Here are a few tips on overcoming the disappointment you feel in your relationship, your husband, or your boyfriend. Feeling disappointed doesn’t mean your relationship is over, and there are things you can do to refresh your connection.
I’m reading a lot of Byron Katie these days. In A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are, she describes how to accept every circumstance with total ease and peace. Acceptance and surrender are so important for anyone who wants a peaceful life! Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re a passive doormat. On the contrary, acceptance gives you strength and clarity to see how you can change the situation.
Last night I was talking to a friend about the depression she’s been struggling with for three years. The emotional exhaustion, physical fatigue, and spiritual numbness is bad – but the fact that her husband doesn’t realize the extent to which she’s suffering is worse. She is so disappointed in their relationship – in her husband – and that makes her depression more difficult to cope with.
Is your relationship getting in the way of healing from a physical or emotional health issue? Sometimes “love” can actually drag us down and prevent us from achieving a fully healthy, happy life.
I don’t have all the answers. I may not even have a single tip that will help overcome your disappointment in your partner. But, I have a few ideas…
Overcoming Disappointment in Your Relationship
Read 5 Reasons to Take a Relationship Break if you think you won’t be able to overcome the disappointment you feel.
Write down what you’re most disappointed about
What are your biggest relationship disappointments? What do you wish was different – how do you wish your boyfriend or husband was a different man? My friend wishes her husband took her emotional health more seriously. She is so disappointed that he says things like, “Just snap out of it! Be grateful for what you have, and you’ll feel better.” She loves her husband – and he loves her – but he just doesn’t understand how debilitating depression can be. This doesn’t make him a “bad” or uncaring man. It’s just who he is.
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Write down all the disappointments you feel in your relationship – even the pettiest, most judgmental things. Get it all out. Feel and express your frustration, sadness, and disappointment in your partner. Take time to express your feelings and wishes.
If you don’t have specific reasons to be disappointed, read You’re Married to a Great Guy – Why Aren’t You Happy?
There is a difference between accepting disappointment in your relationship and actively trying to change someone. You can’t force your partner to see things or act differently. You can’t change him!
Accept that your relationship is unfolding as it is meant to
In A Thousand Names for Joy: Living in Harmony with the Way Things Are, Katie writes, “Things go their own sweet way, whether you want them to or not.” She also encourages us to become a lover of what is, because then the war is over. Everything that happens – even the worst relationship disappointments and betrayals – is meant to exist this way.
There is so much freedom in taking a deep breath and accepting the way things are. Accept your relationship for what it is, your partner for who he is.
Learn what you need to do to live with yourself
It is not your job to change him, but you can change your response to how you feel and to his actions. I don’t think my friend should just roll over and accept her husband’s perceptions of her depression. Her family organized an intervention; her parents, a therapist, and my friend sat down with her husband to help him realize the magnitude of her emotional health issues. They weren’t trying to change him; they were simply trying to help him see reality.
What can you do to overcome the disappointment you feel? To be happy and healthy, you need to actively try different things in your relationship. You can’t just be disappointed in your partner without making attempts to change things.
There’s a balance between accepting your partner for who he is, and trying to grow into a happier, healthier relationship. And of course, you need to be aware when you’re settling for less than you deserve in a relationship.
I welcome your comments on how to overcome disappointment in your relationship below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you if you share your experience.
May you be blessed with wisdom, courage, and peace in your relationship and your life.
“It is necessary to let some things go, simply because they are too heavy to carry.”