These tips on how to get over your ex boyfriend will help heal your broken spirit, especially if you’ve tried everything to get over him. You’ll find something to help you here, in this vast article that is filled with valuable tips on getting over an ex.
In Dumped: A Guide to Getting Over a Breakup and Your Ex in Record Time!, Maryjane Fahey and Caryn Beth Rosenthal inspire women to take charge of their lives, get over their ex boyfriends, and recreate themselves! You’ll feel empowered to start over – and you’ll even be glad for this change in your life.
These tips on how to get over your ex boyfriend are inspired by a reader who says: “I’ve tried everything under the sun to get over my ex boyfriend, but I’m still stuck in the same place. I find myself thinking about my ex boyfriend all the time. And when I can’t stand it any longer and I feel like I’m at the breaking point, I contact him. And I know I shouldn’t and I know I’m undoing all the progress I’ve made. But the reason I contact him is because I feel if I don’t I will literally lose my mind.”
Nooo…don’t contact your ex, especially when you’re at the breaking point! You’re desperate, vulnerable, needy, and weak. That’s the very worst time to contact your ex boyfriend. Instead, start moving forward in your life…
How to Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend
Get to the root of the problem
When you can’t get over your ex boyfriend, there’s something at the root of your inability to heal and move on with your life. I don’t know what that is – and I suspect you don’t know either, or you don’t want to face it. Maybe you don’t feel worthy to be loved by someone else, or you’re scared to set yourself up to get hurt again. Maybe you feel like you’re damaged or broken, or too weak to embark on a new relationship. Learning how to get over your ex boyfriend is about looking inside you for the answers.
In Starting Over After Your Relationship Ends, this reader described several ways she tried to get over her ex boyfriend. Here they are – they’re awesome!
Several great tips on how to get over your ex boyfriend:
- See a therapist
- Attend an autogenic training course
- Exercise regularly
- Eat a healthy diet
- Make new friends
- Take up new hobbies
- Change your career
- Fill your house with affirmations and positive quotes
- Read self-help books
But none of that worked. So what does she do now, when she’s tried everything to get over her ex boyfriend?
Get your priorities straight after a breakup
Perhaps this reader will help you see how to get over your ex boyfriend…
“All this is aggravated by the fact that my mom has just been diagnosed with cancer,” says this reader. “My intention is to go and take care of her during her radiation therapy and I know this will probably help me get over my ex. But, I’m terribly worried that it’ll also be so hard and my mind will wander right back to my ex.”
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Your breakup was heartbreaking, but it doesn’t compare to being diagnosed with cancer and undergoing chemotherapy treatments. You need to set your own pain aside and be there for your mom. You need to learn how to live in the moment, and stop obsessing about the past. You need to be a grownup, and put your feelings on the back burner while you take care of your mother.
You need to focus on what matters in your life right now – and your ex boyfriend is not what matters. When you don’t know how to move on after a breakup, practice being in the moment and letting go of the future and past. Learning how to get over your ex boyfriend is about thinking about your future, your goals, and who you want to be.
Hang on to the fact that you’re not alone
Here’s what readers say about getting over ex boyfriends – and how you may feel:
“I just can’t move on and I am unable to get romantically involved with someone else. I am not interested in anything. I can’t study, work, or have fun with my friends. I have just lost interest in life itself.”
“I obsess about my ex and I’m still hurting. I can’t move on. What is wrong with me?”
“I have known this man for many years. All he does is lie to me and treat me like a booty call. But I love him so much. He is now seeing some new chick. My self-esteem is shot. I hate myself. What can I do to get us back together?”
These comments are from my article about obsessing about your ex.
Take Martha Beck’s advice on how to get over your ex boyfriend
These ideas on how to get over your ex boyfriend are based on life coach Martha Beck’s tips on being willing to suffer.
“Your dreams are for your joy; even if they lie crushed on the ground, you need not make them responsible for misery,” writes Beck in Enjoyment is in The Waiting…Insight from Martha. “If you raise your eyes from the shards you’ll find more dreams all around, and many of them can come true.”
What dreams are you unable to see because you’re focused on the dream you just lost? If you can’t get over the break up – you don’t know how to get over your ex boyfriend – then you need to see what other dreams are lying around, waiting for you to pick them up.
Martha Beck is one of my favorite authors – and Finding Your Way in a Wild New World: Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want is one of my favorite books. If you’re trying to get over a break up and you want to move through the pain, you need to focus on living in a whole new way.
Here’s what Beck says about being willing to suffer so you can get over your ex boyfriend…
“What happens when we’re willing to feel bad is that, sure enough, we often feel bad—but without the stress of futile avoidance,” says Beck. “Emotional discomfort, when accepted, rises, crests, and falls in a series of waves. Each wave washes parts of us away and deposits treasures we never imagined. No one would call it easy, but the rhythm of emotional pain that we learn to tolerate is natural, constructive, and expansive. It’s different from unwilling suffering the way the sting of disinfectant is different from the sting of decay; the pain leaves you healthier than it found you.”
Be willing to feel bad – accept emotional discomfort
If you want to get over your ex boyfriend, you need to accept the pain. This isn’t the same as hating yourself, thinking you’ll never be able to love again, or wondering what’s wrong with you. Accepting the pain of the break up means sitting with your loss. Grieving, mourning, and letting the pain wash over you.
There’s something about accepting your pain – about walking through it instead of around it – that heals you. And when you start to heal, you can start to move on. That’s how you get over your ex boyfriend.
Start thinking about your choices
“Once we’re willing to confront our emotional suffering, we begin making choices based on attraction instead of aversion, love instead of fear,” says Beck. “Where we used to think about what was “safe,” we now become interested in doing what seems right or fun or meaningful or ripe with possibilities. Ask yourself this: What would I do if I stopped trying to avoid emotional pain? Think of at least three answers (though 30 would be great and 300 even better).”
Write down three things that you would do if you weren’t scared, lonely, sad, heartbroken, or consumed with self-pity. If you can’t get over a break up, this may help you start to see beyond the pain of trying to get over your ex boyfriend.
These tips won’t make it easy to get over your ex boyfriend, but hopefully they’ll help you start living out your dreams.
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I welcome your thoughts on how to get over your ex boyfriend below. I can’t offer relationship or breakup advice, but sometimes it helps to share your experience.