How to Forgive Your Ex-Husband for Leaving You


You know you should forgive your ex-husband, but you just don’t know how. These tips on how to find forgiveness will help you heal, overcome the pain, and move forward in your life. I wrote this article for a reader called Gloria, who said:

“My ex-husband and I were so close, and I never dreamed he would cheat or leave me,” said Gloria on How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex and Get On With Your Life. “So when one day he told me he wasn’t happy and wanted a divorce, I thought I was going to die. I was in shock, and I thought it was the end of the world for me. Then I found out he had proposed to a girl he only met on the internet. I was very very depressed for six months but now I’m better. The only thing is, I can’t forgive him. How do you forgive your ex-husband for ripping your family apart? Why did God let this happen? I remember what my aunt told me: men can really ruin your life so do not love a man too much. If you do, you will get hurt and then you’ll have to learn how to forgive him. It’s really hard to find men that are faithful to their wives or girlfriends.”

I don’t have any answers – nor do I have “quick tips” on how to forgive your ex-husband for leaving you. But, here are a few ideas to consider. The most important thing is to know you are not alone. Find women who know how you feel, who can help you heal, and to love you through the valley you’re walking through.


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In Mars and Venus Starting Over: A Practical Guide for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce, or the Loss of a Loved One, John Gray writes, “To put our lives back together, not only do we need to stop feeling like a victim, but we need to make sure that we don’t communicate like one as well. When we are able to communicate our differences without a blaming attitude, our partners can hear our point of view.”

6 Ideas for Forgiving Your Ex-Husband

Forgiveness brings healing for you, and will make you feel healthier, lighter, and happier.

How to Forgive Your Ex-Husband for Leaving You

How to Forgive Your Ex-Husband for Leaving You

Don’t try to forgive your ex-husband because you “should.” Rather, work towards forgiveness and healing for yourself. Forgiveness is necessary for divorced couples who have kids together.

For your own peace of mind, you need to ensure you’re able to talk to him from a place of acceptance and peace. Accepting that the relationship is over – and that it ended the way it did for a reason – and peace that this is where you’re meant to be.

Gray’s book about starting over after a painful divorce is really good, and I’m sharing my favorite ideas here.

Ask yourself if you blame your ex for your current unhappiness

“When we blame our partner for our unhappiness, we unknowingly prevent the release of painful feelings,” writes Gray. “Making our partner fully responsible for our pain causes us to hold on to our pain until he changes.” The key to this tip on how to forgive your ex is accepting the fact that your ex will not change, the past will not change, and you will continue to hurt yourself if you continue to blame him.

Use your blame to get in touch with your anger

If you have unresolved feelings of anger in your relationship with your ex, then you’ll keep blaming him. Forgiving your ex will be difficult (if not impossible!) unless you work through your anger. Get in touch with your angry feelings, and then work to release them. How you do this depends on so many factors: the reason you broke up, what your ex did to hurt you, how your ex responded to your pain, and even your own experiences with being hurt and forgiving in the past.

Take responsibility for your own happiness

To forgive your ex is to release him for being responsible for how you feel. You are the only person who can control how you feel – and you control your feelings by controlling your thoughts. Don’t give your ex the power to control your life, your emotions, and how you experience the moments of your day. Take responsibility for your happiness and future relationships by consciously working towards learning how to forgive your ex.

Realize your power to let go of the pain

Are you holding on to the pain of a betrayal in your marriage, and you don’t think you’ll ever learn how to forgive your husband after an affair? You need to realize that you have the power to let go of your pain. Your ex no longer has power over you, and you are free to move on to a healthy, happy, emotionally free life! The first step towards forgiving your ex is realizing how powerful you are.

Find something to thank your ex-husband for

How to Forgive Your Ex Husband for leaving you

Every day, I read a blurb from Melody Beattie’s The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series. I can’t tell you how helpful, practical, and inspiring this book is – you have to find out for yourself!

One of her entries for the “gratitude” month asks readers to find reasons to be grateful to the people who have hurt them in the past. For instance, I am deeply wounded by my sister’s decision to cut me out of her life. Melody’s book is helping me learn how to forgive her for hurting me.

Remember that forgiving your ex is a process

Reading one blog post on how to forgive your ex won’t bring you instant emotional freedom. Forgiving your ex – especially if he was abusive to you or people or animals you love – is a long process that requires work. It’s a daily endeavor, but it does get easier with time! My sister cut me out of her life eight years ago, and I still feel bouts of resentments, pain, and regret for not somehow being different. But, she doesn’t have power over me anymore. Her silence and withdrawal doesn’t affect me the way it used to, because I have learned how to forgive her.

