How do you cope when you can’t be with your boyfriend, yet you can’t stop thinking about him? Here are five ways to cope when you’re missing a guy you love but aren’t with right now. These tips will also help you cope with a breakup or divorce, which is what one of my She Blossoms readers asked about…
“My ex-husband isn’t good for me, but I miss him so much,” said Sally on What to Remember When You Miss Your Husband. “I wish we were back together even though I know he’s not a healthy man. How do I cope when I miss him so much? I want to be healthy, it’s so important to me to get back to myself. But I don’t know how.”
Inspired by Sally’s comment, I gathered five tips for coping when you miss your boyfriend or husband. You’ll find these ideas helpful – whether you’re coping with a breakup, temporary separation, or long distance relationship.
Here’s another comment from a reader who misses her boyfriend:
On When Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You Anymore Mel says, “I’m going through withdrawal pains, the same as someone in an addiction. I miss him so much! I hate myself for wanting him and loving him, even though he strung me along with promises of our future. This wound is so fresh and hurts so bad. This article helped, especially reading people’s stories. It was also enlightening to find that many of these bad partners we obsess over or who lie and cheat have narcissistic personality disorder.”
Reading the comments section below is a great way to cope with loneliness and even depression after a breakup. You’ll see you’re not alone – and you may even find healthy ways to cope when you miss him.
How to Cope When You Miss Him
What helps you cope with those lonely “I miss him so much” feelings? I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments below! Your experience will help others who are coping with the same feelings of loneliness and loss.
Writing was the biggest thing that helped me when I broke up with my last boyfriend. I was missing him so much that I wrote through three notebooks! I wrote him letters (which I never sent), rewrote how our relationship started and ended (just for fun), and even described every detail of his face and personality. After a few weeks I was so sick of that guy, I stopped missing him!
Sometimes it doesn’t matter if he was a jerk, or if you broke up with him. You miss him no matter what.
1. Be kind to yourself
You miss your boyfriend because you were created for love. And , it is so hard to let go of someone you love! God created us to be together, to experience relationships and love. We need each other — which is why sometimes we stay longer than we should in abusive or unhealthy relationships.
You miss your boyfriend (or husband), and that’s completely natural. No matter how he treated you or even if he cheated on you, your feelings are normal and even healthy. Have compassion for yourself. Be gentle with your feelings. Accept that you miss him, your heart is broken, and your wounds are fresh. You’re going through the process of grieving your loss, and you need to give yourself tender loving care.
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love, I share several healthy ways to cope, especially for women who miss their ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands.
2. Note the specific reasons you miss him
I missed my boyfriend because I was lonely…and maybe a little desperate. I was also scared I’d never get married, that I’d always be alone. I didn’t miss him; I missed the idea of being in a relationship. I missed the feeling of being in love, of daydreaming about him while I was at work, of planning our next date.
Do you miss your boyfriend or husband because of who he is, or because you don’t want to be alone? Maybe it’s a little bit of both…but you might feel better if you remind yourself that part of you is missing the idea of a relationship. He’s a guy you aren’t meant to be with (at least not right now!). Staying in a relationship with him wouldn’t be healthy for either of you.
3. Replace your “we” habits with new ways of doing things
One of the biggest things I miss about my husband when he goes away for work trips is our evening Happy Hour. We have a glass of wine, cook dinner, unwind and talk about our day. When he goes away, I miss him so much because we end our workday by cooking together.
Creating new habits when you miss someone is hard, but necessary. You may have to force yourself at first, but if you focus on recreating your life, you will grow forward! You might even blossom into who God created you to be.
You may be missing him with all your heart right now, but you’re on the right path. Starting over isn’t easy and it will take time to heal, but help and hope is here. You will be happy again. You will heal and grow through this. I promise that not only will you feel better and happier soon, you will flourish in a new life.
4. Explore different ways to light up your life
The next time you feel overwhelmed with sad feelings – and all you can think is “I miss him so much” – pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Look up and meet God’s gaze. He created you for a purpose. Find out why! Instead of sinking into the “I miss him so much” feelings, start looking for your purpose in life. You WILL stop missing him if you find ways to light up your own life. I promise. It does get easier.
Finding good ways to cope when you miss him depends on your personality, lifestyle, and relationship. It also helps if you know Jesus, for He is the only true source of peace and joy. Other than Him, those external successes – men, pretty clothes, new iphones, trendy hairstyles, promotions at work, new cars, weight loss, Botox – are fleeting. They may bring you happiness in this moment, but they won’t last.
5. Comfort and hope for the times you’re missing him
Here’s a different (perhaps somewhat odd) way to cope when you miss your boyfriend or husband after a breakup: write an obituary for your relationship. It’s actually very healthy, and will change how you see both the breakup and your relationship! To learn more, read How to Write a Relationship Obituary.
Don’t look outside yourself for ways to be happy. Your boyfriend can’t be responsible for making you happy. Nobody can shoulder that burden! If you’re looking to your boyfriend complete your life, you will always be disappointed and even miserable. Why? Because no external thing or person can make you truly happy. You need to find an internal source of happiness.
How are you coping with life without him?
Feel free to share below. How are you, what do you need, and what makes you feel better when you feel like you’re missing him more than you can bear? Writing your feelings can help you heal, and move forward.
One way to cope is to get a symbol of freedom and healing, such as Willow Tree Soar Figurine. I like this better than doing a purge or cleanse, and burning the stuff your boyfriend or husband left behind.
A symbol like this represents peace, healing, freedom, and letting go. It’s a gentle reminder to have compassion for yourself and patience with the healing process. Yes, you miss him…and you will heal and be happy again.
How have you coped with missing people in the past? Your past coping strategies might help you cope when you feel overwhelmed with missing him. You might remember something strong and courageous about yourself. “In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus.
You might also focus on your thought patterns. Coping with loneliness is about learning how to stop thinking about him.
How are you doing? Your comments – big and little – are welcome below. Feel free to share your thoughts and story. Writing can bring clarity and insight, and help you feel less alone.
In peace and passion,