Some relationships can’t be saved, and others just need a bit of tender loving care. These tips on how to fix a broken relationship will help you see what steps to take next. I also included five “love lessons” for healthy marriages from married people over 65 years old.
In Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, Stan Tatkin talks about how your relationships are affected by the brain. Wired for Love is a complete insider’s guide to understanding your partner’s brain and enjoying a romantic relationship that is built on love and trust. He describes how to create and maintain a safe “couple bubble” by using morning and evening rituals to stay connected. Not only will you learn how to fix a broken relationship, you’ll also learn how to fight so nobody loses.
Patience and energy are the most important things to remember when you’re thinking about these tips on how to fix a relationship. You need to take your time. Remember that fixing a broken relationship in real life doesn’t happen as fast as it does in movies or television shows. No matter how strong your love is – or how desperately you want to save your marriage – you need won’t be successful unless you invest time and energy.
How to Fix a Broken Relationship
Not all relationships can be fixed. Sometimes it’s healthier to start thinking about how to let go of someone you love, rather than searching for ways to save your relationship.
How do you know when it’s time to give up? When your loved one doesn’t want to talk to you, or isn’t interested in putting in the time and effort it takes to fix a relationship. Some relationships stay broken for a reason. These tips on how to fix a broken relationship will help you find the balance between moving forward in your life, and staying emotionally available to your partner.
Forget about changing him
I suspect you have a list of reasons your relationship isn’t working, and the root of all those problems is your partner! He doesn’t listen to you, he cheats, he lies, he doesn’t text, he spends all his money on other stuff, he’s boring, he’s emotionally unavailable, he spends too much time at work or playing video games or with his friends.
How many of those things can you change? Nada. Zip. Zilch.
The first step towards fixing broken relationships is accepting your partner for who he is. Maybe he’s forgetful, or maybe he’s a lying cheating scumbag. Maybe he’s boring, or maybe he’s in prison. Whatever or whoever he is, you made the choice to be with him. Accept him for who he is, for you cannot change him.
Need marriage help? Get FREE relationship advice from Marriage Coach Mort Fertel.
Deal with your emotional health issues
Are you insecure, anxious, jealous, or desperate for love? Are you controlling, manipulative, angry, or depressed? Get to work. Be honest without yourself. Look at your weaknesses and limitations. Ask your friends and family for feedback on your behavior, perceptions, and decisions. Get healthy.
I got emotionally healthy by connecting with God. I realized how much He loves me, and I started spending time with Him every morning. I feel so happy most of the time – and it’s only because of Jesus. God loves you, and He wants you to live a life of goodness, peace, and joy! If you connect with God, you’ll see how to fix a broken relationship. You’ll learn forgiveness, faith, hope, love, and compassion. And, you’ll learn how to accept people for who they are – and how to let go if you need to. God is so good, and He loves you so much.
If you feel lost emotionally and spiritually, read How to Find Yourself After Getting Lost in a Relationship.
Don’t expect to fix a broken relationship overnight
One of the most difficult parts of writing articles about love and relationships are the “please help me” questions I get from readers. I can’t give advice on how to fix a broken relationship or save an ailing marriage. Why? Because the relationship problems took years to develop and they can’t be fixed in the comments section of a blog post! Plus I don’t know what’s really going on and I’m only getting one perspective of the relationship.
Invest in relationship counseling
“Every day I get literally hundreds of emails from people all over the world asking me their most pressing questions about their marriage,” says Marriage Coach Mort Fert. “People share with me their relationship stories that took years to unfold in a couple of short paragraphs. And then end with, “What should I do?”
He says it took years for their marriage to get to this point. The cause of their relationship problems lies in the roots of their marital and personal scripting. There is no way anyone can fix a broken relationship by getting emailed advice.
When it comes to relationships, there are no short cuts. It takes time. If you want to learn how to fix a broken marriage, sign up for Mort Fertel’s free marriage assessment.
5 Ways to Avoid Broken Relationships
Karl Pillemer is a gerontologist at Cornell University; he recently completed the Cornell Marriage Advice Project.
He’s the author of 30 Lessons for Loving: Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage – which is filled with great stories about marriage, wise observations about fixing broken relationships, and practical advice for couples.
This book answers questions such as:
- How do you know if the person you love is the right one?
- What are the secrets for improving communication and reducing conflict?
- What gets you through the major stresses of marriage, such as child-rearing, work, money issues, and inlaws?
- How do you fix a broken relationship?
Pillemer conducted a random national survey of nearly 400 Americans age 65 and older – he asked them how to find a good boyfriend or compatible partner. Pillemer also asked for general advice on love and fixing relationship problems.
Here’s a brief summary of five his research findings on marriage, love, and relationships…
Learn to communicate
Talk, talk, talk is the first tip for good marriages and fixing broken relationships. Elders believe most relationship problems can be solved through open communication. Breakups, separation and divorce was caused by lack of communication.
Get to know your partner very well before getting married
Many of the elders in this survey got married very young – and the do NOT recommend marrying when you’re young! I agree. I was 35 years old when I married Bruce. Read 4 Reasons to Wait Until You’re 35 to Get Married to learn why I waited so long, and how waiting can even help you learn how to fix a broken relationship.
The elders in this survey strongly advised younger people to wait to marry until they have gotten to know their partner well. This means sharing at least a year together, and experiencing all types of success, losses, vacations, holidays, family upheavals, etc together.
Treat marriage as an unbreakable, lifelong commitment
You want to know how to fix a broken relationship? Start by seeing it as something that will never end in a breakup or divorce.
Rather than seeing marriage as a voluntary partnership that lasts only as long as the passion does, the elders in this survey proposed a mindset in which it is a profound commitment to be respected, even if the relationship has problems over the short term. Dry, unhappy periods are to be expected in all relationships. A dry or unhappy spell doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. Keep moving forward, and you’ll be rewarded with a fulfilling, intact marriage in later life.
Learn to work as a team
What teams have you played on, what groups have you bonded with, what jobs have encouraged you to work together to achieve a goal? Apply what you learned to your marriage. Take the “teamwork” aspect and use it to figure out how to fix a relationship that’s broken.
See all your and your partner’s problems as collective to you as a couple, rather than the domain of one individual. Any difficulty, illness, or setback experienced by one member of the couple is the other partner’s responsibility, too.
Chose a partner who is very similar to you
Why do birds of a feather flock together? Because it makes them stronger, healthier, and happier. If you need tips on how to fix a broken relationship, it’s because you’re out of step in some way. It’s easier to get back in step with someone who is marching to the same drum.
I welcome your thoughts how to fix a broken relationship. I can’t give you advice, but you may find it helpful to share your experience.
May you find ways to fix your broken relationship – especially if it’s with God. May you draw near to Him, and allow His love to overwhelm and free you. May you experience peace, joy, and love in your life.