These tips on starting over after a breakup will help you see that your relationship isn’t the most important thing in your life. You will move on and be happy again – and it’s only your effort that counts.
One of my favorite books on how to start over after a breakup is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: The Smart Girl’s Break-Up Buddy by Greg Behrendt and Amira Ruotola-Behrendt. I gave a friend this book, because she had been struggling to accept a breakup for two years. She just couldn’t see how to make a fresh start in her life. She’s been stuck in her anger and grief about the divorce, and can’t accept any tips on how to start over. This book helped her see that her marriage was unhealthy and it was making her unhappy – it was a broken marriage, and it deserved a breakup! She deserved to start over – but one of the main reasons people stay in an unhealthy relationships is because they don’t know how to move forward.
I’ve written several articles about getting over a bad breakup, and most of my tips revolve around emotional and psychological ways to heal and move on. These tips for starting over after a breakup are more practical – except for the first one.
How to Start Over After a Breakup
If you’re still in love with your ex, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love.
Take an objective look at your relationship
How do you start over after a breakup when your whole identity and self-image was tied to your relationship? My friend can’t accept the idea of starting over because all she ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. She refuses to transition to this new stage of life because everything about her old life was about one thing: her marriage.
Is your relationship part of your life, or your whole life?
Is your identity multifaceted, or one-sided? It’s harder to know how to start over after a breakup when everything you are is tied up in your relationship. I encourage you to think about starting over in terms of other aspects of your self-identity – not just your relationship. It’s important to grieve the end of your relationship, but it’s equally important to grow into a well-balanced person who isn’t tied to one thing.
Who are you, outside your relationship?
Successfully starting over after a breakup involves recreating yourself. Who do you want be, where do you want your life to go, what do you want to dedicate your life to?
Life is about much more than your relationship – and knowing how to start over after breaking up is about making your life more meaningful and creative. You don’t have to stay stuck in the past, in the old idea of who and what you were.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Start something new after a breakup
You don’t have to quit your job, go back to school, or move overseas!
I encourage those new ventures because I think they’re the best tips on how to start over after a breakup – they challenge you and stretch you beyond what you think you can do. But, starting over also means small steps towards new beginnings.
One of my most popular articles is How to Detach From Someone You Care About. It might help you start over if you feel attached to your ex.
Ideas for starting over after a breakup:
- Learn how to start a book club
- Challenge yourself to start making new friends
- Set new career goals – learn how to choose a new career
- Play with the idea of finding a job overseas and working abroad
- Think about making a career change and even going back to school
In How to Start Over After a Bad Breakup, Peggy Nolan describes how she changed her perspective on herself and her marriage after her husband left her. She knows a lot about how to start over after a breakup – and her experience will help you cope.
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.” Louis L’Amour.
What is holding you back from starting over after a breakup? I welcome your thoughts below. I can’t offer advice or counseling on how to start over after a breakup, but it may help you to share your experience.
May you find God in this breakup. May your relationship with Him bring peace, love, power, and strength to your life. May you see yourself as He sees you, and love yourself as He loves you.