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How to Let Go of Someone You Love

When you let go of someone you love, you release the hold they have on you. You become free to move forward and be happy again. Here, you’ll learn healthy ways to let go of a relationship, heal your heart, and move forward in your life.

“My heart is broken into a million pieces,” says Briana on How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About. “No matter how much I tell myself that I deserve better and remember that he cheated on me, lied to me and made me feel bad about myself, I still feel a horrible ache from missing him. I try to tell myself that one day I will meet someone who is right for me…but my thoughts constantly go back to him. At first I still talked to him and hoped that he would want me back, but now it’s strictly no contact. I have had loss in my life before (my father died and my husband left me six months later) but I never felt as devastated as I do now. Why can’t I let go?”

You are not alone – and you will find ways to heal your heart and let go of someone you love. I focus on looking upwards and inwards, on re-establishing your self-identity and self-worth. I also share a portion or two of my “how to let go of someone you love” ebook – which I describe at the end of this article.

Giving up on a relationship doesn’t mean you are weak. Sometimes it means you are brave enough to let go.

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

It’s important to remember that letting go of someone you love isn’t something you do once and poof! You’re free, healed, and happy. Rather, letting go is a journey peppered with steps forward and steps backward, good days and bad days.

And, know that letting go of someone you love is like losing a piece of your identity. 

“You hold on because you are holding on to something that keeps your sense of self intact,” writes Camilla Gibb in This is Happy. “You have come to know and understand yourself in relationship to this person. You can let go only when your sense of self, your cohesion, no longer depends upon the idea of them, an idea that remains for a long time inextricable from the very idea of yourself.”

If you truly want to let go of someone you love, then you need to change how you see yourself. You need to be aware of who you were in that relationship (a girlfriend, a wife, a lover) and accept that that season of your life is over.

When that relationship was alive, you were that person. But now that the relationship is over, you are someone new and different.

1. Consider the idea that this season of your life is right for you

You may feel unhappy, sad, wrong and lost when you’re struggling to learn how to let go of someone you love. You don’t feel loved, warm, centered, or right. Maybe you feel depressed and unworthy, alone and afraid.

But what if this breakup, separation, or divorce is actually the best thing for you? What if you knew what God knows about your life and future…can you imagine what it would feel like if you found out that letting go of this person you love is the best thing for you?

Learning how to let go of a relationship is painful. It hurts, and there is no way around the pain. Unless you allow yourself to entertain the idea that this really is the best way for your life to unfold. I’ve written about how my sister stopped talking to me, and how it was the most painful thing in my life. And recently I realized that learning how to let her go was one of the most important things I ever did. I found freedom, joy, and peace in accepting her decision and letting her go.

2. Accept that you did the best you could in your relationship

how to let go of someone you loveDon’t waste your time or energy feeling guilty or bad about the choices you made in your relationship! I spent a couple of years wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, and low self-worth. And for what? It did no good at all. It was actually harmful because I was wrestling with unknowns. I didn’t know why I lost someone I loved deeply, I had no idea why she chose to leave me.

You did the best you could, you loved as much as you were able. No matter what you did or didn’t do in your relationship, it ended. If you want to be happy and healthy – which involves learning how to let go of someone you love – you need practice acceptance.

3. Decide what needs to change in your life

You have to actively decide you want to let go of someone you love. Who do you want to be? Where do you want to live, work, love, play, and laugh? Yes, you need to grieve the fact that you have to start over because your relationship ended. You need to go through the pain, process the loss, and work through the disappointment and broken dreams. This is active grieving, and it is so healthy! Actively grieving your loss is doing exactly what you’re doing: searching for tips on how to let go of someone you love, and actually applying those ideas to your life.

Avoid the temptation to focus on your lost relationship and the pain of letting go. Instead, take time to consider the possibilities and options. You are on the verge of a new beginning and fresh start in your life. This isn’t easy. I know. It’s painful in a variety of different circumstances, and it requires strength and courage. But encouraging yourself to focus on seasons ending and fresh new beginnings can help you learn how to let go of a loved one and move forward in hope, faith, and peace.

4. Accept your lack of control

 To let go of someone you love, you need to accept that you can’t control many things in your life. You can’t control who loves you, who leaves you, who helps you, who betrays you. You can’t control your neighborhood, the traffic, the weather, or the economy. Of all the things you want to change in your life, remember that you can’t change people. You can sometimes change circumstances, and you can change your attitude and response to events and people but you can’t change your husband, children, coworkers, neighbors, or family members.

One of the hardest things about letting go of someone you love is not having closure in your relationship. Read How to Move on From an Ex You Still Love.

5. Refresh yourself emotionally and spiritually

The happiest, healthiest people are in touch with their spiritual and emotional selves. Adding spirituality to your life not only makes you feel better emotionally, it improves your physical health.

“Being spiritual” doesn’t mean you need to go to church, synagogue, or mosque. Being in touch with your spiritual self is about dipping into the flow of God’s healing energy. However you describe your Higher Power to be, step into that flow.

How to Let Go of Someone You Love

How to Let Go of Someone You Love


Tap into your soul by meditating, praying, taking time to really listen to your heart, reading Scripture or other soulful books, and talking to people about spiritual matters. The end of a relationship – when you’re trying to let go of someone you love – is a perfect time to start getting back into your spiritual life.

It’s important to remember that letting go of someone you cared deeply for is a process that takes time. Let yourself heal gradually, and grieve your loss. Don’t expect to be happy, healthy, healed overnight! It’ll take time and work, but if you take it slow and steady, you’ll find yourself coming out of the tunnel of darkness.

6. Take care of yourself by asking for the help you need

“My husband of three years is planning to leave me without an explanation,” says Michelle on What ‘Letting Go of Someone You Love’ Means. “He is in a band and tours every now and then, but that has never been a problem till this tour. Within a week he started distancing himself. No calls, hardly any replies to my messages on Facebook. I want to know how to let go of someone you love because I believe he will leave me. How do I let go of him and start over? I don’t want to stay in this relationship because I know letting go is the best option for me. But I just don’t know how to start.”

When you can’t let go of the past, you might consider a session or two with a life coach, counselor, financial adviser, or even a professional organizer (sometimes getting a divorce requires literally cleaning out your closets, attic, basement, garage, etc). An objective outsider can help you let go and move on.

Whether you should hire a life coach or talk to a counsellor depends on your situation. If you’re struggling with self-identity, major life changes, fear, anxiety, depression, or your marriage, then I encourage you to talk to a counselor or therapist. Get provide objective support, feedback and guidance that your friends and family can’t offer when you’re trying to let go of someone you love. If you have money problems, financial advisers can help you become financially independent. Professional organizers can help you declutter — which can improve your physical and mental health.

Help Letting Go of Someone You Love

how to break up with someone you don't loveI wrote How to Let Go of Someone You Love: Powerful Secrets and Practical for Healing Your Heart to help you cope with the loss of a relationship. It hurts to let go of someone you love – even if you’re not “in love” anymore. The pain of breaking up affects every part of your life: your daily routine, work, family relationships, friends, hopes and dreams for your future, and even your financial plans.

The first version of this ebook was called How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart. I wrote it several years ago, and have learned a lot about loving, losing, and letting go since then. So, I rewrote the ebook. My prayer is that it helps heal your heart, and gives you comfort and guidance.

To learn how to let go, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is to let go of a relationship. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering who you are.

How are you feeling? I welcome your comments below. Writing about your relationship and the breakup can help you heal and move forward in your life.

May you find healing and faith – forgiveness and hope – as you move forward in your life. God didn’t promise days without pain, sun without rain…but He did promise strength for the day and light for the way.



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93 thoughts on “How to Let Go of Someone You Love”

  1. Everyone thinks he’s the best but I know better. He cannot or will not have a normal conversation with me about anything regarding my feelings. My feelings are always wrong and he’s so damn snippy with me. Makes me so mad. I use to just keep my mouth closed but I don’t anymore. I’m at my wits end. Twenty yrs with this man and it’s 19 too many. I need to leave but don’t know where to go. It’s funny, I used to be a strong woman but I don’t feel that way anymore.

    1. Your words are an echo of mine. 42 years and I don’t know where the time has gone. My hope died last week after a long and gut-wrenching journey of lies and betrayal. I’m left wondering what if any of it was real.

      1. I think it helps knowing I’m not alone and sharing here. I’m still trying to figure out what to do. He’s been working out of town a lot the past couple of months o that definitely helps!

  2. Thank you for these tips. I am struggling at the current moment and reading these tips really helped in getting a better perspective towards life and how to feel “free’ again. The pain is still there and I am sure it will take time. Great advice though.

  3. Thank you so much for this. It sounds like I am on the right track for healing. It just doesnt necessarily feel that way most times. I am doing everything that you mentioned though and I believe God will heal my heart soon and I will prevail!

