How Do You Get Over Someone Who Cheated and Lied to You?

Breakups are painful; infidelity and affairs are worse. Being cheated on is an emotional, physical, and psychological betrayal that doesn’t just heal overnight. How do you get over someone who cheated on you and lied about it – especially if you loved a man or lived with your husband for years?

“We were married for almost 20 years and I recently found out he was cheating on me for the last five,” says Sandra on How to Forgive Your Husband for Cheating While He Was Alive. “I had no idea my husband was constantly lying to me and sneaking around to be with other women. He has private pictures and he wrote messages to other women. I loved him and supported his goals over the years. My husband is gone, but how do I get over someone who cheated on me and lied about it? He was all I had. Now I have nothing, not even good memories.”

I wish I had quick tips or easy advice for healing the pain of being cheated on, but the truth is that there are no easy “one size fits all” solutions. The truth is that you were betrayed, you are in shock, and it will take time for your heart and soul to heal. Here’s another truth: if you can stop thinking that your husband is all you have, your heart will heal faster.

Your husband – or boyfriend – is one part of your life. If you put him at the center of your life, then your very existence revolves around him. This gives him all the power and control. It also means that if your boyfriend or husband cheats on you, then your whole life and identity is shattered. This is bad! Our relationships should be part of who we are; they should never define or control us.

One of the first steps to getting over someone who cheated and lied to you is to change the role you give him in your life. Change how you see him and his affair. Change the story you’re telling yourself about him, your relationship, and yourself. This will help you move forward.

It can help to understand why it’s so hard to get over someone who cheated and lied:

  • Being cheated on feels like a direct attack on your self-worth
  • It’s offensive and gross to think someone you love could be intimate and romantic with someone else
  • Your identity is connected with who you are as a girlfriend, wife, and lover. So, being cheated on changes how you see yourself
  • You trusted and loved this man, and you never thought he’d cheat on you. You might not even be able to believe it, even when you know in your heart that it’s true
  • Being cheated on and lied to makes you feel foolish, like you were duped – especially if your boyfriend or husband asked friends, family, coworkers, or others to lie for him

Take a moment to think about the pain you feel. It hurts your heart, spirit and soul, doesn’t it? But if you can allow yourself to feel that pain and go through it instead of avoiding it, it will hurt less and less. You will start to feel lighter, happier, and healthier. It’ll take time, but you will get over it. You will love and trust again.

Getting Over Someone Who Lied and Cheated on You

Take time to understand why it’s so difficult to accept this type of betrayal in a relationship. You might also be interested in learning why people cheat in relationships.

1. Understand how cheating affects your self-image

How to Get Over Someone Who Cheated and Lied to You
How to Get Over Someone Who Cheated and Lied

Your identity is changed when you have a boyfriend or get married. You’re no longer just “you” – you’re part of a “we.” The life and love you share as a couple becomes part of who you are. Love changes everything! So when someone cheats on you, you can’t just get over it. When someone lies to you – especially someone you love and trust – you can’t just move on to the next guy.

Another reason it’s so hard to get over someone who cheated and lied is the trust that was broken. When you love someone, you trust them. You need to be loved; we’re all wired to be in relationships with each other. God created us to be connected in relationships, to love and be loved in return. He wired us to lean into each other, to trust and support and nurture. We are so interconnected and built for love that even thinking about someone you love activates the same parts of the brain associated with pleasure, motivation, and reward.

2. Treat yourself gently, like you’re healing from a car crash

Understanding why it’s so hard to get over the pain of being cheated on and lied to can help you move forward. Think of this affair and betrayal like it’s a massive, shocking car accident. Your body, mind, and soul has been crushed, bruised, beaten and broken. How long will it take to get over such pain and trauma?

When you’re cheated on, you experience a sharp rejection that pierces your heart and soul. This rejection prompts a neurochemical withdrawal in your brain. Love is wonderful when all goes well, but you are literally going through withdrawal symptoms after a betrayal or breakup.

Know that you will come through this. It hurts right now, but you can get over someone who cheated and lied to you. You will trust and love someone new…and even if it doesn’t happen overnight, you will get over him and be happy again.

3. Give yourself time to grieve your loss

Everyone gets over the pain of being cheated on differently, but we all have to grieve the loss of the love we knew. Even if you choose to stay with your boyfriend or husband, your relationship as you knew it is over. Your perception of him is different now. Nothing can bring you back to the day you met, fell in love, and gave him your heart.

Grieve your loss, even if you stay with him. Work through the feelings of betrayal, pain, loss, anger, and disappointment. Take time to accept what he did and how you feel about it. You might to try different ways to get over someone who cheated and lied, such as journaling about your pain, talking to a counselor, reading books on healthy breakups, and changing how you see yourself.

4. Renew your self-identity

Who are you? A key tip on how to get over someone who cheated and lied to you is to renew who you are. What is your life all about, why are you here, where do you want to be and go? Take time to rebuild your identity and self-image. Renew your sense of self-worth. Restore your self-esteem. If you believe your boyfriend or husband is all you have, then you will never get over the pain of being cheated on.

The more you get your self-worth and identity from your role as a girlfriend or wife, the harder it is to get over the pain of being cheated on. If your self-worth is tied up in your relationship, then his actions are a direct reflection of you.

