A betrayed boyfriend shares how he forgave his pregnant girlfriend for having an affair. If your girlfriend cheated on you, his experience may help you forgive and rebuild your relationship.
After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Spring will help you forgive your girlfriend after cheating. You’ll learn that a staggering number of couples in — about 70 percent — have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding your relationship with your girlfriend.
When I think of affairs, I almost always assume it’s the man who cheated. After all, my most popular article is Is Your Husband Cheating? 5 Signs He’s Having an Affair. But my husband always reminds me that women cheat, too. My husband’s best friend was married, and his wife cheated on him.
This story of how a young dad forgave his girlfriend for cheating has a surprising twist: a paternity test. They weren’t sure who the father was until after the baby was born, and the test proved Teoddy was the dad. Forgiving your partner after an affair is always difficult, but even more so when a child is involved. Or maybe it’s easier when a baby is involved!
How to Forgive Your Girlfriend for Cheating
Guest post – Teoddy Baldomaro.
I met her in college. We hit it off well through a shared interest in comics, video games and sci-fi/fantasy books. We were total geeks, and we were in love. She graduated a year later and found a job at a market research agency. I was still at university finishing my last year, freelancing as a technical writer. We spent less and less time together since she was busy and sometimes worked overtime. I had classes in the morning and spent most of my evenings on my part-time job.
We still found time to get intimate and soon enough, she got pregnant. She showed glimpses of happiness, but she was often in a down mood. I thought it was just the anxiety of becoming a mother, starting a family and, considering our situation, facing our financial problems.
However, I was just about to discover how wrong I was.
My girlfriend confessed she cheated on me
She was eight months pregnant when she told me she had an affair. She had a one night stand with a coworker’s friend, and the baby might not even be mine. Needless to say, I was devastated. It took every inch of my mind and body to stop myself from going insane. We just waited out the last couple of weeks in separate places, I in a friend’s dorm and she in our apartment.
When our baby daughter was born, we immediately got a sample of her DNA for paternity testing. It hurt to just look at my daughter, not knowing if I was the father or not. When the test results confirmed that I was the baby’s father, it helped ease the pain I felt knowing that my girlfriend – the love of my life – cheated on me.
If you’ve already forgiven your girlfriend for cheating but you feel like you can’t trust her, read How to Stop Relationship Anxiety.
How I forgave my girlfriend for cheating
We still had feelings for each other, we wanted to work it out, and we had someone to take care of. I did not want our baby girl to grow up in a broken family. So my girlfriend and I talked things through, and here we are a year later, still together with the new love of our lives. It’s not perfect but we manage, thanks largely to the most beautiful one year old I’ve ever seen. Our dedicated effort to patch things up also counts a lot.
I spoke up and expressed myself
Once I composed myself enough to talk to my girlfriend about her affair, I told her how exactly how I felt about the entire situation, and why. She needed to know that I was hurt. She had to understand exactly what I was going through so as to get it into her head that she did me wrong.
Being open is important, but don’t go overboard and start blaming your partner for everything that went wrong in your relationship. Doing so will only escalate things into an argument, and you’d both end up doling out harbored resentment over your past mistakes.
I stayed calm
Infuriated as I was about my girlfriend’s affair, I did not fly into a rage. Of course, I wanted to know why she cheated on me. But I didn’t speak in a harsh accusatory tone because I wanted her to be honest with me.
When you finally decide to ask, the answer itself should help you decide whether the relationship is worth saving. In my case, I had to admit that I was partly to blame for letting it come to that, so I had to prove to her that I could also change for the better.
If you don’t know if you should or can forgive your girlfriend, read Should You Leave Your Cheating Spouse? A Surprising Answer.
I forgave my girlfriend for cheating, but I gave an ultimatum
Despite all the pain and anger that was welling up inside me, I still knew deep in my heart that I wanted to save our relationship. Thus, hard though it was, I forgave her, and told her why I was doing so.
I asked her if she still wanted us to be together. And when she said yes, we agreed on things that we had to change. I told her what I expect of her. If she cheats on me again, our relationship is over, that’s it. Of course, I also promised to stay faithful.
Communication is the key to forgiving an affair
It’s so simple; but many couples, including us, have screwed up on basic communication. We guys need to understand that girls don’t always say outright if they have problems. They might drop hints like suddenly getting quiet, giving short answers when they usually go on length about something. We need to pick up on that.
Sometimes we can’t just pry it out of our girlfriends because they might feel that we’ll think it’s irrational, and that we’ll only get annoyed or angry. But we have to reassure them that we love them and even though conflict or misunderstandings are inevitable in any relationship, we’ll respect their feelings and listen.
Most girls don’t want solutions right away. They want their voices to be heard and their emotions to be understood first.
Have realistic expectations after an affair
For the women, the only advice I can give as a man is really just the inverse of what I said earlier. We men can’t read your minds. Yeah, we can tell if something’s up, but we usually don’t get to guess the specifics. If we do something you like, it’d also help if you made it clear that you enjoyed it so we don’t drive ourselves crazy wondering if you did or not.
You’ll also have to forgive us if we don’t constantly show affection, and if we jump to answers right away when there’s a problem. We just tend to think in certain terms that if we know something’s real, it’s real, and we just want to get into the bottom of things.
Hopefully my experience with forgiving my girlfriend after she cheated will give you hope that you can reconcile and rebuild your relationship.
For more tips on forgiving a girlfriend for cheating, read Dealing With Trust Issues in Relationships.
I welcome your thoughts on how to forgive your girlfriend for cheating on you, but I can’t offer relationship advice or counseling. It may help you to share your experience, though. Writing can bring clarity and insight.
About the Author: Teoddy Baldomaro is a writer and consultant for www.HomeDNADirect.co.uk, an accurate and reliable provider of DNA test and services. He also loves surfing the internet and does music on his free time.