The cure to getting over a broken heart depends on the reason your heart broke. Here are 20 most frequently asked questions (FAQ) from readers about how to get over a broken heart. You’ll see yourself here – and you may find the cure you need in these stories and insights.
This post is inspired by a man whose girlfriend broke up with him two years ago. “It’s been a couple years since our breakup and now she has a new guy to be with, I’m happy for her but disappointed at the same time,” he said on How to Get Over a Bad Breakup. “I care about her and I admit that I still have feelings for her. I’ve been trying so hard to forget about her. I apply for a job, meet new people, delete her from my Facebook friends list, anything that help me forget about her. But it seems it’s not working. Tell me how to get over a broken heart.”
If you were together for more than a couple of years, it’ll take longer than six months to get over your ex. But after six months, the worst of your heartache “should” be over. That said, however, it does take different people different amounts of time to heal! You may never be “done” getting over your ex. You may always have love and regret in your heart about the relationship. Maybe you’ll always wonder about how to get over a broken heart. If you’re still obsessing about your ex when you think you should be healing, talk to a counselor. But right now it’s time to read these frequently asked questions (FAQs) about how to get over a broken heart…
What advice have you already been given about getting over a broken heart? Please do share it with me! The most common questions readers ask me is “how do I heal a after a breakup?”, and I want to gather and share as much information as I can.
Sharing your story is one of the best ways to process the grief and pain you feel after a breakup. If you don’t feel comfortable writing in the comments section below, try to make time to journal about your experience in your personal diary.
How to Get Over a Broken Heart
There is a simple cure – but you need to find what works for you. Your task is to find the reason for your broken heart in the 20 most frequent asked questions below. Will the answer help you heal? I can’t guarantee it, but I believe you will find hope and healing in these tips for the brokenhearted.
1. How do I be the fun girl I was before the breakup?
Stay connected to who you are – your authentic self. Many women are confused and uncertain about how to get over a broken heart, especially if the breakup isn’t 100% final.
“How do I turn things around and be a fun girl to hang out with again?” asked Kathleen on What is Relationship Closure? How to Heal Without a Goodbye. “I’m confused and anxious about approaching any oncoming situation with my ex-boyfriend, even things as small as our next phone call, and who should initiate it. I’m insecure and scared now.”
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The best way to overcome this anxiety is to stay in touch with your healthiest, happiest, most authentic self. This means staying connected with friends and family who know and love you, expressing your thoughts and feelings in a journal, and staying as physically and emotionally healthy as possible. You need to stop catering to your fears, insecurities, or negative feelings.
2. What are some quick tips on how to get over a broken heart?
This reader isn’t messing around. She says, “I’ve tried everything under the sun but I’m still stuck in the same place. I find myself thinking about my ex all the time and I’ve even wasted a lot of time searching online for ‘frequently asked questions’ about breakups. When I can’t stand it any longer, I text him. And I know I shouldn’t and I know I’m undoing all the progress I’ve made. I just need a few quick tips on getting over a broken heart, not psychology about healing.”
- Distract yourself from obsessing about the breakup
- Exercise regularly
- Get good, sound sleep
- Eat a healthy diet
- Make new friends
- Take up new hobbies
- Change your career
- Fill your house with affirmations and positive quotes
- Read self-help books
The best tip on how to get over a broken heart is probably the first one: distract yourself. But you still need to process the pain and grief! However, that’s not a FAQ about relationships or breakups that people ask.
3. What if my ex-boyfriend says he still loves me?
Listen to what he says, but believe what he does.
“It has been over a year and half since he broke up with me but he still tells me he loves me every time we talk,” said Sharon in an email. “I want him to come back to me completely but he says he can’t do that.” If your ex-boyfriend says he can’t get back with you, believe him. He may say he loves you – and he may truly love you – but if he really wanted to be with you, he would. Don’t let him use you. Don’t sleep with him. You need to focus on getting over your broken heart, not letting him have his way.
If he says he doesn’t love you anymore, you need to focus on other – better – parts of your life.
4. Why can’t I get over my ex-girlfriend?
This is definitely one of the most common and frequently asked questions (FAQ), especially on my articles about how to heal a broken heart.
When you can’t get over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, there’s something at the root of your inability to heal and move on with your life. I don’t know what that is – and I suspect you don’t know either. Or, you don’t want to face it. Maybe you don’t feel worthy to be loved by someone else, or you’re scared to set yourself up to get hurt again. Maybe you feel like you’re damaged or broken, or too weak to embark on a new relationship. If you really believe you’re ready to lean how to get over a broken heart, you need to take time to learn why you can’t get over your ex.
5. How do I make my ex understand why I broke up with him?
“I have been trying to get over my first love,” says Brittany. “But every time I decide to move on, he calls me and asked why I left him. How do I make him understand why I broke up with him?”