On the other hand, if you believe your relationship is one part of who you are and that you are also defined by your strengths, interests, abilities, experiences, memories, hopes and dreams then you will find yourself moving on! You’ll learn that your husband, boyfriend or relationship is not who you are. Getting over someone who lied and cheated becomes separate from your identity as a woman, as a child of God. This makes healing lighter and easier…almost natural.

5. Let go of the past

How to Get Over Someone Who Cheated and Lied to You

In 75 How to Let Go of Someone You Love: 3 Powerful Secrets (and 75 Tips!) for Healing Your Heart, you’ll find a wide variety of practical and personal tips for getting over a man and starting your life over again. Best of all, you’ll find hope and healing.

Letting go of someone you love isn’t about forgetting the cheating or not being wise to possible lies in future relationship. Rather, letting go means allowing the past to teach you and make you stronger, without making you bitter or suspicious.

Letting go of someone with love and kindness – even if he cheated and lied to you – will set you free to love again.


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37 thoughts on “How Do You Get Over Someone Who Cheated and Lied to You?”

  1. In the aftermath of having been deceived it’s very hard not to become a mistrustful person yourself. For months after leaving my first husband, I couldn’t bring myself to trust anyone I didn’t already know. I also couldn’t figure out how to relate to new people while distrusting them. Since I’d moved from New York City to Woodstock in the aftermath of our breakup, I was mostly surrounded by new people and so spent most of my time alone. If having been deceived keeps you distant from other people, then you’ve let the liar change who you are and how you live in the world. You’ll have let them steal what should matter to you the most. And you’ll have given those lies more power than they deserve.

    1. Thank you, Markie, for your insights! What you said really resonates with me on a spiritual as well as a relationship level.

      If the deceiver and his lies distance you from others – especially people you could potentially love – then you let the deceiver change who you are and how you live in the world. You let the deceiver steal what matters to you the most. And you give the deceiver and his lies more power than they deserve.

      This deceiver could be someone who cheated and lied to you, or it could be a darker force of energy. Spiritually, like satan or the devil.

      I know you weren’t saying that, Markie, but it’s what stood out to me! Thank you.

  2. It’s been over a year since I found out my husband of 22 years had a 2-3 year affair right under my nose. We decided to try and work through it and rebuild our relationship. This is the hardest thing I ever done in my life. I have just about destroyed every part of myself trying to ease the pain. It refuses to go and I am obsessed with him. I can’t seem to get over the anger and I’m frightened of things I will do to myself. I’m seeking clinical help now but it’s going to be a lon journey to get myself back.

  3. I was divorced a year ago, went into another relationship with someone else. I was head over heels in love, no one even caught my attention as all was driven to him and only him. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world made me laugh even though I couldn’t even remember when I last I laughed as much as he made me. He could put a smile on my face in an instant. I have a 4 year old son from my previous marriage so in the beginning I made it clear I don’t have time for games cause of my son and don’t just want to introduce anybody to him. About 5 months into the relationship I came across phone call conversations between him and another girl, I was devastated as this was going on since day one we met, started chatting and he kept it going. The conversations haunts me till this day and the names he called it. What makes it worst straight after he called and emailed and video called her he will phone me and tell me how much he misses me and cant wait to see me. Then I found out she is not the only one, we work together as well so he was flirting with EVERY single girl in the office. I confronted him and even gave him a chance to come clean and tell me everything. Only to find out 7 months after our confrontation that he still kept lying to me about one of the girls he said was only a school friend. Only told me then she was his ex and he also called her and flirted etc. I a absolutely devastated a year later and can’t get over the hurt and betrayal. He does not want to let me go, I have ended the relationship so many times before. It’s like he has a hold on me somehow, I know it sound silly. I have completely changed, I don’t even know who this person is I have become. I am quiet, I don’t plan things anymore or go out. I don’t trust anyone and I have so much of anger and hate in me. What makes me even more sad is that my son is so attached to him and he knew what I told him from the start. How do I get over this and be myself again? I have never been this depressed in my life some days my son is the only thing that keeps me still breathing. I hate the girls he cheated with and I hate him even more. I don’t think I will ever open up to any other man again. I feel so alone and y thoughts haunt me at night. I can’t even bring myself to try and be happy or change my moods. he made me feel like I was not enough and now that stuck in my head.

