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5 Best Ways to Get Good Relationship Advice

You know something needs to change in your life, but you’re not sure what. How do you find good relationship advice for women? Here are a few easy steps to get you started.

relationship advice for womenI recently wrote about recognizing the signs of good relationship advice…and then I realized I didn’t actually talk about how women can get relationship advice that is trustworthy and insightful. This is an extremely important topic here on Blossom because so many women ask me for help with their relationships! I know how difficult it is to make a decision and take action towards making big changes in life…and I think women often get stuck in the “advice seeking stage.” We focus more on asking for relationship advice, and less on listening to our own inner voices.

Below are a few tips for getting good relationship advice for women. First, though, I have a question for you. Why are you searching for advice? Yes, you need help with your relationship. But did you know that women who ask for help often already know the answer? They know what they should do. The problem is that they’re scared, or they feel helpless and powerless. Sometimes it’s easier to stay stuck, to feel trapped. Actually taking steps to solve the problem is scary because we don’t know how our lives will turn out! It may be frightening, but taking action is the first tip on how to get good relationship advice for women. Read on, and see what I mean…

What do you already know about how to get relationship advice for women? Before you scroll through my tips, take a moment to listen to that still, small voice inside of you. Tell me what you believe about getting advice – I welcome your big and little thoughts in the comments section below.

5 Best Ways to Get Good Relationship Advice

Confession: I’m not a fan of giving or even getting relationship advice! I think it’s more important to follow our intuition and listen to that still small voice. We know what ourselves better than anyone, and we have the answers inside of us.

Talking through our problems and concerns is different than looking for relationship advice. For instance, if you’re wondering if you should trust your boyfriend after he cheated, you need to rely on your gut instincts. That still small voice inside of you knows what to do. Your best friend or beloved mom can’t tell you if he’ll cheat again…but in your heart of hearts, you know the truth.

The problem is that you don’t want to admit what you know to be true. So you seek advice. Lucky for you :-) I have a few tips on how to get good relationship advice…

1. Talk to a woman who has experienced a similar problem

I’ve never had children, and I’ve never experienced a divorce as a wife. My friends have gotten divorced, my mom and aunt and grandmother were all divorced, my sister is divorced…but I’ve never been through a divorce myself. Thus, I don’t think I’m the best person to give relationship advice to women who are considering divorce – especially if they have children. I can encourage women to listen to their inner selves and do what feels right to them…but I can’t give divorce advice.

One of the best tips on how to get good relationship advice for women is to talk to someone who has experienced a similar situation. She’ll have a better understanding of what you’re going through, and she can help you navigate the ups and downs. For instance, if you’re not happy but not sure about getting a divorce, a divorced woman can help you figure out what step to take next.

2. Avoid advice givers who are invested in your relationship

Your mom, best friend, or even a coworker is invested in your relationship. If you ask your best friend for relationship advice, her perspective is colored by her love for you, her opinion of your partner, and her hopes for your future. She isn’t objective. Same with your mother and your coworker. They love you, and they are personally invested in what happens to you. Your decisions affect them. So, their advice will be biased. They won’t consciously decide to give you bad or selfish advice, but their opinions won’t necessarily be objective.

How do you get good relationship advice? By seeking an objective, impartial person who can see both sides of the story without taking sides. A counsellor is a great option. (If you go for marriage or personal counselling, make sure you spend time assessing the fit. Don’t just choose the first counsellor you find on the internet).

3. Be honest about your fault and weaknesses

Many women ask me for relationship advice here on Blossom. Most of them focus on what their partners are doing, saying, and thinking. Most women who ask for advice about their relationships don’t describe what they can do differently.

relationship advice for women

Best Ways to Get Relationship Advice for Women

Few women tell me about the mistakes they themselves have made, and hardly anyone says that they trust themselves to make the right decision.

If you sincerely want to know how to get good relationship advice, you need to remember to share both sides of your situation. Don’t just talk about all the mistakes your partner made, or his weaknesses and failures, or how he disappoints you. Getting truly good advice means that you have to share both sides of your relationship. You have to be honest about your faults and weaknesses, your mistakes and regrets.

4. Listen to the still small voice inside of you

For me, that still small voice is God. He guides and leads, directs and helps. He knows me better than I know myself, and I trust Him with my life.

Can you hear that still small voice inside of you? Even if you keep searching for relationship advice for women, you need to listen to your inner self. Test the advice you get against your still small voice. If you get advice about letting go of someone you love, take time to process it. Run it through your own filter. Is it good advice? Maybe. But it may not be the best advice for you at this point in your life.

5. Learn how to make good decisions

how to get good relationship advice for womenIn Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions, Lysa TerKeurst will teach you how to resolve conflict in your important relationships. You’ll find peace in your most difficult relationships as you learn to be honest – but kind – when offended. You’ll learn what type of reactor you are and how to significantly improve your  communication. If you learn these skills, you won’t have to search for tips on how to find good relationship advice for women because you’ll know how to respond to all sorts of situations in your life.