The short answer is: you can’t. He is engaging you in continued contact not because he doesn’t understand the reasons for the breakup, but because he wants to keep you connected to him. You need to cut off contact. I know how hard it is to ignore text messages, emails, Facebook messages, and Tweets! But you need to take control, find your inner strength, and stop responding when he contacts you.
6. What is your most frequently asked question about broken hearts?
The FAQ I get most often is, “How do I let go of someone I love?” So I wrote an ebook about it.
I wrote 75 Ways to Let Go of Someone You Love because I needed to learn how to let go of my sister. Letting her go was the most painful and difficult thing I ever did!
To write this ebook, I interviewed life coaches, counselors, and grief coaches on letting go. I know how shocking, confusing, and heart-wrenching it is when you’re letting go of a loved one. It’s devastating – and it changes how you see yourself. Learning how to let go of someone you love is about rediscovering your passion and identity.
7. We broke up 2 weeks ago. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Why?
One of the most important things to remember is that letting go of someone you love is like losing a piece of your identity. So, to learn how to get over a broken heart, you need to change how and what you think of yourself. Then you need to change how you see yourself.
“You hold on because you are holding on to something that keeps your sense of self intact,” writes Camilla Gibb in This is Happy. “You have come to know and understand yourself in relationship to this person. You can let go only when your sense of self, your cohesion, no longer depends upon the idea of them, an idea that remains for a long time inextricable from the very idea of yourself.”
8. How do I gain confidence after a breakup?
“I feel like nobody will ever love me again,” says anonymous on How to Deal With the Pain of Rejection. “I feel stupid, fat, ugly, and scared. How do I feel better about myself again?”
Since this isn’t the one of the most frequently asked questions, here’s one of my most unusual tips for how to get over a broken heart: take an acting class.
“Take an acting class, because it is an incredibly useful class for life in general,” says Larry on Stage of Life. “I initially took an acting class to overcome my anxiety of speaking in front of people, but in the end I gained so much more,” says riserthinking. “My Beginning Acting professor was one of the toughest professors in the department. His warm-up exercises at the beginning of class felt silly at first, but actually taught me many lessons about life.”
An acting class taught him how to:
- Balance both laser-sharp focus and flexibility
- Be vulnerable, as it’s the most effective way to genuinely connect with people
- Breathe better and be more mindful of his own body
- Better understood non-verbal communication
Most of all, he learned an important psychological lesson: we have to do things that scare us if we want to gain confidence in ourselves.
9. Why did my husband leave me?
This is actually one of the most frequently asked questions about divorce. I’m really sorry and it breaks my heart, but I have to ask a question in return: why do you think he left you?
If you aren’t sure why the breakup happened, then you’ll find it much more difficult to learn how to get over a broken heart. If you’re honestly and sincerely confused about why the breakup or divorce happened, then ask your ex-husband to sit down with you and talk. This may be one of the hardest things you ever do…and one of the most important. You’ll learn valuable information about yourself and relationships, and this will help you heal.
10. Why is a broken heart so hard to get over?
Yay, an easy frequently asked question! But boo, definitely a sad FAQ.
11. My friends don’t want to talk about the breakup anymore. Who do I talk to?
Maybe you can’t talk to your friends because they’re all “talked out.” Maybe you’ve asked them all the frequently asked questions about breakups and healing broken hearts. Maybe they just don’t know what to say anymore.
You might try calling a helpline or counsellor for support…or maybe you could simply stop talking about how to get over a broken heart. Maybe you’re just making the heartache worse by dwelling on it. Maybe it’s time to force yourself to stop thinking about the breakup, and start focusing on the things you can change in your life. Stop focusing on the “I can’t” and “I wish” parts of your relationship.
12. What are some cognitive techniques on how to stop obsessing?
Ah, a psychology major! And definitely not one of the most FAQs about broken hearts, but I love this analogy.
The dog-and-vomit analogy is a cognitive-behavorial technique that a therapist might use to help with getting over the pain of a broken heart. It sounds gross, but hang in with me…
I recently read There Is a Season by Patrick Lane, about his journey through addiction and recovery. He said thinking about sad things in the past is like a dog returning to his own vomit. I love this analogy, and use it when I start beating myself for things I regret. Instead of raking myself over the coals, I tell myself that I’m not a dog and I refuse to go back to my own vomit…and I then think “Eeewwww…” and I move on. Fast. This is a very practical, effective way to overcome obsessive thoughts when you’re trying to learn how to get over a broken heart.
13. Why is it so hard to let go of my relationship?
This is similar to frequently asked question #4 (“Why can’t I get over my ex?”). But, there is a rather significant difference between getting over someone and letting someone go.
You won’t necessarily heal a broken heart by letting go of someone you love. You can let go, and still hold on to the pain of the breakup. But I digress! Let’s get back to the FAQ, which is “why is it so hard to let go of my relationship?”
