These tips on moving on after a painful break up will help you find your inner strength. Faith, courage, hope, and trust are the qualities you need to nurture after breaking up with someone you love. It takes strength to believe that the best is yet to come – but believe you must.
Every day, I read a blurb from Melody Beattie’s More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations. Her daily snippets are short and powerful, and they help me break free from anxiety, sadness, emotional pain, negativity – anything that holds me back.
“We can want things, pray for things, and hope that things will come to pass,” says Beattie. “But ultimately, we’re not in control. Instead of spending our time and energy trying to get someplace else, we can learn the lesson and enjoy the beauty of the life we’ve been given.”
9 Steps Forward After a Bad Breakup
These nine tips for moving on after a break up – inspired by a reader’s comment on When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore. She said her boyfriend is a player who broke up with her. She misses him so much, she wants to talk to him and hug him so much! They are in a long distance relationship, and it’s been four months since they last saw each other. She feels trapped, and doesn’t know how to move on after a break up. She’s stuck in a place where they had shared so many memories – her own house.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned in my life is acceptance. If you want peace and happiness in your life, you need to accept this break up and move on. I know it’s easier said than done, but believe me when I say that acceptance is the path to healing, peace, and joy. I accepted several break ups before I got married when I was 35 years old, and I fought each break up. My refusal to accept reality caused me so much more pain and grief than necessary!
Why are you refusing to accept this break up? Take a deep breath, and write down five reasons you are resisting healing, acceptance, moving on. Yes, you love him and can’t live without him (or can you?). Yes, it hurts so much to be rejected, cast aside, unloved. Yes, the thought of him with someone else pierces your heart and soul. It hurt so much. Go into the pain – write down the specific reasons for your hurt. Write down your fears. Are you scared you’ll never be loved again? Are you worried about what your friends and family members are saying? If you truly want to move on after breaking up, you need to be honest with yourself.
Knowing how to move on after a break up is about trusting God (or the Universe, if you don’t believe in God).
For some reason, this person isn’t yours. He is not meant to be in your life right now. He isn’t good for you for some reason. God is looking out for you! He loves you and wants the best for you. He would never withhold someone or something that is good for you – and you need to trust that your life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to.
You are not alone. Does it help to know that yours isn’t the only broken heart in your house, on your block, in your school, at your workplace, or on this blog? Every day thousands of readers visit Quips and Tips for Love and Relationships, and 95% of them are struggling with heartbreak. I myself carry the grief of losing people I love, not being able to have children, not having a dad – and I know I’m not alone. We are all broken, we are all in pain, and we all suffer. It sucks…unless we find a source of peace, strength, joy, love, and grace.
Healing after a break up is about finding your source of strength. For me, it’s books about healing and acceptance. I’m also learning how to turn to God when I’m hurt, disappointed, crushed, broken-hearted. What is your source of strength? Maybe it’s talking to friends, reading articles about breaking up, finding books that give you wisdom, trying new activities to redirect your thoughts, praying to God for healing and hope, or seeking the help of a professional counselor.
In my list of ways to find strength when you’re learning how to move on after a break up, I listed a variety of action words: talking, reading, finding, trying, praying, seeking. You need to find the balance between grieving your loss and moving towards a healthier, happier life. If you can’t shake off feelings of self-pity, grief, loss, and heartache, then it’s time to start helping other people. Volunteer. Be a Big Sister, go visit a senior’s retirement home, help clean up your neighborhood. Stop looking inward, start looking outward.
In 8 Signs He Doesn’t Love You, I share some of the things I’ve accepted and let go of. The trick to letting go is knowing that nothing in our lives is secure. If you can hold your loved ones, possessions, and even your hopes and dreams loosely, then you’ll be able to heal and move on after losing something you love.
By “loosely hold”, I mean we need to remember that every person, creature, experience, and possession is a gift. We need to be grateful for what we have, and always be aware that tomorrow could bring changes that we may not like. This is good advice on how to move on after a break up before you actually break up with someone, of course – but it’s important to remember that nothing in this world is certain.
Healing is the crux of knowing how to move on after a breakup. How we heal depends on our personalities, experiences, lifestyles, likes, dislikes, hobbies, etc. How have you healed in the past? Think about what worked for you, and what didn’t work. Instead of truly healing, people often turn to food, drugs, drink, sex, work, gaming. There are so many unhealthy ways to cope with grief and pain! What are your healthy ways of dealing with heartache? Tell me below.
In 7 Ways to Pick Up the Pieces of Your Broken Heart I quote Alexander Graham Bell: “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
What doors are now open to you? In what ways are you free? Who can you be, now that you aren’t in that relationship? Pay attention to the gifts you’ve been given. Stop drowning in your grief and sadness and self-pity. You have given yourself enough time to grieve the end of your relationship! If you truly want to move on after this break up, you need to start looking for open doors, new opportunities, and ways to rebuild your life.
I welcome your thoughts on how to move on after a break up. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but it may help you to share your experience. Writing often brings clarity and insight.
“Doubt if you must, but persist.” – Sue Bender.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.
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