  4. My husband left me and my girls on the 23rd of this month. I am devastated, 7 years together and he walks out on us.
    He still told me he loved me, had sex with me, held my hand, called me baby, snuggled with me. At first he told me that it was too late to save our marriage. But I knew it was a lie, I could tell in his voice. I asked him, did he still want to fix our marriage and he said yes. But he still left, I don’t understand why he still left even after he said he still loves me and wants our marriage to be fixed.
    I could tell that him leaving was hard, I could tell that it was killing him to walk away from me. So why do it? Why leave knowing the effect it has on me? My kids are too young to understand, but I am in constant pain and he acts like he doesn’t care?

    How do I let go? How can I cope with this? How can I get over the fact he wants to fix our marriage and yet leave anyway? I don’t know what to do.

  5. I so need to let go of the relationship I am in, His responses to me are always so negative or sarcastic .He has lied to me about speaking with other women and thinks its ok to hide that. The relationship has so many obstacles from kids to liening and different thinking. I so needed to read this article. I do realize I will be better off but the fear has overtaken my thinking and the betrayal of lies has me feeling abandon from my childhood. Thank you for the article as I will continue to Pray for God to comfort me and give me strength.

    1. Praying for you….I’m so lost right now I don’t know what to do. I can’t ignore the feelings in my heart. I’m furious with myself for not being stronger & not having the backbone to WALK AWAY after everything he has put me through – instead I keep putting up with it because I cannot ignore the feeling in my heart that constantly says HE IS THE ONE. It’s getting to the point where it’s physically taken over me – I can’t keep my food down & I’ve had the shakes for the past 2 days. I’m embarrassed to go out in public b/c my confidence is so low, & I’m super defensive with the few people I can actually talk to right now – I’ve shelled myself in from the rest of the world. We broke up 3 years ago, & after time apart, after many conversations & growth, I really thought this time around we could make it work, b/c I never stopped loving him all these years. He convinced me that he’s the one for me, that we needed to get married, have kids, that this time around it would work, etc – and I believed him….until I caught him red-handed with another woman last weekend. Now he is claiming he “doesn’t know what he’s doing”, and acting like he didn’t do anything wrong b/c he’s “lost”. It’s so much harder losing him a SECOND time, because I worked so hard on myself the past 3 years to grow, find my own happiiness, discover self-love, gain confidence, make my own friends, discover my own talents, etc. All of that is gone, & I’m furious that I have to find it again & don’t have the strength to. Not this time around. I’m so sick of feeling this kind of pain. I don’t understand a life that is so hurtful – why God puts us here if we go through all of this pain – only to heal, only to get hurt again.

      1. I hope you have found the strength within yourself to have healed since you’ve posted this. Your story hit very close to home in what I’ve been facing it was as if I was reading my own story and struggle. I wish you well.

      2. Sweetie, I understand. I am sitting in this same pain right now. Reading this shifted something in me. You can’t possibly see the grace ahead at this moment. But I believe it’s there. Sometimes I can’t even sit up straight because my stomach is in such knots. You are not alone. He is not the one. This is NOT normal. We just don’t know what healthy feels like. ❤

  6. This is worth reading. I am happy that I came across your blog. Almentor also helped me during my breakup. I took a course about Life Management and one of the topics is about Moving on and I didnt regret that I took the course.

  7. I feel completely helpless. the man I love got married to someone else and we were engaged but I let fear get in the way and didn’t think I was ready for marriage and its all just a huge blown up thing and Its been a year since the break up but the memories are so constant and I’m not a good person in many ways because I’m bitter about the past. I just want to change what happened and have him back. I feel like it would solve everything. looking at how he fell in love with someone else and thinking to myself wow I really lost a good man. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have any friends really because everyone is sick of me obsessing over him. I met his wife sometime last year when they were just engaged and I started assuming maybe it was an abusive relationship since he moved on so fast maybe she was pressuring him into marriage and friends of his told me it wasn’t that way and I didn’t listen and I’m a really bad person. I grew up in the faith but I feel nothing but emptyness inside. I know he was the one and I know that I blew it and I know so many people go through losing someone… letting go…. but I seriously don’t have a life without him. I just know we were meant to be…..in the movies like Titanic she falls in love with the boy and it reminds me of him because I had made a conscious choice to choose him and not care what others thought then somewhere down the line I cared about what others thought and emotionally destroyed myself. I feel like I’m in a permanent rut for the rest of my life. he is as seriously the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m not close with anyone in my life because I have depression but I’ve let it cripple me and keep me in a very unhealthy place in my head and in my life. I feel like if he came back, I could be myself again. but he’s married and so me wishing for him to get a divorce is wrong and not good morals but I just feel the way I feel and It’s a never ending cycle… not even building friendships because I’m so self centered about this and every day that goes by I’m wasting waiting for my old life to return… just knowing that I could make it better if he hadn’t moved on… feeling that everywhere I go… its a mistake to be there because he’s not there and he needs to be there…. I know he is the one God created for me.

  8. Hi I’m Charlotte and I’m going through a time where I’m hurting the most, would I be able to speak to anyone for advice about how to let go of someone you love?

    1. its tough Charlotte, im going through the same thing…all I think about is him and he is home with his wife comforting her…she found out about me we saw each other..he came to my house told me he left her but 4 hours after he left me and went back home with his wife and children….we have to realize that these men are gone and we have to stop living as if they are still in our lives, the are not…they are with their wives working on their relationships with their wives…they are never coming back to use us or take from us….im not beating them up im just stating facts….try to work it out but if you cant move on

  9. A lot of the time we are holding on to “what was,” and not “what is.” When there are kids involved, u allow someone in to love and protect you… But sadly people change…I gave my husband love, time, money and friendships and mostly confidence. He now feels So good alone.. That he is becoming more and more distant.

  10. I just wanna share my personal experience with you. I met this girl on tinder ( I know it’s an app for one night stand or such ) But that doesn’t happen in my country ( Singapore ) So I started to talk to her and we hit it well so after awhile I asked her for the number and we continue texting. So one day we decided to meet, I was late 30 minutes for my first date.. She wasn’t angry nor anything petty about me being late. So we went for the date and such, after a few dates, we decided to be serious with one another. I stopped using tinder, she deleted tinder. She stopped replying other guys ( Tinder ). And me I have on girls to talk to. So basically we’re very serious with each other. After that, we met very often, we spent a lot time together. But in between those dating times, we often quarrel ( Me being petty and such ). I loved her to an extend that I introduced her to my family after a few dates.
    I know I want to spend my whole life with her. She wasn’t as pretty as the others, but to me her imperfections is perfection. We’re really happy together. Even tho there are times we quarreled and she break down emotionally. It’s all my fault.
    After the parents talked to her about her ex boyfriends, she decided not to go back to her past. She doesn’t want to go back to the lowest point in her life again and decided to break up with me.
    I have tried many ways I could to hold her back, texting her, writing letters to her, ensuring her that I will not be the guy that will dump you, cheat on you and make you sad to the point u feel so sad in life. But nothing worked. But all this while I really felt the love in her towards me.. She’s really lovable, caring. One I would really want to spend my life with. But because of her parents objecting us, she doesn’t want to be together.
    I have no idea what to do. I really loved her like I love myself. Now she’s ignoring my texts. My friends around me tell me to give up now before I get even deeper. But I just can’t seem to give up that easily. Love isn’t that easy to give up. On the other hand, she’s seem to be just enjoying her own life. Last two days I wanted to give her up, but today I wanted her back. I wanted to woo her back. Or should I give up? My friends just keep telling me to let go so I search for ways to let go of someone I love. I just need suggestions from you guys please. Thanks :’)

  11. Dear Sandra,

    Thank you for sharing how difficult it is to let go of someone you love. Even when we’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t healthy or good for us, it’s still hard to let go! I’m sorry you’re going through this.

    I had lots of thoughts for you about leaving a relationship and letting go of someone you love – too much for this comments section! So I wrote you an article:

    How to Get Over the Pain of Being Cheated On

    I will keep you in my prayers, for strength and healing and comfort. May you reach out and find support and love in your friends and family.

    Take care of yourself, and stay open to God’s love, healing, power, and freedom.


  12. I am happy to come across this.. I’ve only been married for a year and a half. However, my husband and I are together four years now.. I recently found out that he was constantly lying to me and sneaked to be with other women often times. He asked for private pics and I read messages that he’s luring other women telling them that he’s their future husband and they are his future wife and not to be scared to give it up to him. He’s za very dishonest man, I’ve love and support his goals over the years, I beleive I’m still inlove with him, I want to leave him but I do not know how.. He’s all I have. Please help me.

  13. I am happy to find these ways to let go of someone you love. I’ve only been married for a year and a half. However, my husband and I are together four years now.. I recently found out that he was constantly lying to me and sneaked to be with other women often times. He asked for private pics and I read messages that he’s luring other women telling them that he’s their future husband and they are his future wife and not to be scared to give it up to him. He’s a very dishonest man, I’ve love and support his goals over the years, I believe I’m still in love with him, I want to leave him but I do not know how.. He’s all I have. Please help me.

