You can’t be with your boyfriend, but you miss him more than you thought possible. These tips will help you cope with missing the man you love but aren’t with right now. They’ll also help you cope with a breakup, which is what this reader needs help with…
“My ex isn’t good for me, but I miss him so much,” said Sally on 5 Ideas for Healing After Losing the Only Man You Ever Loved. “I wish we were back together even though I know he’s not a healthy man. How do I cope when I miss him so much? I want to be healthy, it’s so important to me to get back to myself. But I don’t know how.”
Inspired by Sally’s comment, I gathered five tips for coping when you miss him. You’ll find these ideas helpful, whether you’re missing your ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, or even your ex-best friend.
Here’s another comment from a reader, to show you that you’re not alone:
On When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore Mel says, “I’m going through withdrawal pains, the same as someone in an addiction. I miss him so much! I hate myself for wanting him and loving him, even though he strung me along with promises of our future. This wound is so fresh and hurts so bad. This article helped, especially reading people’s stories. It was also enlightening to find that many of these bad partners we obsess over or who lie and cheat have narcissistic personality disorder.”
5 Ways to Cope When You Miss Him
What advice have you already received about dealing with those “I miss him so much” feelings? I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below. Your experience will help others who are coping with the same feelings of loneliness and loss.
Here’s what worked for me when I was missing my boyfriend. Our breakup was mutual; we both knew we weren’t good together. Even though we weren’t good for each other, I still missed him so much after we stopped seeing each other.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter if he was a jerk, or if you broke up with him. You miss him no matter what.
1. Be kind to yourself – your feelings are natural
We were made for connection. God created us to be together, to experience intimacy and love. We need each other, and that’s why we sometimes stay in abusive or unhealthy relationships.
Your feelings of missing him are natural and normal, even if he wasn’t a great guy to be with. Have compassion for yourself. Be gentle with your feelings. Accept that you miss him, your heart is broken, and your wounds are fresh. You’re going through the process of grieving your loss, and you need to give yourself tender loving care.
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love, I share several healthy ways to cope for women who miss their ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands.
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2. Note the specific reasons you miss him
I missed my boyfriend because I was lonely…and maybe a little desperate. I was also scared I’d never get married, that I’d always be alone. I didn’t miss him; I missed the idea of being in a relationship. I missed the feeling of being in love, of daydreaming about him while I was at work, of planning our next date.
Do you miss your boyfriend or husband because of who he is, or because you don’t want to be alone? Maybe it’s a little bit of both…but you might feel better if you remind yourself that part of you is missing the idea of a relationship. He’s a guy you aren’t meant to be with (at least not right now!). Staying in a relationship with him wouldn’t be healthy for either of you.
3. Replace your “we” habits with new ways of doing things
One of the biggest things I miss about my husband when he goes away for work trips is our evening Happy Hour. We have a glass of wine, cook dinner, unwind and talk about our day. When he goes away, I miss him so much because we end our workday by cooking together.
Creating new habits when you miss someone is hard, but necessary. You may have to force yourself at first, but if you focus on recreating your life, you will grow forward! You might even blossom into who God created you to be.
I wrote When You Miss Him Like Crazy to help women feel encouraged, empowered, and happy again. The 25 Blossom Tips in the ebook are practical and inspiring, designed to heal hearts and change lives. There are no secrets or quick fixes! But there are creative, interesting ways to move from broken to blossoming after a breakup.
Each Blossom Tip highlights a different aspect of who you are—spirit, heart, soul, body, and brain. This holistic approach helps you move forward in different ways, according to your personality, interests, mood, energy level, and lifestyle.
You may be missing him with all your heart right now, but you’re on the right path. Starting over isn’t easy and it will take time to heal, but help and hope is here. You will be happy again. You will heal and grow through this. I promise that not only will you feel better and happier soon, you will flourish in a new life.
4. Ask yourself what you need to be happy
In 8 Reasons Why You Are So Unhappy, I wrote about the difference between looking outside yourself and inside yourself for happiness. If you’re looking to your boyfriend to make you happy, you will always be disappointed and even miserable. Why? Because no external thing or person can make you truly happy. You need to find an internal source of happiness.
Actually, I was wrong. God is the one external source of peace and joy. Other than Him, those external successes – men, pretty clothes, cool new iphones, red cowboy boots, promotions at work, new cars, weight loss, Botox – are fleeting. They may bring you happiness in this moment, but they will be lost when you die.
5. Comfort and hope for the times you’re missing him
The next time you feel overwhelmed with sad feelings – and all you can think is “I miss him so much” – pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Lift your heart to God, and ask Him to comfort and guide you. He loves you and He wants you to be happy. It may seem like He doesn’t care, or even that he’s withholding love from you, but He created you for a purpose. Spend your time finding your purpose, and allow your passion for life to fill the gaps in your heart. You WILL stop missing him in time. I promise. It does get easier.
Finding the healthiest ways to cope when you miss him so much depends on your personality, lifestyle, and relationship. I hope you don’t feel so alone after reading through these tips for coping with a breakup.
Read How to Let Go of Someone You Love for another serving of healthy ways to cope when you miss him.
How are you coping with life without him?
Feel free to share below. How are you, what do you need, and what makes you feel better when you feel like you’re missing him more than you can bear? Writing your feelings can help you heal, and move forward.
One way to cope is to get a symbol of freedom and healing, such as Willow Tree Soar Figurine. I like this better than doing a purge or cleanse, and burning the stuff your boyfriend or husband left behind. A symbol like this represents peace, healing, freedom, and letting go. It’s a gentle reminder to have compassion for yourself and patience with the healing process. Yes, you miss him…and you will heal and be happy again.
How have you coped with missing people in the past? Your past coping strategies might help you cope when you feel overwhelmed with missing him. You might remember something strong and courageous about yourself. “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus.
My next article is about how to stop thinking about him. If you miss him because he moved out, make sure you sign up at the bottom of this post to receive new articles.
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of missing him. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings of missing him.
Laurie's "She Blossoms" Books
Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back offers hope, encouragement, and strength for women walking through loss. My Blossom Tips are fresh and practical - they stem from my own experiences with a schizophrenic mother, foster homes, a devastating family estrangement, and infertility.
How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets (and Practical Tips!) for Healing Your Heart is filled with comforting and healthy breakup advice. The Blossom Tips will help you loosen unhealthy attachments to the past, seal your heart with peace, and move forward with joy.
When You Miss Him Like Crazy: 25 Lessons to Move You From Broken to Blossoming After a Breakup will help you refocus your life, re-create yourself, and start living fully again! Your spirit will rise and you'll blossom into who you were created to be.