In every relationship, there is one partner who always needs more space. These tips on how to give your boyfriend time alone will help you feel secure and confident when he retreats into his man cave.
If you feel insecure and afraid when your boyfriend wants alone time, get The Self-Esteem Workbook. You’ll learn step-by-step techniques to help you handle your mistakes and respond well to criticism, foster compassion for yourself and others, set up and achieve goals that will enrich your life, and use visualization for self-acceptance. All of these tools will increase your confidence and security, which will help you give your boyfriend alone time without fear or uncertainty.
These tips on giving boyfriends time alone are based on a reader’s question: “How can I learn to simply give him his time to be alone so he can regroup?” asks a reader on When Your Boyfriend is Depressed. “I want to text him how much I miss him, love him and am here for him, but I also want to leave him be and welcome him back when he’s feeling better. I do respect this need of his but I hate being separated from him.”
Tips for Giving Your Boyfriend Time Alone
Hold the text messages, Facebook notes, and emails! The best way to show your boyfriend you love and respect him is to give him what he needs. You know that…the trick is actually doing it, right? Here we go…
Find things to occupy your time
Annie Dillard said that how we spend our day is how we spend our lives. Do you want to spend your life pining after your boyfriend, chasing him, and being anxious because he wants alone time? No, you don’t. You want to live a full life independent of your boyfriend. You want to have interesting things to do when he needs his alone time – and you want to be the kind of woman who wants her alone time, too!
You want to spend your life doing things that make you happy, that give you energy, and that fill you with joy. You want to do things that you love so much, you don’t know where the time went! For me, this is taking my dog to the dog park and watching her romp with the other dogs. I also love to blog, read, play my flute, eat popcorn, and drink wine.
Create the life of your dreams
The more involved in and excited you are about your own life, the more attractive you’ll be to your boyfriend – and the less time alone he’ll need. The beauty of creating a life that excites and invigorates you is that it is so healthy and good for you. Your motivation for creating the life of your dreams may be to distract yourself from your boyfriend, but the long-term benefits of getting passionate about your own life will last forever.
If you’re married but you feel alone, read How to Cope With a Lonely Marriage.
Learn how to be alone
Many of us can’t be alone for more than a few minutes – and if we are alone, we’re plugged into the TV, computer, Facebook, smart phone, or radio (for the old timers like me!). How comfortable are you with being alone? Your boyfriend obviously likes his alone time, possibly because he’s quite comfortable with himself. If you’re not comfortable being alone with yourself, then how can you expect others to want to be around you?
Let your boyfriend be who he is
This is the hardest thing to do in a love relationship or marriage – believe me, I know! It’s a conundrum, because we love our men because of who they are…and yet we want to change them. I no like this. This is bad.
If you truly love your boyfriend, then you need to give him his alone time.
I let my husband do his thing by reminding myself how he feels. He has to go away on business trips more than I’d like, and he feels guilty about it. When I go on and on about how much I’ll miss him or how much his absence complicates my life, he feels even worse. He hates knowing that his activities are casting a shadow on mine. He knows I want him home, but he has a job to do.
When I told my husband that I won’t make him feel guilty or bad anymore for going away, he was visibly relieved and grateful. And, for the most part, I keep my promise (though sometimes I admit that a “I wish you didn’t have to go…” slips through my lips!).
Can you tell your boyfriend you will give him his alone time without making him feel guilty — and mean it? Try it. Let me know how it goes.
If you feel alone emotionally, read When to Give Up on a Relationship.