  4. I have been with my girlfriend for 10 years. Some really good times & some rough times too. I have always been there for her, helping her in every aspect of life. Trying to motivate & inspire her, trying to help her with self esteem & self worth & also with financial education & savvy. She struggles with depression & motivation, ever since we first met. 10 months ago i discovered that she was cheating on me with a gross old neighbour who appears to have slept with almost half the town…He is the opposite of me in every way.It took serious work for me to keep it together & also lots of investigating to uncover her lies & depth of betrayal. Eventually all came out and it was very bad. I was sleeping away from home 3 nights per week due to work obligations & she was messing around behind my back. He is a tinder whore who also has a girlfriend. Would sleep with my girlfriend one night and his girlfriend the next unprotected & lord knows how many others. In an attempt to make the relationship work & take responsibility for my mistakes within the relationship i gave her whatever she asked for.She asked for space so i slept at work.When i eventually discovered the truth via confronting the affair partner & also discovering an empty morning after pill packaging at home, her reaction was quite evil. She told me to take my s**t , leave my key and get the f**k out of her house. Keeping in mind that we share the cottage 50/50 in payments & all the furniture bought by me. I asked her if she felt this was a decent way to end a 9year relationship that once was filled with love. I got nothing except coldness. I took my belongings but left all the furniture and our cats. We were separated for a month & it was so traumatic for me. How a good girl could go so very bad, betray herself and me. It made no sense and was devastating. After a month i decided to let go & i asked for my furniture back to which she said yes & we arranged to meet up. I still love this girl & we decided to try to work on the relationship as i myself am not a perfecr human being. Its been 9 months back together and i am not so sure of anything. She lies and continues to do so, i have gotten nothing but trickle truth along the way as well as lots of anger & aggression plus manipulation. Its crazy that it took 10 years for me to see this side of her. Is is a beautiful human being in so many ways but this dark side of her isnt nice & i am starting to believe that she is quite damaged & holding me back in my life. I have tried so hard to make this relationship work & i have done so much inner work but i really cannot get past her lies that she refuses to come clean with & her aggressive behaviour with conflict resolution. We recently moved to a new house, its a beautiful place & i thought it would be a new beginning but i really just cant get past the lies & unwillingness to divulge the full truth. My guess is that she actually wanted to leave me for this guy but he was just toying with her & when reality hit home she realised how good i am & didnt want to loose me. I can forgive the infidelity but i cannot understand why she doesn’t want to share the entire truth with me.

  5. We’ve been together with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, out of which we’ve spent 2 years (on and off) in a long distance relationship. He was working abroad and I was in my second year of university when I’ve decided from one day to another to move to another country just to be with him. I’ve left the university, I’ve left my friends and family in hope of finally being happy with my loved one. One rocky year has passed since. We’ve had good times and bad times but unfortunately the bad outweights the good. He never treated me the way I wanted to be treated and I haven’t listened to him when he was talking. Due to being unhappy and depressed, I’ve gained some weight.(about 5 kgs) He told me numerous times that I should lose weight and I tried but failed every time because I felt no support from him and I felt like he only cares about my weight, nothing else that I do for him. Eventually, everything became monotonous, we never had fun with each other and we stopped having sex. I felt like the biggest piece of sh* in the world. I knew that he was not attracted to me anymore. One year after moving abroad for him, I’ve now found out that he’s been with another woman for a month, he’s cheated on me while I was at home for Christmas. I’ve been suspicious for a while and even when I had evidence, he kept telling me that I’m crazy for making things up and being too jealous. I was right after all, he admitted that he’s cheated. Didn’t even ask for forgiveness, he said that I have all the right to hate him. He says that he loves me and that I’m the most important person in his life but it’s just not working. I asked him if he wants to be with the other woman and he said that he doesn’t know because he can already see that she’s not someone to be with on the long run. I feel devastated, disappointed and hurt. I can’t get the thought of him being with someone else out of my head. I need to move out as soon as possible but I haven’t found a room yet. I need to start over my whole life and I have never been so scared. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this person. All I wanted is to be happy with him. I can’t bear the thought that it’s all over. He’s sleeping next to me right now while his phone is chiming (it’s probably the other girl). I just can’t stand this whole situation and I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I gained 5 kgs? That’s the problem? Is appearance really all that matters to men? I can’t possibly ever be the same motivated and cheerful person I once was. I gave him too much and let him destroy me. I feel physically sick just from the thought of what he did. But I know that it’s not the end of the world. I know that I’ll start a new life and eventually get over this. Sooner or later, it’s all gonna be alright.

  6. 2 years ago I found out my boyfriend had been cheating on me with another woman for 10 months of our relationship. He blamed me for most of his behavior said if I had been less needy etc then I wouldn’t have pushed him into another woman’s arms. I decided to forgive him but our relationship was so rocky and with every fight he suggested we end things since we both deserved a fresh start, at that time I couldn’t bare the thought of losing him so I just stuck it through even though it killed me everyday. Beginning of this year we started of again on a rocky path and I found out he had lied about another woman who was in his life half of last year, he told me nothing happened between them and also that he only lied about her to protect me since I was still vulnerable from his last cheating episode. After that I tried breaking up with him but he insisted he was a changed man and promised to treat me differently. He did change he did treat me differently and we are planning on getting married, but off late the bad parts of our relationship keep haunting and making me feel like maybe this is not my happily ever after all, I’m no longer sure if u want to spend the rest of my life with him, or just start afresh and find myself. Please anyone who can help I’m confused on whether theses are temporary feelings, part of the healing process or they are a sign to say I will never really get over his betrayal.

  7. I was married for 10 years and I found out that my husband and two kids outside our marriage. We also have son together. Which he still has contact with. We do not live together anymore. To be honest I think he lives with his mistress. I still do love, but he wants me to forgive him and do not know how to forgive and move off with my life. Please help.