Those are my thoughts on how to get good relationship advice. I believe women should seek others who have experienced similar situations, avoid advice givers who are personally invested in their relationship, and be honest about their own weaknesses and mistakes. But above all, I believe women need to listen to that still small voice.

Trust yourself. You know more than you think.

Homework for you

What relationship advice would you give your sister or best friend?

Here’s how to give yourself good advice: take a piece of paper and write down your relationship problems. Use another name (eg, Julia), and describe her relationship in the third person. For example, you might say that Julia’s husband is ignoring her and working all the time. Julia is lonely, scared, and frustrated. She wants to find good relationship advice, but she doesn’t know where to turn. What should Julia do?

While I can’t offer relationship advice, I do read every comment. I encourage you to respond to other readers’ comments if you feel led, and to share your thoughts about how to find good relationship advice for women. Writing often brings clarity and insight, and can help you process your feelings.

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4 thoughts on “5 Best Ways to Get Good Relationship Advice”

  1. I’ve read loads of your blogs tonight. I love your accessibility and frankness as well as finding masses of useful and insightful ideas on relationship issues… That’s why I’m here!
    My husband and I have a lot of issues and it seems that we can’t in fact “agree to disagree” even though that’s what he sees as the solution to all our problems.
    He’s very much the alpha-male: logical, black and white, reasoned; whereas I’m the soul-searcher who wants to understand everything. He gets thoroughly fed up with me trying to unpick everything and I am so frustrated by his “shut-down” tactics when he has decided the conversation’s over :-(
    My husband has a history of PTSD and alcohol abuse (the two are linked… when he has a breakdown, he drinks excessively). I don’t fully understand his feelings and he’s reticent to discuss with me as he has trust issues and low self-esteem.
    I have tried so hard to reassure him that I love him, that I try so hard to understand his fears and want to support him but he genuinely doesn’t believe me. He thinks I’m just keeping him sweet because he provides for us. (I have 3 kids from previous marriages)
    I know that the commitment I’ve shown to him through his breakdowns and subsequent times of recovery and personal shame are a lot more than many others would give. Yet, I am not sure he sees it like that and often throws his disappointments back in my face. I’ve had to balance my well-being and the children’s with his and have done what I believed necessary to protect us from his manic behaviour.
    He’s a good man but still carries so many scars from childhood trauma especially. I so want our marriage to go the distance but tonight I’m feeling incredibly despondent and depressed about the future. I really don’t know what to do. Personally I think we need couple counselling but he won’t consider it. He thinks I’m the one who needs help, not him. I believe we both need help together.

  2. Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen

    Hi Jes,

    Thanks for your comments! You sure are an eagle-eyed reader :-) But when I was talking about the still small voice in #4, I meant you should always run the relationship advice you get by your inner voice! Always go with your inner voice of wisdom — even when you’re looking for the best ways to get good relationship advice.

    What seems like the best advice could be right for someone else, and wrong for you. Only you know what’s best for you, which is why you always have to take time to listen to the still small voice inside of you.

    It sounds like you and your husband are very different, and maybe you’re taking each other for granted after being married for so long. One of the best ways to revive a relationship is to take time apart – such as a two week vacation away from each other. Give your husband a chance to miss you, and maybe he’ll appreciate you more?

  3. My husband is good to me. But it’s as if he doesn’t have much depth. Doesn’t ask me many questions. It just seems like there is no intimacy. He isn’t cheating I do t think. We never cuddle In bed. Nothing really happens In bed for that matter. I’ve never cheated. I treat him really good. He says how much he loves me all the time. We have went to councelling. He had negative remarks about him though I like the councillor. He even says maybe he likes me. He so doesn’t like me that. He has made rude remarks about my lifestyle. About never doing one thing. My family says that too. I have been doing hair for 15 years! I alwasy learn new things to add to my menu. Hair is a changing industry. He is so slow going. I’m fast. It seems too different. He doe st bring many opportunities I Desire at all. He ditched his sports so we don’t hang out with goes happy fun groups anymore.

    Thank you for your advice. You said we should not always go with our inner voice in #4 on the last line. That seems to contrqdict the whole write up a bit, no?

    1. My boyfriend is Hispanic and very big on respect. I aam trying my best to learn to be respectful in every way. He is also very big on family but if I say anything about his kids or their signmificant others he immediatley jumps to the conclusion that I am saying something bad. For instance I made a statement that his son’s girlfriend is naive. His son is 30 and she is probably in her early 20s. He immediatly got furious. Told me that I had to right to speak of her and that I didn’t know her well enough to call her names and that I should never speak badly of HIS family. He then cursed me, by saying “FU” and said I’ll talk to you later and hung up on me. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I called him the next day and he said he told me he would talk to me later and that meant he would call me when he wanted to talk to me. It’s now been 2 days of silence. He frequently gets mad at me and goes silent. I don’t know how to handle this. I am really trying not to say anything offensive and I have apologize immensly but he refuses to listen. He is very black and white. I am very grey and always willing to discuss and bend. I have listened to my inner voice and I feel it is telling me it is time to step away from this 2+ year relationship but as you stated I am afraid. I don’t know what to do.

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