These tips for writing a breakup letter will help you say what’s in your heart and on your mind. Knowing how to write a breakup letter is important, but it’s even more important to know what to send along with the breakup letter.
I was once given a gift similar to the Gund Plush “I’m Sorry” Teddy Bear along with a breakup letter. It was actually a very thoughtful, kind way to break up with me – the teddy bear was a comfort at the end of the relationship, as well as a symbol of the good times we shared. You might not want to frame your breakup letter because it’s not something that will be hung on a wall (unless it’s particularly well-written or funny!). But, a teddy bear might be a source of comfort.
It’s never a good idea to break up with someone over email, voice message, Facebook, or text. I know it’s easier to choose one of those breakup methods, but you’ll never forgive yourself. In How to Break Up With Someone You Don’t Love Anymore, I encourage you to have the courage to say good-bye face to face. The person you’re breaking up with deserves a good-bye in person, and maybe even a discussion about why the relationship is over.
7 Tips for Writing a Breakup Letter
The truth is that there is no “formula” on how to write a breakup letter, but these tips might help give you an idea of how to proceed. Every relationship – and every breakup – is different, which means there is no one right way to write a letter that will ease the pain of breaking up. But, there are some universal truths that may help you write a breakup letter in a kind, gentle way.
Expect pain and grief – no matter how kind your breakup letter is
There aren’t many ways to dull the pain of a breakup. You might write the most eloquent, beautiful breakup letter in the world, but the truth is that the grief that follows a breakup is always painful. So, don’t expect your breakup letter to be so good that it doesn’t cause pain or grief.
If you’re breaking up with a partner who struggles with depression or anxiety, read How to Break Up With Someone Who is Depressed.
Talk to your partner in person before writing the breakup letter
A breakup letter isn’t meant to your way out of an in-person conversation about why the relationship is ending. Rather, a breakup letter is an additional way to bring relationship closure. In your letter, you can clear up confusion or misunderstandings that happened during the in-person breakup, and reiterate how much you care about the person you’re letting go of. This tip on how to write a break up letter is important, because you can’t fall back on the letter as a way to hide.
Be honest about why you want to break up
There’s nothing worse than being left or dumped, and not knowing why. You don’t have to be cruel, but you should be honest about why you want to break up in your letter. Write a breakup letter that leaves you vulnerable. Why? Because the more honest and vulnerable you are, the less painful the letter will be for your partner to read. If you show your true feelings and thoughts, your partner will have a better understanding of where you’re coming from.
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Share why you need to end the relationship
Is your partner – or the relationship – too draining, exhausting? Did you fall out of love? Are you running on empty – or are you in love with someone else? It can be very healthy to share why you’re breaking up with your partner, but it depends on why you’re ending the relationship. If you
Describe what attracted you to your partner
Always start a breakup letter with the positive aspects of your partner’s personality and the relationship you had. This won’t erase the pain of breaking up, but it will help him see that he is lovable and valuable. If you want to learn how to write a breakup letter, you need to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. That means writing both the positive and the negative things about your experience with him.
Don’t send the first draft of your breakup letter
In What is Relationship Closure? How to Heal Without a Goodbye, a reader asked for help writing a breakup letter. In encouraged her to write a first draft — don’t even think about sending the first version of your breakup letter! Your first draft is meant to be you learning how to write a breakup letter, and spilling everything that’s in your heart and mind. After you write your first draft, sleep on it for a couple of days. Then write a second version of your breakup letter. You might ask a trusted friend or family member to read the breakup letter before you send it, but it depends on your relationship.
Consider giving your partner a good-bye gift
A teddy bear might be a comforting good-bye gift – it depends on who you’re breaking up with. Some people find parting gifts to be thoughtful and kind, while others find that they just aggravate the pain of the breakup. If you think your partner would find a teddy bear or other parting gift comforting after the breakup, then send it along with the letter.
You might also ask your partner’s friends or family if a good-bye gift is appropriate. If your partner has given you an engagement or friendship ring – or even a wedding band – you might consider returning it with the breakup letter.
Giving your partner some type of gift that is meant to comfort and show your regret can help you end this relationship with grace and love. If you need tips on what to give, let me know in the comments section below.
I welcome your thoughts on how to write a breakup letter below. I can’t offer advice, but it might help you heal if you share what you’re going through.
For ideas on how to move on after your relationship ends, read How to Heal Your Heart Without Relationship Closure.
My prayer is that you find a way to write a breakup letter that is kind, compassionate, and gentle. May you find the right words, and strike the balance between being honest and protecting your partner from further pain.