  14. Dear Adebayo,

    You need to be honest with your mom and dad. Yes, it’ll break their hearts because it’s not just you learning how to let go of someone you love! They, too, have to let go.

    Be honest, and know that you can’t protect them from the truth. Give your girlfriend time and space. You never know if this breakup is forever, or if she just needs time to think.

    Know that you are in God’s good hands, and you can trust Him with your life. Look upwards for strength, and inwards for the still small voice. Have faith that no matter what happens with your relationship and your life, it is for the best.

    Take a deep breath, and move forward with confidence and peace.


  15. Hi there,

    I have been in a relationship for 4 years now with my girlfriend but along the way she fell in love with someone else during an internship program she had to travel for which was about a year. I often times traveled to see and she likewise but our bond grew weaker.

    Now she chats and speaks with the guy regularly over the phone and if we have any arguments she turns to the guy for advice. I know i have lost her and i need to move on, she has been crying lately on the little things, and what i perceive from that is that she is tired of the relationship and she wants to get out.

    Lately she said she is thinking of breaking up with me and i said if its what she wants she should or we could try to work out the challenges and make it work.

    That failed, as i am speaking she wants to relocate to the other Guy’s town. We moved in together a few months back. My biggest challenge is i do not know how to tell her parents because i am somewhat close to them and i am very sure it will break their hearts. It will break my mum’s heart to but i do not know what to do. Its difficult for us to connect anymore. What do i do?

  16. Hi, I,m going through a separation towards divorce. My relationship as i reflect has been on life support for a number of years. We have been married for nearly ten years. Over the past six months it has been caustic to say the least. I am currently unemployed and financially in a huge mess. I am unsure whether he will assist me until i find employment. I so want to move from where we are as the memories would be too much to bear. He has been most disrespectful towards me for a long time now. We have no children. He wanted me to have an abortion at the beginning of our relationship and unfortunately I could not conceive again. I have 5 children from a previous disastrous marriage and I was not prepared to bring up another child on my own. I am realising I did not have much self worth for the treatment i have received from both husbands. I hope I can be strong and remember to be positive about life.

    1. In Florida you were married for 10 years, you automatically are good to recieve alimony. Check what your state laws are.

  17. It takes alot of courage to be honest about your relationship – and about how hard it is to let go of someone you love! And writing about it can be even more painful than talking about.

    The irony is that often the things that are most painful – such as realizing that you do need to let go of the person you love so much – are the most healing and the most healthy.

    Don’t give up. You are in the process of healing, and your heart will beat strong and happy again!

  18. Another great article with wonderful tips. I have learned over the years that the key to getting over a problem quicker is ACCEPTANCE. For many years, I went to marriage counseling (fail), talked with friends and pastors (fail) and cried out to GOD to change my husband ways including anything that I might be doing wrong. My husband continued to distance himself from the marriage, emotionally with much strife. One day I pray, “What is wrong with my marriage, LORD?” A few days later, I heard an answer, “He (husband) has no compassion (love).” A light bulb came on for me. I realized without love as the motivator, it is impossible to achieve a healthy working relationship. I blamed myself for a long time for not seeing this earlier, knowing that he lied to me about his feelings. My marriage was dead years ago. It was I who kept it on life support because I was not ready to let it go. There was nothing left to do for the lifeless relationship. I had used all my lifeline accept for one, “walk away.” I realized it was time to pull the plug and accepted that it is what it is which I can’t make no one do what they don’t want to do. I refocused my love for me and my DADDY GOD, repositioning my efforts to more fulfilling life. Was easy when I came to this conclusion…no but it was easier once I accepted it. I hope this will encouraged someone on this journey of life.

  19. My wife left me. Everything I read is about guys leaving there wives. My wife left me. Two years ago and the pain is still there, although not quite as bad. Sucks

  20. Your article was so great! This one and “How to Emotionally Detach From Someone You Care About.” You gave really great advice and I hope it will help. I’m 21 and currently in a one year relationship. My boyfriend is very loving and giving. He is always here for me and we spend most of our time together. He is also extremely loyal and he wants to marry me. I want to marry him as well. The only issue we have is that we constantly argue. It’s over really petty things, like not replying to each other or hanging out with friends, jealousy, etc. I think, and have told him, that we both need to grow up and stop this petty arguing. He broke up with me once two weeks ago because he found a post in my phone where I was wondering if I should break up with him. I then realized how much he meant to me and heavily sobbed into his chest until he took me back. Since then, I have tried to be very understanding and mature. I keep dropping our problems/arguments before they pointlessly escelate. However, he has not put in this same effort. He spend the entire day not talking to him because I wasn’t replying to him when I was volunteering at a community event where I was busy. He was also hostile to me the day before that because I wasn’t texting him when I was hanging out with my best friend because I find it rude. Needless to say, he tried to break up with me again last night. He said he was tired of all the arguing, and even though I am too, I felt so terrible and helpless, and refused to let go. I begged and pleaded with him to try and fix our relationship. For him to try as hard as I am. The thing is that we do both love each other very much, are completely devoted to each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together, but we just can’t get past our differences. To save myself from all the pain last night, I am going to try and detach myself for him. Maybe then, I will have the courage to end things. But in my heart, I truly don’t feel like that’s the right thing.

    1. Hi Vanessa
      I want to encourage you to wait. Your problem with your boyfriend sounds similar to my dating experience before I got married. I spoke those same words, maturity to my husband. Our differences turn into many arguments that was unresolved. Till this day I’m no longer with my husband based on our unresolved differences. So in the beginning this was a crucial STOP sign to me that I ignored because I thought we were truly in love and that we can work things out as we go but it was sign that we were not in agreement. You both will always have differences between each that’s what makes you both unique but the key is…you both must be able to resolve these differences, agreeable and peaceful. If you cannot come together and agree, you will be divided always and I promise it will destroy yourself relationship or marriage with resentment. Where there’s a lot of argument and strife in the home and no peace, it would be a miserable place to live with someone you love. I read somewhere, dating someone is a trial period to learn about your partner if they are the right person for marriage. You must look at all their flaws and ask this question. “Are these flaws in this person something I can live with for the rest of my married life?” Knowing these flaws will or will not interfere with your emotional and daily life. If not, they are not the one to marry. For instance this man went to a marriage counselor because his wife was very bossy . She told him what to do everyday, how to dress, how to eat, where to go which he did not have no control of his own life and he was an emotional reck and was ready for a divorce but he had all the caution signs from the beginning of their dating period that she showed signs of being a controlling/ self-center person but he ignored the sign. So be careful, he is displaying all his cautious signs to you. I hope and pray you make the right choice.

  21. thank you. he is my husband for 24 yrs. i caught them twice. 1stwas a mistake phone call made by them, 2nd was a texting on my husbands cell

  22. Help!
    I am a 26 year old with a 3.5 year old daughter. I have been with her father on and off for 10 years, since high school. I have become a part of his family. I truly thought that we were soul mates and would make it through anything. He has broken up with me in the beginning to sleep with others. Then it just became a game. He thought he was being sneaky and talking to other women. Im not a dumb woman, i could tell when something was different. We have lived with each other on several occasions but it always seems to turn out bad. Almost like a comfort thing, we got comfortable and then everything just turned negative all the time. About2.5 years ago he was still doing his sneaking around crap. I noticed and confronted him every time and I got lies in return. Without proof, and being naive, I just let it go and “believed him” in a sense. Went against my own gut. When he left to go up north with this new girl without telling me, I went off on him. I said mean terrible things. But then he came running back ( after the weekend was over) and begging me to stay and that he was sorry blah blah blah. I could never stick to staying friends. Our intimacy always ended up in the way and then things would be great for a few weeks, months. Except this time when he went up north with her, he got her pregnant. I had conversations with this girl because i know her and she has been around the gatherings. She told me she would not do anything with him. (She has caused a marriage to go into divorce because she slept with a married man, and has cheated on other boyfriends) Not only trying to live with the guilt of not being so intimate with him, now he has a son from her. Still lying to me about sleeping with her. “I would rather lie than tell the truth and hurt you” is his excuse. Neither of us know how to let go of one another. I have only ever been with him. So to me that is special because now a days you don’t find many women my age who have only slept with one person. Sex is a big deal to me. It is sacred and special. and in his eyes its like “for fun”. Recently I realized it was happening again an asked him. He denied at first. but once i pointed out all my reasonings, he admitted. I don’t know that I want to really let go. I am so torn. I will always have to have communication with him because of our daughter. He has my heart and I cannot seem to release from his grip. I want it to be our family and even include his son and the mother on special times, but this is not possible. I keep making excuses that ill be okay. I even was researching about polygamy and thinking I could make it work. Im just at a total loss on what to do. It is effecting my day to day life. I have spent the last week in bed when Im not at work or school. Its been crippling me. The past week the other woman has been with him every day. Granted she has his son, but its the point of him telling me he loves me and her. I never thought Id be 26 and still trying to find my forever love. All i want is it to be him but my hopes are dwindling down more every day. I know I’m rambling but its just flowing out. I tried talking thru it with myself, and i can’t even tell myself what I like to do for fun (without him) or any hobbies. The only thing that makes me happy is my daughter. I feel happy when i can take care of her and him and his family. I feel a sense of happiness when i take care of them, like that is what I’m really supposed to do. Im drowning in my own thoughts. I feel like a fool. Id just like an outside view. If anyone can offer any advise or kind words i’d appreciate it. :'(

    1. I think you should kick him to the curb and you’re relationship is dead and gone. Time to move on love and start to respect yourself. This guy is using you and he doesnt love you. But if you’re ok with being a doormat and letting your man inpregnant other women the go for it, you will continue to be miserable tho. There are plenty of good men in these world but you have to pick them carefully.

