How to Get Over Him


After a breakup, you feel like you’ll never be happy – or loved – again. Here’s how to get over him, inspired by a parable and a reader who says breaking up with her boyfriend is the worst thing that has ever happened to her.

how to get over himOne of the most effective ways to heal from anything – from breakups to scary health problems – is gratitude. In Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude, Nina Lesowitz, Mary Beth Sammons, and Lee Woodruff offer ways to stay thankful in difficult times. Living as if each day is a thank-you can help transform fear into courage, anger into forgiveness, isolation into belonging, and pain into healing. Saying thank-you every day inspires feelings of love, compassion, and hope! When you’re trying to figure out how to get over a boyfriend or husband after a breakup, you need to focus on the blessings in your life…or else you’ll sink into despair.

On When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore, a reader says the breakup of her relationship was so painful, she’ll never get over him. “Nothing compares to the hurt I feel, knowing that he is with another woman. Does he even feel bad? Does he care that he is hurting me? I have so many emotions all at once, I can’t think straight! My heart is broken, and I need to know how to get over him.”


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These tips will help you see the reason you can’t get over him, and show you that healing after a breakup might be easier than you think. First, I want to share a parable that shows you how important, valuable, and lovable you are…

The Parable of the $20 Bill

At a recent conference, a speaker seaker started his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. He asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hundreds of hands started going up. The speaker said, “I’ll give this $20 to one of you, but hold on a minute.” He then crumpled the $20 bill up. He then asked, “Now, who wants it?” All the hands remained in the air.

“What if I do this?” he asked. The speaker then dropped the $20 on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.

“Now who wants it?” Still the hands were in the air.

money parable

The Parable of the $20 Bill

“No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value,” he said. “It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God’s eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless.”

**

How to Get Over Him

You, my friend, are exactly like that $20 bill – except you’re far more valuable! You may feel broken, ripped apart, crumpled, hurt, and used. But you are worthwhile. You are lovable. You are priceless to God – and He is all that matters.

Learn why you can’t get over the breakup

Why is it so difficult for you to get over him? Because he is the Main Thing in your life. Your ex-boyfriend or estranged husband is more important than your job, your other relationships, your spiritual life, your hobbies, and everything else in your life. If you really want to know how to get over him, you need to do two things: 1) figure out why he is the Main Thing in your life; and 2) Replace your ex as the Main Thing with something more important.

If you’re recovering from a marital breakdown, read How to Move on After Your Marriage Ends. You’re dealing with financial issues, family dynamics, custody arrangements, child support arguments, divorce lawyers, and much more. Ending a marriage involves far more than “just” learning how to get over him.

Replace your ex with something more important to you

What is the most important thing in your life? If it’s your relationship, then you’ll never heal. When your boyfriend or your husband is THE thing in your life, losing him will devastate you. In that case, you’re right to feel like getting over him is impossible – because it is. You’ve lost the only thing that matters in your life. That is so sad. But, the good news is that it’s avoidable! The breakup is your opportunity to replace the hurt and pain you feel about losing your boyfriend or husband. This is how you get stronger, this is how you learn how to get over him: you replace the emptiness in your heart with something more important.

Find something more meaningful in your life

how to get over him after a breakup

How to Get Over Him

A man is NOT the meaning of your life – even if you were married for 25 or 45 or 75 years. If your life revolved around your husband or boyfriend, then you’re building a house on shifting sand. You’ve already learned this, haven’t you? The breakup showed you that a man only a human being. He will disappoint you, let you down, betray you, and hurt you.

This advice on how to get over him isn’t just about letting go of the relationship. I know you need help healing your heart – read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. But more importantly, you need to make something else your Main Thing.

Decide what the Main Thing is in your life

In The Parable of the $20 Bill, we saw that God loves us no matter what we look like, how much we weigh, who our boyfriend is, and where we live. God is so powerful and amazing, yet we don’t make Him the Main Thing in our life! We let men steal our focus and determine how we feel about ourselves. We let breakups devastate us – and we don’t trust that God knows what He is doing in our lives!

This breakup hurt you, and it’s very sad to lose someone you love. Nobody likes searching for tips on how to get over him after a relationship ends! But, I guarantee that if you make God the Main Thing in your life, you will find peace, healing, comfort, and joy.

For more tips on getting over him and healing emotionally, read What to Do After a Breakup.

I welcome your thoughts on how to get over him below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but writing about the breakup might help you heal.