Letting go of someone you love is difficult because you’re:
- Leaving an important time in your life
- Separating from people, homes, and activities that you know well
- Heading into an unknown future
- Dealing with change
Those are very difficult parts of life to go through, and it’s normal to feel reluctant, afraid, and grieved about letting go. Mixed feelings are natural and healthy…and the only way to deal with them is to go through them. This means experiencing your pain. If you really want to know how to get over a broken heart, you need to prepare to process your grief by allowing your emotions to flow through you.
14. Music is my salvation. What breakup songs do you suggest?
Music can soothe your soul, ease your pain, and lift your spirits.
Faster, major keys cool your brain, which lifts your mood and helps you cope with negative emotions. Slow, healing music can relieve stress and ease eotional pain. Music can be one of the best tips on how to get over a broken hart. Listen to music from a different, happier stage of your life.
Read 37 Best Songs for Broken Hearts and Sad Breakups. And tell me what songs have helped you get over a broken heart in the past.
15. How do I forgive my husband for cheating?
The most frequently asked question about cheating is “how do I know if my husband is cheating on me?” The second most FAQ about relationships is the following questions from a reader whose husband confessed to cheating on her…
“I married the man of my dreams,” says Lorri on Is My Marriage Over? “Or so I thought. We have been married for 18 years, and together for 20. It was never easy, we had a long distance relationship in the beginning, and moved to another country. Money was always an argument. I always worked full time and took care of our daughter…and two nights ago he told me he cheated on me. I feel like I hate him, but I want to stay married for our daughter’s sake. How do I get over his affair?”
This is a huge relationship issue that goes beyond the scope of my tips on how to get over a broken heart. Forgiveness of a betrayal is a process that takes time. Sometimes counselling is the best way to work your way through your feelings…other times you just need to let the past sleep and focus on moving forward.
The other issue is your husband. Is he sincerely sorry, and do you trust him not to cheat again? Healing a broken heart isn’t possible if your husband isn’t genuinely repentant.
16. I regret breaking up with my boyfriend. How do I move on?
This is one of the most popular frequently asked questions about relationships: “I feel guilty about the breakup and wish I hadn’t ended the relationship. My boyfriend doesn’t want me back because he thinks I’ll just break up with him again. How do I deal with the pain of regret and guilt?”
It’s really difficult to share just one “best” tip on how to get over a broken heart, because what works for me may not work for you. So, here’s another quick list of ways to heal after a breakup:
- Get therapy from a psychologist or counselor
- Put your faith in God – trust that this breakup is meant to be
- Explore your spirituality
- Believe the pain of your broken heart WILL heal
- Journal or write about ways you healed your broken heart in the past
- Try thought-stopping (even better, get Byron Katie’s I Need Your Love – Is That True?)
- Accept your pain, and the breakup. Don’t fight it, or wish it hadn’t happened
- Learn how to detach from someone you love
A breakup is a blessing from God. It’s His way of saving you from the wrong one.
17. I lost my first love, my soul mate. Will I ever fall in love again?
Yes! Don’t lose hope. This is one of the FAQ people are scared to ask, because it makes them vulnerable. This is a great question, frequently asked in the minds of people recovering from a breakup.
Don’t fall into the trap of assuming that your ex is the only person you could ever love. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your soul mate and first love, but don’t let your pain make you bitter or sour! Yes, you WILL fall in love again…and your new relationship may be better than your old one. It may be worse in some ways, but it will be better in others.
Accept that your relationship with your first love is over. Let it go. Allow your heart to do what it does best: heal. Believe you will learn how to get over a broken heart.
Breathe. Trust. Surrender.
18. Will I ever feel happy again?
19. How do I break up with a married man?
Ok, this isn’t the most frequently asked question about how to get over a broken heart…but my How to Break Up With a Married Man article is surprisingly popular.
Grace says, “I’m in a relationship with a married man and is has been hard for me to break up with him. I love him so much but feel I should let him go. But I can’t because my heart will break and I’ll never get over him. Help….please help me know what to do….”
She already knows what to do. She already knows she needs to break up with this guy, but she’s selfishly letting her feelings get in the way of what is right.
Ultimately, it’s the same for you. You know what works best for healing your broken heart. You’re hoping to find quick and easy answers, but the truth is that healing takes three things: 1) actively grieving your loss; 2) time; and 3) hope, faith, and surrender.
20. Dear Reader, What is YOUR advice on how to get over a broken heart?
The still, small voice inside you is telling you what you need to do. For example, here’s what Bill learned after his divorce:
“I have slowly been realizing that a lot of people, myself included, like to sugar coat relationships that ended for obvious reasons,” he said on 10 Best Ways to Cope With a Breakup – Pamper Yourself! “People need to remember that if they ended a relationship, it probably wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. What helped me get over my broken heart was remembering that it wasn’t the idealized thing I make it out to be when I reminisce on it.”
You know more than you think. You’re stronger, smarter, and more courageous than you believe! You have everything you need inside of you.
Instead of searching for frequently asked questions about how to get over a broken heart, start digging up the wisdom and insights that are already inside of you. And then share them with us.