  23. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 8 months. Although, it was actually the two of us who agreed with the break-up, but I still feel sad. Ours was a relationship anyone could ever dream of. And to think that both of us are Fine Arts students, and that our love for the Arts had made us share this strong bond. Many envied our relationship, and some are even tagging us as the “Relationship Goals” couple. :) Truly, we were perfect together. But of course, love is sweeter when it’s still young. As times go by, the challenges started hitting us. Since we were classmates, seeing him was never a problem, and I’m afraid we were already accustomed or used to seeing each other. We were inseparable. Love was ruling over and we burned brighter than ever. However, both of us become lazy in the long run. I started to be dependent on him, and he started to spoil me. He showered me with full surprises, like making me an oil portrait of myself :) While I, on the other hand, created a painting featuring the two of us. Until one day, I noticed him being passive. He wasn’t giving me gifts anymore, and that he hated the distance of us being apart. He lived in the city while my family had to move to a remote town. Also, with our studies, we have been having many absences because instead of going to class, we go watch movies together and do couple stuff. We failed some of our classes, and from there, it was clear that our relationship was, I’d say damage beyond repair. He knew it too. It was clear for us both that our relationship has no future and that we had to end. And so we did. I thought I would be okay, but every time, especially when I am alone at home, I can’t help but think about him, about us, about how we used to be, and it sucks, all the memories we shared seemed to flashback, and the only thing I could do was cry. Ever since we broke up with each other, his absence is depressing. I am tempted to even message him and stuff. I realized, I still love him. I am scared to see him together with someone else. :( I miss him like crazy. Yet I want to let go, too. I want to forget. Please help me. I miss you Arjo :( my potato, I’m sorry we ended up like this. But this has to end, otherwise we’ll just keep on hurting each other. I will miss you. -Bridgette, the Cookie

  24. Thanks mati i rteceived your answer to my question.But tell me , we both have to look our family separately.he is married and im also . but we met when i was alone and was depressed .He supported me a lot and now that support he expects from me by not leaving him. me too also will not be able to leave him and cant do without him.he never dstbd me in my life but i am jealous from his wife and want to create problems.
    How should I contrl myself and simultaneously b his support and love him.

  25. Today I am letting go of my best friend because he is no longer trustworthy. I have watched him change into a person I no longer recognize. It will be a major adjustment but it will give me peace of mind. And perhaps it will cause him to see that something is truly wrong. Regardless, I will embrace the future and live each day to the fullest.

  26. Thanks for the article! My situation is different. I have a strong bond with my little sister, because I helped my mother raise her, we even sleep together since always. Now Im 24, and yesterday she turned 15 and in about a month I’m getting married and moving away. I am excited for my new life with my man, but I feel so so sad all the time! Its heartbreaking to think I won’t be by her side anymore. I won’t see her grow, or fall in love, or be close to her on her goods and bads as I have always been. Anyway we’ll always be on touch, I’ll never leave her, and besides she’s going to be with my mother and my other sister. But its nice to write it down and share it with others. Thanks for the opportunity! Good vibes!

  27. Me nd my bf were like made for each other ….the true love ..nd he stil loves me but the prob was I dasnt know h he dont trust me we were about broken upmore times then the days in the mnth but every time he feels sorry when he realize wht he had done but after being hurted everytime sorry dang work once he broke with me nd I was too hurted nd dnt know what I feel I just let him go cux I love him but he dsnt trust me nd the realtion base is trust ….. I am too much sad cux my family also dsnt understamds me my best friend understand me but she just said to let him go even I am waiting right now when he will come but I dnt know wht to do …. I dsnt had cheated nd even not he we both love each other alot but Dnt know whts in our destiny …

  28. I’ve been in love with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We started off as a long distance relationship as he lives in Greece and I live in Canada. He is a good friend of my families and we fell in love in one summer. After that for two years we went back and forth seeing each other. This Oct he came over and we decided to try and get a working visa for a year and live together . Fortunately he has a friend here who let him rent out the basement for really cheap. Two months in and were arguing so much. We argued a lot over the phone and quite a bit when we were together but we always blamed our circumstances. I left for the UK to visit some family for Christmas and he stayed in Canada, I was gone for two weeks and the day I got home we got into a major argument, I pushed him we threw things, there was some verbal abuse from both sides. The next day we went for breakfast and got into another argument, as we were driving almost home, we started saying some nasty things to each other, I ended up calling him a bad name and he turned around….spit in my face, and then slapped me. :( It hurt me so bad that he would disrespect me so much…. He tried to comfort me right after but I yelled and left immediately. I ignored him for the rest of the day and night. The next day I told him im going to my moms and to leave me alone. He said hes coming there, I told him not to and it would make things worse. I didn’t tell anyone what hppened just my closets girlfriend. At my moms he showed up crying at the door. My mom was confused she had no idea what was going on. Things got really awkward and he started telling my mom that we fought and that I am a liar!? I said he did something really nasty to me and I looked at him and said do you really want it to go there? I knew once I told my mom she would never accept that and their relationship would be over. Anyways it came out.. I told her. From there she told him its completely unacceptable and it will not be tolerated. I told him to leave. He did. He then called me crying his eyes out begging me to speak to him.

    I know this relationship is extremely toxic… I love him so much, I can’t even stand the thought of him leaving right now and being an ocean away. But I know were too toxic together and now my mother who I am very close with is completely against me being with him and she now told my father. We had a good relationship with both of them, always going over to my moms for dinner and always going to my dads to play with my younger siblings and hang out. Now that is totally over … and we’re both heart broken. I’m love sick right now. I never felt this way for any other human in my entire life. I am 26 years old… I know I should be mad… and I am and I know the right thing is to move on but I love him so much I can’t bear the thought to be without him in my life. I need advice, and support.


    1. Hello Stephanie,

      I just ended a toxic relationship with my 3 year boyfriend (we were high school sweethearts) & hadn’t seen each other in over 10 years & we reconnected. I thought we had the fairy tale & I thought there would be a proposal, happy life & encouragement for both of us in our future.

      The thing about Toxic Relationships is; you don’t even know how to end it before it’s too late, and the fear keeps you trapped. For the longest time I stayed in a non-committal & verbal abusive relationship with him because I love him more than anything else in the world; he & my daughter are my whole world (she isn’t his Daughter but has taken that role in her life).

      It was the love for my Daughter that made me realize that he & I had a NEVER-ENDING cycle of being toxic. It will never end because what you have in a toxic relationship wasn’t built on love to begin with. So, I ask you the same questions I asked myself…..

      If I had to live the rest of my life with this man; would I be able to accept the way HE is and the way our relationship is now if nothing changed?

      Is this what I really want for the rest of my life?

      Is he really & truly in love with him the way I am in love with him?

      My answers were all NO; they took me some time to honestly answer, but once I was done. That was it. Here I am; just me and my beautiful little 4 year old Daughter; picking up the pieces, and moving on.

      Stephanie, you deserve to be loved/feel love, you deserve a healthy relationship & deserve to have all of your dreams to come true & once day (FOR BOTH OF US), that right Man/Relationship will come into our lives & we will be so thankful for making the tough decision now- That you KNOW you need to make. Feel free to contact me!!

      1. Hello I ended a 4 year toxic relationship and im glad its over but I still cry sometimes…there was no future for us..i cant blame him I blame myself for allowing it to carry on for so long…he was not available for me but I didn’t care as long as I had a few crumbs from him and now im paying the price however the wrong is now made right..life is beautiful and I refuse to let this keep me from moving forward …good luck to all of you, stay strong it will be ok..hugs

        1. Hi Linda,

          Yours are similar like mine. I’ve been in a toxic relationship with a married man for 3 years. Long story, and I am still struggling to move on, to let him go. Man! it’s hard you know especially when you have given your heart completely to him. He is my colleague, much older than me. But I can’t keep on going like this, he will never ever be a part of my future. He loves his family (wife and kids) so much and will never leave them for sure. I wish I could accept the reality which is bitter and painful.

  29. This article was just what I needed! I am currently separated from my husband and feel deep in my heart it is over. He was abused as a child and now has anger issues and lashes out in rage and verbally attacks me and my son (his step son). I have been having a hard time letting go because I want my marriage to work and I know we love each other, but after spending some time with him at Christmas I see that unless he gets serious therapy, things will always be the same and he will keep feeling offended or slighted or his feelings will get hurt for some reason or another and the anger and lashing out will always be there. His lease is up in his apartment in March and I think he thinks he will just waltz back into my home without any problem but that just cant happen.

