you want to get married? Maybe you’re lonely, sad, hurt, or unhappy with your life. Or maybe you want to have children so badly, all you can think about is getting married. Maybe your friends are all saying “I want to get married” – or they’re asking you “When are you getting married?”
Do you want to get married because everyone around you is knee deep in marriage, or because you’re ready to make the supreme commitment of spending the rest of your life with an imperfect person who will test you in every way?
It’s SO important to know why you want to get married, and to decide you want to get married for the right reasons.
Some of the right reasons to get married:
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- You’ve been dating someone for over a year
- You and your fiancé have resolved different conflicts as a couple
- You and your fiancé have discussed the most important premarital questions
- Both you and your fiancé have been exposed to healthy, happy marriages
There are so many more reasons to get married – I think I’ll write an article that describes them in more detail! For the purposes of this post, though, the most important thing is to take your time. Don’t let the “I want to get married” bug make you irrational or impulsive.
Don’t rush into marriage
I wrote 4 Reasons to Wait Until You’re 35 to Get Married for people who are consumed with the idea of getting married. I was that woman! All I could think was “I want to get married.” I dated (almost) any guy who asked me out, and I would’ve married the first eligible bachelor who asked me. I was fortunate; God had someone in mind for me! All I had to do was wait for the right timing.
Bruce and I didn’t get married until I was 35 and he was 38. If we would’ve gotten married before that, I suspect we’d be divorced by now.
Don’t rush into marriage. When the time is right, it will happen.
Become a well-rounded person
What are your hobbies, interests, beliefs? Who ARE you? Where have you been, and where are you going?
Take time to develop your personality, lifestyle, values, and character. Become a full-bodied wine, a beautiful bouquet, a colorful banquet of tastes, textures, sounds, and feelings. If all you can think about is getting married, then you’re a flat cardboard cutout of a person. You’re boring and dry, lifeless and dull.
Think about your career – get a college degree first
Research shows that people who get married before they earn a degree from a four year college are about 65% more likely to later become obese than people who get married after college. Did you know that college degrees have long been associated with lower levels of obesity?
While I don’t think this should be the first reason you should cool your “I want to get married” jets, I believe you’ll never regret getting an education. Learn something about your interests, the world, and how to think. Get a job that supports you and helps you be independent financially.
If you want to get married but feel a lot of fear and trepidation, read When You’re Scared to Get Married.
Get emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy
In addition to rounding out your personality and lifestyle, take care of your health.
Are you fixated on the past for some reason? Maybe you were neglected or abused, or hurt when you were a child. Maybe you have unresolved relationships that need to be tended to. Maybe you haven’t lost the weight you wanted, gained the spirituality you yearned for, or developed the emotional resilience you see in other people.
Tend to yourself. Take care of your wounds. Give of yourself by volunteering and sacrificing your skills and talents without renumeration. Seek God. Build a relationship with Jesus.
Give your desire to get married to God
Take time to pray. Trust that God loves you and knows what’s best for you. He knows why you want to get married, and I believe He will provide you with a spouse! You don’t need to strain, or cry, or reach out desperately for a man.
Reach up to God, and ask Him what the desires of His heart are. Have faith that if marriage is what God wants for you, then you will be married before you know it.
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Connect with God. Say, “I want to get married, Heavenly Father, and I trust that You will send me the right partner at the right time. I trust that You are a good God, and that You know what’s best for me. I love You, and will follow You to the ends if the earth if that’s what You want.”
I welcome your thoughts on wanting to get married below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.
If you’re not engaged or in a relationship yet, read How to Find a Boyfriend. That’s your second step if all you can think is ‘I want to get married’! The first step is to get as emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy as possible.
Marriage is less about marrying the right person, and more about becoming the right person.