Feeling “lost in love” is all chocolate and roses in the beginning … but then comes the saggy middle. Here’s how to find yourself after getting lost in a relationship; these tips are important whether your relationship is still going strong or has limped to a halt.
Why do you need to learn how to find yourself when you’re lost in love? Because the more true you are to yourself, the more you bring to your relationship. And the more you bring, the happier and healthier your relationship will be.
On Blossom this week we’re highlighting decision-making in relationships. The first two articles in this series are: How to Make a Decision That Will Change Your Life and 7 Tips for Letting Go of Toxic Relationships. The next article will be How to Let Go of Relationship Problems. Today, I get to write about one of my favorite subjects: how to find yourself after getting lost in love.
How to Find Yourself After Getting Lost in Love
These tips combine two very important aspects of life. One is listening to that still, small voice. Maybe this is your inner voice, your intuition, or your gut feelings. Or maybe you’re like me, and you believe that the still small voice is God’s spirit guiding you to be who you were created to be.
The second aspect is finding just One Thing that will move you forward. You don’t need a list of ways to find yourself or a encyclopedia of things you’ve lost because of your love life. All you need is One Thing.
1. Find one emotional thing
What have you lost about yourself while you were blissfully losing yourself in love? Maybe you used to love painting, going to soccer games, or reading books about entrepreneurs or small business owners. Maybe you were spunkier, sparklier, happier. Maybe you were more “you” than you are now…maybe you’re suppressing your true personality and essence because you’re worried how you might affect your relationship.
The best tip on how to find yourself after getting lost in love is to start writing. I’ll ask several questions in this article; your job is to write down what you think.
What are your emotional strengths? For example, I am resilient and find it easy to adapt to changes in my life. What are your emotional weaknesses? I tend to dwell and obsess on my mistakes and weaknesses, and condemn myself for “bad” things I did in the past.
Pick One Thing to become aware of today. Something that is specifically connected to your emotional self, that represents who you are. Then, start taking small steps towards getting healthy and strong in that part of yourself. That’s how you start finding yourself.
2. Find one spiritual thing
“When you decide to break free, you will shake his yoke from your neck.” ~ Genesis 25:40.
I love this verse! I love the idea of deciding to break free, and taking action to shake off my burdens, yokes, problems, weaknesses, regrets, shames.
Tip number two on how to find yourself after getting lost in a relationship: connect with God. Learn how to hear His still, small voice whether you’re blissfully happy in your relationship or weepingly devastated because of a breakup.
You were created to be joyful, peaceful, loving, compassionate, kind, and free. You were created to be you – your most unique, creative, beautiful self! And the only way you’ll find yourself spiritually is if you listen to that still, small voice that is guiding, protecting, and helping you.
When you stop and listen to your inner voice, what does it tell you?
3. Find one fun thing
Since when does finding yourself mean you have to be serious and grimly determined to be happy and authentic? Sure, it takes work and focus to actually learn and accept what you think, feel, and know…but it also takes play.
What do you do for fun? I love wandering through the forest with my dogs, burying my face in my dogs’ fur, and painting. I love doing yoga, running while listening to Joyce Meyer podcasts, and watching Shark Tank while eating my favourite lunch. I love napping, reading, and writing in my journal.
Your One Thing to do is to make a list of all the fun things that make you deeply, truly happy. A long-lasting peace and joy – not just the brief sugar high of chocolate, new shoes, or a kitten video on YouTube.
4. Find one professional thing
What are your career goals or academic aspirations? Many women lose themselves in their relationships, and let their professional sides slide.
What did you want to be when you were little? I wanted to be a writer, a teacher, and a businesswoman. I am most of those three things – and when I truly learn how to find myself, I believe I’ll also discover that I am a connector. Can this be a profession? Sure.
Another tip on how to find yourself professionally: take risks at work. Tackle a project you think is too hard, talk to a colleague you’re intimidated by, find a mentor to help you grow. Consider turning your hobby into a small business, or starting a blog about your job or vision for world peace.
5. Find one physical thing
My fifth and final tip for finding yourself after getting lost in love is to move your body. Find new ways to leap, stretch, run, exercise, and get oxygen coursing through your veins and brains. Get healthy physically, and you will find it easier to get healthy emotionally, spiritually, and professionally.
Yes, you can do each of these “One Things” at the same time. Every day you can do something physical (even just a walk), professional (something that moves you forward at work or school), fun (romp with a dog!), spiritual (romp with God!) and emotional (listen to His still small voice that is leading you onwards. Freedom, authenticity, and love.
What’s your favorite physical activity? Mine is yoga, running, and walking my dogs.
Breaking the habit of being yourself
Read Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr Joe Dispenza, and learn that you aren’t doomed by your genes and hardwired to be a certain way for the rest of your life. A new science is emerging that empowers all of us to create the reality we choose.
If you feel insecure about finding yourself, read How to Regain Self-Confidence Without Leaving Your Relationship.
Questions for you
- What is the number one thing you can do to find yourself?
- Are you still lost in love, or do you feel like you’re in that mushy saggy middle?
- Do you listen for that still, small voice…or do you ignore it?
Feel free to share your thoughts on finding yourself or reclaiming your self-identity. I don’t give advice because I want you to listen to your still, small voice…but it is always helpful to express yourself in writing.
On Blossom this week
Every week I write a Four-Day Series on specific topics for women in relationships. This week’s theme is decision-making and changing your life.
Here’s the lineup:
- Mon – How to Make a Decision That Will Change Your Life (Imagine)
- Tues – 7 Tips for Letting Go of Toxic Relationships (Dare)
- Weds – 5 Ways to Find Yourself After Getting Lost in Love (Prepare)
- Thurs – How to Stop Worrying About Relationship Problems (Leap and Flourish!)
May you do One Thing today that helps you find yourself and stay happily lost in love.