    I also have not spoken to my sisters for the last 4 years after my mother passed away.. long story and my oldest sister after all this time finally sent me a christmas card wanting me to reach out to her and said she was sorry for whatever it was that she had done. I struggle with contacting her or just leaving it alone.

    Deep inside I know what is best for me as much as I want these relationships and as heartbreaking it is to end them and not have my life partner and not have a relationship with my sisters which are both something my heart desires and longs for, its not good for me.

    Thank you again for this article. I have also subscribed to your newsletter and I look forward to your continued encouragement to help me move past these things and let go and go live, play and do the things I used to that brought me joy.

    Happy New Year!

    1. Oh my, your story is almost identical to mine, no children though. Deep down I know it is over, the pain of letting go is hard and heartbreaking. I am suffering from PTSD due to the abuse. It was toxic to begin with, we married, it blew. I grew closer to the Lord. I am on some days stronger than others, some days I feel like I am stuck in mud with heartbreak. I am I think pushing myself to hard and feel very undesisive. Yet, in the far distance, I can see light on the horizon when I think of a life without my husband. At times I wonder how it got to this. The abuse covers every aspect including spiritual abuse. I had to actually look that one up, had never heard of it. Some moments I am ok with being out of it, others I panic. To realize how much he controlled scares me. Nights are the hardest. I pray a lot. It’s only been three weeks and daily contact with him. I can barely remember who I was before, that is how far this went down the rabbit hole. I am assured I will heal and love again, just right now, it is sooo difficult. Feel free to friend me on Facebook, we can support each other. ?

  30. Hi,

    I’ve Been with my boyfriend over 2 years now he was the love my life I gave everything was his personal shopper and secretary as he couldn’t read write English very well he was from Kurdistan so use ask me to do very thing For him ordering online shopping for him & his girls & for his family back home.
    He was the love on my life he had ex wife & 2 girls. He used fix my car he was my mechanic his name was Himdad sewkany based longton stoke on Trent. He told me he ex wife treated like crap & he hated her he only talks to her because if girls… Little I knew at time I find out he was sleeping with his ex wife whilst he was with after she got suspicious she Facebook me asked, I told him about the message he told me she crazy just to ignore her so I did …. After 6 months went by she message me again this time I said to to him if messages me again I will tell the truth & did… This was beginning of was about unfolded.
    She told me he’s does this all time makes out he’s got female friends but he’ll have a relationship at point I couldn’t believe what hearing so I went on his Google account started looking at his pictures realize that he had been going clubbing & having one night stands as saw pictures and location of different hotels in west super mere. My world fell apart I was devastated my life ended at moment in time however I told ex wife that even been with him. What didn’t know at time he was already one step ahead of me. He was telling his ex wife that I was his gym partner & I fell in love with him & I was abscess with him that I was crazy so he playing both of us at same time
    I started to digging into his past by talking to ppl guess… What he’s done this fair few times his targets generally asian woman Muslim mostly because their will no repercussion if he walks away because of family honour most Muslim asian girl won’t say anything or cause a scene.
    Same old story… It’s your fault

  31. Hi,
    I have no idea what to do. My boyfriend and I had a very strong relationship, one that everyone around us admired and thought we’d always be together. We thought we’d always be together as well…but things took a turn for the worse. He became very distant. He started talking to a lot of my female friends. He never cheated on me, but he became close with them and confided more in them and shut me out. It was around this time that he became terribly depressed. His mother suffers from severe clinical depression, and it seems he inherited it. He turned resentful towards me, even though I had nothing to do with his condition and only tried vainly to help him. He ended up breaking up with me out of the blue, leaving me devastated and lonely. I lost many friends around that time as well, as some of them tried to get with him but he just rejected them. He became bitter and rude to me, even though we had agreed to be friends. I was miserable, and the only thing I could turn to was my writing. A few months after we broke up, he began to revert back to his old self, and not the monster I couldn’t even recognize. One day, he approached me randomly and handed me a letter. In it, he apologized for everything he did. When he had broken up with me, he had given me the reason that he had simply stopped loving me, and that it was unfair to continue the relationship. But he explained to me in the letter that he had never stopped loving me, and that he broke it off because he was resentful in general and took it out on the people he cares about the most. We talked several times about getting back together, but he would always back out. About six months after we broke up, (and I had never gotten better; my depression went from moderate to severe and I was in terrible condition), we talked about it again, and this time, he agreed to get back together. He originally said we’d give it another week. But we ended up talking for whole nights, and saw how much we understood each other and had in common. It was no question that we would continue things, and I was so happy, and not in constant pain. At first, when we got back together, it felt strange. My feelings for him would be strong whenever he was with me, but would become conflicted whenever we were apart. Eventually, as time went on, the love I always had for him solidified and I was able to trust him again, so this was no longer a problem. And I was happy, which I waited so long to be. Yesterday, we went out, but before we did he told me he had something to talk about with me. I didn’t think it was anything extremely important as all was going well, but when we did go out, we sat down and he told me his feelings for me were rocky, just like they were on my end at the beginning. He said it had always been that way, and that he still cares for me very much and wants to see me happy, but that his depression is back and spiraling out of control. I had been trying to be happier myself for his sake and mine, and thought it would help him. But it hasn’t. He said when he is with me he still feels for me, but that he is not even sure he loves me since we have only been back together for five months and thinks that we are too inexperienced to really know what love is. He says he feels incredibly guilty because he cannot feel the way I do, and also guilty for hurting me last year, and is afraid to leave me because he doesn’t want either of us to hurt again. I love him a lot, and while sometimes I wonder if we would be better off separate ways, I don’t believe it…I don’t want to be without him again, as I already know how that feels and it wasn’t right at all. I couldn’t even have a relationship with another person after he left. It just didn’t feel right. Today he told me that I am always beautiful, and then said “well, except for certain times.” I asked him what he meant by that, and he said whenever I am “overly upset.” He never would make comments like that to me. He would say I am beautiful, and leave it at that. What is happening, and what do I do…? I don’t know who to turn to, as everyone either tells me to hold out hope or find someone better, but I don’t want someone “better”. He doesn’t know if he wants to leave, but I had told him last night to wait another week, and see each other this coming weekend and see how we feel and talk it over again. But I’ve already decided I don’t want him to go, and he won’t talk about it until then because it’s been stressing him. I don’t want to be without him again; it hurt so much.

  32. Dear Anne,

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how hard it is to cope with letting go of someone you love. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and that you feel stuck and helpless. I hear your pain, and I wish I had magic words to make things better.

    Giving advice isn’t my strength – I never feel comfortable telling people what to do! Plus, I believe you know better than anyone what your options are.

    I can’t tell you what you should do, but I have recently written an article that might help:

    How to Make a Vision Board for Your Relationship

    It sounds like you want your relationship to change, but you don’t know how to change it. That article may help you move in a different direction.

    Another option is to reach out and talk to someone in person, so you can get the best possible help and support. Here is a list of national resources and hotlines that provide anonymous, confidential information to callers. They can answer questions and perhaps even give you advice.

    Phone Number: 800-442-HOPE (4673)

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    Phone Number: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

    I hope one of these organizations is able to give you the help you’re looking for. May you find peace, courage, strength, and healing as you move forward.

    Please do come back anytime, and tell me how you’re doing.


  33. Hi. I am a 20 years old mother of a 8 month daughter. My boyfriend and i been together for 3 years now. He cheated twice, and he even had sex with her while i was pregnant even though i told him to stop their affair but they’ve been seeing each other secretly. Now it’s been a ywar since their affair and details about their relationship that i shouldn’t supposed to know were being revealed and it hurts me and i can’t do anything bout it because i forgave him and he already changed but it still hurts and i can’t move on from his past but i am trying, my daughter was my only strength. And now my boyfriend keeps lying to me just so he can do things he wanted like hangout with his friends, play darts, basketball and he barely got time with us. We are not live in partners i still live with my parents. There won’t be a day that we are not arguing. I know he’s not cheating again because he told he was scared to lose us but when it comes to his friends and his hobbies he can forget us. He verbally and physically hurt me many times and the verbal insults heal longer than physical i lost my own self, i became paranoid, i hate my attitude whenever we fight because that’s not me. I lost self esteem, became self concious, insecure. I know i should leave him but everytime we broke up i always find myself wanting to take him back and i always did, and it always lead us to the same issue, and he always say sorry and make up for it but after he did he goes back to his old self. i’m only thinking about my daughter and i know i am too young to experience this but i’ve been through a lot and i can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do please help :-(

  34. It could be about timing, maturity and your proximity to each other that offers a relationship that will last. Yet I’ve experienced a soulful connection that transcends all of that-my first true romantic love. It was real, an overwhelming feeling of caring, protection, attraction, passion, and promises of a lifetime. Even though we were so young, and didn’t live near each other, the heartache remains-40 years later! I still dream of her every day! Have read about all of the chemical and mind-blah-blah-blah. Guess what, our minds control us-instinctively your mind and gut knows what’s truly real. Push it back or try to think it away-that’s for fools. It’s a waste of time. I’m married with a family-yet my heart knows that my first ONE true love holds an eternal flame that I’ll remember until my last breath. First loves are undying and timeless.

