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How to Get Your Husband to Love You

These thoughts on how to get your husband to love you again are inspired by a woman who has been married for 13 years. Her husband doesn’t seem to care about their marriage at all.

On my article about coping with abuse in relationships, she wrote:

“My husband can’t understand how it feels to be in anyone else’s shoes, only his own. He feels sorry for himself, and acts like a victim. Nobody saw this side of this loving kind caring human being until after marriage. He doesn’t want to bond and refuses to try to understand what a marriage is supposed to be like. He admits he knows nothing about a real marriage, but refuses to read books or watch videos or listen to podcasts. He doesn’t care about learning anything, he just shuts down to punish me. He even withholds sex. What does a woman do to open a man like this? I’m unhappy and scared, and want out if this is all there is. Help?”


The bad news is that I don’t think there is anything she can do to open her husband up. The good news is that I could be wrong! As a matter of fact, I hope I am.

How to Get Your Husband to Love You

Unfortunately, there aren’t any magic formulas or quick ways to get anyone to fall in love with you. Love seems to have a mind of its own – and so do people. My first tip is my favorite one, because if you love yourself then you’ll always have a source of love and comfort.

Fall in love with yourself. The number one way to get anyone to love you is to love yourself. A reader recently wrote me, saying she hates herself and can’t see what her husband sees in her. She’s afraid he’ll leave her – and I think he eventually will leave her. Marriage is hard enough, without being married to someone who is full of self-hatred and insecurity! The best tip on how to get your husband to love you is to learn how to love yourself, accept yourself, and take care of yourself.

Leave your husband alone. The more you try to open your husband up and make him fall in love with you, the further he’ll pull away. He’ll withdraw and retreat if you keep trying to pry him open. We fall into patterns in our marriages – some call it a dance. The key to saving our relationships is breaking the patterns we’ve fallen into. How do you do that? It depends on the pattern, and what you’re willing to do to change it.

If you’re worried you’ll never break the pattern, read How to Survive an Unhappy Marriage.

get your husband to love youRemember that you can’t change your husband. As much as you want to, you can’t change him. You can read all the articles you want on how to get your husband to love you, but you don’t have a hope in hell of changing who he is. The only person you can change is yourself, your expectations, your dreams, and your goals. It may be time for you to re-evaluate your life, career, and marriage.

Decide if you can live like this for the rest of your life. People can and do change, but it’s hard. Even people who WANT to change have a hard time changing! When was the last time you changed? What habit have you recently broken? Whether it was spending less money or doing a new thing at work, I’m sure it was difficult. Your husband may never change…and you need to decide if you can live like this for the rest of your life.


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If you believe you can’t get your husband to love you, read How to Start Over After a Breakup.

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