The first step to creating healthy relationships is to learn how to gain confidence. Why? Because if you’re insecure, your relationships can’t flourish. When you’re confident in who you are and what you have to offer, your relationships will Blossom.
If you can’t imagine how to start gaining confidence, read Blossoming After a Breakup: 28 Days to Recover and Rediscover Your Sparkle. I gathered dozens of practical, proven ways to learn how to gain confidence and flourish – even if you feel lower and less worthy than you ever have before. The power is in you, and you CAN shine again! But you need to dig in and do a little work.
Here’s an example of how lack of confidence creates unhealthy relationships: “It’s been a very stressful year for me and my boyfriend,” says S on How to Find Strength to Get Out of a Bad Relationship. “His wife is very upset and angry about our relationship. They are separated, but she uses their daughter against him and causes arguments between us all the time. He also says he doesn’t have an alcohol problem but he puts beers before heating the house. He has now got me in quite a bit of debt. I’ve lost a stone and a half in weight and feel crappy all the time, but I just can’t seem to walk away even though I know eventually it’ll improve my son’s life and my life.”
She is not Blossoming into who she is meant to be, and this affects the relationships she chooses to allow into her life. In this article, I share how I learned how to gain confidence and how this is helping me create healthy relationships.
This is the fourth and final day of my four-article series on being happy even when your relationships are meh.
- Day 1 was How to Be Happy Even in an Unhealthy Relationship
- Day 2 was 7 Lessons Learned in Unhealthy Relationships
- Day 3 was 8 Secrets About Fixing Unhealthy Relationships
Now, we focus on creating healthy relationships by gaining confidence and…dare I say…Blossoming into who we were created to be!
Gaining Confidence and Creating Healthy Relationships
Last night I dreamt about Dean, a guy I was roommates with 30 years ago. I dreamt that he found me, told me he loved me, and said he never stopped thinking about me. I was shocked because I wasn’t a “good” person back then. I was selfish, irresponsible, and narcissistic. I was emotionally damaged and spiritually adrift from a hard childhood. I was more or less a wreck.
So hearing Dean say that he loved me then and he loves me now was mind-blowing.
What does this have to do with learning how to gain confidence and create healthy relationships? Let’s see…
You have so much to offer…so don’t settle!
Nobody has ever had your combination of strengths, talents, skills, personality, creativity, uniqueness, and abilities. You are one-of-a-kind in every sense of the word! There is only ONE of you, and your kind has never, ever been duplicated.
What you offer the world – in simply being yourself – is absolutely incomparable. There is nobody like you, and there never will be. And you are loved deeply and unconditionally by God, who created you exactly as you are. He allowed imperfections and weaknesses to creep into your personality and body. Why? Because not only do they make you more you, they also help you remember that there is only one perfect man: Jesus.
I am learning this about myself. My dream about Dean has helped me see that even though I make mistakes and am not perfect…I am still worthy of love. I am still lovable.
And so are you. Believe me when I say that you are special and amazing. Let this knowledge seek into your soul and help you gain confidence in yourself. Your resulting feelings of security and self-love will help you create healthy relationships in your life.
If your relationship or marriage is destroying your self-esteem, read How to Regain Self-Confidence Without Leaving Your Relationship.
Act in ways that help you gain confidence
It doesn’t matter how many people tell you that you’re wonderful, smart, accomplished, beautiful, successful! It’ll never be enough. You can’t gain confidence from listening to what people say. You can only gain confidence from an internal source of love, compassion, grace, freedom, and forgiveness.
We learn how to gain confidence by doing scary things and succeeding – or better yet, failing.
To become more confident, you need to take risks in your life. You need to try and fail. You need to keep trying and succeed. You need to learn about yourself, and you need to learn why your failures happened. These failures might include unhealthy relationships, financial mistakes, friendship betrayals, embarrassing moments, falling down, getting sick.
If you can try something new and fail – and if you can pick yourself up and keep going – then you will gain confidence in yourself.
Nobody loves you like He loves you. Nobody can ever offer you unconditional love, full forgiveness, gentle correction, stern discipline, complete acceptance, blissful freedom and total grace. The marvellous thing is that God’s love never changes or fades, never disappoints or betrays you.
When I journaled about my dream about Dean, I realized that I wasn’t my best self 30 years ago. I am better today – healthier, stronger, happier, and free. But even though I wasn’t at my best, I was still loved by my friends and family. I was still loved by God.
Let His love fill you with the confidence you need to believe in Him and yourself. Let this confidence help you create healthy relationships in your life.
Questions for you
If you have a journal, write your thoughts on these questions about confidence and healthy relationships:
- On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being Superman Confident), how confident are you?
- How does your confidence affect the relationships in your life?
- What is one thing you can do today to learn how to gain confidence and create healthy relationships?
I can’t give advice, but I welcome your comments below. What have I missed about confidence and creating healthy relationships?
A recap of Blossom this week
Every week I write a Four-Day Series on specific topics for women who want to Blossom and flourish in all seasons of life. This week’s theme is happiness in unhealthy relationships.
Here’s this week’s lineup:
- Mon – How to Be Happy Even in an Unhealthy Relationship (Imagine)
- Tues – 7 Lessons Learned in Unhealthy Relationships (Dare)
- Weds – 8 Secrets About Fixing Unhealthy Relationships (Prepare)
- Thurs – How to Gain Confidence and Create Healthy Relationships (Leap and Flourish!)
It’s not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons. – Sarah Ban Breathneach.