Relationship boredom might lead to a painful, unnecessary breakup. These tips on how to stop being bored in relationship will help you find happiness in life and peace with your partner.
If you believe you’re bored in a relationship because of lack of physical intimacy or passion, read Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch. My tips on how to stop being bored in relationships aren’t about intimacy in the bedroom. That’s a whole ‘nother book.
“A substantial theme that surfaces when women say why they left solid, stable marriages or committed adultery against good, devoted, faithful men, is that they were bored,” says Naomi Wolf in The Secret Reason Women Leave Good Relationships.
I sometimes get bored in my relationship because I don’t know what a long-term marriage is supposed to be like. I grew up with a single schizophrenic mother and no dad, and have no idea what it’s like to be in a stable family. So, my relationship boredom stems from ignorance. I simply don’t know what a healthy marriage is supposed to look and feel like, so I get restless and bored. Relationships can’t be exciting and passionate all the time, I’m learning. There are ups and downs in healthy marriages and all types of relationships.
The main reasons for boredom in relationships:
- Lack of intellectual connection
- Lack of drama or excitement
- Unrealistic relationship expectations
- Feeling of dying inside
The most common and insidious reason for boredom in relationships is unrealistic expectations because of Hollywood movies and TV shows. We see the romance and sexual sizzle of couples falling in love, suffering through misunderstandings and conflict, and reuniting in a blaze of romance and love. We don’t see the routine, frustration, and boredom of being in a long-term relationship.
If you know you have unrealistic expectations for your relationship, read 3 Myths About Being Married.
Don’t expect too much Shazam! when you’re reading my tips on how to stop relationship boredom from causing a breakup. I have no magic or miracles, but I know how to cure boredom in relationship. I tried all three of these tips, and all three work. The secret is to figure out the root cause of your relationship boredom, and pick the tip that applies to the problem.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
How to Stop Being Bored in a Relationship
If you’re bored in your relationship because you’re unhappy, you need to change your mood, attitude, and ways of interacting with the world. Blaming or trying to change your partner won’t make you happy. In fact, it’ll lead to increased levels of frustration and pain.
Change what you’re doing in your life
If you’re bored and unhappy in your relationship, it may simply be because you’re a bored and unhappy person. Your relationship isn’t the cause of your boredom, and it isn’t your partner’s fault that you’re bored and lonely. It’s not your partner’s job to bring excitement into your life or stop you from being bored in relationship. It’s your job to make yourself happy from the inside out. What works for me? God. He makes me happy and peaceful, no matter what’s happening in my marriage.
If you aren’t happy, read 8 Reasons Why You Are So Unhappy.
Part C of the “change yourself” tip on how to stop relationship boredom is to take responsibility for your own life. If you’re bored with your relationship, you’re probably bored with your life. How can you make your life more exciting? That’s your job to figure out, implement, and maintain.
Change your relationship
If you’re bored in relationship because your partner is emotionally unavailable, living in a different country, or too busy at work or with his other activities to pay attention to you, read How to Make Your Relationship Last – for Better or Worse.
You can’t change your partner, but you can change how you act in your relationship. You can change how you relate to your partner, and the changes you make can help stop relationship boredom.
A few ideas for changing your relationship:
- Take a marriage course
- Take a trip to Taiwan or Tahiti
- Take a course in Sanskrit
- Adopt a dog or foster a child
- Volunteer as a Big Brother, Big Sister, or Big Couple
- Challenge each other intellectually and musically by learning a new instrument
The key is to do things as a couple that are interesting, challenging, and even exciting. When was the last time you did something fun with your partner?
Change how you think about your relationship
If your relationship boredom is caused by the unrealistic expectations I mentioned above, then you need to change your thoughts.
Do think your marriage should be like Brad Pitt’s and Angelina Jolie’s? Do you envy your sister’s relationship because she’s never bored? Do you think your partner should try harder to make you happy? Maybe you’re like me, and you grew up in with a single parent so you have no idea what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. If so, you need to learn different ways to think about your relationship.
Add a dash of God to your life
Part B of “change how you think about your relationship” is to consecrate your marriage to your Creator, the One who brought you and your partner together. Believe it or not, God is a very exciting entity who can change your life in dramatic ways. Following His lead might be the most adventurous thing you ever do in your life – and He will teach you how to stop being bored in a relationship forever.
I welcome your thoughts on these tips on how to stop being bored in your relationship. I can’t offer advice, but you may find it helpful to share your thoughts!