Nervous about your date? Scared you’ll say the wrong thing? Use these tips to make your first date fun, easy, and enjoyable for you both!
If you want to attract the right guy into your life, read The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible. It’ll help you claim your feminine power and give you freedom to be who you are.
And remember that you’re looking for someone who isn’t looking for limousine rides: “Lots of people will ride in the limo with you, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ~ Oprah.
Sometimes the worst first date experiences (eg, car breaks down, horrible sound at a concert, rude waitstaff) can be a blessing! Suffering through something difficult together on your first date will reveal your date’s personality quirks and ability to flow when life throws a wrench in your plans.
If your past relationships have left a bad test in your mouth, read Dealing With Trust Issues in Relationships.
And here are a few more ideas and dating tips…
7 Ways to Make the First Date Fun, Easy, and Enjoyable
“People will tell us everything we need to know about them in the first 15 minutes – most of us just don’t pay attention to the information we get,” writes Dr Joy Browne in Dating Disasters and How to Avoid Them. “The most extreme case of this tendency is when we’re dating. In addition to the stress and excitement of meeting and reacting to a stranger with potential romantic interest, we’re busy presenting who we want to come off as: likeable, lovable, cute, sexy, and sane. We see less of who the other people are because we’re so nervous about who we are.”
The first tip for having a good time dating is to focus on your date. Who is he or she? What kind of person? What does she think, know, and feel? Get curious about her…and you’ll forget your nervousness.
Tackle the controversial topics
The best, most fun first date I ever had was eating snake and alligator at a restaurant on West 4th in Kitsilano, Vancouver, BC. We debated the pros and cons of a a museum display of women’s used feminine hygiene products. It was fascinating to hear his perspective (“I have no idea what ‘feminine hygiene is all about, so I want to see!”) and to share mine (“Ewww…used hygiene products are icky smelly garbage! Why ruin a woman’s mystery and beauty by putting that stuff on display?”).
Though I liked this guy a lot, I decided he wasn’t the one for me. I think I was scared of being in a relationship.
Don’t eat dinner together on your first date
“Eating in front of a person you barely know and want to impress is not the world’s most comfortable experience,” writes Dr Browne. “Everyone at the table feels pressured and on edge…and the food hasn’t even arrived yet.”
If you do decide to eat dinner together on a first date I think you should be at home. Cook something fun together, like tapas or Mexican food! For ideas, read 10 Tips for Cooking for a First Date.
Date here — not there!
Avoid movies, plays, the opera, or a loud concert for your first date. The point of the date is to get to know one another; if you can’t talk, then you won’t connect. Instead of dinner at a restaurant, consider these first date ideas: art galleries, amusement parks, museums, botanical gardens, dance lessons, dog or cat shows, the horse races, or cooking lessons.
Don’t go on a first date on a Friday or Saturday night
To make your date fun and easy, pick a low-key night, such as Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, to avoid the “Saturday Night Date Pressure.” Or, consider meeting on Saturday or Sunday afternoon, when it’s daylight and low pressure. Also, schedule a short amount of time (two or three hours) – not a 7 hour marathon.
Wear the right clothes – don’t send the wrong message
“Make sure that your clothing is clean, comfortable, and appropriate, and it doesn’t send any message that you don’t want it to,” writes Dr Browne. “If you’re the person making the date, be clear about what you’re going to wear – it’s okay to suggest the dress code so at least you’ll match, more or less.”
If you do happen to dress too formally or too casually – let it go. If you relax and enjoy yourself no matter what happens, you’re less likely to have a disastrous first date.
Be on time, or call if you’re running late
Don’t be late – that’s a bad first date idea! If you’re a few minutes early or a few minutes late (by “few”, I mean 5 or 10), it shouldn’t be a problem. If you’re more than 15 minutes late, call as soon as you know you’ll be late and give an approximate arrival time. This isn’t just a tip for the first date; it’s a sign of respect for all your relationships.
And remember that respecting your date makes you more appealing and likable, which will help you attract the man you want.
Get comfortable with small talk
“Commenting on your surroundings, the weather, other people at a party (making sure you’re not being mean), a painting, a wall color, the food, or the band that’s playing can make great conversation starters, but using wit on an early date is always a bit problematic,” writes Dr Browne. “Even for those of us with a good sense of humor, we have no idea what someone we hardly know will find funny.”
Dr Browne also points out that nervous women tend to speak faster, while men tend to clam up. So, give your date time to collect his thoughts. If you’re not great at chit chat, read First Date Conversation Starters.
And if you’re nervous about dating, say it! It’s charming to share your fears, and it makes you more likeable. Bad dates are sometimes the result of not being honest or vulnerable, so try to relax and be yourself.
If you have any comments on these tips for making dating fun and easy, please comment below. I can’t offer dating advice, but sharing your thoughts can bring insight and clarity.
May your first date be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Your thoughts are welcome below! I don't give advice, but you can get free relationship help from marriage coach Mort Fertel.