  8. I have been married for 38 years and found out my husband is having affair and left to be with her she is a old girlfriend she hasn’t moved in with him yet but it’s only a matter of time I love him very much he came for his belongings and we talked more I talked he listened but I think he wasn’t taking it in what I was saying they went to Spain for holiday this happened three and half months ago and when I found out he said they were only seeing each other for 3 r 4 weeks I can’t believe that the way they are carrying on would love him back but I don’t think he will I am afraid of getting hurt agian

    1. I am in very similar circumstances my husband of 40 happy years left me for a work colleague 15 years his junior , who apparently he just clicked and ” fell in love” with, in 3 months only seeing her at work 3 days a week, I would of trusted him with my life it was such a shock, he was a church elder , amazing dad and grandad he had had hardly any contact with any of us now for 8 months, he moved in with a friend and as far as we know he is still there , I have now started divorce proceedings as I am 62 and fear for my future everyone can not understand why he had done this it is tottaly out of character, I feel like he has died the pain is at times in unbearable the shock nearly killed his elderly parents, but he doesn’t seem to think he had done anything wrong , how do you get over this.

  9. I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. Until recently i found out he cheated on me with an irish woman. He met that woman when he was travelling in Myanmar. And when she recently visit him in our country, he became her tour guide for 3 days. I decided to have his space. The following day after that woman left, I just felt heavy hearted. Like something happened. I met him and asked how was his days with that woman. He said it was nothing much, they were going around places to take pictures. But i knew that he was keeping something from me. So i decided to go on his Instagram account and went to read the DMs with this woman. I found out he had sex with her in the hostel, on her last night after they went clubbing. My heart dropped. I went to his place and confronted him. Then he confessed that he also had sex with another traveller. My heart dropped 10 times worse. 7 years of my life i was devoted to him and gave him the freedom that he needs and he did this to me. I kept asking why did he cheat. He said that hes was going through depression. And he wanted to let me go months ago. I still couldn’t believe that he would do this to me. He said he didn’t love me for months but he didn’t want to let me go. There and then, i told him to give me back all my stuff and i gave all of his. The worse part is, i told him months ago that if hes going to cheat on me or even thinking of cheating on me, let me go first. But he didn’t. He said he was confused. He and i just broke up but he still wants me to be his friend because if i leave him at this current depression stage it will become worse. And he told me not to hate him. He was really asking too much of me. I can’t let him go. I can’t hate him neither can i love him. Im just so stuck right now. I still care for him alot. Now everytime i close my eyes, the image of him having sex with that woman is all i can see.

    1. Some humans are just plain selfish. I think most people struggle with depression, suffering is a part of the human experience.It is however selfish to want everything to go his way all the time. I believe you deserve so much better. Its not your job to fix or help him. Any loyalty you have towards him ended the day he decided to be unfaithful to you. Sure nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes but you really deserve better.

  10. I have been with the same girl for 4 years. She started a new job two and a half years ago. We broke up and got back together at least six times over the four years. 2 weeks ago I caught her in a lie about meeting people from work at a bar. One of those boobie bars like Hooters. Turned out she did not go with women and men co-workers she went to meet a man 15 years younger than her. That escalated into her going to lunch with him many times. Which led to the texting. She has been secretly seeing and texting this man after work hours. She swears she didn’t sleep with him but I know she did. She’s lied about the relationship the entire time I just found out about it. I think we fell in love 4 months ago two months after her work boyfriend got fired. When she told me she was all in I was thinking to myself I’ve always been all in. We had an agreement to not to date other people and for her not to be going out to lunch with men. I’m so ashamed that she was able to lie to me for two and a half years.

  11. It’s almost five years since I discovered my husband of nearly 30 years was not the devoted and loving man that I believed him to be. He was a liar, cheat and serial adulterer. My children and I were completely devasted to discover that he was a “swinger”. He moved in with a woman who also cheated on her husband of 24 years and engaged in indecent images. They live with her two unruly little girls while her son refused to join them and stayed with his father. My husband has consistently tried to get me out of our home of 35 years despite the fact that he has inherited his family home valued in excess of £1/2 million. Get over it? Not a chance. I hang onto life by a narrow thread, carried along by the devotion of my friends and the fact that my three beautiful Children and five gorgeous Grandchildren are more important than anything else. Forgive him? Not a chance. I’d kill him, if I’d get away with it, for the damage he’s done to our children’s lives. I live in the moment every day and am grateful for my health and devote my life to helping my children. I am a WASPI so very little money but I’ve learnt to content myself with my garden, my three cats and my little dog, who is the light of my life. A future relationship? Not a chance, I’ll never trust again. Advice to others, you get one chance at life so live for the people or animals that love you. Take a hour at a time and fill it with things you love. The sun will shine again but not in the way you always hoped it would.

