The longer you’re in a relationship, the longer it takes to find yourself after it snaps crackles and pops. Here’s how to heal a broken heart by going on a safari, for women over 40 who have lost a wee bit of their soul.
The tips below on how to heal a broken heart are different because they focus on specific action steps you can take to find yourself again. It’s about going on a safari and blossoming in midlife after a breakup – especially for women over 40. You’ll benefit from these ideas no matter how old you are, though, so scroll on down even if you’re 18 or 35…
First, though: what do you already know about how to heal a broken heart? Do you have an idea or two about how to find yourself, or are you feeling bewildered and lost? Take a moment to stop and think about how you feel, what you need, and where you are. Tell me – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.
How to Heal a Broken Heart and Find Yourself
One of my favorite books on healing a broken heart is The Breakup Bible. Rachel Sussman shares a treasure trove of ways to recover after a divorce or relationship breakup. If you’re looking for emotional ways to heal, read her book.
These tips are about actively learning what you need to do to find yourself again. I’ve chosen the Africa safari theme, because it’s both exciting and powerful! Before you go on safari, however, you need to figure out what’s missing in your life.
Where are you empty?
“There isn’t one specific list of questions that will help you learn how to find yourself,” says I in How to Find Yourself After Getting Lost in a Relationship. “Why? Because it depends on what part of yourself is lost. Sometimes you need help finding yourself professionally – you need to figure out what career path to take or what the most meaningful job is. Other times you need to learn how to find yourself personally because you got lost in a relationship that was unhealthy. You might need help finding yourself physically because you’ve gained too much weight and are literally weighed down.”
The first tip on how to heal a broken heart is to identify what you need in your life. No, you don’t need your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend back! You need to find yourself, yes. But what part of yourself has gone missing? Sometimes we need to travel away in order to come back to ourselves.
Maybe you need practical advice, emotional support, or spiritual healing. Once you figure out where you’re empty, you can find specific ways to give yourself what you need.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Go on a safari to Africa
When I lived in Africa, I learned that the word “safari” is Swahili for journey. Winter is the dry season in Africa – and the best season for a safari. Going on safari means that you’re leaving the comfort and safety of your world, and venturing into the wilderness to see what you can see.
You take risks when you go on a safari. You risk losing yourself, and you risk having to rely on yourself. Your goal is not just survival, but living the best, biggest life you couldn’t even begin to imagine! You’ll see endless vistas of plains and wee river valleys. You’ll see rhinos, lions, cheetahs, elephants, giraffes, and kudu. You’ll see carcasses of animals, with vultures or hyenas still munching. You might even see a kill. You’ll marvel at the ruthlessness of the animal kingdom, and you’ll see your own life much differently. Will this be how you heal a broken heart? Maybe.
Maybe you’ll find yourself out on the plains of the African continent. Maybe you think you’re hunting game, but really you’re hunting for yourself. The best breakup advice for women over 40 is to focus on getting yourself back, not getting your old life back.
(If you’re actually going on a safari and have questions, ask me below! I’ve gone on two in Africa – one in Kenya and one in South Africa. I’ve also gone camping in Kenya. We really do learn how to find ourselves in the wilderness).
Find ways to go on safari in your city
How will you find different and exotic places in your own city, and what can you hunt for?
If you don’t know where the ethnic neighborhoods or cultural gathering places or exotic restaurants are, then it’s time. Book a safari in your own city! Recruit an adventurous friend to go with you…or take the biggest risk and find yourself by going on safari alone.
My favorite way to go on safari in my city – and to find myself – is to go to vintage stores, thrift shops, and second hand or consignment sales. I sift through all the racks of clothes, shoes, hats, bedding, crafts, games, housewares, furniture, and bookshelves.
If you tackle this type of safari, ask these questions:
- What textures, colors, and patterns jump out at you?
- Which hats, shoes, belts, and scarves speak to you?
- Why are you struck by certain books or pictures? What do you love or hate?
- Take pictures of the things you love with your phone. Put it on your vision board.
The idea of going on a safari – whether it’s a literal safari to Africa or a less risky safari in your own city – is a way to find yourself. The very act of finding yourself will help you learn how to heal a broken heart.
Learn how to go on safari within yourself
Ah, the most difficult tip on how to heal a broken heart and find yourself: journey within.
This type of safari isn’t an option if you are serious about healing and blossoming into a new stage of life. You need to take time and do the work. You need to process your grief and let go of what you wish you had.
How to find yourself on an internal safari:
- Schedule time every day to do the work
- Find books that challenge and provoke you, such as Martha Beck’s Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny
- Actually write down your answers to the questions in the book. Journal. Think. Pray
- Allow the process to unfold naturally
It takes time to heal. You’ll never be the same, but you will be different. And this is good….if you allow it to be.
I’m just scratching the surface with these tips on how to heal a broken heart! There are so many action steps and activities you can do to find yourself again after a breakup – and my next ebook will address many of them. It’s called Blossoming After a Breakup: 28 Days to Revive Your Spirit and Reclaim Your Confidence.
In How to Let Go of Someone You Love I share 75 ways to move on after a breakup, family rift, or death of a loved one. I wrote it because I was struggling with the loss of my sister. I was also getting hundreds of comments on my blog post of the same name…so I decided to dig deeper and help women grieve and heal.
A question for you
How do you feel about the merging of these two ideas: going on safari and healing a broken heart? Does it make sense, or would you prefer a different way to find yourself?
I can’t offer advice, but I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your experience of healing broken hearts. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.
“Travel as much as you can
As far as you can
As long as you can.
Life’s not meant to be lived in one place.”
My next article is about journaling after a breakup. Make sure you sign up below for my weekly email to receive new posts!