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How to Get Through a Break Up When You Stayed Too Long

Getting through a break up is painful at the best of times; it’s worse when you stayed in the relationship longer than you should have.

Here’s what Michelle (not her real name) says:

“My boyfriend just left me. He’s been lying to me and seeing another woman the whole time we were together. I staying in this relationship too long, and I am relieved I finally know the truth! I was listening to my heart and not my gut. Your gut will never steer you wrong. My heart was listening to my ex-boyfriend’s lies and excuses for his actions. A real man is honest and stands his ground. He tells the truth. We all deserve better relationships, and God removes these little boys out of our life so we can receive real men and real blessings.” – from How to Cope When Your Husband Leaves You for Another Woman.


One of the best ways to get through a break up – especially if you didn’t want the relationship to end – is to focus on the positive. If you stayed in the relationship too long, then be glad it’s finally over!

Now, you can focus on getting through the break up…

How to Get Through a Break Up When You Stayed Too Long

Different people get through break ups in different ways – the trick is finding what works for you. Mother Nature is the number one way to heal from a relationship that lasted too long, but there are things you can do to speed her along!

Ask yourself these questions

Instead of obsessing about your ex, ask yourself:

1. Why did I stay in this relationship so long? What was I holding on to, and what was I afraid of?

2. How can I work on my issues – is there anything I can do to deal with my weaknesses, mistakes, or regrets?

3. What would I do differently in a new relationship? What advice would I give others who are staying in relationships too long?

We all have issues, weaknesses, and flaws. Some things can be worked on, others are just part of who we are. It’s important to find the balance between self-acceptance and healthy growth – and I think one of the best ways to get through a break up when you stayed in a relationship too long is to start digging into your own psyche in healthy ways. Get emotionally, physically, and spiritually strong.

Remember what you did right in your relationship

To get through a break up, don’t just focus on what you did wrong, why you stayed in the relationship so long, and what you regret doing or not doing. Remember what you did well – remind yourself of the times you were loving, attentive, generous, kind, and compassionate in your relationship.

Breakups are bittersweet, especially when you know in your gut that breaking up was the best thing for you and your ex. Healing from a break up can  be a time to pamper and take care of yourself, and a time to push yourself to become a better person.


Remind yourself why you broke up

After we lose someone we love, we tend to idealize both them and the relationship. We conveniently forget the worst parts of the relationship, choosing instead to focus on the best parts. This makes getting through a break up so much more difficult, because we deceive ourselves into thinking we’ve lost more than we actually have.

Your relationship was full of good, bad, and neutral times. Don’t make the good times bigger or more meaningful than they were. Rather, look at your relationship objectively: the good, the bad, and the ugly! And remember that you did the best you could…but your relationship simply wasn’t meant to be. Don’t fight the break up. Accept it.

Remember that the relationship breakup happened for a reason. You and your ex weren’t meant to be together, and it’s time for you to move forward into a happier, healthier chapter of your life.

For more help getting through the breakup, read Do You Think About Your Ex All the Time? 6 Ways to Stop Obsessing.

Also – one of my most popular articles is How to Let Go of Someone You Love – the reader comments will help you see you’re not alone, and that healing is on its way.


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