One of the biggest obstacles to leaving a bad relationship is not knowing how to support yourself financially after the breakup, separation, or divorce. These tips are in response to a reader who needs money to leave her partner – and they’re also inspired by a parable called “This, Too, Shall Pass.”
In Divorce – The Ultimate Divorce Handbook to Getting Past Your Breakup Financially and Emotionally, Valerie Jeana Cummins describes how to reduce the cost of divorce and offers a step by step check-list of what you’ll need for your divorce attorney and why. You’ll also learn how to cope with depression and get back on your feet again – because supporting yourself financially after a breakup is about being emotionally and spiritually healthy.
Here’s what my reader said on my article about getting money to leave your husband: “I wish I could pack up and leave my husband but I have four kids, no money, no food and nowhere to go. I live in a one stoplight town so I know there’s no way for me to support myself financially with my kids.”
A different reader – a husband – adds that it’s just women in this situation. “I want to leave my wife because she is manipulative and controlling, but I can’t afford to divorce her. She would take everything. Clean me out financially. How does a man get enough money to leave his wife? That’s why husbands and wives hide money, so divorce doesn’t make them go bankrupt.”
Here are a few ideas for supporting yourself financially after a breakup, divorce, or separation. They’re inspired by a parable called “This, Too, Shall Pass.”
This, Too, Shall Pass – A Parable
Once upon a time there was a princess warrior who lived in a far away land. She married a prince who swept her off her feet and promised to treat her like a queen all of her days. Alas, soon after saying “I do”, her prince turned into a frog. He got her pregnant four times, went away all the time on his own private adventures, and left the princess warrior to fend for herself.
She was despondent, sad, and lonely. She wanted to leave the frog, but was fearful of not being able to financially support herself after the breakup – not to mention feeding and sheltering her children.
A time came when the princess warrior finally got tired of her life. She began to seek a way out. She asked Google for tips on how to support herself financially after a breakup, and Google sent her a humble scribe whose only qualification was loving God.
When the scribe arrived, the princess warrior said, “I need freedom – financially, emotionally, and spiritually. Can you give me something that will bring balance, serenity and wisdom into my life? Will you tell me how I can support myself after I leave my cruel husband?”
The scribe said, “I wish I had all the right answers. I wish I could wave my magic pen and give you the money you need to support yourself financially. Alas, I cannot. A windfall of money would not help you grow emotionally or spiritually, and would not be a good lesson for you or your children. What I can give you, however, is a phrase to ponder.”
This, too, shall pass.
“Think of this phrase always,” said the scribe. “Whatever happens, before you call it good or bad, remember that this experience will end, the chapter will close – this moment will pass. You will one day be free from these bonds. If you remember this, you will always find peace.”
5 Tips for Supporting Yourself Financially After a Breakup
What does the parable mean to you? Maybe nothing at first glance. But maybe, if you hold on to the idea that you have the power to change your situation, you will find the hope and faith and you need to start a fresh, new, exciting adventure in your life.
Know that the fear of leaving and starting over will pass
The longer you stay in this relationship, the bigger your fear of leaving will grow. It’s the steps you take towards breaking up that will save you. Every positive move you make will empower you, and you will learn the true meaning of “this, too, will pass.” You will learn that this moment may be scary and depressing, but the next few moments might bring joy and independence. How do you encourage this to happen? You take action.
If you don’t know where to begin, read How to Start the Separation Process.
Ask for help – for help is out there
Immediately after a breakup, you may not be able to support yourself financially. You may have to rely on family, friends, and the kindness of strangers. There IS financial help for women who want to leave their partners or need to get divorced, but it takes time and effort to find the right kind of support. There are no easy answers, but there ARE answers. And it’s up to you to find them. You’re already taking action, and that’s awesome! Good for you.
Do your research
The next step is to start doing research on how to support yourself financially after a breakup in your city, community, region, state, province, or country. Search the internet for “financial support after divorce” with your location as part of the search. Call local or national help lines for women. Call legal aid. Call Social Services. Talk to your kids’ principal, teachers, guidance counselors. Learn how to attract money into your life.
It’s easy to search for tips on supporting yourself financially after a breakup on the internet, because it’s anonymous. And you have the power to share only the parts of the story that you want to share. If you want to get real help in person, you have to be humble. You have to answer personal questions that invade your privacy, and you have to share information that you want to keep secret. You’re embarrassed and ashamed to be in this situation. But, if you’re serious about breaking free and learning how to support yourself financially after a breakup, separation, or divorce, then you need to humbly ask for help.
Be prepared to struggle to support yourself financially after a breakup
On my article about leaving your husband, a reader commented that it’s better to struggle with money and live in poverty than stay married to a man you don’t love or can’t be with anymore. How do you get money to leave your husband? Get a job, borrow money, stay with friends or family. Talk to people about your marriage and ask for help. ASK FOR HELP. People will help you, maybe not by giving you money to leave your husband, but at least by supporting you as you start over in a new life.
When you are humbling yourself and asking for financial help so you can support yourself after a breakup, remember that this, too, will pass.
I welcome your thoughts on how to support yourself financially after a breakup. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to write about your situation. Writing can bring clarity and insight.
My prayer is that you find the help you need. I also pray that you seek God, and ask Him to provide open doors. If you need spiritual strength, read Breakup Advice for Spiritual Women.
This, too, shall pass.