  12. married a girl in october of 2017 that i have been with for 5 years now. in march ( two months ago) , i found out she had been in a relationship with another man for the past 14 months in canada as my wife was canadian and was not an american citizen yet. she would spend 5 nights a week here and 2 nights a week in canada. she would spend the 2 nights in canada at her parents house or with a girlfriend only to find out she was staying at this mans house. she took him on vacation (lying saying she had to go out of town for a weekend with work), spent valentines day with him and who knows what else. then found other men in her phone under girls names and found out shes been sleeping with multiple men over the past 3 years of our relationship. how do you get up every morning and look at yourself in the mirror saying- i’m ok with what i am doing. Nothing changed in our relationship when we got married. we were the couple that everyone looked at because of how happy we were, all of our vacations, the perfect life and she hid everything from everybody. hid it from her family, closest friends/everyone. she got caught and couldnt face it so she picked up and left to make it seem like it was my fault. still to this day she has not admitted what she has done. 2 months have gone by and we have barely talked, she signed the papers and that is it because she has no answer for why she did what she did. nothing she can say will justify the amount of lying she has done over our relationship and that is the part i’m struggling with the most. all of the lies, what was real, not going home to that person anymore that honestly does not exist. she was able to live 3 different lives all this time and nobody saw a thing. I still get comments such as, “i dont understand how this is real, she was so happy”.

    do i stop talking about it? there are parts of me that will blame myself for small fights that we used to have in regards to her working her other job as a server (where she would get all of the attention). i feel like there is nothing i could have done to stop this.

  13. I recently found my boyfriend of 3 years of in bed with another woman. We have had a rocky year this year bc of life changing choices he made without any regards to our relationship. We had just gotten through the holidays and things were going smoothly it finallyit felt like things were back in track. Then one day I was pretty sure he was being dishonest about where he was and who he was with using his kids as excuses. After work I drive to his house like I often do and there I found him in bed with another woman. She was laying where I had just lay making g love to my boyfriend. I was devastated. After working through everything he now brings another woman into our relationship. I explain to her everything he has put us through and about him in general including the fact that he is a pathological liar. He had just lied to me about her and confirmed to me I have nothing to worry about as I sensed something and questioned him in bed because he has cheated before. He is choosing to stay with her as our relationship is ending. All I can think is how horrible he is to me a person he claims to live. What a joke.

    1. S, I need to tell you few things, but the most important is this : He just did you a huge solid favor by letting you to discover his true face. Discovering it now, only 3 yrs into relationship is nothing, comparing to people actually dumping their SOs after 20+ years and leaving them broken-hearted, emotionally and financially robbed.
      The other few things I need you to know are these:
      – cheater is ALWAYS a cheater
      – you missed a big red flag that you called ‘ life changing choices he made without any regards to our relationship’
      – he is most likely a covert narcissist and you were his temporary supply, not A Loved One.. You were a property of his harem. Sorry to break it to you. He never loved you, neither he loves the other woman (women), nor will he love anyone other than himself
      – the best thing you can do – get out, leave him behind.. Learn your lesson, and build healthy life for yourself.. that is the best revenge.

  14. Hi. This was a good read and I thought I’d share what I’m going through at the moment as well.. Sorry but this will be really long…
    We didn’t date for a long time but I was so sure that I truly loved him. I loved him with every inch of my being. And I felt that the feelings were mutual. We met online and finally saw each other after months of talking over the internet. We spent a week together and I felt the happiest at that time. I felt that he really loved me. I gave everything to him without hesitation since I really felt that he was the one. After that rendezvous, we still contacted each other. He was still very sweet to me, promised me that he will marry me and that he will never look for another. I believed his words because to my eyes he was really an honest person. Along the way, I found out the story about his ex because I kept probing him to tell me. He dated his ex for three years, and he said they broke up because she cheated on him. I felt really sad about it so I promised him that I would never do the same.

    Two months after we met in real life, we still continued our long distance relationship but we started fighting a lot. Because he doesn’t contact me as much anymore but he claimed he was really busy with work. He kept asking me to understand him and in return I’d say I will understand but it irritated me how he kept promising that we would talk at a certain time but he always lets me down. He would keep saying sorry and I’d forgive him and the cycle goes on and on. We both promised each other that no one will give up. That it’s just because we’re far from each other that’s why it’s hard. That if we lived near each other, we wouldn’t be fighting like that because the only reason we fight is because we don’t get to talk as much. After our fights, we would make up and be sweet to each other again.

    But then one day, he was supposed to go to this certain city for a medical check up. He said he would immediately return to his home after the check up. I was shocked to see on the day he was going to the city, he removed his profile picture which was a photo of the two of us. (This city is where his ex lives…) With that in mind, I was getting suspicious.. so I asked him if I can talk to him because there is something I want to know. I told him I’d call him when he gets home. But then he said to just tell him at that moment because he decided to extend his stay for two more days. That surprised me even more. I asked why, but he just told me he will spend time with XXX(his bestfriend who’s currently studying in the city) He told me not to worry and not to think of weird things because he will send pictures from time to time. And he did.

    Everything was all good on that day. But the next day, no matter how much he assured me, I still couldn’t help but get suspicious… so I kept annoying him with questions.. who are you with? what are you doing now? are you with your bestfriend? He just replied with a picture. I said thank you and sorry for still being suspicious even though he already told me that I’m the only one he loves. He said it’s okay. I didn’t reply anymore because I wanted him to enjoy his time with his bestfriend. The next day, I didn’t contact him either. I was just waiting for him to message me that he’s going home.. but he never did. I was so worried so I sent him messages like “are you okay” “are you home now?” “why aren’t you texting me?”