  35. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    If you feel like your past – or someone in your past – is preventing you from leading a joyful, happy life in the present … then yes, it is unhealthy.

    Is there something you think you might do to learn how to let go of someone you love, but you haven’t tried it yet?

  36. It’s been 30 years and I have not stopped loving my first love. I have been married since then and have awesome grown children and a great wife but none the less I have not stopped loving her. With social media it makes it even harder now to stop looking her up and when I do my heart drops to pieces and I really want to contact her. She is married and has children and looks to be in a happy relationship but it still doesn’t matter to me I cannot move on. Is this unhealthy? Is this something I should try to overcome even though I have tried in the past it just seems I can’t stop thinking about her. Our song from 1985 was ” You are my Lady”. When I hear that song the memories just start to click. It’s hard to forget folks trust me i have tired. To be honest if she were to come back to me today I would give up my entire life to be with her again. I am successful with a paid off home, wife with a career, I have a good career and I would give it all up for one more chance.

    1. Yaml – I would reach out to her, say hello and ask if she is open to catching up – with your respective partners.
      If she is responsive then it could be the beginning of a lovely friendship between the 4 of you.

      A connection will be very hard to manifest if your partners are around. If you do feel a connection still and so does she, you can discuss what that means.

      Please do not have an affair. I have been in several affairs and they are a sorry place to be for everyone and are not a healthy place to start your new life together.

      Do this with the highest intentions for everyone involved and then you start off in a good place


      If you are unhappy in your marriage – leave your wife with no one to go to. Look up the girlfriend from years ago but be prepared for anything.

      If you can do the above then you really do have a chance with her but then again – you could end up alone.

  37. I’m in a real dilemma and in need of advice. I have been with this married man for 5 years and have a 2 years old son together. I’m tired of being his side chick but at the same time I can’t bear the feeling of letting him go though I want to. I feel like the more time I stick around is the more I deeply fall in love and the worst I’ll get hurt. He doesn’t want me to leave and iv told him plenty of time. I really don’t know what to do!

  38. Im actually the one leaving my boyfriend after 1 yr and a half. We started having problems 3 months in the relationship. I lost my spirituality and im finally sick of it. I know im going to miss him a lot considering our good times. The memories is what gets me the most and the children and marrige we talked about. And it doesnt help that he begs for me to stay with him. My ego wants to say yes but my heart and soul knows not too. And i cant stand the thought of him or i ever being with someone else. I wish he was the one. Is it bad that i actually wish i was weak enough to stay? I dont want to go

  39. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    The most important thing you can do when you feel like you have to let go of someone you love is to find ways to rebuild yourself. The man you love is part of your life, but not your whole life. He is a man who is fantastic in many ways….but he is not your life.

    Whether you’re on the verge of breaking up or the cusp of getting married, you need to be strong and find out who you are. Get in touch with your purpose and passion in life, and allow your relationship be part of your life.

    To truly let go of someone you love, you need to become strong and clear on who you are. Only then can you move forward in a relationship or a breakup.

  40. thank u very much for your post it is giving me power to deal with my situation an to let go of the one I love… I was in love with my bf an we hv been together for 10 months an i thought he was the man of my life. Now he broke with on June but I’ve been stressed and crying every day bcoz he left me for no reason… is not easy to let go of someone you love and the worse think is that he always appear in my dreams an i dont undrstnd the meaning of that dream.. his friend told me that he left me for his ex an he has another girlfriends but even I still care about him an i love with all my heart but he don’t want anything he don’t want to see me. I really need this power to let it go he is always on my mind I can’t even date other guy coz he is the one I love..

  41. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. Back in October, we hit a rough spot where her confesses to cheating on me. Against my better judgement I took him back. We just came back from our Thanksgiving trip. I meet his family for the first time. I really like them and they seemed to like me. Things were looking good, but on our way home. I was looking at his phone (With permission of course) and i found some messages about him hooking up with other girls since we got back together. The worst part was it was all stuff he initiated and planed. He has done so much begging and apologizing. He tells me that he has been working on staying faithful for the last couple of weeks because he hust relized that I am what he wants and that he never wanted to hurt me, and he will do anything to make things right. My is telling me to leave and I know thats the right move, but I love him so much I just dont want to lose him. On the other hand I feel like an idiot for even thinking about taking him back again. There is a war going on between my head and my heart and it is physically painful and draining. I know I should let go and move on, but for the first time in my life I was so unbelievably happy. I am so afraid that I will never find that with someone that wont hurt me.

  42. my mine is a short story about a girl i dated who caused me a lot of pain in my life, i gave her everything what a girl wants in a relationship but in the end she told me i should give her space then she broke up with me, she told me i should move on, i never did anything wrong i had been that guy that showed her much love but i guess she was not the girl for me.. it still hurts inside of me!!!! the pain is too much.

  43. I want to share my story. I am a single mom, not yet married , waiting for “the right one” to come into my life I believed in God grace. I got pregnant when i was 19 and our relationship last for 5 years, we are happy and contentment couple but we need to let go of our relationship since we are blood related. He is my first degree cousin on my father side. I came from broken family and he is the one who took care of me when i was young. He is 8 years older than me. I found the love of the father, brother and friend from him. He is my soulmate. We know that we cant be together since at first it a sin from above, and many people are against us. For the sake of our child we need to end our relationship and make each other a new path. It is hard to let go of him, he is my first Bf and first man that I love. After we broke -up after so many months i found a man who is same age of me. He knew my stories and he accept me for what i am and he also accept my child. Our relationship also last for 5 years. I always compared him to my first which I knew it is wrong. My first was a matured man and this one was in the middle of wondering around, not yet decided to his future. He is kind yes, but i need a secured future since i am a single mom and one day he told me that he fall out of love to me cos i am a dominant/controlling girlfriend. He felt suffocated in our relationship. The sad part of it my child is so attached to this man and my family already accepted him. I decided to let go of him, i don’t want to push myself to him even though i still love him. It is almost 6 months since we don’t have communication, until yesterday his birthday, there is a news that he already have a new girlfriend 11 years younger to him. At first i feel bitter but after so many thought come up to my mind its his choice and his life. I just need to accept the fact that i need to let go of my feelings and my love to him and be happy for what he am today.
    I know that God has a perfect plan to me, I still believe on it.
    By the way, the father of my child is already married and i fell his happiness to his new world. I am wishing to have a happiness the way he is.

  44. I have had a lot of time recently to do some internet searching and I came across this article on how to let go of someone you love. I will be 42 in a couple months and I have been a solo act for pretty much my entire adult life and I can’t figure out why except for maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be. People tell me I’m pretty and sometimes I feel like I’m am depending on what I see in the mirror that day and how my hair is cooperating:)

    Nevertheless, I too, have never been in a real relationship. I’m the funny girl who has lots of friends who are boys and no boyfriends but can leave everyone in the room laughing until they pee on themselves. I grew up in a family where I was pretty much the only girl who wanted a family and husband and I’m the only one who doesn’t have it. I listen to my girlfriends complain about their spouses (who, for the most part, are good men and good providers and honestly treat them like they hung the moon) and it makes me sad to know that they will probably never really appreciate what they have. I’ve dated a handful of great guys but never for very long. As soon as the ‘new’ wore off, they were gone and onto something better, it seems. But still, I picked myself up and moved on and concentrated on things I did well because it seemed to me by age 35 I didn’t do relationships well. I felt like I was missing a secret ingredient only I didn’t know what that was. I feel like I have good instinct and I always follow my heart and my gut and people around me have said that a number of times so when I told myself back in my 20’s “with your luck, you won’t find love until you are 40”, I was not surprised to find out I was right about that. I didn’t count on love not wanting me.

    I met a great guy when I was 39. We connected instantly. We finish each other’s sentences and still do. Long story short, he also found someone new. My heart won’t let me let go of him and for whatever reason, I don’t think he can let me go either. He is living with someone now but we still talk almost everyday. My friends call him a jerk but he’s not. He’s a good, sweet man who, again, wants something better than I offer him, I guess. I can’t figure out how to listen to my head and my head only because I never have. My gut tells me he’s the one I’ve been waiting for and my head tells me I’m an idiot for thinking I could be that lucky and that there is a reason I’ve been single forever. Even 2 years later, it feels like a cruel joke that God allowed him to come into my life. What was it supposed to teach me when it basically confirms my worst fears. It is so hard to plan a life alone and that’s what I’ve been doing for many years and he changed all of that. It is also so hard to be so optimistic when you keep getting slapped down to the point where now your spirit is broken. I’m more angry at myself for letting myself believe that I would have a Valentine for the first time. As simple as that sounds, it’s something I’ve never had. How do you let go of the one person that you’ve waited your entire life for? Yes, cruel joke, indeed.

