Were you betrayed? Here’s how to get past just surviving an affair to thriving, healing, and becoming a happier, healthier woman!
“My husband was an outstanding husband, but still I always found myself asking him the question ‘Do you love me?’” says Anne Bercht, author of My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me.
“No matter how many times he told me, no matter how many expressions of love, still I felt insecure. I did not realize that my insecurities were eating away at his self-esteem. He thought “I must not be a good husband, because if I was my wife would know I love her.” Because of my insecurities, I was never able to reach my full potential as a person. I was also unable to really listen to my husband and what his needs were.”
In My Husband’s Affair Became the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me, Anne describes how her life changed after her husband’s affair. She didn’t just survive, she thrived – and she wants to show other women how they can do the same.
From Surviving an Affair to Thriving and Being Happy
If you’ve decided to stay with the man who cheated, take hope from marriage coach Mort Fertel:
“[After a husband has cheated], given all he’s been through and learned, what are the chances that he’ll cheat again?” says Fertel, who wrote 7 Secrets to Fixing Your Marriage. “If his wife gives him another chance, what’s the likelihood that he’d make the same mistake that almost caused him to lose his family? In my opinion, it’s dramatically less than 50%. In fact, I think it’s slim to none.”
Fertel says husbands who cheat on their wives are less likely to cheat again. That’s the good news! The bad news is, it takes a long time to forgive your husband after an affair and move on.
Here are a few stories from women who found the silver lining of their husband’s affairs. They found ways to be stronger, healthier, and happier – which is what thriving after he cheats is all about!
Don’t just survive the affair… make it your mission to thrive and be happy.
Remember: you don’t need your marriage to be happy
“Brian’s affair was my personal 9/11 wake up call. It was devastating as any one who has been there knows. Yet it forced me to grow up. I will never be the same again.
I have learned that I am a loveable person, and my security as an individual now comes from within. I no longer need my marriage to be happy. I am able to be truly honest with others and most importantly truly honest with myself. I am no longer threatened by constructive criticism and I am no longer insecure.” ~ Anne.
Better work life, more money, and more confidence
“After I returned to my job [after eight months off], my employer commented that he didn’t know what had happened to me, but I had become a far better worker. Within a couple of months my income doubled! And I had been doing well before. I look after my health better now. I actually look and feel better than I did 20 years ago, have more energy, more zeal and more enthusiasm for life. Since I have gotten over my insecurities, I experience far better relationships including my marriage, but with my children and others as well.” ~ Anne.
Self-insight and self-awareness
“My husband had an affair almost 10 years ago now and it was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. I was forced to take a good hard look at MY behavior in the marriage and I came to realize that I was partly to blame for his affair. I had become emotionally unavailable to him and when something good or bad happened in my life, I called my friends instead of my husband. I had stopped allowing him to love me and to support me and he felt as if I no longer needed him.” ~ Traci.
More self-esteem and self-confidence (thriving, not just surviving, an affair)
“I questioned everything about myself and my self-esteem was at an all time low. I felt old and ugly and past my ‘sell by’ date. Then I started getting chatted up. To cope, I made myself go out and do things on my own or with my children that I would not ordinarily have done. I travelled, went for days out and embraced anything and everything. I started to see all the good points that other people found attractive. Not every man wants a younger woman! I had compliments about my eyes, my long legs, my slim figure but what mattered more to me was the compliments that I got about my company, my wit, and my personality. I found that men really enjoyed my copmpany in a way that they had when I was younger. It made me realize that being married I had lost some of my spark.” ~ Jasmina.
Find yourself again – your personality, your spark!
“My husbands affair allowed me to find myself again and while I had a massive deterioration in my self-esteem initially, what has happened since has been a massive boost. My husband justified his affair by saying that she was irresistible – what rubbish – he had an affair because he thought he could have his cake and eat it. Just don’t let your husband bring you down! Your qualities are desirable to many.” ~ Jasmina.
And, one final tip for thriving – not just surviving – after an affair:
“What may have helped me is if someone had asked me, ‘What baggage from your childhood or your past, might you have brought into your marriage which may be affecting you in a negative way?’”
A great way to be happy and healthy is to become aware of your baggage, and deal with it.
For more tips, read I Didn’t Know He Was Cheating – How to Heal After an Affair.
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Can you get past surviving an affair, to happily thriving? Comments welcome below…