    When he finally replied, he said he just got home but he was too tired. And that he didn’t reply because his phone died.
    After that I don’t know why but I felt very guilty so I sent him a long message expressing how happy I am that I am with him and how much I love him. He never replied to that message. One day passed and still no reply. I was getting nervous. I messaged him if he’s busy but he didn’t reply still. I was getting so worried so I just kept messaging him all throughout the night. I couldn’t sleep. The next day, I received a message from him saying that he wants to stop our relationship. He said the reason is he is getting very tired with my suspicions and jealousy and that we should both focus on our lives. (He is 26 but still doesn’t have a stable income) and he said that I should graduate first. He emphasized that he really loved me but it was getting too hard for him and also stated that maybe after he gets a stable income and I graduate, maybe when destiny allows, then we would meet again.

    The break up came to me as a shock. But I accepted it because his farewell message was rational, he was right, I need to focus on my studies first and him on getting a stable income. Although I was very sad, I continued living with the idea in mind that I’ll just have to graduate and then we can meet again. But then a month later, I discovered something that shattered my world.

    It’s a bit difficult to explain what kind of job he does now, but it’s some sort of internet broadcasting where you’ll need a lot of viewers to earn money from it. That’s what he’s been doing, that’s why it’s not a stable income. But he claims that he’s trying to make it in that industry.

    Anyway, in that sort of job.. viewers can do chatting. I read a chat from a viewer calling him “babe, baby, honey” and based on what she says, it seems like she’s a lover. I asked him about it but I found out he blocked me everywhere we have contact so I had no choice but to message his sister to get help… he received my message via his sister and then answered me that he is not dating anyone because he is not in the position to do so, like not having a stable income and stuff and also he said that the biggest reason is that he wants to focus on himself.

    I believed him once again. I mean, maybe he wasn’t even required to answer me like that anymore but he still did. So it must be true.

    But then two months later, this time I found out he made a new account on that website and continued doing the broadcast (maybe he made a new one because I found his old account) but then…. I saw that girl was still there. This time it was not just chatting. Since his webcam was on, I discovered that the girl was also in his room with him. I can hear her voice as well. It’s already been three months since we broke up but why does it still hurt? I don’t understand why he has to lie to me. To make himself look good? I mean, the moment he left me I already perceived him as a jerk. He know I already booked tickets to see him on his Birthday but he still broke up with me. Why can’t he just tell me the truth? To protect his ego? He is so selfish.

    I don’t understand it at all. I believe he cheated because it seemed like he’s been with that girl as well while we were dating. I wonder if the other girl knows that I exist? From what I saw, the girl seemed really young. Btw, I’m 23 and he’s 26. I’m not sure if that girl was the ex I was suspicious about. But I’m pretty sure he was already with that girl around the time we kept fighting because we didn’t contact a lot..
    Our relationship is sort of a unique case. This person doesn’t have any social media at all. No facebook, twitter, instagram or anything… that’s why I really don’t know what he’s up to other than his broadcasting. I don’t even know how I had the guts to trust this guy at all when he seems kind of shady in the first place..

    Honestly, after our break up I was very depressed. Although I tried to make myself believe that everything will work out fine in the end, but still, at the end of the day I would still cry and mourn for our failed relationship. I actually just found out about the other girl now.. and I feel like my world collapsed.

    Maybe my case is not as bad as the others, since we only dated and (thankfully) didn’t end up in marriage. But it’s my first heartbreak and I don’t know how to handle it :( It makes me question myself. What did I do so wrong? Why must I experience something so painful as this? I don’t even have the confidence if I can love again in the future :(

    1. Hi so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can really symphathize because I’m going through something very similar. Its heartbreaking and shocking. Feels like I have been scarred emotionally because of this. If you would like to talk about it please feel free to email me.

    2. I’ve experienced something very very similar recently with the main difference being that we’ve never met in real life even after a two year long friendship with feelings involved (he didn’t want there to be any labels but still daily and excessevly expressed his love for me). I single handedly made him from a poor boy on the streets on the verge of killing himself after being cheated on to a man with a fantastic job, a lot of money and great mental health. Since he realized that life was easier without me, he left. After a month he hooked up with another girl. Oh well. My thoughts are with you and i hope that with every day that passes by, you’ll feel more whole again.

  15. I have been in a relationship with a man for three years now,with whom i had a child. He went abroad to work 2years ago.. I recently found out he got another woman pregnant. He admitted his mistakes, said he didnt want me to leave him,asking for another chance.. He also promised to leave the other woman but the problem is she is threatening him about making a scandal in his workplace. by the way, they are in the middle east and they may face charges if their affair would be found out.. Idont know what to do… I still love him and willing to forgive him…

    1. the same story w/me. i have a bf for 4years and he’s working in saudi. He meet a girl there and having a relationship and the time that woman knows about me she didn’t stop sending me a picture of herself and my bf and even their convo in watsapp. I thought I found an honest man in my bf presence as he is 54 years old while i am 38 but i made a big mistake..

  16. Dear Heartbroken,

    I am so sorry for what you’re going through. It’s a difficult thing to accept, the thought that your husband was emotionally involved with someone else. And there are no quick or easy tips on how to get over being cheated on!