    1. Omg. This is 100%my story except for the part of the guy leaving at 39. Mine stayed moved in and we got engaged however he has been cheating on me from the onset of our relationship. Why do I stay? I don’t know sometimes. I truly love him and he loves me (the way he can) but he can’t seem to stop though it is obvious when he tries. It is am addiction. When he has stopped for a while he gets anoxious, fidgety like a smoker who needs a fix. He is the love of my life but I need to let him go. I will also be turning 42 soon and by letting him go, all my dreams of a family and long life with someone I love goes too…maybe that is why I can’t seem to let him go. It is a terrible state to be in and I wish I had never fallen in love. Life was OK on my own and it would be again but he ignited dreams that I thought long gone and it hurts again.

  45. Am stanley, am dating a girl who likes sleeping around with guys telling me that she loves me and want to spend her life with me. The funny thing is that she keeps going out with every man that comes her way, recently she told that she loves someone else but she loves me more and want to keep me and the guy which I refuse, there was a time she was pregnant for me she used it to sleep with guys around and I was confuse so I told three or more persons for advice including her friend about the pregnants and how she’s living her life to my greatest surprise her friend went to town telling people in her home town and church. Now my gf is raining insults on me now that she hates me so much and will kill me if given the opportunity, frankly speaking I was filled with pain for all what she did to me and I felt the only way to let her go and forget her is tell someone about her. Pls tell want should I do

  46. Hello everyone, I falled in love with a lady I work with in the same institution. From time to time I loved her so much of which I can’t stay without hearing or seeing her around me. Not long a go she told me we should break up with the reason that his ex came to apologize for his wrong doing so she accepted him back, I never accepted that but rather continue to love her of which she was one hanging out with. How to let go of someone you love?

  47. Hello my story is a little bit different from the others here, but I still share a broken heart like many other’s here. I was in a relationship with a married man for the past 10 years, who is 16 years older than me. We met at our work place and like many others were just friends at first, but then we got closer and I ended up falling in love with him. He is the most greatest guy and everything I needed in a man except for the part where he is married. We continued to work together and see each other even after I lost my job where we worked together. He is very financially secure to where I on the other hand am not. I’m raising 4 children on my own and often found myself struggling but he would always help me out with money but not quiet enough. Long story short after being with him for so many years I was starting to feel like he needed to make a decision me or her. Well I ran into a financial situation where I needed to come up with money fast and I felt like I shouldn’t have to ask my bf for it but he should’ve just offered it to me. Well I did something drastic out of anger towards him for not stepping up to help me and I started to escort. He found out and broke up with me and now wants nothing with me. I know he still loves me and I love him but he just can’t forgive me. He says he was ready to leave his wife and was saving for a home for us to live in until I messed up. I’m completely devastated and heart broken and wish he would forgive me. help me get over him….Lost in love Monica

  48. Hi everyone. I am still currently in a relationship with this man who has been wonderful to me all this time, however I had just found out that he has been flirting with women in social media behind my back. It hurt me tremendously since he and I have shared so many wonderful memories together and we really do have a strong connection. He used to be a chubby man and had gained confidence when he had trimmed his fat down, and maybe overconfidence when he was able to have a model as his former girlfriend. He was all public about their relationship and had always indicated he was very much in love with her. When we had become good friends and hit it off, he had pursued me and asked me to be in a relationship with him, and we had a share of ups and downs but I had always stayed by his side. It was only recently I found out that he had been messaging other women with flirting and initiating that they meet up, what stings the most is he had been public about this and I had not even known that this has happened all these months. I am a trusting person & I had trusted this man with my life, it is hard to think that while I had been asleep beside him, he is capable of wanting to lure other women. All these women are as well models, and it does sting a little knowing I have always been happy and confident as a person, but somehow this person has pulled my dignity and confidence down. When I had tried to break up with him, he had begged and cried to stay in the relationship and said it was never a choice because I am the one that he loves, but he would never acknowledge this in social media. I am not one to ask someone to do that, since I am very private yet thinking of it makes me feel less of a person. I guess it is time to let go, huh? It is pretty difficult because he still treats me well, taking care of me and pampering me when he sees I might need a trip to the nail salon, runs to buy me medicine or anything I need right away or as simple as getting me a book or movie he knows I would go crazy for. At this point, it is difficult to know if I should even hang on to this, knowing that if I had not caught him doing these “simple” flirts he would never have stopped and known what pain and damage it has caused our relationship.

  49. Hi, if you would please keep me in prayer…i met a handsome guy about one year ago but he is a cheater and flirt i have my reasons for being as close to him as i am from my past and he knows what those reasons are but he deceives me a lot in my emotions he always knows the right way to charm you right up then use you and abuse you. i keep falling for his antiques it hurts greatly when i see him with other girls and it really affects your self worth in so many ways its un real but i can not seem to let go its like if i let go of our close friendship it would be like losing a limb to me but if i stayed its like a constant hurting pain of him stabbing me in my heart. He does know i care for him very much but i cant help it but feel he takes that and uses it to his advantage. How do I let go of someone I love so much?
    I dont know what to do whether to stay friends or not at all its a vicious circle as i am being hurt both ways i feel really down and stuck and cant move on…please kindly keep me in prayer! Thank you i really appreciate it!

    1. hello you need to let him go…he is manipulating and taking advantage of you…you will never be anymore to him than what you are now…its tough to let go, I know but keep trying and one day your emotions will shift and you will finally be free of him…don’t give up, let him go..its not worth it..hugs!

  50. I’m 49 years old and I fell in love with someone way younger then me we been together 10 years and was about to get married when we decide that he wants to have a baby. He was very well aware of my situation and that I wasn’t able to give him any. So he told me that he was going to find someone to have his child but didn’t want to be with that person because he is in love with me. I can’t bare to see him with a mother person but what is one to do, we did think about surrogate paranting but the cost is to high we just can simply afford it. I’m so heart that he wants to be with someone just to have a child I thought our love was going to last forever, I blame my self for getting to comfortable. I just thought that all he ever wanted was me. But I guess this is something he must to. How do I deal with this situation we both still live in the same place our lease isn’t over til April of next year ….

  51. Its been hard, married six years being divorced for being insecure, He was my first, we did everything together And now wants nothing to do with me, How do I get closure from this. He is happy moving on and iam crying. I blame myself for being so insecure, maybe I had to do something differently. He told me he wasn’t happy anymore and that I should have sex with someone else. That hurt, because he knows who iam. He says I need mental help ! I am not crazy I am hurt and he can so quickly move on ? What about me, how do I pick up all the broken pieces, what did I do wrong to get this treatment ?

    1. my heart goes out to you babes .. I so feel your pain as my story is like yours. were were together for 8 years .. we did everything together .. he slowly pushed me away after he started suffering anxiety … we now live apart and i keep trying to make it work and he just wants space. I cry everyday and feel so lost … I too blame myself as I am insecure and he has said i dont flirt and i feel more like a sister to him than a lover. Yet we have a beautiful spiritual connection and he says that I am the second most significant love he has had… He has all girl friends and says I can sleep with someone if i like. Yet he says he hasnt kissed or slept with anyone ..

  52. Hi guys I have a bf we’ve been 2gether since 2011 things were going well 4us BT after he bought a car things suddenly change I was nthng 2him he started cheating ,treating me bad Sometyms finding him with girls ,sometym he dosnt come home I slip alone so he broke my heart m willing 2let go of him I’ve given him many chances we deserve better guys

  53. I’m 30 years old and with my bf 3 years now on and off going threw the same cycles.. He is emotionally unavailable and struggled with drink on and off. Since the start its been a completely unhealthy relationship and I never felt loved or secure. Thing is we have lots of history since we were young and he can be so nice and sweet and make me laugh more than anyone ever could. But I know it’s not enough I feel like my life is slipping away and I’m getting nowhere. All my friends are having kids and I’m afraid I’ll never get the chance. I want to move out and face that this will never work but I’m afraid that I’m making the wrong choice as I do love him so so much. Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is not like anything I’ve ever experienced. I’ve had other long term boyfriends and was always well able to deal with reality and breakups before but this is so different and I’m lost and confused and need help to know what is right for me.

    1. JC I share your exact story from the details you provided, but sub pot for alcohol. How are you doing? My boyfriend of 3 years and I basically ended it last night, he is 23, I will be 26 next week. I have a good job, small house, car..I’m doing okay for myself and for the last two years I’ve begged him to move in with me..take care of himself, get a job, learn to drive. I have tried to help and take care of him but it’s finally gotten to that point where I have to do whats best for myself. He did finally get a job a few months ago but he has turned down a better position and other issues have only gotten worse.
      He hates life. I share his depression and anxiety, so Ive become very dependent on him in that way. He was my best friend, I have no other friends, just coworkers, and if I go to the store or something I prefer to pick him up first or even sometimes just send him in for me.
      But it’s become so tiring, being the only adult in what I wanted to be an almost normal adult relationship. I wanted to move in together and work towards growing a family, have someone to grow old with…and for more than 2 years hes told me that’s what he wanted too, with me. And he always promised to change, asked me not to give up on him. But my love for him just grew into resentment..and I can’t remember the last time I felt turned on or enjoyed being intimate with him.
      This is just really hard, I just want to curl up in a ball and die.
      I wish each and every one of you the best, and as little heartache as possible.

