After a breakup, you feel like you’ll never be happy – or loved – again. Here’s how to get over him, inspired by a parable and a reader who says breaking up with her boyfriend is the worst thing that has ever happened to her.
One of the most effective ways to heal from anything – from breakups to scary health problems – is gratitude. In Living Life as a Thank You: The Transformative Power of Daily Gratitude, Nina Lesowitz, Mary Beth Sammons, and Lee Woodruff offer ways to stay thankful in difficult times. Living as if each day is a thank-you can help transform fear into courage, anger into forgiveness, isolation into belonging, and pain into healing. Saying thank-you every day inspires feelings of love, compassion, and hope! When you’re trying to figure out how to get over a boyfriend or husband after a breakup, you need to focus on the blessings in your life…or else you’ll sink into despair.
On When He Says He Doesn’t Love You Anymore, a reader says the breakup of her relationship was so painful, she’ll never get over him. “Nothing compares to the hurt I feel, knowing that he is with another woman. Does he even feel bad? Does he care that he is hurting me? I have so many emotions all at once, I can’t think straight! My heart is broken, and I need to know how to get over him.”
These tips will help you see the reason you can’t get over him, and show you that healing after a breakup might be easier than you think. First, I want to share a parable that shows you how important, valuable, and lovable you are…
The Parable of the $20 Bill
At a recent conference, a speaker seaker started his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. He asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”
Hundreds of hands started going up. The speaker said, “I’ll give this $20 to one of you, but hold on a minute.” He then crumpled the $20 bill up. He then asked, “Now, who wants it?” All the hands remained in the air.
“What if I do this?” he asked. The speaker then dropped the $20 on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty.
“Now who wants it?” Still the hands were in the air.
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“No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value,” he said. “It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in God’s eyes. To Him, dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless.”
How to Get Over Him
You, my friend, are exactly like that $20 bill – except you’re far more valuable! You may feel broken, ripped apart, crumpled, hurt, and used. But you are worthwhile. You are lovable. You are priceless to God – and He is all that matters.
Learn why you can’t get over the breakup
Why is it so difficult for you to get over him? Because he is the Main Thing in your life. Your ex-boyfriend or estranged husband is more important than your job, your other relationships, your spiritual life, your hobbies, and everything else in your life. If you really want to know how to get over him, you need to do two things: 1) figure out why he is the Main Thing in your life; and 2) Replace your ex as the Main Thing with something more important.
If you’re recovering from a marital breakdown, read How to Move on After Your Marriage Ends. You’re dealing with financial issues, family dynamics, custody arrangements, child support arguments, divorce lawyers, and much more. Ending a marriage involves far more than “just” learning how to get over him.
Replace your ex with something more important to you
What is the most important thing in your life? If it’s your relationship, then you’ll never heal. When your boyfriend or your husband is THE thing in your life, losing him will devastate you. In that case, you’re right to feel like getting over him is impossible – because it is. You’ve lost the only thing that matters in your life. That is so sad. But, the good news is that it’s avoidable! The breakup is your opportunity to replace the hurt and pain you feel about losing your boyfriend or husband. This is how you get stronger, this is how you learn how to get over him: you replace the emptiness in your heart with something more important.
Find something more meaningful in your life
A man is NOT the meaning of your life – even if you were married for 25 or 45 or 75 years. If your life revolved around your husband or boyfriend, then you’re building a house on shifting sand. You’ve already learned this, haven’t you? The breakup showed you that a man only a human being. He will disappoint you, let you down, betray you, and hurt you.
This advice on how to get over him isn’t just about letting go of the relationship. I know you need help healing your heart – read How to Let Go of Someone You Love. But more importantly, you need to make something else your Main Thing.
Decide what the Main Thing is in your life
In The Parable of the $20 Bill, we saw that God loves us no matter what we look like, how much we weigh, who our boyfriend is, and where we live. God is so powerful and amazing, yet we don’t make Him the Main Thing in our life! We let men steal our focus and determine how we feel about ourselves. We let breakups devastate us – and we don’t trust that God knows what He is doing in our lives!
This breakup hurt you, and it’s very sad to lose someone you love. Nobody likes searching for tips on how to get over him after a relationship ends! But, I guarantee that if you make God the Main Thing in your life, you will find peace, healing, comfort, and joy.
For more tips on getting over him and healing emotionally, read What to Do After a Breakup.
I welcome your thoughts on how to get over him below. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but writing about the breakup might help you heal.
My prayer is that you find peace, love, and joy in your life! May you look beyond this relationship breakup, and see how valuable you are. May you find hope for your future, and gratitude in your present moment.