    Take heart, for you and your husband will find your way back together. These feelings will pass — the pain and disappointment — and you and he will get through this together. Don’t give up hope, for it’ll be hope that draws you forward and helps you save your marriage.

    I wrote this article a couple days ago; it might help you:

    3 Steps to Start Living by Faith and Healing Your Broken Heart

    I know you and your husband haven’t broken up — but you are starting a new season of marriage! I really want to encourage you to hold on to your faith, because it will help heal your broken heart. You WILL get over the pain of being cheated on….don’t give up hope!

    Take good care of yourself, and come back anytime to let me know how you are.


  17. I don’t think my husband had a physical affair but he definitely had an emotional affair….I recently had our first child together and something kept nagging at my heart that didn’t feel right. I prayed and God revealed the truth that he had been on the phone with his ex for hours at a time while I was at work and even when I was at home right after we had the baby. Not only has he denied it even when I presented him with the phone records, he has accused me of being moody and emotional and he claimed he was supporting his ex girlfriend who was going through post partum. I am going through the same thing and he basically ignored me and walked around the house like I didn’t exist. This is his first biological child and even though he has confided that is all he ever wanted he insisted upon taking care of his ex-wife’s children who are 10 and 19…I had three children from a previous marriage and in the beginning he tried to be a father to them but alowly started becoming reclusive and distant towards them. I know that I have bent over backwards for this man and it hurts so much to have been treated like this. I know my children and I deserve better but it is so sad to me that he has no remorse and constantly states he didn’t do anything wrong. I just don’t understand why he just didn’t leave if he was that unhappy with me. On another note, he traumatized me and accused me of cheating my whole pregnancy….he lost his job because he wanted to “watch” me while I was home on maternity leave because “he didn’t know what I was home doing.” I haven’t ever cheated on anyone in my life…I thought he was my soulmate. I definitely wasn’t going to start with him. I know God allows everything for a reason and I am grateful for allowing me to see the truth but it still hurts 😢😢😢

  18. Hi…I feel for everyone here who has been cheated on & lied to!!!!! The depression & anxiety is painfully devasting!!!!!l I wish we all could go through healing & support each other together but we have too many miles apart from where we live, I’m sure. There are no support groups here & I am isolating at home & know that is not good!! Lets all pray for each other ok??? Thank you for adding me to your prayerd for healing, Gods love & peace to you all…Anni

  19. About a year ago i loved a girl and one day i get a message from her , it was afternoon, it was a picture of her sleeping along side of a man that took a selfi with my love with her phone and sended it to me saying that i am his boyfriend who are you? Stop messaging my girlfriend , i didn’t know what to make of it i was with that girl for 2 years . I was pretty sure that she loved me too but she was sleep in his arms like the way she slept in my arms , no difference. .. i cant get her out of my head even after a year , i get irritated around people now , i lost my social life :)), she was enough for me but i wasn’t enough for her.

    Thanks for letting me share

    1. HI there, How TOTALLY DEVASTATING….SO SORRY!!!! I know all yo WELL how getting cheated on & lied to hurts & takes me long time to get over. Hugs & prayers for healing, Anni. NOT spelled Anno…that is me on here but Anno should be Anni

  20. I have been in a relationship with this man, for 15 years. We address each other as, husband and wife. About a year ago, he start to have an affair, (in my living room while I was asleep in the bedroom of the same house), with my so call daughter- in- law. They continue this affair today. She called me ” Mama.” I’m trying so hard to accept that he loves her and will continue to be with her, but there are two things I don’t understand. One is, what role do he want me to play in this devil’s triangle, that he don’t want to get me out, and continue to deny her and stress how much he love me and want to make it work? And how long do he think I’m going to go through this without someone getting physically hurt?

  21. Hello.

    I want to share my story and please no judgement. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, we have 4 little girls together ages 8, 7, 2 and 8 months. He used to have a drug addiction that he fought and with which I tried to support him combating. I found out in January that he had started using again. He disappears 2-3 nights a week. I found where he goes and confronted the lady there. She told me that hs did come to her house occassionally. I asked if anything happened between them (trust me when I say that she was far from attractive…drugs do that to a person) she said no. She made the comment that he only came there to use her phone and to ask her if she knew of anyone he could “hang out” when while high. The entire situation has shattered me as a person. He denies the cheating accusations, stating she is unreliable and that he would not cheat on me. I don’t believe that. Because she has no reason to lie to me and he does. I am confused and hurt. I don’t understand why if there is other options why stay with me and pursue that. He is welcome to leave and live how he wants. I so don’t get it. He claims he loves me and his family but actions speak so much louder at this point. I am repulsed by all of it…I feel stupid for thinking that it was just drugs and more importantly I feel absolutely made a fool of….He is living a second life and with god knows whom…no telling what he has exposed me to….All I can do is cry….I want the pain to stop and I want my life back. This is harder than I thought.

  22. I found out last November after 36 years of marriage- my husband has been in a relationship with another woman for 6 years. It is devastating to me and to my 3 adult boys. I am 58 years old- stay at home mom. My husband is a lawyer, I have filed for divorce. I have to sell the family and move forward. It is very difficult.