My prayer for you as you work towards forgiving your ex is that you find strength and courage in God. May you connect with your spiritual side, and find energy and healing from Him. He loves you and wants you to be happy, healthy, and whole. May the wind be at your back and your feet light as you move forward in your life.

Forgiving your ex is one step in the journey. You might also want to learn How to Forgive Yourself for Staying in a Bad Relationship.

I welcome your thoughts on how to forgive your ex. I can’t offer advice or counseling, but you might find it helpful to share what you’re going through. Writing often brings clarity and insight.

xo


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12 thoughts on “How to Forgive Your Ex-Husband for Leaving You

    • Ely S

      You will Eric ! The sooner you do it, the sooner you will heal. There were good times as well as bad times. Remember the good ones and smile. Remember the bad times and thank God she will be someone’s problem :)

  • Janon

    Im 3 mo. into a divorce process. My husband of 21 yrs left me for a younger woman practically overnight. He moved in with her and her 3year old son leaving me and our 13 year old daughter as well as a home we just purchased 2 weeks prior. Its been such a journey and one in which I want to move forward from. I am working towards forgiveness as I have spent so much of my energy in my daughter and helping her cope….now im working on me. I need closure to move forward as the anger is deep against the two of them. I find myself praying thier relationship fails so he can feel just a quarter of what I have been through. But I know that may give me a lift, it wont be productive. I am in a long process and it will continue to be until I can focus on my feelings of forgiveness.

    • Ely S

      My husband of 13 years said he was working two jobs to get a downpayment for our first house. Six months later he left me. Later I find out theres a new woman in his life. She is 14 years older than him and is a grandma. He rather be with her and her grandkids than his own kids. I am not sure why God’s plan was this way. I bet he knows what his doing and I trust he will help me go through this. I bet you are better today than you were almost a year ago. You are not alone, I am not alone. God is always with us!

  • P

    Hi,

    We have no closure at all, it’s been 10 months already. He found a new one and it hurts. :) Yes it does but I know I can endure the pain. What’s hard for me now is to forgive him for not loving me back anymore like what you said. :) I want to ask him too what Liza Soberano said on the movie – “Pangit ba ako? Kapalit-palit ba ako?” It’s hard to let go knowing that I still love him and I still care for him. He was my world. No, he was my universe. And I’m just not enough to be his star. I’ve given him so much effort, I spend so much time thinking about him. It’s time to forgive, but maybe I have to accept first, that it’s over and I have to move forward and stop hoping that he’ll come back to me again because he never does. Maybe I’ve been too much, and not enough at the same time.

    -TORTOISE

    • independentme

      Hey, i said that exactly to myself what liza soberano line after my ex dumped me 5 months ago because he got back to his ex after our 6 years of being together. Still hoping that one day he’ll come back but i knew already that he will never come back at all. This circumstance ruined me already. Can’t concentrate and everything… Can’t stop thinking of them because he is already happy noe.

    • Ely S

      It’s been a year since my ex walked out on us. First it was me then it was our kids. The second hurt the most. I accepted my faults and added some more. I went to therapy for months so I can fix what was “wrong” with me. I realized a year later that I am who I am and what I didn’t do great with him, I will do better with the next one. I believe I have to love myself first so that someone else can love me for me. I have to accept my flaws and my good qualities. But no one deserves that much power over you. Forgive, learn and move on like he has. If he can do it so easily, believe it or not you will too. He is human just like you.
      By the way, I have talked to many people in my situation and I have seen lots of movies about our situation or other sad ones and I have learned, no bad deed goes unpunished. They always regret it, and it’s always too late.

  • D

    I think this advice is crud. Someone you loved and was married to, cheats on you. Breaks up your family. Kids are left with lifelong issues (trust, to name just one). Changes your life plans. This causes the most basic of stress related health issues. Someone steals loads of money from you. What… hug the thief? Someone is emotionally and verbally abusive and lies to you. What, they forgot to use their nice words? They harm you physically re: health issues. No prescription there.

    The way you find peace is in your own truth and in belief in yourself. The anger and hurt/pain dissipate over time… Saying “I forgive you.” before that time lapse doesn’t heal anything.

  • IRIAMA john

    Am so gratefull for the tips you give am going through them
    i believed God is leading you in these process of advice you give to people across the world