You can learn how to win him back, but not by forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. Rather, focus on recreating yourself to be the woman you were meant to be.
In The Creative Journal: The Art of Finding Yourself, Lucia Capacchione guides readers through drawing and writing exercises to release feelings, explore dreams, and solve problems creatively. This is a great resource for recreating yourself; topics include emotional expression, healing the past, exploring relationships, self-inventory, health, life goals, and more.
Why do I think recreating yourself is how to win him back? Because if you allow yourself to blossom into the woman God created you to be, you will attract the right man. The tips in this post are less about winning him back, and more about recreating yourself. They’re inspired by a reader’s comment. “We were together for three years and it’s been three days since we broke up,” says Marlene on When He Says “I’m Not in Love With You Anymore”. “Since we broke up I haven’t tried talking to him. But I want to fight for him. I went to his house and he told me he doesn’t love me. I couldn’t believe it, I was devastated, I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was waking up in a bad nightmare. He wants to be friends. I don’t know what to do anymore, please. I still really love him and wish I could have a second chance to show him I’ve changed.”
What tips have you already received on how to win him back? Before you read my advice, take a moment to think about what you already know. Tell me – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.
How to Win Him Back
These strategies aren’t about changing yourself to win your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband back. In fact, it’s best if you forget about him all together! When those thoughts about wishing you were back together come crowding into your mind, I want you to focus instead on freeing yourself from obsessive thoughts.
You are no longer the person you were when you first started your relationship with your ex. You are becoming a new woman. What was true about your life back then – and what was true about yourself – is no longer true. Everything is different now, because you have experienced this relationship and you have gone through a breakup.
You are forging new territory and walking on new ground. This is exciting, because it gives you the chance to recreate your life! It’s not about how to win him back. It’s about becoming the woman God created you to be and building the life you always wanted.
Learn that a man is not your purpose in life
You are smart, creative, resourceful, and perfect just the way you are. Your purpose in life is not to figure out how to win him back; your purpose in life is to become authentic, real, and honest. Your mission isn’t just about recreating yourself, it’s about coming back to who you already are.
Think about how you spend your days. How fulfilled and happy are you? Think about how you spend your evenings and weekends. Are you living a life that fills you with peace, joy, and a sense of purpose? Your ex isn’t your purpose in life, and he’s not meant to be your world. Life is full of exciting, amazing, rich things to be passionate about! Partners are good to have, but they are not our lives.
This is what I want you to remember every time you start thinking about how to win him back: he will come back to you if you and he were meant to be together. It will happen if it’s meant to happen. In the meantime, you need to get busy recreating yourself.
Who do you want to be?
Instead of focusing on how much you want your boyfriend or husband back, start writing about what you need to do to come back to yourself.
When you find yourself, you will find the right relationship.
Questions to Answer in Your Journal
- Am I living the life I really want?
- What do I need to let go of, in order to be happy?
- What do I love doing?
- What did I sacrifice in order to be in my past relationship?
- How am I stronger and better without my ex in my life?
- What is calling to me now?
- How have I responded to or ignored past callings?
- When was I most happy?
If you really, really can’t stop thinking about how to win him back, read How to Get Him Back. But know that I’m not the type of blogger who gives “easy steps to getting your ex back.” I’m the type of woman who believes that if a relationship is meant to be, then it will be.
Suggestions for Recreating Your Life
Notice what relationships or activities nourish you and which ones drain you. It’s the same with your friends and family: see who shows up for you, and who doesn’t.
Experiment with expressing yourself in new ways. Try blogging, painting, playing the flute, writing, and dancing. Creating things will help you recreate yourself, and stop you from focusing on how to win him back.
Pay attention to where your energy is naturally drawn. Don’t ignore weird feelings that lead you to do different things in your life, such as taking a laughter yoga or business blogging course. Follow the energy; this is a glimpse of the new life that is unfolding.
Talk to God. Ask Him why He created you, and how He feels about you. He loves you. He created you for a reason – and the reason you were created was NOT to spend all your time learning how to win your ex back!
If your self-identity is wrapped up in your relationship, read How to Love a Man Without Losing Yourself.
A question for you about how to win him back
What is one word that describes how you feel about your relationship ending? Tell me below. You can write more than a word if you’d like. Sometimes it’s helpful to bundle all your feelings into a word and share how you feel.
While I can’t offer advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of learning how to recreate yourself and letting go of the need to learn how to win him back. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
Here’s my favorite quote from 9 Steps to Achieving Your Dreams and Moving Forward in Life: “One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.” ~ Sidney Howard.
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