  23. I was cheated on ‘several times’ by my fiancé and it hurts every day. There are so many reminders that make it seem impossible to forget and move on from. I am not the same carefree person that I was before being wronged so harshly.

  24. I am young and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend things where going well between us in a way that everyday l found myself falling deeper änd deeper in love we moved in together and it all started when he cheated with an older woman and they will talk about me. He is dating a lot of girls but I love him. I don’t know how to get over the pain of being cheated on, and I wish he could change his ways but he doesnt. He buys me gifts and spoils me thinking that l would forget and forgive but l cant he might try to make me happy but lm not lm hurting a lot in a way that sometimes l found peace after breaking something l love him so much but l dnt trust him. I want us to be happy but all those things keep on coming back to me. How can I get back my self-confidence cos l have lost it. I feel as if lm not good enough for him. I am desperate for love and attention, am heading for distraction.

  25. Dear Isata,

    I can’t tell you if you should leave your husband – but I am sorry you’re experiencing the pain of being cheated on. There is no easy way to get over it.

    If you stay with your husband, you will have to cope with the daily reminder of infidelity and broken trust – but you will have your family together. If you leave your husband because he cheated, then you will break your family up (but your husband broke up the family! Not you.) and you’ll have to start over.

    In the long run, what is best for your children? This is something only you as their mother can decide. What is the best environment for them to grow up in? Remember that your spiritual and emotional health is a huge factor in your children’s happiness and growth. If you aren’t happy, nobody will be happy. If you’re faking love and hiding betrayal and truth in your marriage, they will know.

    What advice would you give your daughter or sister, if she was trying to get over the pain of being cheated on?

  26. Thank you, Bamama55, for sharing your story! Your personal experience of how to get over the pain of being cheated on is so valuable, and I’m so glad you commented here. I wove in some of your advice and experience in my article about recognizing a cheating husband, but I changed your name (I just wanted to keep you private):

    11 Signs of a Cheater

    I really appreciate your encouragement for women to pray and listen to God’s advice. He really is the only one who knows our lives and what we should do – and He really does want the best for us! He loves us deeply, and cheating is never in His plan for us.


  27. My husband cheated one me about 15 years ago and i forgave him and stayed to try work it out. He said he wouldn’t cheat anymore and he said he loves me many times. I started trusting him again and stayed. A few yrs later he was asleep one night and he’s phone was making a sound, and the text he got said: I don’t know when to text you Because I’m afraid your wife might see it! So then from these words i didn’t have to ask him who that was because i knew it was a girl.
    After that it all went down hill for me I knew i couldn’t trust him or believe him anymore! I never really got over the first pain down deep inside of me but i tried and i never brought up the past to him and i let it go because i knew in order to stay together you can’t bring up the past every time you get mad. But now this was another pain he had done to me. Plus he had done other things he shouldn’t have done. I stayed the first time because i believe people can make a mistake and everybody deserves a second chance. But i gave him too many. And that text was the last chance i could not get over! I did leave him the first time but eventually i went back. But after this text that was the last time. I moved out on my own . at first we still talked and stayed friends with benefits if you know what i mean. He would help me or whatever. He always said he wasn’t going through with it with the girl that text him that he decided he wasn’t going to cheat again. But we’ve been married 22 yrs he was all i had n i needed him i thought!
    But after 3yrs I knew i couldn’t trust him deep inside. I finally let him go after he moved into an apt and i suspected he was trying to get with his new neighbor who is much younger then me. I finally got him to admit that he’d had sex with her but later on he tried to lie and say he didn’t but i knew he was lying he’s a good liar i know him by now. Any way that was it for me i wanted to end it.
    People always told me once a cheater always a cheater and i hoped not. But in his case they were right. He is a cheater a liar and a deceiver. So only you can decide no matter what other people tell you, because it’s your life to decide what you think is best for you. But i wanted to share my story and maybe you’ll really think about it before you rush into anything. Your husband may be different; only you truly know him. But sometimes it takes time for us to be strong enough to leave them. Or to decide to stay with them.
    No one can tell you what to do! I can’t tell you either but i can tell you my story and that I’m free of all that worry and stress that a bad relationship can put you through. I wish you well and hope you find your answer. Just know it’s not your fault you didn’t destroy anything the cheaters do ! What ever you decide is okay it’s your life. And pray about it and always talk to God first . he will lead you either way and for your good. Trust God that’s the only person we can trust! He will work it out for your good. It takes time but He will. Trust me He did it for me and he will do it for you what ever it is that you need or whatever you want to do.. Just pray about it and seek His Guidance. He hears you and he knows your pain. Plus he knows what’s best for you!

  28. I’ve been married to him for 8years, I know now what kind of man he is, how do I get over the pain of being cheated on?
    A girl write me by saying my husband is cheating on me, i don’t know her
    After I learned what she said is true .one day he called the girl with his phone
    I give him the phone to talk to her, he lied and said that he don’t know her, after he confess that she is just a friend
    I realized the truth and started notice he cheated on me with many girls
    I don’t want to leave him because of my three children. He’s their father and best friend they do many things together. I told my father about it but he said nothing. what can i do now please i need advice about getting over the pain of cheating.