My prayer is that you find peace, love, and joy in your life! May you look beyond this relationship breakup, and see how valuable you are. May you find hope for your future, and gratitude in your present moment.

xo


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6 thoughts on “How to Get Over Him

  • Marsha

    I just stumbled across this site, I and I am glad I did. My story is not of a divorce but a 13 years of being in a relationship. And I to say let go let God,easier said than do when it happens to you. Yes there are faults on both sides of this relationship but I took ownership of my faults he did not he said it was all me, wow. I was thinking we’re we’re going to work on things but he began to not be involed not calling standing me up when we had plans. All these years I told him we needed to commuacate talk things out to heal and move on he would not talk at all he held it in So 2 years ago we started a rough patch in our lives which sounds strange for me to say that because 2 years after we meet I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and in the same week my sweet mother died unexpectedly and he stayed with me. His younger son was always in trouble he had three children from his first marriage of 19 years and they were young adults, but anyway then I had to a hysterectomy and yes there is more he had to have 3 stints put in emergency he could have had a heart attack and I was there and there so much more I think we had a lot and stayed together. But he shattered his elbow at work and his company let him go after 34 years. Then I lost my job and we lost the intimacy he sleeped on the sofa I would cry myself to sleep because he would not talk about anything I was thinking he didn’t want to be with. So 7 months ago he moved out said he needed some time he doesn’t know what he wants? Then this he said he dating someone else he wished we’ll but he needed sex. Really so did Ibut I couldn’t read his mind. So here I am I love his family the grand kids call me glamma this hard you don’t treat people bad because dose came around to you. So I pray for all of you and your heavy hearts this time in your life’s. I know God has all or backs. But I also no there were a lot of red flags I should have not dismissed them so I have the control of my heart lesson learned.

    I keep telling my self God doesn’t do things to you he does them for!,,

  • Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Post author

    Thank you for being here, and sharing how painful it is to get over him – or her! I think the best tip on how to get over anyone is to reconnect with your purpose of life. How do you do that? Connect with God.

    I know it’s easier said than done. Building a relationship with God takes time and patience – just like building a relationship with anyone. But the rewards are awesome! You’ll find freedom, love, peace, and joy. You won’t be wondering how to get over him, you’ll be basking in the light of the Son.

    Keep praying and reading Scripture. Look for the right church — a church that stirs your spirit and soul and helps you come alive! Listen to podcasts, and spend time with God every day. You WILL grow closer to Him, and your heart WILL change.

    Blessings,
    Laurie

  • pam

    I understand all of what you are saying. I pray and have started reading the bible, I go t church. I have been told to pray and give it all to god, I do not know how to do that.

  • ross

    There is so much of this ” How to get over him ” but for me it’s ” How to get over her ” , when I found out my wife was having an affair the thing that I really struggled with for some time was how after 18 years of marriage and having 5 children I would find out that my wife was in love with another man and sadly for her a man 14 years younger than her who wanted her but never loved her .
    I realized that there was nothing I could do to change the way she felt , and she proved to me that after all the years our wedding vows were meaningless for her , I have never forgotten the first promise of our vows ” In front of God and our families I promise to speak the truth to you in love ” . For me it was the lies and secrets of her affair that destroyed our marriage just as much as her unfaithfulness if not more . Over time I have realized that I no longer love her but decided that for our children I had to stay and care for them , my wife’s actions during her affair showed me that no matter how much any one of her children might have needed her in a given night if she had planned to be with her affair partner he was always far more important to her than her children ever were , which is really sad .
    Even though we have lived separately in the same house I have resisted the temptation have have other relationships because as I see it we are still married in law if not in God’s eyes and I’m sure he/she understand . As soon as our youngest child is old enough to move on with the next phase of her life and live out of home I will obtain a divorce , sell our home and then I’m ready to move on with my future what ever that is

    Ross

    • Karen

      Hang in there, Ross. I am sitting here crying over my lost love (and it has been 18 months)…when I stumbled across your post. In my case (I am the ex-wife) I drove my husband away with repeated instances of money infidelity which was always accompanied by lies and deception. Of course, I never dreamed on day one that issues deep seated in my past were going to dredge up and lead me down this path and ultimate demise of my marriage. So, in effect, my situation and yours is similar, yet different. Both involve the loss of trust and romantic love…and both, naturally, are almost impossible to re-build. I will pray for you…and those like you tonight as I cry myself to sleep. I am trying to give my situation up to God…I’m not particularly religious, but I keep trying to tell myself that God is at the helm of this and he knows best. I have seen couples survive and thrive from physical affairs. There is hope for you and your wife. For me, I have hurt my ex so deeply, time and time again, that the only hope for me now is to fix myself. Keep yourself open to reconciliation. Divorce is the most awful, crushing, thing you can do. One sided love is even worse. Devastating. Fight for her.