How to Leave a Man Who Wants to Stay Together

Do you know it’s over, but your partner refuses to accept it? Use these tips on how to leave a man who wants to stay together – you’ll find courage and strength!

Here’s a reader’s dilemma:

“I have been with my husband for 9 years and married the last two of those 9,” says A. on Is My Marriage Over? “The past year has been almost unbearable. I want to leave very badly but he wants to stay together because financially it would be better. I have cheated on my husband and we rarely are close to one another. I don’t feel like we connect on any level. Before things got bad I asked to try counseling and really gave it 100% now I am not even trying. I really feel like I am stuck.”

It’s time to get empowered, to take control of your life! First, you need to figure out if you should leave your husband. Read How to Know If It’s Time to Go: A 10-Step Reality Test for Your Marriage – it’s one of the most popular books on marriage and separation on Amazon.

And here are a few ideas to chew on…

How to Leave a Man Who Wants to Stay in the Relationship

These tips are for women who want to leave their husbands or partners, yet feel trapped, stuck, and confused.

Figure out what’s stopping you from leaving him

A.’s husband says he wants to stay together because it’s better for financial reasons. But, she very badly wants to leave him. She’s putting his practical concerns above her own needs and wants….and this isn’t the first time!

She says, “I was slightly reluctant to get married to begin with because we had our issues but things had been getting better – or so I thought.” A. seems to make decisions against her better judgment. She married him despite her misgivings, and she’s staying with him despite her misgivings.

I don’t know their financial situation, but I suspect his concern about the financial situation is just an excuse to keep her in the marriage. He’s not forcing her to stay married, but she’s staying anyway. The first step to leaving a man who wants to stay together is to figure out why you’re listening to him instead of your own heart, gut, and mind.

If you hesitate to leave a man who wants to stay together, read my article on loveless marriages – it may help.

Get financially strong and prepared to leave your marriage

Do you have enough money for rent, bills, and unexpected expenditures? Can you support yourself for at least a month (preferably three)? If not, can you stay with family or friends? If you don’t have a job or money saved up, contact the local shelters in your area. Don’t just say, “I can’t leave, I have no money, nowhere to go.” That’s not how you want to live your life!

Don’t let financial concerns stop you from leaving a man who wants to stay together! Read Money Tips for Women Who Want to Leave Their Husbands for help.

Learn how to cope when he pressures you to stay together

A man who wants to stay together may not let you go without a fight. I don’t necessarily mean a physical fight – though you know your partner better than I do! I mean emotional blackmail, psychological manipulation, and even spiritual pressure.

How do you leave a man who wants to stay together? By getting as much support as you can. Surround yourself with friends, family, and strong women who are encouraging and inspirational. Get counseling, either professionally, through your church, or simply by talking to a wise, trusted mentor.

Read books on being a strong woman and thriving through separation and divorce. The High Road Has Less Traffic: Honest Advice on the Path Through Love and Divorce has gotten tons of excellent reviews on Amazon.

And, you may find How to Stay Apart When He Calls, Texts, and Wants to Get Back Together helpful.

What do you think about these tips for leaving a man who wants to stay together?

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2 thoughts on “How to Leave a Man Who Wants to Stay Together”

  1. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Dear Kat,

    You’re a survivor! You’re ahead of the game because you’re financially independent, you’re strong, and you’re smart.

    Now, you need to make a plan for leaving your husband. It doesn’t matter if he wants to stay together – what matters is that you do what’s best for you and your daughters.

    I wrote this article for you:

    When Your Partner Threatens Suicide If You Leave

    Other women who successfully left manipulative, controlling men created a plan of action. They weren’t vague or uncertain; they actually wrote down the steps they needed to take. I encourage you to sit down and figure out what you need to do to leave this man – write everything down, from “call a women’s support line” to “find free legal support.”

    Don’t allow yourself to be overwhelmed by what you need to do. Just take it one step at a time – baby steps. One hour at a time.

    You’ll get where you need to be…you just have to put one foot in front of the other.

    I hope the article helps, and welcome your thoughts. Feel free to update me anytime!


  2. My husband and I have been married for 5yr these would be our 6th year. In de first three yrs we were staying with his mother because for the first 2yrs we were both unemployed after his family business was closed. At the end of the 2nd year I got employed and could afford to rent our own place,my husband refuses to find a job to help around the house I am the one who has to take care of everything I mean paying the rent,make sure that our two little girls have everything, buy food,petrol and when I ask him to find something that would help to put extra cash on de table he refuses. Late last year he started to abuse me mentally,physically, emotionally and financially. When I told that I was going to divorce him he tried to commit suicide and now his family hates me for that, I even cheated on him just to show him I no longer want to be with him but he does not want to let go. I need your advice.