The hard truth is that you’ll never learn how to forget someone completely. The good news is that you CAN deadhead the past and make room for fresh new growth in your life.
Deadheading is life-giving in gardening. It may sound harsh and deathly, but it actually brings life and fresh growth to a plant. To deadhead a “spent” plant is to simply to snap or cut off the dead flower heads. This enhances the flowering potential of the plant. Deadheading brings flowers to life – and makes them stronger, more vibrant, and more beautiful.
In this post I share why deadheading is a key to life for plants – and for you. Here’s how it can help you learn how to forget someone. This week’s theme is letting go of the past and making room for fresh growth, fresh life, fresh Blossoms. Why? Because yesterday I received two emails from two different readers who are struggling to let go of someone or something they love. One reader is dealing with a breakup that happened several months ago; the other is grieving the loss of her beloved pet. Both are struggling with how to forget someone who was a huge, important part of their lives…and both keep slipping back into pain and grief. My purpose this week is to encourage them – and you, and me – to set aside the things that are behind us and make room for fresh new growth.
How to Forget Someone – A Deadheading Analogy
You can’t make room for important new relationships and activities in your life if you’re gripping the dead, cold past. Deadheading is a great analogy for forgetting someone and moving forward, because it’s about deliberately choosing to snap off the past and make room for the future.
Deadheading changes the flow of energy in the plant
When you break off the old blooms, you stop the flow of energy to those dead blossoms. You make a deliberate choice and take action to remove death. When death is removed, the plant’s energy is focused on life. The plant puts its energy towards the development of the seeds and the growth of the parts of the plant that are alive. This results in healthier plants and continued blossoms.
How does this relate to learning how to forget someone or something you lost? Think of it this way: a breakup or death of a beloved pet is like an old, dead flower. Life has gone out of the relationship and the only thing that remains is the wrinkled, dry, lifeless, crunchy, heavy husk or shell of what once was.
Are you focusing on the dead, old, cold husks in your life? When you choose to remove those shells, you prevent them from draining your energy.
Letting go of the past redirects the flow of energy in your life
Does the plant “forget” the dead bloom that is snapped off? No. The memory of the flower that once existed will always be part of that plant. Lucky for them, plants can’t sit around and think about the dead blooms that are now gone. After they’re deadheaded, the plant simply and naturally redirects its energy to its parts that are alive and growing.
Just like the plant retains the memory of its past flowers, you will never completely forget the person you loved and lost. Those memories will always be part of who you are. The healthiest way to forget your ex after a breakup is to accept that he will always be part of who you are – and at the same time accept that the relationship is cold, dead, and part of your past.
Deadheading – and forgetting – requires action
Flowers lose their attraction as they fade. This spoils the overall appearance of a garden or individual plants, doesn’t it? Nobody wants to look at a garden with old, dead, droopy dry flowers.
Gardeners say deadheading is an important task to keep up with in the garden throughout the growing season.
Deadheading requires thought and action. It’s not something that happens naturally to many plants. The plant’s goal is to grow, set seed, and dead. The plant knows its life cycle…but it needs the gardener to help it Blossom.
Isn’t that interesting? Plants need gardeners to help them Blossom. In this analogy, I am your gardener. This is especially interesting because I don’t like to garden! But I LOVE encouraging women to grow, blossom, and come to fruition. God really does know what He is doing.
How to forget someone from your past
To forget someone from your past, you have to take action. You have to act purposefully.
This means deadheading those old, dry, dead thoughts that lead you nowhere. You need to fight the thoughts are damaging and destructive, that hold you back from life and growth.
How do you fight the damaging thoughts that hold you back? By recognizing that thoughts are grooves in your brain. The more you allow your thoughts to travel that pathway, the deeper the grooves get. Instead of going over the same paths over and over, you need to create new grooves.
Tomorrow, I’ll share a few ideas for forgiving and forgetting. This will help you detach from someone you care about, and move forward into a fresh new season of your life.
Questions for you
- If your life was a garden, what does it look like? Is it wild and overgrown, or trim and tidy?
- What is your still, small voice telling you about deadheading or learning how to forget someone?
I welcome your thoughts on how to forget someone from your past in the comments section below. I can’t give advice about your specific situation, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.
Are you gripped by fear, self-doubt, uncertainty?
Read Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny by Martha Beck.
I’ve been reading this book — more like studying it — for a month. It’s about recognizing what thoughts are holding us back, and how to move forward even though we’re scared. It’s about our “lizard brains” and how we allow ourselves to be controlled by our past experiences. It’s about living from our joyful, excited, happy selves – and about letting go of the shackles that hold us back.
It’s a really good book.
On Blossom this week
Letting go of the past and making room for fresh growth, fresh life, fresh Blossoms was my focus this week. Here’s the lineup:
- How to Forget Someone – A Lesson in Deadheading (Imagine)
- What “Letting Go of Someone You Love” Means (Dare)
- How to Stop Obsessing About What Happened (Prepare)
- 7 Ways to Listen to the Still Small Voice (Leap and Flourish!)