These questions and tips will help you learn how to write a love letter that expresses exactly what you need to say – even when you aren’t sure how to put your feelings into words.
A gift isn’t required, but a heart-shaped symbol of your love – such as a Yellow Gold Diamond-Accented Heart Pendant Necklace – can be a beautiful way to express how you feel. I’ll never forget when I received a love letter with an earrings-and-pendant gift set. The birthstones in my gift set were for December, not March, but I didn’t even care! The thoughtfulness of the gift mattered more than the error in birthstones.
If you aren’t sure of your love, read Are You Really in Love? 8 Signs of a Serious Relationship. Don’t spend time learning how to write a love letter until you’re mostly sure of how you feel. The last thing you want to do is lead him or her on! Feeling sure of your love will give you a strong foundation, and help you write a love letter that expresses exactly how you feel.
How to Write a Love Letter
Here are a few questions and tips for writing love letters that are authentic and honest. If you’re looking for a formulaic love letter that anyone can give or receive, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Above all, remember that you need to be personal and heartfelt when writing your love letter. Don’t rely on romantic poems or love quotes. Those words aren’t yours.
These thoughts will help you write a love letter that expresses your personality and shows your love. Take time to jot down your answers to these questions. You’re not writing the actual love letter that you’ll send yet – you’re just writing the thoughts that pop into your head and heart. This is the best tip on how to write a love letter: don’t copy what others have written. Rather, write from your heart.
Briefly, these are the five questions you need to think about:
- Who are you writing to?
- Why are you writing this love letter?
- When are you writing? (eg, a 20th anniversary, after meeting for the first time, after your first child is born, etc).
- What would life be like without him or her?
- Where do you want your relationship to go?
If you’re looking for tips on how to write a love letter because you made a mistake in your relationship, read How to Say Sorry to Someone You Love. Apologizing is different than expressing your love in a more traditional letter.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Who are you writing to?
You don’t have to write her age, location, or physical description. Rather, describe her personality and strengths. For instance, if I was writing a love letter to Jesus, I would mention how loving, unselfish, generous, and trustworthy he is. I would tell him why I love him – and I’d be specific as possible.
Don’t focus on physical traits when you’re writing a love letter. His body, face, hair, and clothes aren’t what you love about him! You love him for who he is, not what he looks like. Rather, describe the qualities that make you love him: his honesty, integrity, faithfulness, sense of humor, compassion for others, etc.
Why are you writing this love letter?
The obvious reason for writing love letters is to say how you feel. But you want to go beyond the obvious: what is the specific reason you want to learn how to write a love letter? Maybe you’re worried about losing him or her, or you just want to freshen up your relationship. Maybe you experienced a health crisis, and you suddenly realize how much you love your partner.
If the reason you’re writing this love letter is important to you, then include it. Even if you don’t think it’s important, you might include it anyway. Why? Because the more personal and honest you are, the more meaningful your letter will be.
For more tips on how to write a love letter, read 5 Easy Ways to Say “I Love You”.
When are you writing? (the occasion for the love letter)
If you’re learning how to write a love letter, you need to give yourself time to think. Allow yourself to explore the nuances of your relationship. Maybe it’ll take a few days to write your love letter because you want to take time to honor the reasons you’re writing. Writing a thoughtful love letter might involve taking time to explore the “when” of the letter.
For instance, if you’re writing a love letter on your 20th anniversary then you might want to include what the past 20 years meant to you. If you’re writing a love letter on her birthday, then you’ll want to mention that because it makes the letter more special.
If the reason for your love letter is a birthday, read Creative and Thoughtful 40th Birthday Gift Ideas for Women. The tips are awesome for women of all ages, not just forty year olds!
What would life be like without him or her?
One of the loveliest ways to start a love letter is to say, “Without you, my life would be _______.” Fill in the blank with how you truly feel about your partner.
For instance, if I was writing a love letter to Jesus, I might say: “My life is meaningless and superficial without you. I can’t imagine how bleak and sad I’d be if you weren’t in my life, carrying me, loving me, giving me your Spirit and soul. I’m lost without you. You are the light and love of my life, Jesus.”
The WORST way to learn how to write a love letter is to copy what others have written. Never search for a form love letter on the internet. Always use your own words, thoughts, and emotions when you’re writing a love letter.
Where do you want your relationship to go?
Share your hopes and dreams for your relationship. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, then say so. If your heart is melted because you’ve just had a baby or are celebrating a major event in your life, share it in your letter.
The most important tip on how to write a love letter is to be real. Share your honest thoughts and feelings.
If you want to include a specific action with your letter, read Examples of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages.
What not to write in a love letter:
- Promises you can’t keep
- Explanations for your behavior
- Conditions for your relationship (eg, if you move to my city I’ll buy you a house)
- Expectations that aren’t realistic or reasonable
- Drunken ramblings about the day you met
- Memories of past relationships
If you’re aren’t sure what to write in a love letter, ask yourself how you’d feel if you read it. Give yourself time to think about what you should write. Don’t rush into your love letter, or send it before you’ve had a chance to sleep on it.
Extra Tips for Writing Love Letters
What your love letter looks like is as important as what it says.
Hand write your love letter on beautiful paper
Don’t write your love letter on lined paper, graph paper, or scrap paper.
Instead, find a beautiful set of cards – such as the Blue Dragonflies Note Cards. The paper you write your love letters on is almost (but not quite) as important as the words you say. Imagine eating a delicious meal…doesn’t the presentation and appearance affect how the food is experienced? You better believe it!
Don’t email or text your love letter. Instead, make it personal with a handwritten note in pen on good paper.
Include a photo of your sweetheart and you
The loveliest photos are those with people we love. Give your sweetheart a photo of you and her. If you have a blank card, perhaps you could paste the photo to the front of your love letter.
Again, don’t email or text digital photos of you and the person you love. Instead, make time to print up the picture. A printed copy of the photo and your love letter has a stronger effect than an online version.
If you’re looking for gifts to go with a love letter to a woman, read Gift Ideas for Your Girlfriend – From Pretty to Practical.
If you’re writing a love letter to a guy, read How to Find the Best Gifts for Boyfriends.
I welcome your thoughts on how to write a love letter, but I can’t offer advice. You might find it helpful to free write your feelings here, so you can get to the heart of what you want to say in your letter.
“The most important things are the hardest to say.” – Stephen King