  54. I let myself down and fell in love with a man who was not available and im paying for it now..its like I sold myself to the devil to have someone validate who I am as a person…I did not love myself or think I was worth anything but the truth is im a wonderful person and I have lots to offer to the world…im need to let him go and i know that..he is not good for me nor is this whole situation but its tough… I understand how I allowed it and finally i look forward to my life without him…its been a tough 4 years and i pray every day for strength and courage to let go of him and move on in my life…hugs to all of you who suffer the pain of letting go..

    1. Hi Linda. Congratulations on taking the bold step to turn your life around. Life has its ups and downs and key is to make sure that when life plummets us down we don’t stay down. At times we need to consciously heave ourselves back onto our feet and soldier on. As the saying goes, ‘the tougher the battle, the sweeter the victory.’ Its the victory that we want.

        1. Linda,
          Just take one day at a time and know that you are More than a Conqueror and Yes, You are a warrior. To everything there is a season and time and a purpose under heaven. This too shall pass, You are fearfully and wonderfully made!! Good things are coming your way.

    2. Hi there I’m going through the same thing I blame myself why it’s not working out and it’s silly I know. I came abroad to find myself which I did but I’m slipping again
      Feeling needy and low why can’t I let go

      1. hello here is what I know for sure and I say this to myself…nobody has the right to hurt me, not even me…think of it that way….no one has the right to hurt you, not even you …hugs

  55. ive been with my bf for 5 years.we have baby who has ten months now.his father want to leave us bcz he found love out side.now hes trying to make excuses.he told me that he doesnt want to be with me he want to be alone…think about his life and a way forward.he said i musnt call or sms him again.im heart broken and i think i cant let him go bcz i lv him with all af my heart.we are distance relationship.but i used to visit him every week.i used to find girls clothes sometimes used condoms,hair.,he used to put his phone on silent or in a drawer.when we together ull never know what happened…he has his moods without any reason.he used to keep out his stress on me.bt i told myself that i must be patient because i love him.i started to sneak his phone.i found messages of his new lover.he want to make his mistakes mine.smtyms i feel lyk i can let him go but deep inside my heart its difficult..more especially when i look at his baby it kills me.now i found out who is the lady makes my life miserable.i dont want to make something stupid but i am going to confront him and that lady.m so depressed,i cant even sleep at night.i lose weight.its very tough.yesterday he sent me messages said he dont want to be with me and i must make myself favour to accept.said may be and big maybe when the times move it will be fine.said we must raise a baby but nothing else.i jst cant believe???????

  56. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    I wish everyone luck and God’s peace – because learning how to let go of someone you love is not easy! It’s a long process, but you need to hold on to your hope, peace, and faith. Don’t lose your grip on your plans and dreams for the future.

    Don’t give up on yourself.

  57. Hi Laurie,

    Thank you for all your great insight. I’m trying to take it all to hear and apply it so I can move on from it all. I guess what I struggle with is I don’t feel like I have closure because I don’t feel like our story is over or complete. In my previous relationships, with the exception of my first real girlfriend, I always knew it was over when it was over and never dated anyone twice. So I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time removing myself from her and our relationship.

    And she told me that she still loves me, but is not in love with me anymore at this point. Is it possible to fall in love with the same person again? Or is it once that feeling is gone it’s gone? She said she’s not closing the door on possibly being together again in the future, but she has a lot to figure out. And she said she’d like me to be in her life but we didn’t really figure out in what capacity.

    What’s a guy to do?

  58. it takes a long time to let go of someone you love. don’t push yourself to heal too quickly. best is to find other ways to occupy your time and thoughts, like distracting yourself. letting go will happen naturally if you start to enjoy your life again.

  59. I’am currently in a relationship where I’m feeling guilty if I let go because of the situation. I love him very much and he’s a great guy but recently caught him about to get high of dope. He never showed signs of being high at all. So I would have never found out if I wouldn’t have caught him. I want to help him but I’m scared especially growning up in that kind of environment as a child. My father abused drugs and also abused my mother. I have broke it off but then start to feel guilty and he does not want to let go. He says he can’t and wont do it without me but when I want him to be open about the whole situation he gets upset and shuts me down. Should I be feeling guilty of wanting to let go of someone I love??

  60. Wow, thank you for brightening my evening. As I’m crying about how of a horrible wife I’ve been, I have to keep reminding myself how hard I worked at it. Married 11 years and his last treatment Center visit, he realized for his sobriety, he no longer can be married to me. Yes, I treated him like crap as my only defense mechanism of being told how controlling and judgemental I am.

    Being married to this passive aggressive, conflict-avoidant man turned me into a she devil. My 10 year old son has been in the middle since healthy parenting needed to be controlled by me. No rules, no structure, giving into every want and need burned me out. Unfortunately, since he moved out he’s this amazing wonderful guy that doesn’t want any kind of discussion of working it out. He checked out. He wants a divorce. I’m addicted to this man and can’t let go

  61. May you find peace and acceptance as you struggle with how to let go of someone you love. You’re going through the valley right now, and it feels like the valley of the shadow of death! It feels like you’ll never heal or be happy again. You’re rejected, crushed, and in despair.

    Don’t lose heart. You WILL heal after you go through the grieving process. You WILL learn how to let go of the person you love so much, and you WILL learn how to live without this relationship. There may always be a little shadow in your life, but you can be happy again.

    My prayer is that you meet the right people, people who can support you in the process of letting go of someone you love. I pray for peace, wisdom, guidance, insight, and joy in your life. I pray that you find what you need to get you through this, whether it’s books, people, activities, support groups, counselors, or action. I pray above all that you connect with God and realize that you are more loved than you know. May trust, faith, and courage be yours.

    Also – in case you need more than prayers :-) – I wrote a new article for everyone struggling to let go of someone they love:


  62. I’m sorry this happened, that you have to learn how to let go of somone you love. What goes around comes around and sometimes it’s better to sleep alone at night than have someone lie to you every night. May God bless you and rid this evil in your life, the truth always comes out and that is something to be thankful for. Nows a chance to liberate yourself.


    1. I totally agree with this statement and I been sitting here everyday talking to myself like am I ever gonna get married? Do I have to start all over again?Do I have to go through meeting someone new? No matter how fast men think they can move on they will never be truly happy chasing tails and when they really get serious and turn it around..Someone gonna do them the same. I believe you make the bed you have to lay in it..and It’s better to sleep alone then to sleep with a liar and someone who really don’t like you. This site really help me get some things out and soak some things in. I wish you the best…

  63. Thanks for this article.. It’s really hard to let go of someone you love.

    I was with my ex for 6 years he cheated on me 3 years in with a co worker but I took him back after 3 months and tried to make it work. 3 years to the day that he left me the first time he told me that he wasn’t happy. We decided to take a break but I let him still stay with me till we figured it out. 2 weeks into “figuring it out” he came home late from work but was actually with the girl he cheated on me with. I confronted him and he said that he couldn’t stand to see her with anyone else and that he didn’t want to be with me. I kicked him out and he moved right in with her again. Now they are in a relationship. I can’t stop thinking about him and hoping he comes back to me.. He doesn’t want to be with me. I am lonely and depressed and can’t stop thinking about him.

  64. I fell in love with a co-worker who unfortunately much younger than me and I had to let him go!!! it was one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to do in my life..I friendship was genuine and the connection we had is RARE and so exciting. this guy is everything I wanted..ambitious, kind, giving, beautiful smile, good job, oh yea and smoking HOT.. he was in theory my perfect guy and we both fell hard for one another. we are still friends and will always be friends because the kind of love that happened between us is really hard to find..we have a connection that I know was sent from heaven..

    I will always love “T” and hope to one day find true love again like what we have. I am keeping an open mind..I’m 52 and he is the first guy I’ve every truly loved and I know he has the same feelings for me this is what makes letting him go extremely difficult!! I am trying to move on but guys are hmmmmmm…insecure little boys for the most part and it’s been difficult to find T’s replacement but I’m still looking so wish me luck!!!! I love you T and always will my love!!!

    I wish you all luck in learning how to let go of someone you love!!!!

    1. Michelle, I am in almost the exact same situation exept I am the young one and he is the same age as you. I am 30. Plus I am married and love my husband, but i have such a strong connection with this guy and he understands me like no one ever has before. I have always been a misfit, as has he, and he is my kindred spirit and my soul mate. My husband and I are considering moving to a different part of the country soon to be nearer family and I am really really struggling with the thought of not seeing my kindred spirit any more. I’m terrified and hurting like hell. i don’t know what to do to love him less :(

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