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How to Get Your Confidence Back After a Breakup

One of the worst things about breaking up is the loss of confidence you feel. These five tips for getting your confidence back after a breakup will help you regain your lost self-esteem, and learn to love yourself again.

Gaining Confidence After Breaking Up

Confidence Code

The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance -What Women Should Know by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman will inspire you to focus on aspects of your life – other than your relationship and breakup. If your career is saggy and old, use this book to achieve the career you want and deserve.

Getting your confidence back after a breakup involves taking control of your thoughts and behaviors. It’s about letting go of the person you broke up with and accepting that it’s time to move on.


“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” – Deborah Reber.

If you can’t seem to let go, read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. The comments section is especially helpful because it contains dozens of stories of people who got their confidence back after breaking up…and dozens of stories of people who didn’t.

5 Tips for Getting Your Confidence Back

Listen to what you’re telling yourself. After breaking up, some people tell themselves they’re worthless, meaningless, dumb, unlovable, fat, or not funny. They blame themselves for the breakup. Other people take the opposite extreme: they blame the other person for everything and refuse to take any responsibility for breaking up. Both extremes involve a lack of self-confidence.

What are you telling yourself about your break up? How has it affected your confidence and self-esteem? Write down three things you believe about yourself and the break up.

Challenge your thoughts. Look at your thoughts…are they really true? For instance, if you wrote “Nobody will ever love me again” – do you really believe that? Getting your confidence back involves challenging your thoughts and beliefs about yourself.

I’m reading Byron Katie’s Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. I love it because it’s about accepting your life and circumstances while moving forward to make things better. You don’t have to believe everything you think! It’s your thoughts that create pain…not your circumstances or the people in your life.

Do something different – challenge your mind. I recently went back to school – I’m getting my Master’s of Social Work at UBC in Vancouver. It’s been one of the best things I’ve ever done for my self-confidence! It’s both scary and exciting, challenging and uplifting.

What have you always wanted to do, try, experience, see, or be? To get your confidence back after breaking up, start taking small risks in your life. Take a one-day workshop, or a morning-long class. Start meeting new people, and notice how charming and kind you are. Reward yourself for taking risks – especially if you feel like you failed!

Volunteer – Participate In Meaningful Work or Service. This tip for rebuilding your confidence is from Preston Ni, in The Break-Up Cure: 7 Ways to Heal & Find Happiness Again:

“The next to the last tip is to reach out and help others in greater need than you. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit an elderly home, or engage in other types of meaningful work or community service. Realize how fortunate you are. Let service fill your heart with love and gratitude , and come back with a new perspective.” Break up or no break up, volunteering changes how you see yourself and the world.


How to Get Your Confidence Back After a Breakup

What photo makes you feel confident, just by looking at it? (image by Lucia Whittaker, via flickr)

Get out of town. Can you afford to go on vacation for a month, week, weekend, or even a day? Challenge yourself and go alone – you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to meet people! I’ve taken many, many solo vacations to places like Egypt and France. Staying in hostels makes it super easy to socialize. If you need tips on meeting people when traveling, let me know in the comments section below!

For more tips on increasing your confidence, read How a Breakup Can Improve Your Life.

My prayer for you is that you reconnect with God, and learn how to love yourself the way He does. May you trust Him to give you what you need in your life, not what you want. May He give you strength, courage, and confidence to pursue the life of your dreams.

I welcome your thoughts below on how to get your confidence back, after a breakup.


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3 thoughts on “How to Get Your Confidence Back After a Breakup”

  1. Hi Laurie,

    If you could just share with me tips on meeting people when traveling, it would greatly be appreciated.