You’d think it’d be easy to leave a man who broke your heart, but it’s surprisingly difficult. Here’s how to stop loving a man who lied to you, cheated on you, and stole your heart.
In I Love You But I Don’t Trust You: The Complete Guide to Restoring Trust in Your Relationship, couples therapist Mira Kirshenbaum tells you what to do to restore trust in your relationship, regardless of how it was damaged (lying, cheating, stealing – or all three!). She will also help you understand how to rebuild trust in stages and strengthen your relationship. You and your boyfriend or husband will learn how to avoid the mistakes that prevent healing and discover how to feel secure with each other again.
However, rebuilding your relationship will only work if you believe your man will stop lying, cheating, and betraying you! If you know you need to leave because he isn’t willing to love you the way you need to be loved, then you need to focus on rebuilding your life. Here’s what one reader said about her unhealthy, unhappy relationship: “I’ve known this man for many years,” wrote Larissa in response to How to Decide if You Should Stay or Go. “All he does is lie to me and treat me as a booty call. But I love him so much. He is now seeing some new chick. My self-esteem is shot. I hate myself. What can I do to get us back together?” She can’t do anything to get her man back, but she can learn how to stop loving him…
How do you stop loving the man you thought you’d spend your life with? You learn how to live a happy, fulfilled, strong life without him. It won’t be easy – it’ll take time and effort – but you CAN move on and re-create your life! Starting now.
How to Stop Loving a Man Who Lies, Cheats, and Steals
It’s important to know that getting over the pain of being cheated on and lied to is a process. It’s not a one-step action that happens immediately. Whether you loved this man for a month or 10 years, he has become part of you. You may have made vows to spend your life with him.
You love him. It’s not possible to just “turn off” your love – even though he lied to you, cheated on you, and stolen your possession, money, or best friend.
Let go of who you were
The reason it’s so difficult to stop loving a man is because he is part of your identity. Maybe you are his wife, or his girlfriend. Maybe you are the mother of his children. You might even be part of his family.
If you want to let him go, then you need to allow your self-identity to change. Instead of seeing yourself as his wife or girlfriend, you need to start seeing yourself differently. The best, healthiest way to do this is to figure out who you want to be. You may have lost who you are in this relationship, but you haven’t lost who you COULD be.
Who do you want to be? Start thinking about how you see yourself now, and how you want to see yourself. Who were you before and during this relationship? Who do you want to become?
Stop focusing on him, him, him
Larissa’s self-esteem is so low because she’s basing her self-worth and value on her boyfriend’s behavior. She’s letting him treat her badly, and she believes that she deserves to be treated like this. So she feels even worse about her life and herself…and she’s stuck in a terrible downward spiral.
How do you stop loving a man who lies and cheats? First, by learning why women stay in bad, loveless, unhealthy relationships. Second, by pulling yourself together and rebuilding your self-image and self-concept. You need to focus on getting emotionally and spiritually healthy. Reconnect with God or whatever you believe your Higher Power to be. Tap into the healing flow of the universe – because it is always there, waiting for you. Reach upwards, go inwards, and get strong!
Surround yourself with supportive friends and family
Get the love you need! Part of learning how to stop loving a man who lies, cheats and steals is finding love in the right places, from the right people.
Be honest with your friends and family about what your boyfriend or husband did. Don’t accept relationship advice – you already know that you have to stop loving him. Tell your friends and family what you need: support, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Listen to their wise counsel – but only if they support your decision. Listen to them if they’re telling you to break up with him, move on, and find someone who will love and cherish you. This is one time that you have to put your own thoughts and feelings aside, and go with the crowd’s opinion. I would never tell someone I love to stay with a man who treats her like garbage. And, I would tell her to stop listening to his lies and ignoring his infidelities and accepting his thefts. Men do this because women let them.
Surround yourself with strong, smart, successful women
Who are your friends? You are absorbing the qualities and habits of the people you surround yourself with.
Are you surrounded by women who are setting and achieving goals? Are they happy and healthy, strong and spiritual? Find women who are emotionally and physically strong, happy, balanced, and successful at work and home. You can stop loving this man who lies to you, cheats on you, and steals from you…but you can’t do it alone.
Get emotionally and physically healthy
The healthier you are, the less likely you’ll be drawn to men who lie, cheat, and steal. Your emotional and physical health is united — that’s your mind-body connection in action. Get emotionally healthy by reading books like the one I featured above, or 10 Simple Solutions for Building Self-Esteem: How to End Self-Doubt, Gain Confidence & Create a Positive Self-Image. Get physically healthy by doing yoga and Pilates, or taking a spinning or kickboxing class.
You need to re-create yourself as a woman, my friend. You need to become strong, happy, and successful — and dump the men who treat you like dirt. Rebuild your self-esteem, your self-image, your self-confidence.
Learn how to let go of a man you love
You have to stop centering your life around this man. I know how hard it is – that’s why I wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for healing Your Heart.
We all heal differently. When I first lost someone I loved deeply, I slept a lot. I found it healing and rejuvenating to escape into sleep I had no energy to exercise or go to work or even learn different ways to stop loving a man who lied to me and cheated on me. I didn’t care about anything…until I got enough sleep. I found energy. I started healing.
Your life, your days, your experiences are worth so much more than any man. You can’t base your existence and self-esteem on anyone. You need to build a strong, happy, healthy life outside of your broken marriage or relationship.
If you believe your boyfriend or husband lied, cheated and stole because you you, read How to Feel Better About Yourself.
What advice would you give women who can’t stop loving men who lie, cheat, and steal? I welcome your thoughts below, but I can’t offer advice or counseling. Share your experience, and allow the very act of writing to help you figure out how to let go of the man you thought you loved.
“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” – Elizabeth Taylor.